# Dear Co-Worker: Joking About Dating a 16 Year Old Girl Is \_Not\_ Amusing **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 25, 2004, 11:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324 "2004-03-25T11:11:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/21 "2004-03-25T15:59:13Z")
> [@AngelicGemma](#): > > IMHO, it shouldn’t make a difference. 16 is too young for a 22 year old. She’s just a kid. (I’m from the UK btw, and the age of consent is 16 here) How about 17 and a 23 year old? 18 and a 24 year old? I think it’s fair to be guided by the law. Now, I absolutely agree that a lrage percentage of sixteen-year-olds are not ripe for a relationship with a twenty-two year old. But I’m unwilling to draw the line so firmly as to say that EVERY sixteen-year-old is too young. I have known some pretty sharp sixteen year olds. If modesty permits, I might opine that I was once such a sixteen-year-old. And for what it’s worth, my great-aunt married by great-uncle when she was 16, and he was 28. They had a marriage that lasted 61 years, ended by his death. They had six kids and a happy house both with the kids, and after they grew up. Are you suggesting that he was a molester? - Rick ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/22 "2004-03-25T16:12:28Z")
> [@Green Bean](#): > > Wouldn’t matter. The age of consent, the age of the guy, the age of the girl, and the fact that he is saying this to the girl’s mother only serve to exacerbate the situation. > > The real problem is that he is discussing his sexual desires at length in a work environment. I agree. You’re right. I’m disputing the idea that there is something _per se_ wrong with the idea of the relationship, but you’re absolutely correct that the approach of this particular Don Juan is out of bounds and icky. > [@Otto](#): > > Expressing a respectful interest one time to the mother (e.g. “I was wondering if your daughter is seeing someone and what you think about my asking her out?”) is fine. Repeatedly making crude comments about her “hotness” to the mother and other coworkers is gross and IMHO actionable. I agree completely. - Rick ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/23 "2004-03-25T16:12:37Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > And for what it’s worth, my great-aunt married by great-uncle when she was 16, and he was 28. They had a marriage that lasted 61 years, ended by his death. They had six kids and a happy house both with the kids, and after they grew up. Are you suggesting that he was a molester? > > - Rick Your Great Aunt married your Great Uncle? Isn`t that incest? It`s the way you worded it… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/24 "2004-03-25T16:28:29Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > Now, I absolutely agree that a lrage percentage of sixteen-year-olds are not ripe for a relationship with a twenty-two year old. But I’m unwilling to draw the line so firmly as to say that EVERY sixteen-year-old is too young. I have known some pretty sharp sixteen year olds. In situations like this it’s not so much the teenagers motivations I’m worried about. Rather, it’s why exactly a twenty-something or older would be interested in a high-school kid (relationship-ise, not lust-wise). My gut tells me that more often than not it’s because their extra years gives them an edge when it comes to manipulating and controlling the girls. I had a friend in HS who’s turned into a dirty old man. He’s 27 now and dating a 16 year old for the past year and a half (do the math). His last girlfriend was 15 when they started going out and 18 when he dumped her for the younger girl. Hork. ---
**Author:** ![Unregistered\_Bull](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3da27b/32.png) [@Unregistered\_Bull](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unregistered_Bull)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/25 "2004-03-25T16:35:21Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > If the OP lived in a state in which the age of consent for sex, and for marriage without parental permission, was sixteen, would he still believe the conversation was inappropriate? Laws don’t necessarily have anything to do with right or wrong. 22 and 16 is wrong irregardless of what the law says. ---
**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/26 "2004-03-25T16:35:25Z")
I agree with Bricker and Gobear here. Hell, my wife and I are 5 years apart in age… As an aside, I have a story which is in-line with the OP. My brother worked with a guy and they were pretty close. My brother is in his early 20’s and this guy was married with a teen and in his 40’s. Good relationship between the two if them. The guy used to joke about young girls on a pretty regular basis, and it was a real joke between them. Well, he lost touch of this dude for about a year and showed up at the guys house where he was shooed off by a very angry daughter and wife. He never could figure it out until he ran into another cow-orker who said that wasn’t it “sad about so-and-so”? He coerced the former cow-orker into telling him what he meant… Well, turns out that my brother’s buddy got arrested and charged for having relationships with 2 underage(but girls on a softball team. My brother was sick about the underage joke thing for weeks. It really creeped him out. Sam ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/27 "2004-03-25T16:40:58Z")
> [@Machetero](#): > > Laws don’t necessarily have anything to do with right or wrong. 22 and 16 is wrong irregardless of what the law says. It’s usually polite to read the entire thread before posting. ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/28 "2004-03-25T16:45:45Z")
