# Dear Annie: You Suck **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 29, 2005, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224 "2005-01-29T02:10:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![biddee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/839c29/32.png) [@biddee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/biddee)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2005, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224/81 "2005-01-31T01:21:59Z")
People who write in to advice columnists like Dear Annie and who actually take advice from a perfect stranger deserve a pitting as well! I mean, come on, how much can this person really know about a situation from a few lines on a letter (unless the problems are made up, which a lot of them are). ---
**Author:** ![MaddyStrut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dbc845/32.png) [@MaddyStrut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaddyStrut)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2005, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224/82 "2005-01-31T03:33:27Z")
I think it’s a bit harsh to call her a “frigid bitch.” Sure, it was nasty of her to tear up her husband’s srip and to call him names. However, it was pretty insensitive of him to go and get viagra without even discussing it with her. Maybe she is a frigid bitch. Or maybe he has been a lousy lover for years as others have suggested. Or maybe she’s getting older and sex is uncomfortable for her. Or maybe she’s depressed (not uncommon in the elderly). Or maybe she thinks nice old people just don’t do those things. Or maybe he came home one day and told her she better start doing her duty again. Or maybe she has problems with low libido for medical reasons. Or maybe a hundred different things. There’s no way to tell from one letter. I think the advice columnists dropped the ball when they failed to tell him that he and his wife need to address some things before they can have a mutually satisfying sex life. I don’t think it’s unreasonalbe for him to want to have sex with his wife. However, neither is it unreasonable for her to have some problems with him suddenly showing up with a viagra scrip. **Diognenes** , I did interpret your earlier posts as being against older people wanting a sex life. I apologize for getting that impression. ---
**Author:** ![villa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc79bd/32.png) [@villa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/villa)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2005, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224/83 "2005-01-31T04:15:09Z")
> [@continuity eror](#): > > As for letter #1, I think non-religious people should just suck it up and attend the services, if that’s what their family wants. As an agnostic I have no problem with attending church weddings and keeping quiet during prayers. Attendance does not equal approval. If you’re being forced to participate in the mindless religious rituals, that’s another story, but it won’t kill you just to sit quietly for an hour to make someone else happy. Geez. This I just don’t understand at all. I mean, if it is no problem for you, fine, don’t go. But I had no clue who was in the church for my wedding, other than members of the wedding party. Certainly, I would consider myself a pretty crappy host if I were to pressurize my guests to put themself in a position where they felt uncomfortable just to satisfy the exact way in which I felt the event should be celebrated. While a baptism is a closer call (as in it is poerfectly possible to approve of the marriage and wish to celebrate it without wishing to condone the religious aspects), I still think that if someone were to wish to come to the party afterwards, celebrate the birth of my (un-baptized) child, and send me congratulations then, I again would be a pretty sucky host to call them out on it. ---
**Author:** ![villa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc79bd/32.png) [@villa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/villa)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2005, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224/84 "2005-01-31T04:26:37Z")
This of course should have read “If it is no problem for you, fine, go” ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2005, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224/85 "2005-01-31T04:33:00Z")
I was going to reply to your post **biddee** but then I realized it was only a couple of lines and we are complete strangers. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2005, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224/86 "2005-01-31T05:39:45Z")
> [@catsix](#): > > To her, maybe. But then again maybe he wants to enjoy it to, not 'all for her and none for him. Well, I said “making love,” not just having sex. There’s a big range of physical intimacies that don’t necessarily include penetration or orgasm for either party. > [@catsix](#): > > . . See how easy it is to make one party the absolute bad guy when **you know nothing more than that he got a scrip for Viagra**? . No. We know (1) he got a scrip for Viagra (2) it was a surprise to his wife, and (3) he “assumed she felt the same,” i.e., he apparently did not even feel the matter was worth discussing with her, but merely assumed. I sense a pattern here. Of course I could be wrong. > [@catsix](#): > > You’d be calling a guy who called his wife names and ripped up her birth control prescription a lot of names yourself. Okay, let’s try to envision a woman who’s been _married for 45 years_ getting a scrip for b.c. pills. No, I think we might agree that name-calling would be inappropriate, but if names were called, _nuts_ and _deluded_ would quickly come to mind. Now of course there might be some medical reason for a woman who would have to be at least 60 to get b.c. pills, but it sure wouldn’t be for the purpose of birth control. See how the age issue changes everything? ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2005, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224/87 "2005-01-31T19:04:55Z")
