# Dear CitizenPained **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 1, 2012, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362 "2012-02-01T00:19:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 17
**Author:** ![spankthecrumpet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a87d85/32.png) [@spankthecrumpet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spankthecrumpet)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/321 "2012-02-12T15:02:04Z")
> [@Zjestika](#): > > No, I’m just feeling sensitive today. Carry on. > > Just because it is feral doesn’t mean I have to like this part. It’s just gotten to the point where I’d rather say something than nothing. > [@even\_sven](#): > > **CP** , I haven’t gotten along with you in the past, but you don’t deserve what you are getting here. > > There are a few people on this board who are ghouls- it’s the same kind of people who call up the parents of suicides to mock them, or who post graphic pictures of car crashes. These sad, broken people enjoy hurting people, and especially when they can do so in real life. It makes them feel powerful. Maybe their parents didn’t love them enough or something. Another set of people are just wanna bes who think the ghouls are the cool kids and jump out with claws bared when they smell blood. > > You can’t defend yourself against these people. You are right that you will never satisfy them They are not interested in you, they just want to cause pain and the see a weak one in the herd to do it to. > > That said, most people are trying to give you real advice, and it’s unfortunately the entire conversation has been lost to the jackals. > > I think you are having a bad month. I bet you probably are a great mom, and these people saying differently are just trying to hit you where they know it will hurt you most. I think you are in a fragile place right now, but I think you will find your way out. I don’t think that even if they tried their damnedest, you are not going to have your kid taken away. People get their kids taken away for sexual and physical abuse, not for having a bad week. And it’s totally inappropriate for people to speculate that you can’t possibly manage your sex life and co-sleeping. People are just being assholes. > > Unfortunately, you are on their radars until someone new comes along. I would take a month off the SDMB and then think really seriously about posting anything personal in the next year or so. You almost certainly won’t get what you are looking for if you do so. > > And good luck and stay strong. You’ll get through this. hear, hear ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/322 "2012-02-12T15:04:25Z")
I laughed until I cried. Or maybe I cried until I laughed. > [@Citizen Pained](#): > > ffs, your father is in trouble. Call the police, human services (they have an old agers department, but I can’t remember what it’s called). Get off the internet and go figure it out. Post #6 > **[My parents are driving me crazy(won't listen to advice)](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=641777)** > > :(My father just came out of surgery to remove a bladder stone, he apparently disconnected himself from the monitoring equipment and signed himself out AMA. Since then he has been vomiting and dry heaving non-stop, I talked to him five minutes ago... ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/323 "2012-02-12T16:05:57Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > **CP** , I haven’t gotten along with you in the past, but you don’t deserve what you are getting here. > > There are a few people on this board who are ghouls- it’s the same kind of people who call up the parents of suicides to mock them, or who post graphic pictures of car crashes. These sad, broken people enjoy hurting people, and especially when they can do so in real life. It makes them feel powerful. Maybe their parents didn’t love them enough or something. Another set of people are just wanna bes who think the ghouls are the cool kids and jump out with claws bared when they smell blood. > > You can’t defend yourself against these people. You are right that you will never satisfy them They are not interested in you, they just want to cause pain and the see a weak one in the herd to do it to. > > That said, most people are trying to give you real advice, and it’s unfortunately the entire conversation has been lost to the jackals. > > I think you are having a bad month. I bet you probably are a great mom, and these people saying differently are just trying to hit you where they know it will hurt you most. I think you are in a fragile place right now, but I think you will find your way out. I don’t think that even if they tried their damnedest, you are not going to have your kid taken away. People get their kids taken away for sexual and physical abuse, not for having a bad week. And it’s totally inappropriate for people to speculate that you can’t possibly manage your sex life and co-sleeping. People are just being assholes. > > Unfortunately, you are on their radars until someone new comes along. I would take a month off the SDMB and then think really seriously about posting anything personal in the next year or so. You almost certainly won’t get what you are looking for if you do so. > > And good luck and stay strong. You’ll get through this. This is worth repeating. I agree. It’s unfortunate that the real advice and support is getting drowned out by the fighting. ---