**Kalimero** and **Bricker**. My statement was too generalised. I should have said 16 is USUALLY too young for a 22 year old. There are always going to be exceptions to the rules, as your posts show. ---
**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/29 "2004-03-25T16:52:23Z")
Yikes, I should clarify something… > [@](#): > > My brother is in his early 20’s and this guy was married with a teen and in his 40’s… When I say “…with a teen…” I mean he was married to a woman his own age and had a teenaged daughter. Not that he was married to a teen LoL Sam ---
**Author:** ![Unregistered\_Bull](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3da27b/32.png) [@Unregistered\_Bull](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unregistered_Bull)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/30 "2004-03-25T16:53:00Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > It’s usually polite to read the entire thread before posting. I replied to a specific post. Did you miss the quote marks? :rolleyes: The guy in OP is a lecheruous asshole that if talking about my 16yr old daughter would have gotten his ass kicked if it makes you feel any better. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/31 "2004-03-25T16:54:33Z")
In Kansas at least, the age of consent for sex is 16. The exceptions to this are if the age difference between the couple is more than 4 years. In other words, if you are 16, you can have a 16 -20 year old partner, as long as there are no more than 4 years age difference. You can’t be with anyone younger than yourself either. Once you are 18, you can date people older than 4 years etc. > [@](#): > > Kansas law prohibits various sexual scenarios, and has a special category > for sex with a person between 14 and 16. Adults breaching this criminal sodomy > section face harsh penalties, but Kansas lawmakers carved out some breathing > space for youthful miscreants, provided they are 18 or under, and within four > years of age of their consensual partner. Called the “Romeo and Juliet” law, > the provision limits the penalty for teen sex to 15 months in jail, and does > not require the perpetrator to register as a sex offender. But the “Romeo and > Juliet” law only applies to heterosexual teen-agers. From [this site](http://www.actwin.com/eatonohio/gay/consent.htm) I think it’s unfair, and needs to be re-written to treat people of all sexual proclivities equallly. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyMonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ee59a6/32.png) [@CrazyMonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyMonkey)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/32 "2004-03-25T16:57:25Z")
Hoo, boy, something tells me I’m gonna regret this post. I think auto-heaping labels of “pervert” on this guy isn’t very fair. I am 30 years old. I have a good friend, Joey (female, short for Josette), who has a 14(ish?) year-old daughter, Veronica. Every so often, when Joey and I are hanging out, we’ll get to talkin’ about our near-miss hookup stories, the latest weirdo that hit on one of us in the bar, etc., until it breaks down into one big pity-party about how we’ll be single forever, waaaa waaaa waaa! This goes on until, pretty much every time, I give Joey that dirty-old-man look, and ask in my best pervert voice “How 'bout Veronica? You think I could take her to her homecoming dance?” This invariably earns me a punch in the arm, and sends the pity-party into a fierce ribbing session. Now, I am in no way attracted to Veronica. Maybe if I were 14 myself, as I can see the _potential_ for pretty there, and she has quite a sharp wit, but from my perspective at 30, she just looks and acts like a kid to me. The whole idea is nothing more than a joke. And no, the funny part of the joke isn’t “a perv is preying on a minor!” Part of the funny is the rise it gets out of Joey, and part of it is just the sheer absurdity of it, but mostly, the joke is on the joker. The real joke is “oh my god, look what a HUGE loser I am.” A similar type of joke is when I’m hanging out with my “ethnic” friends (please God, don’t let me offend the PC-Nazi’s!), the first thing we usually do (if it isn’t completely inappropriate where we are at) is trade the latest racist jokes we’ve heard. The reason we laugh at those jokes isn’t the intended punch line (“Haha! Black kids jumping on the bed get their afros stuck in the velcro!”), but because we can’t believe the outlandish bullshit the rednecks can come with, and the funnier they try to be, the stupider they make themselves look. > [@Lamia](#): > > I’ve often felt I’m one of the only people in the world who fails to see the hilarity in the thought of adults having sex with adolescents! I’m continually surprised by the kinds of horrible jokes people make about teachers “keeping the kids after class” and that kind of thing. It’s really, really not funny. I think few people “see the hilarity in the thought of adults having sex with adolescents”. When you hear the joke about “Mr S. keeping a student after class, wink wink!” you have to peel away that layer of the joke to get to the funny part; it’s an outlandish way of saying Mr S. is such a loser - let’s laugh at Mr S. True, the guy in the OP might be testing the waters with his jokes, but generally I’d say if that was the case, the jokes would stop when no signs of approval were given. He’s probably only guilty of bad comedy - not understanding his audience and not knowing when to let go of a tired old joke. He could even be flirting with the mom, if he’s just trying to get a rise out of her. > [@Siege](#): > > when I’m overworked and dealing with someone who’s allowing other people to become overworked (that’s a different rant). My boss annoys me. When he tells jokes, I don’t find them funny - just annoying. Probably if someone else told them, or if I didn’t find other things about him so annoying, I’d think at least some of them were pretty funny. That’s human nature. But, if your coworker is beating a tired old joke to death, beat back with an even more worn-out joke. Respond to his jokes with your best Beavis & Butthead laugh, or a good Dave Chapelle, HUUWHAT!?!? (because I agree with [Tremmie](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=246880), people are wearing this originally excellent comedy out fast). Hopefully he’ll get the message. OK, I’m done. Flame me. ---
