# Dear CitizenPained **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 1, 2012, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362 "2012-02-01T00:19:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 22
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2012, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/421 "2012-02-15T04:59:46Z")
> [@Necros](#): > > I wish I could be believe that anything I’ve said here will make you take a brief glance at yourself or your behavior, or make you examine your preconceived notions about people. But I can’t. :mad: Nobody had any “preconceived notions”. The notions we got were from information she provided. You seem like a nice guy and you did a good thing, **Necros** , but CP’s problems have nothing to do with this board, and they won’t be solved on this board. She’s gotten good advice here, along with some lumps. I hope she learns from both. ---
**Author:** ![Necros](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/necros/32/11086_2.png) [@Necros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Necros)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2012, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/422 "2012-02-15T05:48:40Z")
Mostly a little good advice and a LOT of lumps (undeservedly IMHO) but fair enough. ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2012, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/423 "2012-02-15T07:37:45Z")
> [@Necros](#): > > Mostly a little good advice and a LOT of lumps (undeservedly IMHO) but fair enough. (Underline mine) IMHO, deserved. Go back and check out her first posts on this board. Her early attitude mixed with her latest attention whoring is what lead to this. She was counseled early on to dial it back. If she would have, it would not have gotten to this point. Instead she amped it up. I’m not saying she’s wrong, but she herself sowed the seeds of this drama. I have a hard time believing that in your 12 years here you haven’t noticed that disingenuous posts are met with scrutinous attention. ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2012, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/424 "2012-02-15T12:10:00Z")
> [@Necros](#): > > One of the worst faults of Dopers as a whole is that we like to think we’re some special group that is smarter than everyone else. News flash: We’re not. I already did! ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2012, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/425 "2012-02-15T12:13:41Z")
**Necros** , good for you for being a saint. The world needs more people like you. However, there are plenty of people in this thread who did not doubt the veracity of **CP’s** posts. If you take her posts at face-value, and not with all the extreme reading-between-the-line interpretation that **CP** seemed to want us to use, then the reader finds themselves in a situation where they can’t help but to be judgmental and exasperated. “There, there, you poor thing” works for some situations–and initially that is what **CP** got. But there are very few people who can sympathize with any and every little bit of drama, especially TMI drama. I’m glad you helped her, really. But please save us from your self-righteous indignation. The girl got plenty of good advice all over the board. Even this thread was useful for warning her about the dangers of spreading her bidness on the streets. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2012, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/426 "2012-02-15T15:52:23Z")
Necros I am no hacker or Internet wizard. I only spent a couple minutes using google and I found this is not the first place she has done it to. Her pattern is not to want advice, it’s attention whoring. I don’t know what you think we should do. I guess ignoring would be best. But this is a place where people post things and others respond. No one randomly picked on her. Everything was a reaction to what she said. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2012, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/427 "2012-02-15T15:56:05Z")
That was a very nice thing that you did **Necros** - **Farmer Jane** is lucky to have someone like you nearby and willing to help her. It doesn’t change the fact that you and she are basically strangers, and all the people on here are basically strangers to her, and yet we all know pretty well every last detail of her business. Like, her gyno history, her STD history, her various baby-daddy histories, her work history, her ‘almost black’ history (or should that be ‘honorary black’ history), her family history, along with every other manner of personal information. I believe that would be referred to as over sharing. It’s sad to me that **FJ** doesn’t have an actual IRL friend nearby that she could share this stuff with, and get support from - I think that’s a part of the angst people on here are feeling towards her - she keeps trying to make her problems our problems and it’s uncomfortable. It’s indicative of certain behavior patterns that make people difficult to be around. You’re correct that many people on here are quite vicious and nasty; however, an equal number have just been frustrated with **Farmer Jane’s** constantly shifting story, her attacks on people trying to clarify things or offer suggestions, the over sharing, the verbal diarrhea in regards to her personal dramas. The majority of people started out trying to be helpful and supportive, and if they quit, **Farmer Jane** only has her posting style to blame. Again, it’s great that you were able to help out **Farmer Jane** - it’s very kind. ---
