# Dear assshole neighbor: **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 26, 2004, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-assshole-neighbor/236525 "2004-03-26T06:43:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Profane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47774/32.png) [@Profane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Profane)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-assshole-neighbor/236525/1 "2004-03-26T06:43:35Z")
Turn down the fucking TV! Every night you turn it on at midnight, and crank it way up. Has it ever occurred to you that people might actually want to sleep at this time of night? Yes, I have tried to ask him to turn it down. He refuses to answer the door. I’d really really like to be sleeping right now. :mad: I have to get up at 6:15. ---
**Author:** ![Profane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47774/32.png) [@Profane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Profane)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-assshole-neighbor/236525/2 "2004-03-26T06:44:49Z")
See, I’m so tired I can’t even spell asshole. ---
**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-assshole-neighbor/236525/3 "2004-03-26T07:13:47Z")
I hear you. Nothing makes my head spin more than inconsiderate fuckmonkeys who are entirely too fond of their noisy electronics. Wanna have some fun? Call the police. With all the noise you have a legitimate complaint. While talking to the dispatcher make sure you off-handedly throw in the statement, “Yeah, I went over and knocked on his door to tell him to turn it down but he’s not answering; that’s really not like him, **I hope he’s okay in there.** ” The next sounds you hear should be the police breaking through the door. 😃 Unethical and petty as hell, I know. But isn’t it nice to dream? ---
**Author:** ![SanguineSpider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SanguineSpider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanguineSpider)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-assshole-neighbor/236525/4 "2004-03-26T07:14:59Z")
Not just an asshole, he’s an “assshole”!! There’s a difference! He’s afraid of you, hence he doesn’t answer the door. Umm… perhaps he can’t hear very well? ---
**Author:** ![SanguineSpider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SanguineSpider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanguineSpider)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-assshole-neighbor/236525/5 "2004-03-26T07:19:58Z")
Or maybe he’s just anti-social and doesn’t think anyone needs sleep. I used to take great care with things like that while living on the second floor. I’d even walk lightly so as not to piss anyone off. Now, my roomie, on the other hand, she’d run like a hippo on speed through the apartment or stompwalk. I was always waiting for a neighbor to come and yell at us but they never did. Maybe you can talk to a manager before calling the police? I hope you get the sleep you need soon. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-assshole-neighbor/236525/6 "2004-03-26T07:44:39Z")
Maybe he’s hard of hearing? ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-assshole-neighbor/236525/7 "2004-03-26T08:50:59Z")
I had one of these today and…for the first time EVER in my apartment career…I called to complain. Dude left his dog out on the porch for the past 2 days (I don’t know if it’s continuous as I keep a very weird schedule) and it’s just been barking, then HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWLLLLING. I hate ratting on people, but I finally had to call management. ---
**Author:** ![Profane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47774/32.png) [@Profane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Profane)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-assshole-neighbor/236525/8 "2004-03-26T11:52:31Z")
We’re in townhouses, owned, not rented so there’s no management to go to. And I’m not to keen on calling the police, I don’t want to start a war. I highly doubt he’s hard of hearing, unless driving around in his booming car has damaged his hearing. I think he just likes loud shit in general. \*And he’s still at it. \* I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking up elaborate ways to get revenge. Does that mean I’m losing it? ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-assshole-neighbor/236525/9 "2004-03-26T12:01:45Z")
Yes, it does. Why is the low road (plotting revenge) more attractive to you than the high road (calling the civic authorities)? If you go down into the drain, you’re a rat too. Nothing good will come of it. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-assshole-neighbor/236525/10 "2004-03-26T12:07:43Z")
Call the cops. You made a good faith effort to speak directly to him, and that didn’t work. Take the next step. What he’s doing _is_ illegal, you know, and you should feel no guilt about doing what you need to do. ---
**Author:** ![Profane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47774/32.png) [@Profane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Profane)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-assshole-neighbor/236525/11 "2004-03-26T12:16:04Z")
> [@Libertarian](#): > > Yes, it does. Why is the low road (plotting revenge) more attractive to you than the high road (calling the civic authorities)? If you go down into the drain, you’re a rat too. Nothing good will come of it. I was being facetious. The thing is, I don’t think it’s loud enough to be calling the police about. It’s just loud enough to keep me from sleeping. Maybe I should buy one of those white noise machines. ---
