# Dear Attractive Married Women: Plz Wear A Ring. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 17, 2012, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336 "2012-11-17T19:13:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 15
**Author:** ![Freakenstein](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b782af/32.png) [@Freakenstein](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freakenstein)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/281 "2012-11-20T05:27:44Z")
> [@scratch\_llll](#): > > It astonished me as well that a wedding ring would be thought of as a tool of oppression. Thank You for this excellent observation. ( -‘20 years married now, so when You’re going to buy that wedding ring, You cheap \*\*\*\*?’ -‘Never! It’s a tool of oppression!’ But I’m pretty sure feminists will find something to complain about even from this… ) ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/282 "2012-11-20T13:55:33Z")
> [@scratch\_llll](#): > > It astonished me as well that a wedding ring would be thought of as a tool of oppression. No doubt it is used as that by some but most hold to it’s definition as stated in the marriage vows, a symbol of love. Most men and women take that to heart and even if that were not so it would not change how I feel about wearing mine. The last sight I saw of my Dad was the glint of his well worn ring as the lid closed. I too was lucky enough to find a woman worth having a lid closed on mine. > . And in a world where all things are equal, this is a beautiful thing. But the OP and others have expressed the idea that women must wear rings if they want to avoid being picked up, must wear rings to signal they belong to another man, and must wear a ring for the comfort is single men who might get his feelings hurt by rejection. So the ring is no longer a symbol of love between two people, but a signaling device for the world at large to be worn at the behest of others. I guess all the smartass replies have failed to get the message across. (This is not for the utterly blameless and innocent OP) If a man, single or otherwise, approaches each woman he finds attractive as a potential conquest, then he needs to be prepared for rejection. And when rejected, he has no business blaming women who are not responsible for protecting the egos of men who regard us as potential conquests rather than people. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a relationship or wanting to get laid, but the aggressor is the only person responsible for a disappointing rejection. It’s not fun to be rejected? We know. Every single time a guy with whom we’ve developed a rapport stomps off upon discovering we aren’t interested in sleeping with him, we deal with rejection. Everytime a great conversation, bit of witty banter, or shared laugh is spoiled by “Oh, I’m not going to see you naked? I’m outta here.” Everytime we are enjoying a moment with a friend only to watch an angry cloud pass across his face if we mention a husband or boyfriend: rejected. That great guy who I talked Packers stats with at work? Split the moment I mentioned that my SO wasn’t into football. He never spoke to me again, gives me the dry, tight smile if he bothers to acknowledge me at all. The guy I sat next to for four years? Got stinking drunk one New Year’s and confessed he was “in love” with me. That wasn’t awkward at all. I could go on, but thankfully I have a lot of guy friends who actually enjoy my company regardless of my relationship status, and they don’t blame women for their inability to get dates. All things being equal, well, they seldom are. The takeaway is this: if every attractive woman you meet has no value beyond her possibly hooking up with you, man up and deal with the fact that you can’t have everything you want. But if you regard women as people and not conquests (yeah, even the really hot ones) you’ll be a better person, make more friends, and get lucky so much more often. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/283 "2012-11-20T14:20:58Z")
And you’re telling (scolding) us as if this is somehow a revelation? Welcome to the grown-ups. If you, male or female, aren’t seen as a source of financial gain or sexual amusement, the average person has absolutely zero investment in you. That’s why friends and family are so cherished. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/284 "2012-11-20T14:45:32Z")
> [@scratch\_llll](#): > > It astonished me as well that a wedding ring would be thought of as a tool of oppression. Different strokes for different… um, indentured servants. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/285 "2012-11-20T14:51:40Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > And you’re telling (scolding) us as if this is somehow a revelation? Welcome to the grown-ups. If you, male or female, aren’t seen as a source of financial gain or sexual amusement, the average person has absolutely zero investment in you. That’s why friends and family are so cherished. If you already know that women have more value than potential mates, I’m not telling you. I’m telling any male reader who stomps off and pouts over rejection and blames women for his inability to hook up. Thankfully, all men don’t view women as a means to an end, and that is how I’ve made most of my good friends: by regarding guys as people first and not dicks. ---
**Author:** ![Trom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@Trom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trom)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/286 "2012-11-20T14:53:00Z")
After reading this thread, I can’t imagine how difficult day-to-day life must be for some people. It must be absolutely exhausting. ---