**Author:** ![Ostrya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/35a633/32.png) [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/324 "2012-02-12T16:24:27Z")
I agree, good post, **even sven**. ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/325 "2012-02-12T16:26:21Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > And good luck and stay strong. You’ll get through this. I know–you two should date! ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/326 "2012-02-12T16:41:49Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > Holy shit you really linked this user name to your real name all over the Internet? Do you ever want to get a decent paying job? Don’t you realize that employers have actually heard of google?? I’ve been pointing that out to her for about a week, but it has yet to sink in. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/327 "2012-02-12T16:45:44Z")
> [@lavenderviolet](#): > > This is worth repeating. I agree. It’s unfortunate that the real advice and support is getting drowned out by the fighting. I have not attacked because I am not convinced either way. I have my intuition but that’s not proof. But the way I see it the reason for all the kerfluffle is not because the advice is being drowned out. It’s because for quite a while the advice has been ignored and the story of the problems have been inconsistent. ---
**Author:** ![LavenderBlue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e95f7d/32.png) [@LavenderBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LavenderBlue)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/328 "2012-02-12T16:55:04Z")
> [@hermette](#): > > Telling a woman who’s had miscarriages to grow her own baby? Low blow, **Cit** , low blow. Yeah if you’re going to make up stories and troll for sympathy and money at least do so in a classy way. > [@Zeriel](#): > > I know–you two should date! They probably have a lot in common. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/329 "2012-02-12T17:10:33Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > I have not attacked because I am not convinced either way. I have my intuition but that’s not proof. But the way I see it the reason for all the kerfluffle is not because the advice is being drowned out. It’s because for quite a while the advice has been ignored and the story of the problems have been inconsistent. Well, ignoring advice is not unusual. On this board, we’ve seen countless cases where people will post for advice about a personal dilemma and get a lot of earnest advice, then disregard the advice and do what they wanted to do all along. It is annoying to those who give advice, but in a way it makes sense. Sometimes hearing what others have to say helps you to clarify what you really wanted to do or what you believe is right, even if it goes against what the other people suggest. More importantly, those of us giving advice are not the ones who have to live with the consequences of our advice. None of us can foresee all the consequences of the advice that we give, and it’s always possible that the person who takes our advice might look back and regret taking it. By then, those of us who suggested the advice will have moved on, but the person who took the advice has to live with it, so the person who has to live with the consequences really should do what they think is right when it comes down to it. I look at advice as basically a chance to give someone another data point to consider, but I don’t really expect anyone to make a decision based solely on what someone on a messageboard said. As for the story being inconsistent, I don’t want to get into the details of debating that whole issue since we’ve kind of been debating it for pages already. Basically I don’t really see why it matters that much. Anyone on this board could be lying about who they are, including you or myself. Even if someone is lying here, it doesn’t hurt any of us if we’re using common sense. I never send money to strangers based on an internet story. If someone else wants to do that, then that’s their business and their risk to take. It’s always an option to suggest real life resources and organizations that might be helpful to someone rather than directly sending them money. One organization I know of that might be helpful to someone in CP’s situation is [The Nurturing Network](http://nurturingnetwork.org/), so I made that suggestion. I’m sure others would have other suggestions and ideas if things hadn’t taken the nasty turn into focusing on “is this even true?”. Since I dont know her, I can’t say for sure that everything she has said on here is true, of course, but it’s certainly not far-fetched to believe that she really is pregnant and going through a terrible time trying to decide what to do about it. Even if I wasn’t sure it was true, based on the thought that it COULD BE true, I wouldn’t want to add to the pain of someone in that situation. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/330 "2012-02-12T17:23:01Z")