**Author:** ![Sister\_Vigilante](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@Sister\_Vigilante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sister_Vigilante)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-assshole-neighbor/236525/12 "2004-03-26T12:31:00Z")
Earplugs are wonderful things. ---
**Author:** ![htns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ba8739/32.png) [@htns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/htns)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-assshole-neighbor/236525/13 "2004-03-26T13:55:42Z")
Leave him a note. If that doesn’t work, then call the cops. Noise pollution is illegal, didja know? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-assshole-neighbor/236525/14 "2004-03-26T14:24:34Z")
> [@SanguineSpider](#): > > she’d run like a hippo on speed …a hippo on speed…? (falls over laughing) ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-assshole-neighbor/236525/15 "2004-03-26T14:26:55Z")
> [@LunaSea](#): > > The thing is, I don’t think it’s loud enough to be calling the police about. It’s just loud enough to keep me from sleeping. Maybe I should buy one of those white noise machines. **LunaSea** , if it’s loud enough to keep you awake, it’s loud enough to call the cops about. I know there are any number of cities in SE Va, but here is the appropriate ordinance from Norfolk for an example. (my bolding) > [@](#): > > Sec. 26-4. Playing of radios, television sets, musical instruments and similar devices. > > Operating, playing or permitting the operation or playing of any radio, television, phonograph, drum, musical instrument, sound amplifier or similar device which produces, reproduces or amplifies sound in such a manner as to create noise disturbance **across a real property line boundary** or within a noise sensitive zone set forth in Table I, “Maximum Sound Pressure Levels,” shall constitute a violation of this section. Exceptions will be granted for activities open to the public and for which a permit has been issued by the appropriate authority. (Ord. No. 36,406, § 1, 4-30-91) ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-assshole-neighbor/236525/16 "2004-03-26T14:29:45Z")
I feel your pain, **LunaSea**. I lived in a townhouse complex with tissue walls once (ever see “Office Space”? I howled when I first saw it, because that’s almost how bad the walls were in my complex. I heard my neighbours _sneezing_, for crying out loud.) I ended up selling and moving - you shouldn’t have to wear ear plugs in your own home just to get some sleep. And talk to your condo board - they may not have a lot of authority, but they might be able to advise you or send your neighbour an official note saying “turn it down.” ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-assshole-neighbor/236525/17 "2004-03-26T15:09:07Z")
> [@LunaSea](#): > > I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking up elaborate ways to get revenge. Does that mean I’m losing it? If you can access his cable splitter, a straight pin pushed through the outer ground to the inner conductor will mean he gets no signal until the pin is found. If you cut it off flush with the outer insulator, it’s also damn near impossible to find… ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-assshole-neighbor/236525/18 "2004-03-26T15:44:26Z")
> [@vunderbob](#): > > If you can access his cable splitter, a straight pin pushed through the outer ground to the inner conductor will mean he gets no signal until the pin is found. If you cut it off flush with the outer insulator, it’s also damn near impossible to find… It’s incredibly easy to find. The first thing they’ll check for is continuity and they’ll work their way back (or forward) until they find the bad link which in this case will be a length of cable. They’ll replace the cable and be done in a few minutes. They won’t be able to tell if it’s a sabotaged cable or just a cable that shorted out on its own but that really doesn’t matter. Don’t believe everything you read in those lame revenge books. Haj ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-assshole-neighbor/236525/19 "2004-03-26T15:55:50Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > It’s incredibly easy to find. The first thing they’ll check for is continuity and they’ll work their way back (or forward) until they find the bad link which in this case will be a length of cable. They’ll replace the cable and be done in a few minutes. They won’t be able to tell if it’s a sabotaged cable or just a cable that shorted out on its own but that really doesn’t matter. > > Don’t believe everything you read in those lame revenge books. > > Haj For the cable company with instrumentation, it is easy to figure out. For a brain dead, knuckle dragging moron at 2 AM, it would be tough. BDKDM would call the cable company, give them a raft of undeserved shit about a service outage, and it would be in the daylight hours when it got fixed. In the meantime, the OP gets one good night of sleep. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-assshole-neighbor/236525/20 "2004-03-26T16:59:11Z")
> [@vunderbob](#): > > For the cable company with instrumentation, it is easy to figure out. For a brain dead, knuckle dragging moron at 2 AM, it would be tough. For a braindead knuckle dragger, all you’d have to do is unscrew the co-ax or cut it with some dykes. Same result. Haj [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-assshole-neighbor/236525.md?page=2)