# Dear Brother: Fuck Completely Off!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 26, 2004, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645 "2004-08-26T18:22:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![TeaElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/61 "2004-08-27T02:58:28Z")
**Stuffy** , good on you for getting rid of your POS brother. I hope that things work out for your stepson; encourage him to continue to cooperate as fully with the authorities as is physicaly possible, it will make all the difference in the world. You and yours will be in my thoughts and prayers. You’re doing good, Dad. **lissener** , you are intentionally being a thickheaded, obtuse putz. No one gives a good damn about your feelings about fathers, and carrying in all of your bullshit emotional baggage into this thread and using it as a reason to jump all over Stuffy is simply inexcusable. You’re being a nuisance and a jerk, just shut the hell up. ---
**Author:** ![Ennui](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ennui/32/3396_2.png) [@Ennui](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ennui)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/62 "2004-08-27T03:02:28Z")
Lissener, “abandoning his child in their greatest hour of need” is a straw man that does nothing to make your particular assholedness any more sincere. You have my sympathies regarding your upbringing but unless your father was in fact Stuffy, I believe your arguments would appear more grounded if in each post in this thread you repeated the acknowledgement of the limited valve of your opinions. But hey, that’s just my opinion. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/63 "2004-08-27T03:02:54Z")
Get some therapy, **lissener**. No one here is interested in dealing with your baggage. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/64 "2004-08-27T03:11:15Z")
We all carry baggage into these discussions; probably no subject more so than parenting. I’m not going to apologize for disclosure. I’m not seeking sympathy, so fuck off on that account. I’m just giving Stuffy the background, so he can read my input more, well, accurately. ---
**Author:** ![stockton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5a626/32.png) [@stockton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stockton)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/65 "2004-08-27T03:15:34Z")
> [@furlibusea](#): > > While I will agree that it is not something I would say to my daughter, it could work for some kids. I remember reading someone on the board ( and I have bad CRS today so not sure who) saying that his father had told him this very thing. He was kind of a wild kid, and this threat kept him slightly within the bounds of more or less straight. He wound up a Dr. or a teacher (I just can’t remember which of the two posters I think it was) Later his father said he would have bailed him out if it was real trouble. This poster said that had he known that he would have tested where the line was. “The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we’d all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I’m not sure where we’d go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called “Dad.” We’d eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.” Deep Thoughts, Jack Handy (actually Al Franken) ---
**Author:** ![Ennui](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ennui/32/3396_2.png) [@Ennui](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ennui)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/66 "2004-08-27T03:30:09Z")
Following the Jack Handy theme and with particular regard for lissener: If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. ---
**Author:** ![Tony\_Montana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/278dde/32.png) [@Tony\_Montana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tony_Montana)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/67 "2004-08-27T03:30:25Z")
> [@lissener](#): > > Wow, what an asshole. Nope,I disagree. My ex GF kept bailing her son out,to my dismay. Long story short. this _last_ time the judge let her son out on third-party custody to her (he was on a strict curfew and wasn’t allowed to drink or be in drinking establishments). He skipped out on her and she was forced to call the cops on him (as per the judges orders) BTW I had to talk her into this, if she didn’t _she_ would have gotten in trouble also. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/68 "2004-08-27T03:32:49Z")
I can completely understand why **Stuffy** said that to his sons, and honestly, his race is irrelevant to it. I’m not sure that I would say that to my (nonexistent) children, but I would certainly think about it. I am also confident that after one of his sons stewed in jail overnight, he would be right there with bail money, lawyer money, whatever was needed. And then - the five hour lecture. My dad always said “Don’t wake me up. If they don’t let you out in the morning, call me then.” I can remember being astonished at one point in my life when I found that spending a night or two in jail as a teenager was not standard for most people. It was a useful educational tool for me. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/69 "2004-08-27T03:34:40Z")
> [@Tony Montana](#): > > Nope,I disagree. My ex GF kept bailing her son out Again, not what Stuffy said. If he had, I’d never have said a thing. ---
**Author:** ![Tony\_Montana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/278dde/32.png) [@Tony\_Montana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tony_Montana)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/70 "2004-08-27T03:41:55Z")
> [@lissener](#): > > –that he’d abandon them in their hour of greatest need–horrifies me… Would you feel the same if his stepson were accused of snatching an old lady’s purse? “Hey pops I’m in my greatest hour of need, don’t abandon me!” ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/71 "2004-08-27T03:45:41Z")