**Author:** ![RaftPeople](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@RaftPeople](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RaftPeople)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/287 "2012-11-20T15:01:38Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > And in a world where all things are equal, this is a beautiful thing. But the OP and others have expressed the idea that women must wear rings if they want to avoid being picked up, must wear rings to signal they belong to another man, and must wear a ring for the comfort is single men who might get his feelings hurt by rejection. So the ring is no longer a symbol of love between two people, but a signaling device for the world at large to be worn at the behest of others. > > I guess all the smartass replies have failed to get the message across. (This is not for the utterly blameless and innocent OP) If a man, single or otherwise, approaches each woman he finds attractive as a potential conquest, then he needs to be prepared for rejection. And when rejected, he has no business blaming women who are not responsible for protecting the egos of men who regard us as potential conquests rather than people. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a relationship or wanting to get laid, but the aggressor is the only person responsible for a disappointing rejection. > > It’s not fun to be rejected? We know. Every single time a guy with whom we’ve developed a rapport stomps off upon discovering we aren’t interested in sleeping with him, we deal with rejection. Everytime a great conversation, bit of witty banter, or shared laugh is spoiled by “Oh, I’m not going to see you naked? I’m outta here.” Everytime we are enjoying a moment with a friend only to watch an angry cloud pass across his face if we mention a husband or boyfriend: rejected. That great guy who I talked Packers stats with at work? Split the moment I mentioned that my SO wasn’t into football. He never spoke to me again, gives me the dry, tight smile if he bothers to acknowledge me at all. The guy I sat next to for four years? Got stinking drunk one New Year’s and confessed he was “in love” with me. That wasn’t awkward at all. I could go on, but thankfully I have a lot of guy friends who actually enjoy my company regardless of my relationship status, and they don’t blame women for their inability to get dates. All things being equal, well, they seldom are. > > The takeaway is this: if every attractive woman you meet has no value beyond her possibly hooking up with you, man up and deal with the fact that you can’t have everything you want. But if you regard women as people and not conquests (yeah, even the really hot ones) you’ll be a better person, make more friends, and get lucky so much more often. Holy fuck. The level of batshit insanity betweeen you and **FlyByNight512** is fucking off the meter. And pretty damn entertaining also, thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/288 "2012-11-20T15:07:31Z")
> [@RaftPeople](#): > > Holy fuck. > > The level of batshit insanity betweeen you and **FlyByNight512** is fucking off the meter. > > And pretty damn entertaining also, thank you. You’re right. We should have been blunt instead of attempting to communicate. We’ve got a lot in common, go out with me. Not interested in dating you, wanna be friends? No, I wanted to pork you. Screw you, loser. Better? ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/289 "2012-11-20T15:17:51Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > If you already know that women have more value than potential mates, I’m not telling you. I’m telling any male reader who stomps off and pouts over rejection and blames women for his inability to hook up. Thankfully, all men don’t view women as a means to an end, and that is how I’ve made most of my good friends: by regarding guys as people first and not dicks. Good, you don’t blame Leviathan “all men,” and I don’t blame (Sheviathan?) “all women.” I do blame a social system that tells women they’re more deserving of love based on their fuckability. That is a hateful, pervasive lie. Moreso because its ony purpose is what? To sell lipstick? That’s same social sytem that tells men “you better bring in a steady paycheck or esle I’m hauling your ass into divorce court. _If you want to participate in your children’s lives and not just be a spectator, bring money!_ Don’t give my any excuses about your boss or the econonomy. I have some specific dreams: home improvement, travel, etc. . And if my dreams aren’t realized, your nightmares sure as hell will be!” Please consider how we men have to live under that, and I hope you’ll understand how we put your getting hit on while trying to simply get through your day into smaller perspective than you may feel it deserves.. My first example is conveyed to women by men; but not exclusively so. My second example to men by women, but again not exclusivley so. We’re not each other’s enemy. The system is the enemy. ---
