# Dear CitizenPained **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 1, 2012, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362 "2012-02-01T00:19:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 14
**Author:** ![Sugarpuss](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Sugarpuss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sugarpuss)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/261 "2012-02-12T04:25:42Z")
It’s not bothersome when that is the entire aim. It’s victory! ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/262 "2012-02-12T04:27:40Z")
Poster A: I have an unwanted pregnancy, but I don’t want to have an abortion and it’s making me extremely anxious and I’m attached to it but it has to go. Poster B: Pop it out and just send it over to me if you hate it so much, baby-killer! ---
**Author:** ![florez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b9e5f3/32.png) [@florez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/florez)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/263 "2012-02-12T04:28:02Z")
> [@coolbyrne](#): > > I love how **CitizenPained** picks and chooses what to answer, all > > I would like to clarify what I mean about a 7 year old needing a bed, by the way. I was not implying anything sordid, but rather pointing out that it might not be healthy for him emotionally nor mentally to not have his own private space. I won’t even get into how unhealthy it must be for him to be that close in proximity to a parent who is clearly in need of some help. How does he escape dealing with that as a 7 year old? CP you say you keep your ultrasound photo near your bed and react to it emotionally. No child will fare well from dealing with adult emotional problems such as yours. He shares the bed, and sees the photo, and feels things going on in his environment, and if he is real YOUR ISSUES are affecting him. Everyone is telling you this. Google up EMOTIONAL INCEST, kids are smart and they take everything in, and they blame themselves for the pain that the adult is going through. Please get help. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/264 "2012-02-12T04:31:11Z")
I didn’t say it was in a frame on my nightstand. He wasn’t even with me at that time. (I actually don’t have a nightstand.) It was tossed on the floor next to my purse. Stop making up shit. I say, “I put cereal, a banana, Craisins, and a protein bar in his lunch” and it turns into “She only feeds him little baggies of stale Cheerios for lunch because she’s a bad mom!” And some people are very good at locking down their emotions when around others. I most certainly don’t act anything but cheerful when I’m at work, and I’ve never broken down sobbing about anxiety in front of my kid. I mean, really. Your bs isn’t even hurtful anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/265 "2012-02-12T04:33:00Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > You’re in the wrong thread. Photographic evidence the other way. Wait - either that got moved or I was in the wrong thread. :o ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/266 "2012-02-12T04:33:36Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > Poster A: I have an unwanted pregnancy, but I don’t want to have an abortion and it’s making me extremely anxious and I’m attached to it but it has to go. > Poster B: Pop it out and just send it over to me if you hate it so much, baby-killer! If Poster A’s angst was just one page long, then maybe she’d be justified in being miffed by Poster B’s reaction. But your saga is on its trillionith page and we still don’t know what you plan on doing. Do you think people are endless wells of sympathy? Eventually even the softest heart get a little tough. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/267 "2012-02-12T04:35:15Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > Stop making up shit. I say, “I put cereal, a banana, Craisins, and a protein bar in his lunch” and it turns into “She only feeds him little baggies of stale Cheerios for lunch because she’s a bad mom!” Bullshit. Your own post of “Sometimes my son goes to school with only cereal in his lunch sack because I’m too anxious to go to the grocery store” is what gave people the impression that you only sent him to school with cereal in his lunch sack because you were too mentally ill to feed him correctly. IOW - if you write something that explicitly says something, don’t be surprised when people actually take it as what you mean to say. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/268 "2012-02-12T04:37:53Z")
> [@Sierra\_Indigo](#): > > Bullshit. > > Your own post of “Sometimes my son goes to school with **only** cereal in his lunch sack because I’m too anxious to go to the grocery store” is what gave people the impression that you only sent him to school with cereal in his lunch sack because you were too mentally ill to feed him correctly. > > IOW - if you write something that explicitly says something, don’t be surprised when people actually take it as what you mean to say. Cite where I said he _only_ had cereal. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/269 "2012-02-12T04:38:31Z")
