# Dear Brother: Fuck Completely Off!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 26, 2004, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645 "2004-08-26T18:22:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/41 "2004-08-27T00:30:54Z")
And **Stuffy** –you have a tough row to hoe. I am thankful I am not in your position. Stay strong, and do what you know is best. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/42 "2004-08-27T00:42:24Z")
> [@trandallt](#): > > 'Round here we call that being mealy-mouthed. And stupid. I’ve never called a newbie on arrogance before, but thanks for telling me what “we” call things “around here.” ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/43 "2004-08-27T00:45:52Z")
You know, **lissener** , I’ve gone out of my way to try and be nice to you for the last several months. And I’ll be damned if I can remember why. ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/44 "2004-08-27T00:47:22Z")
Okay, first how the fuck did you get “F” to “Z”? In what way am I implyinmg my kids ar orphans for getting arrested. I’ll wait here while you find it. Not there huh? You know what **lissener** if you think I’m an asshole, I can live with that. Hell I’m sure my kids think I’m an assholle on occasion, and I can live with that too. But you know what, if it keeps them out of trouble, I’ll fall asleep every night with a clear conscience and a big fucking grin on my face. I’m raising my kids in this world, not some fantasyverse where all are treated equally. My kids need to understand that if they do something illegal that they’re not likely to get treated with kids gloves, and it may as well not start with me. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/45 "2004-08-27T00:56:22Z")
> [@lissener](#): > > I’ve never called a newbie on arrogance before, but thanks for telling me what “we” call things “around here.” Good call. What I should have said was “where I’m from,” you mealy-mouthed stupid self-centered officious prick. Where the fuck do you come off calling **Stuffy** an asshole without even considering his situation and then not having the stones to stand by it? Is that SOP 'round here? ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/46 "2004-08-27T01:01:00Z")
Stuffy, you’re not an asshole. You’re a spectacular father and I, for one, think you’re a pretty OK person. Fuck lissener. I’ve read his pompous opinions before and if anyone’s the asshole, it’s he. This was not the time for him to express such a viewpoint, _especially_ considering what you’ve been going through the past few weeks. If we’re ever in the same state, whatever you’re having is on me. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/47 "2004-08-27T01:04:09Z")
Everyone who’s ever had a parent has a different parenting philosophy, largely colored by our relationship with our own parents. Each of us must devise our own parenting strategy, and no single proclamation, however assholish a stranger might interpret it, represents the entire fabric of a parent’s parenting strategy. Only to that extent was I reminding Stuffy that my opinion of his proclamation is ultimately irrelevant to him and his relationship with his children. And thanks for assuming that I didn’t even consider the situation, you officious prick. And by “orphan” I was referring, probably cryptically, to my empathy experiment: imagine you’re a kid, arrested, who’s been warned you better not call your parents. Well at that moment when you need them most, you might as well not even have them. They’ve already told you to lose their phone number if you ever get arrested. I’m still almost quivering with rage at the thought of it. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/48 "2004-08-27T01:08:25Z")
If my dad hadn’t kept bailing out my adoptive stepbrother, if he’d pressed charges any one of the billion and a half times he stole from us, if he’d put a line like that down and held it, then maybe my “brother” wouldn’t be a better person but one could at least hope that he wouldn’t now have three children to fuck up. I wish to high hell my dad had said that and meant it. It wouldn’t have made him an asshole, just a better parent. (Of course, what’s right for your kids wouldn’t have been right for my brother - then again, I can’t imagine what would be but a good regular flogging and the occaisional kick in the balls. On fire.) ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/49 "2004-08-27T01:10:27Z")
Stuffy never said he made such a proclamation after he’d “kept bailing” his kids out; he implied that he made that proclamation preemptively, to presumably innocent kids. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/50 "2004-08-27T01:14:06Z")
> [@lissener](#): > > Everyone who’s ever had a parent has a different parenting philosophy, largely colored by our relationship with our own parents. Each of us must devise our own parenting strategy, and no single proclamation, however assholish a stranger might interpret it, represents the entire fabric of a parent’s parenting strategy. Only to that extent was I reminding Stuffy that my opinion of his proclamation is ultimately irrelevant to him and his relationship with his children. And thanks for assuming that I didn’t even consider the situation, you officious prick. I’m not even sure what this means. Help me out. Did you call him an asshole? And did you then say your opinion is irrelevant? Then why give it at all? I mean, after carefully considering the situation, and then determining that **Stuffy** is an asshole, and feeling strongly enough about it say it to him, how can there be no relevance? You speak like a man with a paper anus. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/51 "2004-08-27T01:14:58Z")
