# Dear Attractive Married Women: Plz Wear A Ring. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 17, 2012, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336 "2012-11-17T19:13:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/101 "2012-11-18T18:49:54Z")
When did the Pit morph into the Penthouse Forum? ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/102 "2012-11-18T18:52:32Z")
> [@FlyByNight512](#): > > Eh, just because it’s light-hearted doesn’t mean there isn’t patriarchal bullshit in there. This. But if the OP intends to pursue, grow, and maintain a friendship with this awesome woman in spite of the fact that he won’t get in her pants, I’ll happily apologize for jumping to the conclusion that he dropped her like a hot rock as soon as he discovered her vagina is off limits. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/103 "2012-11-18T19:04:56Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > Forget rings indicating marriage, I’d like to have rings for overly sensitive assholes so I know who to avoid talking to. ^ This. ---
**Author:** ![Belowjob2.0](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Belowjob2.0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belowjob2.0)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/104 "2012-11-18T19:21:55Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Wow. You work in a Skinemax movie? Nope. No hard bodied twenty somethings where I work. Just randy middle aged married gals. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/105 "2012-11-18T19:23:40Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > This. But if the OP intends to pursue, grow, and maintain a friendship with this awesome woman in spite of the fact that he won’t get in her pants, I’ll happily apologize for jumping to the conclusion that he dropped her like a hot rock as soon as he discovered her vagina is off limits. Oh for fuck’s sake. There’s nothing wrong with being interested in someone romantically. Even if said interest is partially based on (gasp) physical appearance. And when that interest is not reciprocated, you don’t have to try to force a friendship to prove that your intentions were noble. I know in Crazyland, there is only “I cherish your soul and care not for the physical if I can be in its presence” and “come service me, walking vagina!” but in the land of the normal we have this large territory in the middle where people try to date people they are attracted to and think they might like, but accept when it doesn’t work out and move on. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/106 "2012-11-18T19:25:13Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > And let’s face it - a lot of men don’t care if the woman is single or married, they’ll hit on her either way. Plenty of people see marriage as just a speed bump towards an affair and not a real obstacle. You know why that is? Because plenty of women, married or otherwise, like fucking, and will quite happily fuck someone they’ve only just met. You may not be one of them, but that doesn’t give you the right to think badly of someone for doing so. Also, men are entitled to ask you if you’re interested. If you refuse to signal your unavailability, in line with social conventions, you have even less right to complain about it. If you don’t want to sleep with someone, decline them if they ask and go about your business. It’s that simple. If, of course, they don’t accept you saying no it’s a whole different matter, but there’s no suggestion in this thread that anyone accepts that. ---
**Author:** ![Belowjob2.0](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Belowjob2.0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belowjob2.0)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/107 "2012-11-18T19:31:05Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > You know why that is? Because plenty of women, married or otherwise, like fucking, and will quite happily fuck someone they’ve only just met. You may not be one of them, but that doesn’t give you the right to think badly of someone for doing so. > > Also, men are entitled to ask you if you’re interested. If you refuse to signal your unavailability, in line with social conventions, you have even less right to complain about it. > > If you don’t want to sleep with someone, decline them if they ask and go about your business. It’s that simple. If, of course, they don’t accept you saying no it’s a whole different matter, but there’s no suggestion in this thread that anyone accepts that. \*Because plenty of women, married or otherwise, like fucking, and will quite happily fuck someone they’ve only just met. \* The right man, with the right plan, and she’s good to go. “I would never do that,” she says, until she actually does that. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/108 "2012-11-18T19:35:32Z")
> [@Belowjob2.0](#): > > \*Because plenty of women, married or otherwise, like fucking, and will quite happily fuck someone they’ve only just met. > \* > > The right man, with the right plan, and she’s good to go. > > “I would never do that,” she says, until she actually does that. Yes, yes, all women are whores. Thanks for sharing, now please fuck off. You’re stirring up the “men think all women are whores!” contingent and this thread really can’t handle more than one group of loonies. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/109 "2012-11-18T19:36:10Z")
Um, > [@Troppus](#): > > This. But if the OP intends to pursue, grow, and maintain a friendship with this awesome woman in spite of the fact that he won’t get in her pants, I’ll happily apologize for jumping to the conclusion that he dropped her like a hot rock as soon as he discovered her vagina is off limits. Um, what if “friendship” was in no way, shape or form, what the OP was interested in? Should he fake it in order to take the “high road”??? ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/110 "2012-11-18T19:38:09Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > And when that interest is not reciprocated, you don’t have to try to force a friendship to prove that your intentions were noble. Jesus, do you have any friends of the opposite sex, or just the one you’re boinking? What I’m suggesting is that if he truly tried to get to know her before attempting to pick her up and found her so appealing and this interest is not limited to whether or not she’ll get in his bed, then he’s totally made an awesome new friend. What you are suggesting is gross and creepy as hell. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/111 "2012-11-18T19:43:44Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Jesus, do you have any friends of the opposite sex, or just the one you’re boinking? What I’m suggesting is that if he truly tried to get to know her before attempting to pick her up and found her so appealing and this interest is not limited to whether or not she’ll get in his bed, then he’s totally made an awesome new friend. What you are suggesting is gross and creepy as hell. It’s gross and creepy as hell to want to sleep with someone you don’t particularly want a friendship with? Really? Are you a time traveller from the 1870s? