# Dear Attractive Married Women: Plz Wear A Ring. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 17, 2012, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336 "2012-11-17T19:13:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/121 "2012-11-18T20:08:21Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > But if you’re really suggesting that the OP is a pig for not going after a friendship with a married woman with two small kids I think you’re just itching for something to get annoyed about. > . I don’t think the OP is a pig at all, but I don’t have any sympathy for his predicament. He didn’t actually spend much time getting to know her, so it’s entirely his fault he experienced rejection. I’m not wearing a ring just to protect the feelings of strangers who might come on to me. It’s not a big deal, but the poor single me/friend zone/ darn these women and their confusing ignals whiny nonsense is a little overplayed. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/122 "2012-11-18T20:11:15Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > Code for: ‘I have no interest in you romantically, but please come and fawn over me because it stokes my ego.’ > > Unless you’re talking about a work buddy that you nod at in the hall and gripe about work with, that’s the only possible explanation. I have never worn jewelry because I don’t like flashy things that call attention to myself. It never occurred to me that a naked ring finger was the sexiest signal I could put out. All that money on Wonderbras: wasted. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/123 "2012-11-18T20:13:21Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > Really? You think a single man should actively start persuing a friendship with a married woman? I think that would be totally f-ed. When I was married I maintained the friendships with single men I had established before I was married but I sure didn’t try to start new ones. Why would I? My time was taken up with my husband, kids and current friends. A work aquaintance? Fine. But if you’re really suggesting that the OP is a pig for not going after a friendship with a married woman with two small kids I think you’re just itching for something to get annoyed about. > > Of course I’m getting divorced so maybe I should have been looking for more single men to be friends with… Eh, I have plenty of single male friends, and just about all of them are guys that became friends after I got married. I game. That’s one of my main hobbies. When I started gaming, I was generally the only female in the group, and generally the oldest person, as well. If you’re in a gaming group, you NEED to be able to at least get along with most of the group, and preferably you are friends with most of them. Even if you join a new group, where you don’t know anyone, either you befriend most of them, or you need to find another group. And I frequently met the guys in other social situations, but they were not romantic dates, just meeting as friends. My husband knows about this, and is OK with it. I just about always asked him if he wanted to come with, and he just about always declined. He knew that I’d probably get into an incredibly esoteric conversation about shield emblems or the likelihood of a given monster carrying a given treasure or some other geekery. Bill kind of likes playing D&D, but mostly as a barbarian sort, that is, he likes the killing and the smashing bits. I’m the one who plans the assault on the Dark Lord’s castle. And yes, sometimes my gaming buddies would ask me out, even knowing that I’m married. Or they’d ask if I would have sex. I only had to state that I was monogamous, and they dropped the subject. And we remained friends. As far as I’m concerned, it’s OK to ask someone out once or twice, if done respectfully. It’s not OK to make a pest of yourself. I admit that I was sorely tempted by some of those guys, though. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/124 "2012-11-18T20:14:51Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > Of course I’m getting divorced so maybe I should have been looking for more single men to be friends with… Alice, meet Rick. Rick, meet Alice. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/125 "2012-11-18T20:15:27Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > You know why that is? Because plenty of women, married or otherwise, like fucking, and will quite happily fuck someone they’ve only just met. You may not be one of them, but that doesn’t give you the right to think badly of someone for doing so. The only time I’d look down on someone is if there is deception and lying involved. I am well aware of the existence of open marriages, swinging, and the like even if I don’t personally participate. If all parties are aware of what’s going on and agreeable I don’t care. > [@](#): > > Also, men are entitled to ask you if you’re interested. Of course they are. > [@](#): > > If you refuse to signal your unavailability, in line with social conventions, you have even less right to complain about it. See, that’s the problem - the assumption that any woman not “properly” displaying her “unavailability” is somehow fair game. I could go on about women who work in professions where wearing jewelry on the hands could be hazardous, or the ethnic group I live next door to where neither men nor women wear wedding rings, but you know what - it doesn’t matter why a woman doesn’t wear a ring on the finger of her left hand. In this day and age no man should whine about how a women is “supposed” to display her married status so he doesn’t waste his precious chat-up lines on the unavailable. It’s childish. > [@](#): > > If you don’t want to sleep with someone, decline them if they ask and go about your business. It’s that simple. If, of course, they don’t accept you saying no it’s a whole different matter, but there’s no suggestion in this thread that anyone accepts that. If a man _politely_ inquires if I’m available and I say no, I’m married and we both go on our merry way I have no problem with him. It’s when they either persist, or get all whiny about how I don’t wear a ring, that I get cranky because, really, I don’t want to hear about it. Men don’t want to hear about the creeper on the subway feeling up the girls or being a persistent jackass to the waitress in a restaurant, women don’t want to hear about how “unfair” it is that all women don’t advertise their “status” in a convenient manner for the men. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/126 "2012-11-18T20:15:46Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > No, it isn’t. “Truly tried to get to know her before attempting to pick her up” is what gross and creepy guys often use as code for “lurk around pretending to be her friend while I feel out if she might be willing to date me without having to risk the rejection of asking her out”. Romantic relationships and friendships are very different relationships, and it’s better to be honest about what you’re looking for from the beginning. Best advice in the thread. Way to go, Giraffe. Hear that, OP? Man up and handle that rejection like a boss. Players don’t whine. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/127 "2012-11-18T20:21:52Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > I don’t think the OP is a pig at all, but I don’t have any sympathy for his predicament. He didn’t actually spend much time getting to know her, so it’s entirely his fault he experienced rejection. I’m not wearing a ring just to protect the feelings of strangers who might come on to me. It’s not a big deal, but the poor single me/friend zone/ darn these women and their confusing ignals whiny nonsense is a little overplayed. I don’t have any real sympathy for the OP, either – it was a cutesy little “why are all the good ones gay/married amirite?!” complaint that is overdone and not actually very interesting if you aren’t one of the parties involved. I’m not giving you shit because you didn’t charge to the OP’s defense, I’m giving you shit because you made borderline-insane statements about the “right” way to try to date someone to prove you don’t think of women as walking vaginas. Don’t want to get shit? Don’t say stupid things. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/128 "2012-11-18T20:23:15Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Best advice in the thread. Way to go, Giraffe. Hear that, OP? Man up and handle that rejection like a boss. Players don’t whine. What, no imaginary script where you say reasonable things and I call you a whore and twirl my handlebar mustache? This is bullshit. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/129 "2012-11-18T20:24:07Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > Alice, meet Rick. Rick, meet Alice. Nah - I believe that Rick mentioned that she was beautiful, funny and smart. I’m sort of more tired looking, sarcastic and bitchy, so not a match made in heaven. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/130 "2012-11-18T20:25:02Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > What, no imaginary script where you say reasonable things and I call you a whore and twirl my handlebar mustache? This is bullshit. :mad: I’m sure I’ll give you a reason to spank me later. Just don’t tell my husband, k? ---
**Author:** ![Belowjob2.0](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Belowjob2.0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belowjob2.0)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/131 "2012-11-18T20:30:04Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > Yes, yes, all women are whores. Thanks for sharing, now please fuck off. You’re stirring up the “men think all women are whores!” contingent and this thread really can’t handle more than one group of loonies. _Yes, yes, all women are whores._ Just because they’re not having sex with you, doesn’t mean they’re not having sex. I’m not sure why you feel the need to call them out as whores, though. They’re just bored and horny. Their marital status just doesn’t have a lot to do with their willingness to sweat up the bedsheets with a charming stranger. "I love my husband and everything, but … " ---
**Author:** ![Faruiza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@Faruiza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Faruiza)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/132 "2012-11-18T20:35:22Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > Yeah, really. The idea that women should be obligated to nonverbally signal “vagina vacancy available” … That is a “vajacancy”. ---
**Author:** ![R3d\_Anonymous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/aeb1de/32.png) [@R3d\_Anonymous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R3d_Anonymous)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/133 "2012-11-18T20:38:25Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > And I don’t see how this is a problem at all to a man who is already risking rejection. > > Scenario I > > A: “Would you like to go out with me?” > B: “Sorry, no. I’m married, you see.” > > Scenario II > > A: “Would you like to go out with me?” > B: “Sorry, no. I would rather not.” [I find repulsive the idea of a sexual relationship with you.] > > Scenario I is a lot less embarrassing and humiliating, isn’t it? What the OP is getting at is that if she was wearing a ring, a guy wouldn’t bother asking her out anyways because he knows he will get rejected. However, not wearing a ring will result in Scenario I. I personally think it’s better to know that you’re not going to get accepted due to the fact that she’s wearing a ring than to go through Scenario I. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/134 "2012-11-18T20:43:33Z")
> [@Anonymous User](#): > > What the OP is getting at is that if she was wearing a ring, a guy wouldn’t bother asking her out anyways because he knows he will get rejected. However, not wearing a ring will result in Scenario I. I personally think it’s better to know that you’re not going to get accepted due to the fact that she’s wearing a ring than to go through Scenario I. Tough shit. Your need to see evidence that a person is unattached does not trump that person’s perogative to display or not display such evidence. No one has to make your life easier, and very few people outside your circle will take pains to make your life easier. The sooner you learn this: the better. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/135 "2012-11-18T20:49:37Z")
> [@FlyByNight512](#): > > Eh, just because it’s light-hearted doesn’t mean there isn’t patriarchal bullshit in there. A small amount of patriarchal bullshit, sure, but feminists are still going to call it when they see it. Especially in the Pit. Oh, what unadulterated stupidity this is. “Patriarchal bullshit?” Seriously? Jesus Christ. Starting a silly thread on this mildest of little complaints was clearly a serious error, since apparently I’m now either a pig, a chauvinist or a passive-agressive jerk; at this point it’s hard to keep up. **I completely and totally withdraw the sentiments expressed in the OP** , but formally tell anyone who thinks I am any of the aforementioned things to go piss up a rope. Also, Troppus, _read the fucking OP,_ doofus, and at least get the story straight before you throw bullshit out of your pie hole. I didn’t ask her out, nor did I creep around her. You might want to get your facts straight before playing judge and jury. You sound like a goddamned Republican. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/136 "2012-11-18T20:52:52Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > **I completely and totally withdraw the sentiments expressed in the OP** NO! Don’t give up now! We are so close to passing that legislation that forces married women to wear wedding rings!! The perfect society all us men dream of is within reach!!! ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/137 "2012-11-18T20:52:55Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > You left off the part where RickJay called her a whore and then tried to masturbate on her, yelling “you owe me this!” It was right there in the OP. I get that you’re trying to be funny and all, but you’re really being sort of as ridiculous as the people you’re arguing with trying to stretch this into WHORE! levels of outrage that just aren’t here. That said I can’t get my ire worked up in any of these directions. I think the OP was just to let us know “O HAI I TALKED TO A WOMAN TODAY AND SHE WAS CUUUUTE!” so it makes me kinda sad for him more than anything else. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/138 "2012-11-18T20:54:24Z")
Graffiti spotted at the U of M technology Dept, Women’s bathroom, circa 1970 “Call (blank) at 555-1234. He’s clean, safe, and handsome.” “But can he type?” “Honey, I don’t care if he can read!” ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/139 "2012-11-18T20:57:04Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > I think the OP was just to let us know “O HAI I TALKED TO A WOMAN TODAY AND SHE WAS CUUUUTE!” so it makes me kinda sad for him more than anything else. That you find a sense of superiority in that makes me sad for you. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336/140 "2012-11-18T20:58:21Z")
Oddly, I can live with that. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-attractive-married-women-plz-wear-a-ring/641336.md?page=8)