# Dear Attractive Married Women: Plz Wear A Ring. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 17, 2012, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336 "2012-11-17T19:13:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 22
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2012, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/421 "2012-11-28T03:30:10Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > Weird, because as a woman, I agree with her 110%. Well said, **sven**. I’m a man and yeah I agree with her 100% ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2012, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/422 "2012-11-28T03:32:51Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > Have you considered the possiblity that a man may ask a woman out so that, during the date, he may find out what they have to offer each other, her needs, her wants, her goals and determine if there is something mutual? > > Me, I prefer to know someone fairly well before asking a woman out but it doesn’t follow that if a man knows little about a woman before asking her out, he doesn’t want to know anything about her; he could be using the date as an opportunity to get to know her. I cannot imagine why a woman, especially an attractive one, would go out with a man who knew so little about her that he didn’t even know if she was married or not before he asked her out. Why would he be interested in her if he knows zip about her, unless all he wanted was to get her into bed. I ran into this all too frequently back when I was young and reasonably cute. Freaking desperate men would come on to me and I would have little or no idea who they were. I cannot imagine what it is like for actual attractive women! ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2012, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/423 "2012-11-28T03:39:32Z")
Once you get to a certain age, most people, whether men or women, really aren’t looking for friends any more, of any gender. There are only so many friends you can have and still have the time to tend to all those relationships. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2012, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/424 "2012-11-28T03:58:19Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > Once you get to a certain age, most people, whether men or women, really aren’t looking for friends any more, of any gender. There are only so many friends you can have and still have the time to tend to all those relationships. I disagree that most people are that self-serving. Those who are have no business complaining if they are harshly rejected, ignored, or embarrassed by disinterested parties. Treat people as a means to your end, don’t be surprised if you find yourself unloved and alone. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2012, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/425 "2012-11-28T04:08:53Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > Once you get to a certain age, most people, whether men or women, really aren’t looking for friends any more, of any gender. There are only so many friends you can have and still have the time to tend to all those relationships. I’m a man “of a certain age”, and I’ve always got room for another friend. In fact, my Pubcrawling & Pizza Posse often finishes up at a coffee place. Where we often end up chatting with random people, and by midnight they’re part of our gang. Honestly, we just had a potluck at the home of a woman that went from stranger to chum in about an hour. She’s “in a relationship”, but her ‘commonlaw husband’ likes us, too. Friendship is a lot less complicated than romance. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2012, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/426 "2012-11-28T04:16:30Z")
It isn’t particularly self-serving. There’s no intrinsic difference in virtue between meeting new people on order make friends and meeting people for possible romantic relationships. Neither one is any more self-serving than the other. People need both kinds of relationships, and it’s a simple fact of life that (1) making friends is easier, and (2) at some point most adults have as many friends as they can reasonably handle. It’s neither mysterious nor particularly self-serving nor surprising that there are a lot of people out there who aren’t particularly interested in collecting more friends. Nor is there a whole lot of difference between men and women on this point I have listened to single women of a certain age talk about how they’ve reached a point on their lives at which they can’t spare the time or energy on men who aren’t plausible candidates for marriage. ---
**Author:** ![Klaatu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Klaatu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Klaatu)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2012, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/427 "2012-11-28T04:46:40Z")
Ugly old drunk dude approaches hot young babe at the bar and says " Hi baby, would you screw my brains out for two million dollars?" Babe says “Hell yeah mister!” Old dude says “Well how about for fifty dollars?” Babe says “Hell no, what kind of girl you think I am?” Old dude says “We have established that, now we are just negotiating.” ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2012, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/428 "2012-11-28T05:22:13Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > I cannot imagine why a woman, especially an attractive one, would go out with a man who knew so little about her that he didn’t even know if she was married or not before he asked her out. Why would he be interested in her if he knows zip about her, unless all he wanted was to get her into bed. > > I ran into this all too frequently back when I was young and reasonably cute. Freaking desperate men would come on to me and I would have little or no idea who they were. I cannot imagine what it is like for actual attractive women! Honestly, as a guy I cannot think of a good reason to ask “do you have a boyfriend/husband?” If it’s going well, you just ask her out. If she’s single it’s all good. If she does, but she’s unfaithful, it’s all good. If she does, and she is faithful, she will tell you, and it’s all good. But then, she might be embarrassed to admit she’s single, and just lie to cover up for her insecurities and you have just shot yourself in the foot. Many other variables that don’t work in my favor. So really thats why wearing the ring matters. Because if you don’t, I’m just going to assume that your single. But I’m not going to demand that you wear it. That’s your decision. I’ve been rejected so many times that I hardly even care anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2012, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/429 "2012-11-28T06:33:23Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Well, **Malacandra** , it looks like we’ll have to continue the discussion of your nuts/junk/wood some other time. This thread’s gotten weird again. {Sigh} A shame, really. I guess up in Calgary you get some impressive wood, too. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2012, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/430 "2012-11-28T06:38:47Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > A shame, really. I guess up in Calgary you get some impressive wood, too. Sure, you don’t have to go far here to get a lot of wood. There’s wood everywhere here! ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2012, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/431 "2012-11-28T09:12:33Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > Why would he be interested in her if he knows zip about her, unless all he wanted was to get her into bed. He could think that she’s possibly interesting based on the little he knows of her and want to use the first few dates to know more than zip about her. If she turns out to only be attractive with little else, then it won’t turn into much or anything at all. If it turns out she has more than looks, then it can proceed to something more. Really, it’s possible to ask someone out while thinking: “I don’t know much about this person but what I do know sounds good. Let’s find out if the rest of her is as good by going on a date”. It’s not what I’d do but it doesn’t necessarily mean the other person only wants sex. > [@curlcoat](#): > > I cannot imagine why a woman, especially an attractive one, would go out with a man who knew so little about her that he didn’t even know if she was married or not before he asked her out. And yet plenty of people go on dates without either knowing (before the date request is made) if the other was married. Since you seem to feel strongly that some things _must_ be known before asking someone out. Might you offer up what they are? First, obviously, is knowing whether or not the other person is married. Alright, aside from that, what _must_ be known before a date request may be made? Job? Education? Favorite music? Favorite movies? Favorite books? Political affiliation? Religious affiliation? Her hobbies? Her plans for the next 5 and 10 years? What else? ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2012, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/432 "2012-11-28T10:20:41Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > I cannot imagine why a woman, especially an attractive one, would go out with a man who knew so little about her that he didn’t even know if she was married or not before he asked her out. Why would he be interested in her if he knows zip about her, unless all he wanted was to get her into bed. Can you really not imagine that some women actually enjoy sex, and might enjoy sex with a man they have nothing much else in common with? Just because you don’t want to do that (I don’t, either, for what it’s worth) doesn’t mean others don’t, or that there’s anything wrong with it if they do. As for trying to be friends before trying to shag someone, I’ve heard _far_ more complaints from female friends about that sort of behaviour than about unwanted approaches. Basically, the former is dishonest, and leads the recipient to think that they’re wanted for more than sex, when they’re not. The latter is honest and straightforward. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2012, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/433 "2012-11-28T10:35:19Z")
Both parties have to fill out _Form 15.1: Information for First Date Application_. [There’s a whole procedure involved](http://youtu.be/pxVvVohH-88). ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2012, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/434 "2012-11-28T11:45:56Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Sure, you don’t have to go far here to get a lot of wood. There’s wood everywhere here! Careful. Splinters. ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2012, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/435 "2012-11-28T17:16:38Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > Both parties have to fill out _Form 15.1: Information for First Date Application_. [There’s a whole procedure involved](http://youtu.be/pxVvVohH-88). Hahah good stuff! ---