You know, there’s a big difference between saying “If you get yourself in trouble, you can spend a little while in a holding cell to learn a lesson, or get your own bailbondsman” - which is what **Stuffy** is saying - and “If you’re ever accused of a crime, you’re no child of mine.” ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/52 "2004-08-27T01:15:48Z")
**Stuffy** , FWIW (and I’m sure you’ve been dying to hear my opinion on this :)) you’re damned stand up. I can’t say I’d make the same statement to my own kids - but I’m not sure I wouldn’t, either. And, like you pointed out to **lissener** , not going for bail is not the same thing as cutting them off without any support. (And, let’s face it here - actions speak louder than words. And there’s a world of difference between getting caught doing stupid teenaged shit - and getting caught in someone else’s mistake.) ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/53 "2004-08-27T01:18:29Z")
> [@furlibusea](#): > > While I will agree that it is not something I would say to my daughter, it could work for some kids. I remember reading someone on the board ( and I have bad CRS today so not sure who) saying that his father had told him this very thing. He was kind of a wild kid, and this threat kept him slightly within the bounds of more or less straight. He wound up a Dr. or a teacher (I just can’t remember which of the two posters I think it was) Later his father said he would have bailed him out if it was real trouble. This poster said that had he known that he would have tested where the line was. Well, it wasn’t me who said it, but it could have been. That was exactly what my Dad told me, and exactly my reaction to it. Today I am a teacher. Spooky… **Stuffy** , you have done everything right so far in my book. **lissener** …Ah, what’s the use? You have a learning curve flatter than Kansas. Asshole? **Pot** , meet **kettle.** ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/54 "2004-08-27T01:39:30Z")
Update: Asshole just left, about 30 seconds shy of me throwing him from a window. If the UPS driver hadn’t beeen here he may not have gotten off that lucky. As it is I notified the police that he was here and gave them the make an model of the car he was driving. He tried to convince me that he didn’t know it was stolen and that he was hurt that I’d think he do that, this was after telling my brother that it was his girlfiends car, and she lent it to him. He’s now aware that he’s not welcome here again. Thanks everyone who said I’m doing the right thing. Honesty I would look at the totality of any situation in which my children got in trouble, and then make a decision, but I’m not going to tell them that. I want them to have the Fear of God of going to jail. Thus not having to worry about the situation in the first place. Hopefully I’ll be leaving in the next hour to get my stepson out. P.S. Don’t mind **lissener** he’s just being himself. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/55 "2004-08-27T01:43:06Z")
> [@Stuffy](#): > > Don’t mind **lissener** he’s just being himself. A leper can’t change his spots, but if he waits long enough, they’ll eventually dry up and fall off. Good luck, **Stuffy**. And to your kid. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/56 "2004-08-27T01:43:31Z")
> [@Stuffy](#): > > Thanks everyone who said I’m doing the right thing. LOL; you should thank me most of all. It was me who stirred up this nest of “there there”-ers. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/57 "2004-08-27T01:52:44Z")
> [@lissener](#): > > LOL; you should thank me most of all. It was me who stirred up this nest of “there there”-ers. As has been noted, I’m a newbie, so maybe you oldtimers can help me out. Does this guy take himself seriously? ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/58 "2004-08-27T01:53:37Z")
> [@trandallt](#): > > As has been noted, I’m a newbie, so maybe you oldtimers can help me out. Does this guy take himself seriously? Way TOO seriously. ---
**Author:** ![Brainiac4](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brainiac4/32/3534_2.png) [@Brainiac4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brainiac4)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/59 "2004-08-27T02:31:30Z")
**Stuffy** , my condolences. I hope things are resolved quickly and painlessly for your stepson. I do find myself wondering why, given your history with your brother, your stepson was driving your brother’s car. And add me to the list of those who think **lissener** is being a jerk. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/60 "2004-08-27T02:32:40Z")
Not a justification, just on background (I already know that sometimes I’m an asshole, but I’m usually a sincere asshole): Both of my parents were horrible parents; among the worst I’ve ever heard first-person accounts of. Really, truly, terrible parents. Especially my dad. So I have a visceral dislike of fathers to start with: I can never understand it, I always have a little jolt of dissonance, when someone expresses love for their father; it just doesn’t scan for me. So to hear a father say that he’d tell his kids–this is how it sounds–that he’d abandon them in their hour of greatest need–horrifies me. I get that I’m probably an asshole for calling Stuffy an asshole when he’s trying to be a good father, but no matter how I spin it, what he said still seems terribly, terribly wrong, and damaging, to me. If I heard a friend say that to his kids, it would damage the friendship. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645.md?page=4)