> [@lavenderviolet](#): > > Since I dont know her, I can’t say for sure that everything she has said on here is true, of course, but it’s certainly not far-fetched to believe that she really is pregnant and going through a terrible time trying to decide what to do about it. Even if I wasn’t sure it was true, based on the thought that it COULD BE true, I wouldn’t want to add to the pain of someone in that situation. This is the fucking pit and she either a scumbag lying sympathy vampire or a unbelievably negligent, self-absorbed mother, but she can’t be neither based on her own description of her life. For example, she either sleeps with a photo of her fetus next to her bed where her son who shares her bed can constantly see it, or she doesn’t. Which? I actually did believe she was pregnant and having a hard time with the situation, and I had a lot of sympathy. Highlight “did” because that was before her story took a left turn into Crazyland. At this point, I’m just waiting for the dramatic miscarriage that will PROVE HOW MEAN WE ALL ARE. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/331 "2012-02-12T18:15:15Z")
I am only posting something totally unrelated to anything related to the actual thread: I had not noticed that we have posters with super similar names ( **LavenderBlue** and **lavenderviolet** until really recently. It’s kind of funny. I mean, it’s not _just_ that both are lavender+color, but they both leave out a space between the words. So seeing a post by **LavenderBlue** immediately followed by a post by **lavenderviolet** is kinda funny and mildly surreal. ---
**Author:** ![Cub\_Mistress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea666f/32.png) [@Cub\_Mistress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cub_Mistress)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/332 "2012-02-12T18:23:35Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > This is the fucking pit and she either a scumbag lying sympathy vampire or a unbelievably negligent, self-absorbed mother, but she can’t be neither based on her own description of her life. > > For example, she either sleeps with a photo of her fetus next to her bed where her son who shares her bed can constantly see it, or she doesn’t. Which? > > I actually did believe she was pregnant and having a hard time with the situation, and I had a lot of sympathy. Highlight “did” because that was before her story took a left turn into Crazyland. At this point, I’m just waiting for the dramatic miscarriage that will PROVE HOW MEAN WE ALL ARE. Well, if she miscarries at least that will save the price of the abortion, and maybe the root canal can go back on the agenda. ---
**Author:** ![florez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b9e5f3/32.png) [@florez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/florez)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/333 "2012-02-12T19:04:11Z")
I am concerned about her son. How would you like to be in his shoes? A suicidal crazy mother on drugs and alcohol? Can a woman in this condition care for a child, a real child, who can be harmed by the situation? I wonder about time wasted from real care for the child- while she pounds out an endless S.O.S. on the computer keyboard. The crazy stories may be a cry for help. If you had a neighbor telling you these things, yet refusing to do anything more than post the stories endlessly on the internet, would you not feel that someone, in the real world should intervene? ---
**Author:** ![AnalogSignal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/analogsignal/32/1085_2.png) [@AnalogSignal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnalogSignal)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/334 "2012-02-12T19:22:20Z")
> [@Zjestika](#): > > This has really got to stop, _everybody_…If it’s not real, why does everyone care so much about exposing a troll? Thank you **Zjestika** for junior modding. I care about exposing a con artist because she set up a donation thread for a phony “book project.” Kid or no kid, she is playing the victim and looking for suckers to support her financially. I think con artists should be exposed, not protected. ---
**Author:** ![Hippy\_Hollow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hippy_hollow/32/4841_2.png) [@Hippy\_Hollow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hippy_Hollow)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/335 "2012-02-12T19:42:11Z")
I don’t know much about **CP’s** mental state, but the amount of intimate, personal information she’s shared here in less than a year suggests there is at the very least a real issue concerning boundaries and over-sharing. I’ve been here about seven years now, and it’s pretty easy to figure out who I am in real life… however, that’s after seven years of lurking, posting, gradually sharing aspects of my life, etc. I’m under no illusions that this board community is essentially what I make of it. Dopers are not necessarily my friends and/or allies, though I think most people I’ve interacted with are friendly and mean well. And I do think there are a few Dopers I’ve met in real life that I enjoy talking to and consider them friends… but I am not going to broadcast my business to a board I’ve just joined, that is easily Google-able. _Especially_ given the intimate nature of what she’s sharing. Hell, I think some of y’all are crazy for discussing your potty habits. Things like having an STD, contemplating abortion, your daddy’s tax shadiness… really TMI for strangers. I do think as a community, this board has a soft spot. I feel real sorrow when I hear about Dopers getting sick, or even passing away. I know there have been numerous times when Dopers have stepped up to help others financially and otherwise. This is admirable. But I also know the same folks are absolutely relentless if it’s discovered that they’ve been lied to or misled. No idea what **CP** plans to do. I’m not a fan, but I hope the logic radiates from this thread and she goes away, gets her shit together, and re-thinks the wisdom of spreading your business all around the Internet. I like **even sven** , but this isn’t a typical SDMB pile-on. If you keep posting TMI look-at-me stuff here people are going to notice, and call you out on your inconsistencies. Had **CP** taken the time to observe how this board works, she might have figured that out and made better choices about what’s appropriate here, and the consequences of making your life an open book. It’s at best narcissistic and at worst, putting her at real risk. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/336 "2012-02-12T19:58:58Z")
