# Dear Co-Worker: Joking About Dating a 16 Year Old Girl Is \_Not\_ Amusing **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 25, 2004, 11:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324 "2004-03-25T11:11:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/81 "2004-03-26T03:48:07Z")
Oh, yeah, and I was 16 when I started college and the first two girls I dated here were 22 and 24. I’ll be sure to let them know what perverted freaks they are next time I see them. ---
**Author:** ![j\_kat\_251](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/71c47a/32.png) [@j\_kat\_251](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j_kat_251)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/82 "2004-03-26T04:01:05Z")
> [@John Carter of Mars](#): > > Signifying nothing: > > My sister was a precocius brainiac, and thus… Well, that story of yours wasn’t exactly full of sound and fury. It might qualify as a tale, told by an idiot though. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![agiantdwarf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8c91f0/32.png) [@agiantdwarf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/agiantdwarf)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/83 "2004-03-26T04:20:37Z")
I’ve seen some pretty silly rants on the SDMB, but this takes the cake. Wow, a 22-year-old man is attracted to a 16-year-old? Heaven forbid! :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![vasyachkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c5a1d2/32.png) [@vasyachkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vasyachkin)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/84 "2004-03-26T05:58:46Z")
fuck that ! i am 22 year old male, i would date a 16 year old in a heartbeat. when i was 16 year old a girl in my class that i liked was dating a 26 year old. now its my turn. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/85 "2004-03-26T06:03:58Z")
> [@agiantdwarf](#): > > I’ve seen some pretty silly rants on the SDMB, but this takes the cake. Wow, a 22-year-old man is attracted to a 16-year-old? Heaven forbid! :rolleyes: I don’t think it’s the attraction _per se_ that’s causing the rant. It’s simply the jerkish way the dude is going about it. **J\_Kat** : Your hour upon the stage may soon pass. ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/86 "2004-03-26T06:41:03Z")
> [@](#): > > but that’s because they are almost without exception fixated on things that I couldn’t give a rat’s arse about. True. The reason my 23/17 relationship worked was that she and I had many many many interests in common, and she was extremely intelligent. Probably smarter than me. She helped me with my “bonehead algebra” homework while we were both enrolled at the local community college. She was taking calculus. ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/87 "2004-03-26T06:48:55Z")
> [@Green Bean](#): > > I agree with those that say that the problem with the 22/16 age difference isn’t necessarily the amorphous quality of “maturity,” but that the parties are usually at different life stages and that there is likely to be a significant power imbalance. I completely 100% agree. When I started dating **New & Improved Scott** , we were both students at the same school with the same friend group. I’d like to state that, for the record, the guy in the OP sounds like a total insensitive jackass, and the kind of guy who would date younger girls because it would be imbalanced in his favour. But not all guys are like that. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/88 "2004-03-26T06:51:11Z")
> [@CrazyMonkey](#): > > I think few people “see the hilarity in the thought of adults having sex with adolescents”. When you hear the joke about “Mr S. keeping a student after class, wink wink!” you have to peel away that layer of the joke to get to the funny part; it’s an outlandish way of saying Mr S. is such a loser - let’s laugh at Mr S. I’m not sure if this makes me feel any better, because the reason I hear so many of these jokes is that I’m an English conversation teacher and some of my students are children and adolescents. I’d be upset to think that people who hardly know me consider me to be a huge loser who must prey upon minors for sex. But I don’t think this is the case, because the guys (and it’s always guys) who make these jokes generally seem to find the subject both genuinely funny and titillating. Even when I was just _looking_ for this job I got plenty of “Heh heh, will you be able to keep the cute ones after class?” or “I wouldn’t mind teaching those hot little schoolgirls a thing or two, har har”. My usual respose to this is, “Actually, most of my students are adults.” This usually ends the jokes; apparently the thought of teachers gettin’ busy with grown up students is neither amusing nor arousing. > [@gobear](#): > > 10? Wow! > > Clearly, I need to educate myself more on menarche and puberty in females. Ten is not actually all that young for the US. The average is about twelve, but I’ve personally known plenty of women my age (early twenties) who began menstruating as early as ten. The youngest I’ve ever heard of is seven or eight. A girl of that age is still obviously a child, even if she is an “early bloomer”. I think a lot of men are unaware of this and assume that girls begin menstruating at an older age, but the “latest bloomer” I knew was the ripe old age of 14. A century ago things were different and most girls didn’t begin menstruating until they were at _least_ 14 – and as old as 18 wasn’t unheard of. By that age of course a girl is much more developed both physically and mentally. ---