Again: WHAT DO THINK YOU WILL GAIN BY POSTING ALL THIS ON HERE. No one will give you a pass if you keep cherry picking which points you address. Well meaning people are telling you how you are looking to others. Instead of blaming us maybe look at yourself. What you are doing is not having the effect you want. And it ain’t because of us. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/270 "2012-02-12T04:40:42Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > Stop making up shit. I say, “I put cereal, a banana, Craisins, and a protein bar in his lunch” and it turns into “She only feeds him little baggies of stale Cheerios for lunch because she’s a bad mom!” If you don’t think sending him to school with cereal for lunch is a bad thing, then why in the hell did you post it? We didn’t make this up. We are only working with the information you have provided us. Obviously if you had created the impression that he was eating a balanced meal, people wouldn’t have jumped on you. But you did not create this impression. So either you were exaggerating how underfed your son is in the other thread or you are steeped in denial. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/271 "2012-02-12T04:41:54Z")
Oh I’m sorry, the word “only” didn’t appear in that post - however the post was still “Sometimes my son goes to school with cereal in his lunch sack _because_ I can’t go to the grocery store” and this made you feel bad. Yet when it was noted as a contrast to your further commentary that your son is meticulously cared for, suddenly “cereal lunch” is part of “Breakfast lunch Fridays” and no big deal because it’s fun and he likes it. So why is it related to your not having gone to the grocery store, and something you feel you should feel bad about? ---
**Author:** ![Meyer6](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cc9497/32.png) [@Meyer6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meyer6)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/272 "2012-02-12T04:43:23Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > I didn’t say it was in a frame on my nightstand. He wasn’t even with me at that time. (I actually don’t have a nightstand.) It was tossed on the floor next to my purse. Where was the kid if he wasn’t with you? Doesn’t he sleep in your bed? When you said ‘there’s an ultrasound photo next to my bed’ people took it to mean that you were keeping an ultrasound photo next to your bed. Are you saying that you just looked at the photo briefly while sitting on the bed during the day, when your son wasn’t there? Because that’s not what most people would understand ‘a photo next to my bed’ to mean. > [@](#): > > Stop making up shit. I say, “I put cereal, a banana, Craisins, and a protein bar in his lunch” and it turns into “She only feeds him little baggies of stale Cheerios for lunch because she’s a bad mom!” Oh come on, you said: > [@The Anxiety is Killing Me!](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-anxiety-is-killing-me/612368/1): > > I go grocery shopping every Saturday. I hate it. Sometimes i leave my cart behind and go home and order in for a few days. Sometimes my son eats cereal in his sack lunch because I couldn’t make it to the store. One anxiety streak three and a half years ago, I barely went to the store at all - had groceries, pizza, and subs delivered for 3.5 months. And from that we were supposed to understand that you really meant ‘I always make sure my son has a healthy balanced lunch every day because I’m a great mom!’. Please. ETA: Okay, I got ninja’d while writing that. You didn’t say he only got cereal. But, praytell, where the hell did the banana come from if you couldn’t handle the store? Do you have magical bananas in your parts that last two weeks? Because I could use some of those. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/273 "2012-02-12T04:45:06Z")
Because she didn’t say she “only” sends him to school with cereal, Meyer, we’re supposed to infer that Cereal day is Fun Breakfast Fridays and is a cool thing that she’s never stressed out or anxious about because of her inability to go to the grocery store because of her anx… Um. LOLIDUNNO ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/274 "2012-02-12T04:46:18Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > Cite where I said he _only_ had cereal. Okay, I’ll play. Show us where someone accused you of giving your child “stale” cereal for lunch. Show us where someone said you had “framed” the ultrasound. See which side the exaggeration is coming from? ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/275 "2012-02-12T04:47:10Z")
> [@The Anxiety is Killing Me!](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-anxiety-is-killing-me/612368/1): > > [li]I go grocery shopping every Saturday. I hate it. Sometimes i leave my cart behind and go home and order in for a few days. Sometimes my son eats cereal in his sack lunch because I couldn’t make it to the store. [/li][/LIST] > [@The Anxiety is Killing Me!](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-anxiety-is-killing-me/612368/9): > > Your son is occasionally eating nothing but cereal because you can’t go buy food for him. Your son sees you being incredibly anxious because you have to come pick him up from school. > [@The Anxiety is Killing Me!](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-anxiety-is-killing-me/612368/24): > > My son eats breakfast for lunch every Friday. It’s his thing. Sometimes it’s an egg and cheese sandwhich, sometimes it’s Cheerios and fruit. That’s not the _entire_ meal and I won’t even apologize for that. But yeah, sometimes I’m so stressed out I don’t want to go to the grocery store and he gets Cheerios for his main course on a Wednesday. I never claimed he had ‘nothing but cereal’. > [@The Anxiety is Killing Me!](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-anxiety-is-killing-me/612368/33): > > Now I’m confused. > > If this is the case why did you even mention the cereal thing as an issue in your OP? When you say, “Sometimes my son eats cereal in his sack lunch because I couldn’t make it to the store” that reads as though you are ashamed of this and that you only do so because you literally have no other food to send with him to school. If this is a normal thing and he gets plenty of other food along with cereal what were you so upset about? > [@The Anxiety is Killing Me!](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-anxiety-is-killing-me/612368/36): > > **I am ashamed because I meticulously plan out his lunches.