I worked a three-month temp assignment with our county’s Children & Youth Agency. I’ve seen (through transcribing case dictation) more than enough teens whose parents had no concept of how to set boundaries and enforce consequences, and almost invariably those teens end up in the Youth Internment Center because they also have no concept of what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior. I think the worst thing that’s happened to this society is that we’ve become disconnected from the raising of each other’s children. Before, if you indulged your child’s every whim and let him/her run roughshod over your household because you were too lazy, too stupid, or too indifferent to enforce consequences and boundaries, the neighbors would at least help to keep the kids in line, even if it was just by being THERE, and not being afraid to yell at them when they were torturing puppies or uproot rosebushes or smoking in the alley. Now, most people are too afraid to get involved so that even if they ARE there and witnessing anti-social or psychotic behavior, they don’t say anything. There’s no mitigating circumstance to replace the lack of competent parenting. Setting boundaries and _sticking to them_ is competent parenting. Even if it sounds heartless on the surface. Inconsistent discipline is the same as no discipline. If your children expect you to keep your word, they know that they’d better toe the line because you weren’t just sputtering in frustration. I applaud **Stuffy’s** technique in this case. And I also applaud his flexibility. There’s consistent and then there’s just hard-assed…the circumstances determine the tactics. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/72 "2004-08-27T04:03:29Z")
> [@lissener](#): > > Again, not what Stuffy said. If he had, I’d never have said a thing. Are you being dense on purpose? The point is to prevent it from ever getting that far in the first place. If he tells the kid he’s not ever going to bail him out, then maybe the kid will take care not to ever get himself in a position where he _needs_ to be bailed out. This is not a difficult concept to understand: everyone else reading the thread seemed to grasp it right off the bat. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/73 "2004-08-27T04:04:33Z")
I’m late to the party (as usual) but I just have to comment on these quotes: > [@Liberal](#): > > But what a stupid fucking law! That means you could cause someone to be arrested and possibly prosecuted just by pretending to be kind or generous. 😕 :eek: :rolleyes: and > [@Liberal](#): > > But why disrupt his life while they sort? He is now incarcerated with people who have committed crimes — muggings, con schemes, rapes, murders. How will they compensate him if he is let go by the DA? Does he get some “We’re sorry” money or something? Can he, at the very least, sue his bastard uncle? :eek: 😕 :rolleyes: You have **GOT** to fucking kidding me. Please tell me these posts were a whoosh. You think that driving a stolen car should not be a crime? Or do you believe that “My uncle loaned it to me” should be a get out jail free phrase? Why disrupt his life? Well for one thing he was driving a stolen car. Last time I checked this is against the law. When you break the law the police have a tendency to arrest you. Why should the DA compensate a person who is guilty of a crime (possession of stolen property) for being in jail pending bail? Jesus there are not enough :rolleyes: in the hamster cage for my amazement. On a different note: **Stuffy** Sounds to me like you are doing the correct thing. Get a hold of the ADA or the police detective that is handling the case and you and your son talk to them. Give them all the info you have on your brother. If you don’t get a real asshole, you have a good chance at either a reduced charge, or a dismissal. I will keep my fingers crossed. PS I suppose it would be too much to ask for your brother to come clean about giving the car to your son? Yeah I didn’t think so. So if you see your brother again get the plate number of whatever he is driving. If it happens to be stolen, that will boost your side of the story. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/74 "2004-08-27T04:04:37Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > Are you being dense on purpose? The point is to prevent it from ever getting that far in the first place. If he tells the kid he’s not ever going to bail him out, then maybe the kid will take care not to ever get himself in a position where he _needs_ to be bailed out. This is not a difficult concept to understand: everyone else reading the thread seemed to grasp it right off the bat. I got that. I disagree vehemently. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/75 "2004-08-27T04:07:22Z")
> [@lissener](#): > > I got that. I disagree vehemently. Said disagreement being based on your own vast experience as both the product of outstanding parenting, and the succesful rearing of your own children, correct? ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/76 "2004-08-27T04:10:43Z")
> [@lissener](#): > > I got that. I disagree vehemently. Why do you disagree vehemently? What is your philosophy of parenting? ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/77 "2004-08-27T04:13:35Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > Said disagreement being based on your own vast experience as both the product of outstanding parenting, and the succesful rearing of your own children, correct? yes; and until I’m a chicken I’m no judge of eggs. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/78 "2004-08-27T04:15:03Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > Why do you disagree vehemently? What is your philosophy of parenting? I might say such a thing if I had a kid who proved to be incorrigible, but I’d never say it preemptively, to kids who don’t have a track record of trouble. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/79 "2004-08-27T04:22:07Z")
> [@lissener](#): > > I might say such a thing if I had a kid who proved to be incorrigible, but I’d never say it preemptively, to kids who don’t have a track record of trouble. You don’t believe in preventive maintenance, do you? ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645/80 "2004-08-27T04:23:27Z")
I don’t believe that would be effective prevention. I believe it would be more damaging to my relationship with my kid than any POSSIBLE value it may have as prevention. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-brother-fuck-completely-off/261645.md?page=5)