# Dear Attractive Married Women: Plz Wear A Ring. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 17, 2012, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336 "2012-11-17T19:13:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 14
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/261 "2012-11-19T21:53:19Z")
> [@lorene](#): > > Until I read your ETA, I thought, “Wow, he really \*\*\*isn’t \*\*\*all that bright, is he?” Maybe he’s seen her. d&r ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/262 "2012-11-19T22:50:35Z")
> [@FlyByNight512](#): > > When you say they were educated, etc., are you talking about the women as well? Were the brides-to-be in support of this kind of contract? Or was it just the men dictating terms? Your analogy of their culture treating women as children is accurate, I think. Both sexes having been educated through the equivalent of what we would consider finishing high school. The males having university undergraduate degrees. The families being in my town for the males to attend grad school. Interestingly, I came across one female who attended university here while her husband was in grad school. It was no surprise that the only divorce of a Saudi couple that I have dealt with was hers. Unfortunately, my client was the husband, who was so aggressive and unrealistic that I had to send him packing. ---
**Author:** ![FlyByNight512](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/82dd89/32.png) [@FlyByNight512](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyByNight512)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/263 "2012-11-19T23:14:50Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > [Informative text here] Interesting. Thanks for answering my rather off-topic questions. ---
**Author:** ![spinky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@spinky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spinky)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/264 "2012-11-19T23:24:07Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > a throwback to values that … women owe men some kind of a priori visible signal as to their availability I think the word “owe” is too strong here, as it’s just a handy convention and far from universal, but more specifically, this is something **people** often expect of other **people** , not just men expecting it from women. > [@Troppus](#): > > It’s like fishing: the fisherman thinks it’s a contest, but the fish is just doing her thing, minding her own business and oblivious to the bait-dangler. Fish doesn’t bite so he bitches about the fish. But the fish wasn’t in the game, see? No? Well just quit dangling bait unless the fish are jumping in your boat. But if you’re feeling lucky and casting everytime you’ve got your pole, don’t complain if you don’t get to pull one out every time. That’s just poor sportsmanship. One wonders what your response would have been to this analogy if someone else made it first. “Oh, that’s what we are to you? Animals to be hunted? Oh, the big strong fisherman is gonna capture the lowly fish that only exist for his purposes! You whip it out and women are just supposed to rush towards your pole with mouths agape. Harrumph!” ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/265 "2012-11-19T23:40:28Z")
> [@spinky](#): > > One wonders what your response would have been to this analogy if someone else made it first. “Oh, that’s what we are to you? Animals to be hunted? Oh, the big strong fisherman is gonna capture the lowly fish that only exist for his purposes! You whip it out and women are just supposed to rush towards your pole with mouths agape. Harrumph!” Yah, maybe. Cause I’m a cold hearted, frozen panties stuck up bitch who doesn’t enjoy being put on the spot for a date in inappropriate situations. Course it’s all my fault for failing to inform men as they approach “You Do know, Don’t you, that I’m not available, so don’t fall for me or I’ll hurt your feelings which will lead to a lengthy discussion in a forum which invites dissension and which will take several left turns unless you preface your complaint with a disclaimer explaining that no one shall be allowed to disagree with your premise or your feelings will be further insulted which might lead to several tongue in cheek, smart ass, and quite possibly (gasp!) a couple hostile retorts. So don’t hit on me, k? Thank you for allowing me the time to fulfill my obligation to alert you to the status of my vajacancy” ---
**Author:** ![spinky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@spinky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spinky)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/266 "2012-11-19T23:41:25Z")
you sound hot ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/267 "2012-11-19T23:52:50Z")
> [@spinky](#): > > you sound hot Totally. And for the most part, a stray come on, compliment, proposition, or dick pic ain’t no thang, and in the right context can be kinda flattering. Or funny. But the second the “aww, it’s just not fair!1!! Ima niceguy!” and related attempts at placing guilt at the feet of the woman some random dude gloms onto uninvited, the aggressor becomes a nuisance, and it’s not our job to soften his landing. “No thank you” oughta end it, and it’s not our job to make getting hit on easier for the hitee. Now if you’ll excuse me, the holidays are upon me and I should be in the kitchen. I’ve nuts to crack. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/268 "2012-11-20T00:01:00Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Yah, maybe. Cause I’m a cold hearted, frozen panties stuck up bitch who doesn’t enjoy being put on the spot for a date in inappropriate situations. Course it’s all my fault for failing to inform men as they approach “You Do know, Don’t you, that I’m not available, so don’t fall for me or I’ll hurt your feelings which will lead to a lengthy discussion in a forum which invites dissension and which will take several left turns unless you preface your complaint with a disclaimer explaining that no one shall be allowed to disagree with your premise or your feelings will be further insulted which might lead to several tongue in cheek, smart ass, and quite possibly (gasp!) a couple hostile retorts. So don’t hit on me, k? Thank you for allowing me the time to fulfill my obligation to alert you to the status of my vajacancy” You realize **spinky** was talking to you specifically, not to all women everywhere. Don’t worry yourself, I feel confident that even if a guy found you attractive and started trying to chat you up, you’d scare him off within five minutes. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/269 "2012-11-20T00:04:18Z")