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/112 "2012-11-18T19:45:56Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Um, > > Um, what if “friendship” was in no way, shape or form, what the OP was interested in? Should he fake it in order to take the “high road”??? Wouldn’t this be exactly the very pitfall that many guys fall into? That being one of a man acting as though they are BFFs with the woman they are attracted to (the dreaded nice guy route), only to be left wondering why she never went for him? ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/113 "2012-11-18T19:48:36Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Um, > > Um, what if “friendship” was in no way, shape or form, what the OP was interested in? Should he fake it in order to take the “high road”??? Have you read the whole thread? (1) guy asks out girl he finds attractive, gripes because she wore no proof of marriage (2) handful of women give him shit for not trying to get to know her a bit before pouncing (3) handful of men call bullshit and claim guy Did try to get to know her (4) I said "prove you’re interested in more than her vagina, make friends with her (5) men push back and say well no, why should we pretend we are interested in anything but women’s vaginas? As far as I can tell, we’re back at square one which is Guys: Dammit women make it easier on us to get laid and Women: If all you want is to get laid without bothering to get to know us, you’re on your own, turkeys. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/114 "2012-11-18T19:52:15Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Have you read the whole thread? (1) guy asks out girl he finds attractive, gripes because she wore no proof of marriage (2) handful of women give him shit for not trying to get to know her a bit before pouncing (3) handful of men call bullshit and claim guy Did try to get to know her (4) I said "prove you’re interested in more than her vagina, make friends with her (5) men push back and say well no, why should we pretend we are interested in anything but women’s vaginas? I’m not convinced that you’re reading for comprehension. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/115 "2012-11-18T19:53:09Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Jesus, do you have any friends of the opposite sex, or just the one you’re boinking? What I’m suggesting is that if he truly tried to get to know her before attempting to pick her up and found her so appealing and this interest is not limited to whether or not she’ll get in his bed, then he’s totally made an awesome new friend. What you are suggesting is gross and creepy as hell. No, it isn’t. “Truly tried to get to know her before attempting to pick her up” is what gross and creepy guys often use as code for “lurk around pretending to be her friend while I feel out if she might be willing to date me without having to risk the rejection of asking her out”. Romantic relationships and friendships are very different relationships, and it’s better to be honest about what you’re looking for from the beginning. The fact that you have such a warped view of physical attraction and physical intimacy is your own issue, don’t project it onto everyone else. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/116 "2012-11-18T19:54:11Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > This. But if the OP intends to pursue, grow, and maintain a friendship with this awesome woman in spite of the fact that he won’t get in her pants, I’ll happily apologize for jumping to the conclusion that he dropped her like a hot rock as soon as he discovered her vagina is off limits. Really? You think a single man should actively start persuing a friendship with a married woman? I think that would be totally f-ed. When I was married I maintained the friendships with single men I had established before I was married but I sure didn’t try to start new ones. Why would I? My time was taken up with my husband, kids and current friends. A work aquaintance? Fine. But if you’re really suggesting that the OP is a pig for not going after a friendship with a married woman with two small kids I think you’re just itching for something to get annoyed about. Of course I’m getting divorced so maybe I should have been looking for more single men to be friends with… ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/117 "2012-11-18T19:59:28Z")
Ok, I’m the awesome chick in the OP, let’s stage a reenactment. Banter ensues. RJ: Hey, you’re fun. Let’s go out. Me: Can’t, I’m married. RJ: You should wear a wedding ring so guys like me don’t get all butthurt. Me: I don’t wear a ring because of reasons. We can still be friends though, right? RJ: No, I was hoping to sleep with you. I’m no longer interested in your interestingness since vagina is out of the picture. Me: Well then, since you don’t actually care about anything other than my vagina, I don’t care if you are embarrassed by my rejection. Get lost, horndog. Aand…scene. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/118 "2012-11-18T20:01:43Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Ok, I’m the awesome chick in the OP, let’s stage a reenactment. > Banter ensues. > RJ: Hey, you’re fun. Let’s go out. > Me: Can’t, I’m married. > RJ: You should wear a wedding ring so guys like me don’t get all butthurt. > Me: I don’t wear a ring because of reasons. We can still be friends though, right? > RJ: No, I was hoping to sleep with you. I’m no longer interested in your interestingness since vagina is out of the picture. > Me: Well then, since you don’t actually care about anything other than my vagina, I don’t care if you are embarrassed by my rejection. Get lost, horndog. > > Aand…scene. You left off the part where RickJay called her a whore and then tried to masturbate on her, yelling “you owe me this!” It was right there in the OP. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/119 "2012-11-18T20:02:30Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > No, it isn’t. “Truly tried to get to know her before attempting to pick her up” is what gross and creepy guys often use as code for “lurk around pretending to be her friend while I feel out if she might be willing to date me without having to risk the rejection of asking her out”. Romantic relationships and friendships are very different relationships, and it’s better to be honest about what you’re looking for from the beginning. The fact that you have such a warped view of physical attraction and physical intimacy is your own issue, don’t project it onto everyone else. +Fifty. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/120 "2012-11-18T20:06:05Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Me: I don’t wear a ring because of reasons. We can still be friends though, right?. Code for: ‘I have no interest in you romantically, but please come and fawn over me because it stokes my ego.’ Unless you’re talking about a work buddy that you nod at in the hall and gripe about work with, that’s the only possible explanation. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336.md?page=7)