**Author:** ![Necros](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/necros/32/11086_2.png) [@Necros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Necros)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2012, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/428 "2012-02-15T16:01:55Z")
**monstro** and **Loach** , I’m not taking issue with those who offered genuine help and then because frustrated with the level of seeming obtuseness and TMI on **CP** ’s part such as yourselves. That is a totally honest and fair reaction to the situation. I am more calling out all the people who basically called her a liar (and there are some who are still doing it) and an unfit mother and a con artists, and the glee they took in doing it. People overshare on this board to the extreme. I am definitely of the opinion that **CP** got WAY more than her fair share of crap here, most of it being driven by the fact that people just plain didn’t believe her. I don’t see that happening to more than a handful of polarizing posters here. If you want to rip on her for cries for attention and “Dope-blogging” I won’t stand in your way. I advised her against it similarly yesterday. It’s pretty irrelevant, though. She won’t be coming back here, most likely. EDIT: **alice\_in\_wonderland** , please feel free to include yourself in the list of those who were reasonable and helpful but exasperated. If it is any consolation, she actually has taken quite a bit of the advice she received here. She will pay more attention to what she shares. She broke up with the jerk. She got an abortion. She’s going to start therapy. So don’t think all of your words were in vain. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2012, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/429 "2012-02-15T16:38:47Z")
Here’s what I want to know now: why do her posts show the number of posts she’s made, even though she’s a Guest? I first noticed it after the name change. (Obviously this isn’t something \*she \*did, but I’m just curious.) ---
**Author:** ![AnalogSignal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/analogsignal/32/1085_2.png) [@AnalogSignal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnalogSignal)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2012, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/430 "2012-02-15T19:57:50Z")
> [@Necros](#): > > I am more calling out all the people who basically called her a liar (and there are some who are still doing it) and an unfit mother and a con artists, and the glee they took in doing it. I called her a con artist but later apologized for it when she provided a link to her book project thread. My incorrect interpretation was that she was creating fictional drama to scam sympathetic members here. Our SDMB personas consist of what we post here and how we interact with other members. Given the style and content of **CP** ’s posts, making the correct distinction between a troubled person who is over-sharing vs. someone trolling/scamming was not easy. I think it was entirely predictable that her posts were not believed by many. Some of the glee that you are taking offense at can be attributed to the free-for-all nature of the Pit. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/431 "2012-02-16T01:45:24Z")
> [@Necros](#): > > … If it is any consolation, she actually has taken quite a bit of the advice she received here. She will pay more attention to what she shares. She broke up with the jerk. She got an abortion. She’s going to start therapy. So don’t think all of your words were in vain. Thanks for communicating some VERY good news. The snark was not in vain! ---
**Author:** ![Cheshire\_Human](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cheshire\_Human](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheshire_Human)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/432 "2012-02-16T02:54:09Z")
> [@Necros](#): > > People overshare on this board to the extreme. No, most of us don’t. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/433 "2012-02-16T03:26:34Z")
> [@Necros](#): > > People overshare on this board to the extreme… No, most people here didn’t come anywhere close to her. Nobody here knows about my Boba Fett Pez Dispenser fetish, or the comic book I drew a few issues of back in the 80s, or my allergy to kumquats, or how my model railroading hobby kept Gloria Martinez from asking me to the Disco for Disabilities dance in the 70s. Damn, I swore I’d never mention that here… ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/434 "2012-02-16T03:32:43Z")
> [@Necros](#): > > I am more calling out all the people who basically called her a liar (and there are some who are still doing it) and an unfit mother… She is either a liar _or_ an unfit mother. And if she’s not coming back to the board, why change her name? Just don’t come back. ---
**Author:** ![MoodIndigo1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@MoodIndigo1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoodIndigo1)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/435 "2012-02-16T03:44:24Z")
> [@Frank](#): > > She is either a liar _or_ an unfit mother. > > And if she’s not coming back to the board, why change her name? Just don’t come back. Word. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362/436 "2012-02-16T04:03:29Z")
> [@AnalogSignal](#): > > I called her a con artist but later apologized for it when she provided a link to her book project thread. My incorrect interpretation was that she was creating fictional drama to scam sympathetic members here. > > Our SDMB personas consist of what we post here and how we interact with other members. Given the style and content of **CP** ’s posts, making the correct distinction between a troubled person who is over-sharing vs. someone trolling/scamming was not easy. I think it was entirely predictable that her posts were not believed by many. Some of the glee that you are taking offense at can be attributed to the free-for-all nature of the Pit. I always err on the side of taking people at face value. If that’s naive, so what. I don’t really care if I get sympathy “trolled” on the Internet. But I also don’t give money to strangers on the Internet either. It helps that I currently have no money to give. I never doubted **Farmer Jane** was who she said was. I do think she had TMI and thin skin problems. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-citizenpained/611362.md?page=21)