> [@Cub\_Mistress](#): > > Well, if she miscarries at least that will save the price of the abortion, and maybe the root canal can go back on the agenda. Well, my root canal accidentally aborted my ectopic alcoholic fetus. Send a donation if you want to see the ultrasound. But, seriously, talk to a professional. You need help that the internet’s not qualified to give. And I gusee that applies to all the haters and grifters and drama queens who are reading this. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/337 "2012-02-12T20:04:31Z")
> [@Cub\_Mistress](#): > > Well, if she miscarries at least that will save the price of the abortion, and maybe the root canal can go back on the agenda. Maybe we’ll see a “My endodontist accidentally lost my alcoholic ectopic fetus!” post. But, seriously, CP, talk to a professional instead of us. You know you need help, no matter how much of this is true. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/338 "2012-02-12T20:06:00Z")
> [@florez](#): > > I am concerned about her son. How would you like to be in his shoes? A suicidal crazy mother on drugs and alcohol? Can a woman in this condition care for a child, a real child, who can be harmed by the situation? You’re joking; right? So every Doper here who has a glass of wine is an alcoholic? ‘Drugs and alcohol’? _Really_? No, not really. You should work in politics. > [@AnalogSignal](#): > > Thank you **Zjestika** for junior modding. I care about exposing a con artist because she set up a donation thread for a phony “book project.” Kid or no kid, she is playing the victim and looking for suckers to support her financially. I think con artists should be exposed, not protected. I didn’t set up a thread. I asked what the rules where because I was wanting help for my class. I ended up buying them myself. The tax check came very early and my boss was threatening to cancel the project if I kept pulling them out of the resource computer room to read aloud to them. You mean [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=631175&highlight=hunger+games) phony project, right? We’re on book #2 and they needed their own copies to keep things at a proper pace. And I still have my phone and Kindle to lend out for kids who read at a low level. There are a lot of people here who post about not making rent or doing this or that or having sick spouses and kids…I’ve never questioned them. I’ve also never asked for any financial help for **me**. I considered asking for my **students** , but didn’t go through with it. You can thank **florez** for that. No one has sent me money. And if I had posted a donation thread per mod approval, you’d be able to see exactly where the books would be sent to (my workplace). Probably a good thing I didn’t, though apparently my CV is available for everyone. Even if I posted a pic of my classroom bookshelf with the Hunger Games section on it, you’d still call me a liar. What would I do with 8 Hunger Games books? I’m a very bad con artist, I guess. I think taking a break from the Dope is a good idea. ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/339 "2012-02-12T20:07:52Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > You’re joking; right? So every Doper here who has a glass of wine is an alcoholic? ‘Drugs and alcohol’? _Really_? No, not really. > > You should work in politics. Really? You were the one entertaining the thought of becoming a functioning alcoholic because you were so fucking stressed out. You seem really angry that people are taking your words to mean what they say. Don’t worry, I’m sure most of the people here won’t make that same mistake twice. > [@The Anxiety is Killing Me!](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-anxiety-is-killing-me/612368/1): > > I’m going to go the drug route if I can cough up the cash. Suggestions? Aside from being a functioning alcoholic? ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2012, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/340 "2012-02-12T20:29:03Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > I think taking a break from the Dope is a good idea. A good idea that you’re willing to follow through on? You SAY its a good idea, but you just now spent time online, justifying your actions and writings to a bunch of strangers (on a message board that is, _by definition_, skeptical and confrontational). Are you really willing to go off-line, for say a month, and spend all that energy and time fixing what you know needs fixing? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362.md?page=16) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362.md?page=18)