> [@Lord\_Ashtar](#): > > You realize **spinky** was talking to you specifically, not to all women everywhere. Don’t worry yourself, I feel confident that even if a guy found you attractive and started trying to chat you up, you’d scare him off within five minutes. And I’m speaking generally to men who constantly complain about women. We no likey. And: ideally. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/270 "2012-11-20T00:55:25Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > True, but I was asking about the clubs - I just can’t see the value in going to one, collecting a bunch of names/numbers and then going on all those dates in the hope that one might turn out to be with someone I had something in common with. You also need to take into account that there are different types of clubs for different types of people. I’m not going to go to some fancy upscale place because I’m not comfortable with that. And there are always some visual cues. It’s not completely random. And you can talk a little. I think it works as well as most other ways of meeting people (excepting eHarmony because, I almost hate to admit, that really seemed great for someone who was ready for that type of thing, which turned out not to be me…but those dudes were awesome and that was after eHarmony cautioning me that I was being too restrictive). ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/271 "2012-11-20T01:30:32Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > You also need to take into account that there are different types of clubs for different types of people. Oh! So not just the “music cranked up to ear-bleed, light flashing everywhere” sort they show on TV? ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/272 "2012-11-20T02:05:24Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > Oh! So not just the “music cranked up to ear-bleed, light flashing everywhere” sort they show on TV? Nah, it’s way louder than TV would lead you to believe 🙂 But yeah, they all have a certain type of crowd. I used to go to a kind of grimy place all the time because my friend knew a bouncer there and we got in free. I’m not grimy, but when I’ve gone to nice places I felt like people were putting airs and I don’t like that. I want to feel comfortable. I’m only open to a man who understands why I always put on pajama pants the second I walk in the door, and I feel like those upscale dudes are going to judge me. ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/273 "2012-11-20T02:28:04Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > Nah, it’s way louder than TV would lead you to believe 🙂 Erk, no thanks! > [@](#): > > But yeah, they all have a certain type of crowd. I used to go to a kind of grimy place all the time because my friend knew a bouncer there and we got in free. I’m not grimy, but when I’ve gone to nice places I felt like people were putting airs and I don’t like that. I want to feel comfortable. I’m only open to a man who understands why I always put on pajama pants the second I walk in the door, and I feel like those upscale dudes are going to judge me. Guess I’m just an old fogey. When we went to bars (did they have clubs like that 20-30 years ago?), it was to drink and have fun, not look for men. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/274 "2012-11-20T02:34:09Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve nuts to crack. Have you just been practicing here?? ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/275 "2012-11-20T02:49:32Z")
Can’t crack what doesn’t exist. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/276 "2012-11-20T02:51:04Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > We’re only a hundred years removed from that ourselves. That’s not really much of a difference in the overall scheme of things. Not that I’m advocating treating women as second-class citizens, but voting rights are relatively new, and some old pubs still have separate entrances for “women and escorts.” Not that we actually use them as such, but still, a reminder of a not-too-long-ago past. I’m almost 46; I remember when my mom couldn’t go into the bar to get my dad out when he was drinking in there on a Saturday afternoon in the city. > [@curlcoat](#): > > Erk, no thanks! > Guess I’m just an old fogey. When we went to bars (did they have clubs like that 20-30 years ago?), it was to drink and have fun, not look for men. I was in bars and nightclubs 20+ years ago; it certainly _was_ to look for men! ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/277 "2012-11-20T03:02:38Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > And I’m speaking generally to men who constantly complain about women. We no likey. Who in this thread is “constantly complain[ing] about women”? ---
**Author:** ![scratch\_llll](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc348/32.png) [@scratch\_llll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scratch_llll)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/278 "2012-11-20T03:15:56Z")
> [@Bosstone](#): > > I’m starting to feel like we’re in the feminist light bulb joke here. “How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?” “That’s not funny.” > > I do understand what you’re saying, but I also think you’re taking the OP way too seriously. You tried. Changing genders should have been a coup de gras in explanation. NObody could have guessed the race card would be pulled. I think some folks are just super sensitive because a particular spot has been rubbed raw by a few jerks. When you have met a lot of steel wool then cotton looks a lot like it I guess. That’s what I meant by it being odd to me and sad. It’s a damn shame a few rough dullards can turn an otherwise nice persons thread of perception into a blanket that covers so much. It astonished me as well that a wedding ring would be thought of as a tool of oppression. No doubt it is used as that by some but most hold to it’s definition as stated in the marriage vows, a symbol of love. Most men and women take that to heart and even if that were not so it would not change how I feel about wearing mine. The last sight I saw of my Dad was the glint of his well worn ring as the lid closed. I too was lucky enough to find a woman worth having a lid closed on mine. Uh… scratch that. If you see them closing a lid on my fingers don’t let them bury me. ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/279 "2012-11-20T03:22:17Z")
The one point I would make is that if you aren’t wearing a ring I’m going to assume you’re single. I’ll talk to you and get to know you, but I’m not going to go out of my way and ask, “so are you single?” I’m not sure a lot of girls like to admit that. Furthermore, maybe they aren’t but are close to breaking up with their bf/spouse anyway. So many variables here that just don’t work in my favor, so I avoid the question altogether. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/280 "2012-11-20T04:56:19Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I’m almost 46; I remember when my mom couldn’t go into the bar to get my dad out when he was drinking in there on a Saturday afternoon in the city. I’m 55. My husband and I had what I thought was a joint account in a credit union. It turns out that only he could make any changes in that account, including asking for a debit card. I could write checks on the account, but apparently wives were not allowed full privileges on joint accounts. My grandmother inherited some buildings and land when I was young…I believe I was a teen. At any rate, my grandfather was able to sell that land and buildings, without her consent or even knowledge, because he was her husband. Naturally, the reverse would not have been true, that is, she couldn’t have sold any land that HE had inherited without his consent. For that matter, I’m pretty sure that she couldn’t sell HER OWN land without his consent at the time. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336.md?page=13) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336.md?page=15)