**Author:** ![Kalimero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/aca169/32.png) [@Kalimero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalimero)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/33 "2004-03-25T16:58:24Z")
> [@Machetero](#): > > Laws don’t necessarily have anything to do with right or wrong. 22 and 16 is wrong irregardless of what the law says. Why? Most 16 year olds are physically developed. They’re allowed to drive a car in the US. Many of them go to work and pay taxes. Many of them are or have been in a relationship. I can see why the age of consent is 18 in many countries. One could argue that it’s more likely for a 16 year old to be exploited. But that’s not necessarily the case. Although I’d disagree with it, I could accept the age of consent to be 18 as a law. I cannot accept it as a moral imperative. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/34 "2004-03-25T17:00:26Z")
Gah! Didn’t put the rest of what I thought down. I too, think it’s wrong to continiously talk about your libido at work. ESPECIALLY around the young teen’s mother, and her mother’s co-workers. Start keeping a log to prove how often he does it maybe? Report it to the proper people at work, so they can tell him to cut it out? It’s become a problem, and needs to be stopped. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/35 "2004-03-25T17:01:22Z")
> [@Machetero](#): > > Laws don’t necessarily have anything to do with right or wrong. 22 and 16 is wrong irregardless of what the law says. [the dude] that’s just like… your opinion… man. [/the dude] ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/36 "2004-03-25T17:03:13Z")
> [@Zabali\_Clawbane](#): > > From [this site](http://www.actwin.com/eatonohio/gay/consent.htm) I think it’s unfair, and needs to be re-written to treat people of all sexual proclivities equallly. Bestiality too? How would that work in dog years…? ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/37 "2004-03-25T17:03:28Z")
> [@Machetero](#): > > I replied to a specific post. Did you miss the quote marks? :rolleyes: The guy in OP is a lecheruous asshole that if talking about my 16yr old daughter would have gotten his ass kicked if it makes you feel any better. 😉 You quoted a specific post, and then made a gross generalization with the comment: > [@](#): > > 22 and 16 is wrong irregardless of what the law says. There are several posts in this thread that mention family members or acquaintances who had such relationships, and have been happily married for 20+ years. That would make your comment either (a) incredibly rude or (b) evidence that you ignored or failed to read those posts. Again, it’s polite to read the entire thread before you post your bullshit generalizations. ---
**Author:** ![Unregistered\_Bull](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3da27b/32.png) [@Unregistered\_Bull](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unregistered_Bull)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/38 "2004-03-25T17:07:17Z")
> [@Kalimero](#): > > Why? Most 16 year olds are physically developed. They’re allowed to drive a car in the US. Many of them go to work and pay taxes. Many of them are or have been in a relationship. > I can see why the age of consent is 18 in many countries. One could argue that it’s more likely for a 16 year old to be exploited. But that’s not necessarily the case. > > Although I’d disagree with it, I could accept the age of consent to be 18 as a law. I cannot accept it as a moral imperative. Despite development, they aren’t adults. They aren’t treated as such by society or by government. Just because legislators got together and figured out who had the youngest piece of ass on the side and put it into law just doesn’t fly with me. ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/39 "2004-03-25T17:08:59Z")
I agree that the man in the OP is acting inappropriately. However. When I met **New & Improved Scott** I was 16, and we started dating when I was 17 and he was 22. I would argue, seeing as we are still doing fantastically 4 years later, my friends and family approve of him etc., that some people here might want to rethink their generalisations. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/40 "2004-03-25T17:12:48Z")
**NoClueBoy** /cranky voice \* No, not bestiality. Quit putting words in my mouth, you had to dig there to pull that up. cranky voice/ I was speaking of same sex partners versus opposite sex partners, which is tacitly implied in my post, due to the last line in it’s quote about the leniency only applying to heterosexual teens. \*\*\*\*\*Yeah, I’m cranky today. I couldn’t sleep last night due to severe pain in my kidney area, I think I have a kidney infection again, I have a doctor’s appointment today. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324.md?page=3)