> [@Qadgop the Mercotan](#): > > A decline in frequency of intercourse, erection, and lubrication are all documented parts of change with age. However, healthy individuals continue to have some sort of desire for sex/physical intimacy. Lack of desire and/or willingness to have some sort of sex life with one’s partner is a sign of dysfunction of some sort somewhere within the relationship. > > QtM, MD QtM-you are speaking of people involved in relationships (of any sort), I presume. Well, I would agree, but (at the risk of being picky)–a lack of desire may not be an area of concern to an individual, therefore, it may not need to be addressed via any healthcare avenue. I’m trying to say that loss of desire etc is not considered an illness by many–unless it impacts on the individual and that person wants a change. IOW, it may be broken, but it doesn’t have to be fixed kind of thing. Some folks, for whatever reason, do not have strong sex drives and that is not abnormal. I would hate for some older people to be told that since they are not engaging in XYZ, that they are henceforth abnormal and must do ABC to fit in with established norms… Obviously, this couple has some communication problems, on top of some other undisclosed sexual/relational issues. It is quite the conundrum–what to do if one partner still desires physical intimacy and one doesn’t. Should she have ripped it up etc? No. But he is also at fault–he needs to engage her in a discussion, if he wants that Viagra to do any good. Jeebus-please don’t let this be me and my husband in 20+ years… ---
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224/88 "2005-02-01T04:16:08Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > So, what, after 45 years of marriage, that’s it? You stop having sex? Her husband went to a doctor so he could still have sex, and she ripped up the prescription and called him a dirty old man. > > Kind of makes you wonder what the previous 44 years were like, doesn’t it? Or, if you can’t have sex, wanting to have sex makes you a pervert? > > I feel so sorry for that poor man. And Dear Annie was less than helpful. Just because you’re a senior citizen doesn’t mean the romance is over. What’s that saying? “What we used to do all night now takes us all night to do?” Man. You gotta wonder what that woman must be like. Is it just sex? Or does she fly into indignant rages if he brings home a bottle of wine or decides to rent a movie? It’s indefensible. A note to Diogenes - old people have sex. A lot of them still enjoy it. My mother once told me that my grandmother and grandfather were having sex regularly up until he died. I swore eternal celibacy upon learning that, but I don’t understand why in the world you think that old folks shouldn’t have sex, or that people with medical problems shouldn’t have sex, or whatever your problem is. Certainly no one should be _forced_ to have sex in order to please their spouse - and if the woman is really set against it, that’s fine. Go with Dan Savage’s advice, and find (or purchase) sex elsewhere. You don’t get someone’s genitals when you marry them, so if one spouse makes the decision that the sex is over, the other spouse has every right to find it elsewhere. You get to decide whether you have sex, but if you won’t do it with your partner, suck it up when they go elsewhere. I hope this guy comes to his senses and finds someone who’ll fulfill this need. Sex is a pretty basic part of being human, and most people do it if they’re married. Had the woman demonstrated some willingness to get counseling and try to see eye-to-eye on the issue, it would have been different. But the story, at least as it was told, makes her sound like a vicious old bitch who’s not interested in anyone’s feelings but her own. Being an old woman doesn’t make that acceptable. > [@jinwicked](#): > > The last time I went was an Easter, and the priest got me in the eye with some Holy water and said “gotcha!” in a whisper as he passed me… and it burned. So I didn’t go again. Sounds like perfectly innocent flirting to me. I don’t see the harm. 🙂 Honestly, I’m pretty solidly atheistic, and I enjoy weddings and such events. In fact, I think weddings - even in churches! - are a good deal more enjoyable than receptions, which for me have far too often involved bad catering and the chicken dance. I have yet to burst into flames upon entering a church, nor have any nuns looked at me, become enraged, and try to attack me. Well, one did, but I have to admit I provoked it. The larger issue is that these bland middle-aged, middle-class, midwestern farmwives are simply terrible at giving advice. Ann Landers was a classy lady with something to say and some attitude to go with it. These women, on the other hand - well, I can get advice from boring middle-aged women without writing to the newspaper, thank you. > [@catsix](#): > > Maybe what he needs is to find someone who wants to have sex with him, since his frigid bitch of a wife won’t? Oh, jeez, now I find myself agreeing with catsix. I’m suddenly worried that the universe may be ending. > [@Hilarity N. Suze](#): > > Well, I said “making love,” not just having sex. There’s a big range of physical intimacies that don’t necessarily include penetration or orgasm for either party. Backgammon springs to mind. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224.md?page=4)