** Because I want him to have the best.\*\* Because it is not normal to be scared of Safeway. \*\*That _is_ shameful. I _hate_ myself. Doesn’t matter if he loves his Cherrios, Craisins & banana main course - it’s there because the anxiety of leaving was too much and we still had some food in the house and maybe we’re out of salad dressing or Quorn (his meal has to be vegetarian kosher). > > But I have a system for things. \*\*Fridays is breakfast day. Every other Friday I get up \*\*early (4:45) and make him an egg and cheese for lunch (and breakfast). Fridays we go to shul (with the exception of today - he’s with a friend tonight) and usually eat at the Mexican place across the street or make homemade pizza or something. Sundays I get up before he does and I make him eggs. Wasn’t aware we had a Autistic Doper’s Guild. Can’t you filter anything? Does everything have to be hyper-literal? ---
**Author:** ![florez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b9e5f3/32.png) [@florez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/florez)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/276 "2012-02-12T04:48:21Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > I didn’t say it was in a frame on my nightstand. He wasn’t even with me at that time. (I actually don’t have a nightstand.) It was tossed on the floor next to my purse. > > Stop making up shit. > and I’ve never broken down sobbing about anxiety in front of my kid. > > . MPSIMS Post # 261 sez “there is an ultrasound photo next to my bed…” , the point is your son, if he is real, he is smart enough to take in your pain, even if you are trying to hide it from him. You do not seem to be considering the position you are putting him in (if he is real) . ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/277 "2012-02-12T04:48:44Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > If you don’t think sending him to school with cereal for lunch is a bad thing, then why in the hell did you post it? We didn’t make this up. We are only working with the information you have provided us. > > Obviously if you had created the impression that he was eating a balanced meal, people wouldn’t have jumped on you. But you did not create this impression. So either you were exaggerating how underfed your son is in the other thread or you are steeped in denial. \ Because _Friday_ is breakfast-for-lunch day. It doesn’t _matter_ if that makes sense to you, **monstro**. It matters to _me_. And if I know we need to get to the grocery store but I’m stressed and anxious, I feel like a POS for being anxious. He’s never gone to school without a good lunch. I kind of pride myself on his lunches, his clothes, his sweet nature, and his homework that he turns in. I also visit him during his lunchtime often. The other moms rarely do that, and most of them don’t work at all. I work p/t, but not because I only want to work p/t. And i hate the anxiety i feel when I pull up to his school but I do it anyway. My IMHO thread was me worrying that the anxiety would get to the point where I couldn’t handle it and then I wouldn’t be participating in school activities or taking him out to eat on Fridays before shul. Because I’ve been that way before, when he was much younger and wasn’t in school yet and didn’t notice. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/278 "2012-02-12T04:50:50Z")
You only made up your post about Breakfast Day Fridays _after_ people picked up on your initial commentary about sending him to school with cereal in his packed lunch **because** you were unable to go to the grocery store. You see now also why people are having difficulty believing the veracity of your claims, when only half the story is told, people accept your tale and then suddenly OH NO it’s COMPLETELY THE OPPOSITE when the rest of the details come out. I can guarantee had nobody smelt the eau de poisson and picked up on said sentence as evidence that perhaps Mother of The Year isn’t in your future, the story about Breakfast Fun Fridays would never have come to light. ---
**Author:** ![PotLuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@PotLuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PotLuck)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/279 "2012-02-12T04:52:13Z")
Sweet fancy Moses, it’s like you _want_ this madness added to your internet history. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/280 "2012-02-12T04:52:40Z")
If you are confusing people both in this thread and in the other thread, perhaps you should consider that it is you who has a communication problem. Which could be fixed by simply not talking so much. That way you don’t have to worry about being misunderstood. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362.md?page=13) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362.md?page=15)