**Author:** ![FlyByNight512](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/82dd89/32.png) [@FlyByNight512](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyByNight512)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2012, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/436 "2012-11-29T04:47:39Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > If someone I’ve never met asks “Are you single?” I’ll say no, I’m married. And if the topic isn’t pursued any further I really don’t have a problem. I’ll even accept a faint sigh of regret at the fact I’m “taken”. > > What pisses me off is when the other person - and really, this is equally offensive, though much less common, from women as well as men - goes on and on with “well, just how married are you?” or “why don’t you wear a ring, then, you tease” or “you’re being married won’t bother me” or anything else along those lines. It says the person won’t take “no” for an answer. Even if I was single and available that’s not the sort of person I’d be looking for anyway. _points_ What she (he?) said. Asking someone out and being disappointed if the answer is no is not a problem in the slightest. It’s the part where people complain that the other person didn’t say no correctly (and therefore doesn’t mean it / is a tease / is being heartless) that is the problem. ---
**Author:** ![tim314](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim314/32/3468_2.png) [@tim314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim314)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2012, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/437 "2012-11-29T05:51:24Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Wouldn’t you like to discover if we have anything in common before expecting me to get in a stranger’s car and sharing a meal with a man I know zero about? Don’t you care at all how I worship/vote/kids/hobbies/work? That’s what the dinner conversation is for. Are you seriously saying it’s creepy to ask someone you just met out on a date? Because it’s actually pretty freakin’ normal. As for getting in a stranger’s car, would knowing I’m a Democrat and a software developer really reassure you that I’m not a serial killer? ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2012, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/438 "2012-11-29T06:19:02Z")
> [@Scotty Mo](#): > > So really thats why wearing the ring matters. Because if you don’t, I’m just going to assume that your single. But I’m not going to demand that you wear it. That’s your decision. I’ve been rejected so many times that I hardly even care anymore. I wear the ring - I wore the ring for many years while I was between husbands. Sometimes, all to often, it didn’t matter. > [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > Since you seem to feel strongly that some things _must_ be known before asking someone out. Might you offer up what they are? > > First, obviously, is knowing whether or not the other person is married. Alright, aside from that, what _must_ be known before a date request may be made? Job? Education? Favorite music? Favorite movies? Favorite books? Political affiliation? Religious affiliation? Her hobbies? Her plans for the next 5 and 10 years? What else? Nothing _must_ be known, I just don’t get the idea of going out on a date with someone you know so little about that marital status is unknown prior to asking. Maybe it’s a generational thing - I never went out on a date with anyone that I hadn’t know for quite some time and knew whether or not we had much of anything in common. > [@Steophan](#): > > Can you really not imagine that some women actually enjoy sex, and might enjoy sex with a man they have nothing much else in common with? Just because you don’t want to do that (I don’t, either, for what it’s worth) doesn’t mean others don’t, or that there’s anything wrong with it if they do. I’m quite sure that there are plenty of women who enjoy sex with a man they have nothing else in common with, but I do hope they wait to do so until they can determine whether or not it’s likely he is, uh, carrying any diseases… > [@](#): > > As for trying to be friends before trying to shag someone, I’ve heard _far_ more complaints from female friends about that sort of behaviour than about unwanted approaches. Basically, the former is dishonest, and leads the recipient to think that they’re wanted for more than sex, when they’re not. The latter is honest and straightforward. Huh. Well, I suppose if there are a majority of men these days going about pretending to be friends when all they want is sex, it would be an issue. It’s sad, because back in the Ice Age when I was dating, I had lots of men friends and I ended up marrying one. Still have lots of men friends. > [@tim314](#): > > That’s what the dinner conversation is for. Are you seriously saying it’s creepy to ask someone you just met out on a date? Because it’s actually pretty freakin’ normal. Really? Wow. No thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2012, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/439 "2012-11-29T06:23:09Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Careful. Splinters. I guess if you polish it thoroughly… ---
**Author:** ![tim314](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim314/32/3468_2.png) [@tim314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim314)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2012, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/440 "2012-11-29T07:35:19Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > Maybe it’s a generational thing - I never went out on a date with anyone that I hadn’t know for quite some time and knew whether or not we had much of anything in common. Maybe it is… do you mind me asking roughly how old you are? I’m in my early 30’s and my experience of what’s typical is clearly quite different. If anything, I’d say after you’ve known someone for “quite some time” it’s harder to transition to a romantic relationship, because they already see you as “just a friend”. (In all honesty I’d known my now-wife for quite a few months before our first official date, but that was only because we were geographically separated for most of that time, and at any rate our mutual romantic interest was on the table from the get go.) > [@](#): > > Really? Wow. No thanks. I find it even more surprising that you seem surprised by this. There are enumerable T.V. shows and movies where one character says to another “Can I take you out to dinner sometime?” or something to that affect. Not that Hollywood is a faithful reproduction of real life, but I would have thought that particular interaction would be pretty well ingrained in our cultural norms. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336.md?page=21) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336.md?page=23)