**Author:** ![RaftPeople](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@RaftPeople](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RaftPeople)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/290 "2012-11-20T15:32:47Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > You’re right. We should have been blunt instead of attempting to communicate. > > We’ve got a lot in common, go out with me. > Not interested in dating you, wanna be friends? > No, I wanted to pork you. > Screw you, loser. > > Better? I’m going to admit that my comment didn’t exactly clue you in as to specifically why I said what I said, but your response confirms you are blissfully unaware of your batshit insanity. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/291 "2012-11-20T15:33:47Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > Good, you don’t blame Leviathan “all men,” and I don’t blame (Sheviathan?) “all women.” > > I do blame a social system that tells women they’re more deserving of love based on their fuckability. That is a hateful, pervasive lie. Moreso because its ony purpose is what? To sell lipstick? > > That’s same social sytem that tells men “you better bring in a steady paycheck or esle I’m hauling your ass into divorce court. _If you want to participate in your children’s lives and not just be a spectator, bring money!_ Don’t give my any excuses about your boss or the econonomy. I have some specific dreams: home improvement, travel, etc. . And if my dreams aren’t realized, your nightmares sure as hell will be!” > > Please consider how we men have to live under that, and I hope you’ll understand how we put your getting hit on while trying to simply get through your day into smaller perspective than you may feel it deserves.. > > My first example is conveyed to women by men; but not exclusively so. My second example to men by women, but again not exclusivley so. We’re not each other’s enemy. The system is the enemy. I think that’s part of a larger problem, but this truth will only give guys something else to blame for their inability to get laid. It’s always the fault of something or someone else. Society, advertisers, women only like jerks, does anyone know the cheat code for panties, etc. Something that shouldn’t be more than a blip in an otherwise routine day (Wanna go out? No. Okay.) turns into a hostile exchange, hurt feelings, or internet hand wringing. The level of expectation is ridiculous, and that entitled “You owe us, Women! Do what we want!” is tiresome. ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/292 "2012-11-20T15:34:16Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > ITT: Women get offended and men pretend to be offended so that they look all progressive and shit to the women. Yup. My thoughts exactly. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/293 "2012-11-20T15:48:44Z")
So what it comes down to is that self-employment for women and self-pleasuring for men are the keys to world peace. If ever there was a thread that was not fighting ignorance . . . ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/294 "2012-11-20T15:51:14Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > Please consider how we men have to live under that, and I hope you’ll understand how we put your getting hit on while trying to simply get through your day into smaller perspective than you may feel it deserves.. Thing is, I didn’t start a thread whining about guys who hit on me. I’ve only seen one of those in years of lurking here. But there is a steady rotation of whiny threads started by men who are angry at complicated women, complaints that women only like alpha males and unfairly dismiss nice guys, requests for panty cheat codes, laments about how women deliberately send mixed signals, and _puke_ the occasional pick up artist thread. It’s a theme, and every now and then a female poster will blow up and call bullshit on the self pity parade. Getting hit on ain’t a big deal. Getting blamed for failing to signal/service/cater to/ and acquiesce every strange guy’s approach sucks eggs. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/295 "2012-11-20T15:58:51Z")
please show us a link to any one of those threads that didn’t receive a shitstorm of derisive responses. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/296 "2012-11-20T15:59:31Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > So what it comes down to is that self-employment for women and self-pleasuring for men are the keys to world peace . The key is for men to take rejection gracefully, and women will happily pleasure our partners all day long, just don’t expect us to be overly concerned with the feelings of strange men. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/297 "2012-11-20T16:02:02Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > please show us a link to any one of those threads that didn’t receive a shitstorm of derisive responses. And yet the message of “you’re own your own, fellas” still isn’t getting through. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/298 "2012-11-20T16:23:26Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Getting blamed for failing to signal/service/cater to/ and acquiesce every strange guy’s approach sucks eggs. A list of things that have never happened to you: 1. This. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/299 "2012-11-20T16:40:40Z")
\*\*Dear Unattractive Men on the Make: Plz Wear A Cock Ring. \*\* . . . . Come on, that’s just mean. Men, put your cock rings on to warn us of you. C’mon, don’t get my hopes up like that you’re interested in me as a person. It’s just cruel to us single middle aged gals. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/300 "2012-11-20T17:36:13Z")
I’ve completely lost what’s going on in this thread now (my grasp of it was tenuous at best, though, I have to admit). Somehow I get the feeling it’s all the guys’ fault, though. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336.md?page=14) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336.md?page=16)