**Author:** ![Yookeroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yookeroo/32/323_2.png) [@Yookeroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yookeroo)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/89 "2004-03-26T07:38:25Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > **Yonkeroo** beat me to it while I was composing. Bastard. 😛 I do have to concede that yours was a wittier way of phrasing it. ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 8:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/90 "2004-03-26T08:58:27Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > My usual respose to this is, “Actually, most of my students are adults.” This usually ends the jokes; apparently the thought of teachers gettin’ busy with grown up students is neither amusing nor arousing. Really? This usually led to jokes about horny housewives or (for the women) fending off creepy otaku who’d never spoken to a real, live woman before. Either that, or parents trying to set you up with their teenage kids (which actually happened to me once). ---
**Author:** ![Windwalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/5e9695/32.png) [@Windwalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Windwalker)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/91 "2004-03-26T12:24:09Z")
> [@gobear](#): > > Given our societal mores, it makes sense for the 22-year-old co-worker to shut the hell up, especially in the girl’s mother’s hearing. But we can’t really blame him for looking at a hot girl and feeling the call of his ancestors. I am NOT condoning getting it on with minors; I’m just saying it’s not unnatural to want to mate with a fertile adult (in biological terms, if a girl has achieved menarche, she’s an adult). Well, I would take it one step further. I DO condone getting it on with minors, if it is a consensual non-exploitative relationship. The legal age (of 18 or whatever it is) is arbitrary, but works well as a safeguard. However, when it comes to morality (well, my version), what matters is whether both people have feelings for each other, know what they’re getting into, and don’t feel coerced in any way. If this occurs between a 30 and 15 year old, then more power to them. Perhaps 90% of 15-year olds would not really be mature enough to give true consent, and the law protects them from exploitation. But for the few that are ready and willing, well, I would help them hide their affair from the law. Of course, if the advances toward the minor are unwanted (as it appears with the OP), I don’t mind protections for the minor stronger than those for adults in such situations, since the minors would likely be less able to beat back their adult suitors. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/92 "2004-03-26T13:27:46Z")
> [@Sublight](#): > > Really? This usually led to jokes about horny housewives or (for the women) fending off creepy otaku who’d never spoken to a real, live woman before. Well, I can’t say I’ve never heard such jokes, but either they’re much less frequent or I just notice them less because they’re less offensive. True story: we did have one middle aged man come to my school saying he wanted to sign up for lessons…private lessons…with a foreign teacher…the woman one. Yeesh. Luckily, I didn’t actually have to take him on as a student. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/93 "2004-03-26T15:45:05Z")
> [@Ilsa\_Lund](#): > > Where are you drawing the line here? If I said one of your daughters was hot, would you threaten to kill me? 'Cause I’d be pissed, and you’d know it. The line is drawn wherever I please. I reserve the right, in real life as in here, to be totally arbitrary. As for your being pissed, I dunno. It has worked pretty well so far, even with guys who know me well enough to know I wouldn’t harm a fly. If they are pissed I don’t know and don’t care. I have a duty to protect my daughters from creepy guys. And do you know WHY they take this threat as one I would follow though on? And why some of them are still scared of me several years laters? [Master Thespian] Acting! (bows extravagently) [/Master Thespian] ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/94 "2004-03-26T16:15:29Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > [Master Thespian] > > Acting! (bows extravagently) > > [/Master Thespian] _Genius!_ ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/95 "2004-03-26T16:31:59Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > And do you know WHY they take this threat as one I would follow though on? And why some of them are still scared of me several years laters? > > [Master Thespian] > > Acting! (bows extravagently) > > [/Master Thespian] Well, since you seem to have done it before, care to share what it was that set you off? Speaking only for myself, I wouldn’t be scared of you. I’d just be pissed. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/96 "2004-03-26T17:37:35Z")
Set me off? Why nothing sets me off, sirrah! I am a font of calm and reason. It is simply that if a guy mentions my daughters (the underaged ones, at least–their big sister is on her own) in any manner I find unsuitable (and I’m not real stable so my definition of “unsuitable” is flexible) I tell him, in an eerily calm, even quietly menacing, tone of voice, that if I see him anywhere near my daughters I will kill him. Maybe it wouldn’t work on you but it does on most guys between the ages of 15 and 30. However, if you are so hard to scare and so easy to piss off it is a good thing you are not also a pervert\* of some sort or I’d have to go to Plan B. - - FTR, I have no problem with a large age difference between daters and if the younger one is 17, 22 is not too old AS LONG AS THE YOUNGER ONE’S PARENT(S) AGREE. Sixteen and 22 is iffy. Fourteen, as my daughters are, and 22 is inappropriate and any comments by the older one are also inappropriate. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/97 "2004-03-26T17:42:59Z")
I’m a little surprised at all of the people posting that 16 year old girls are constantly the victims of emotional manipulation. In what universe do you live where 16 year old girls are not firmly in charge? Whenever I see an older male/younger female situation, I’m pretty convinced that it’s the guy who is wearing the training collar in that relationship. I’m pretty sure that the flow of expensive jewelry is not going his way. As to the OP, those ages don’t bother me (count me as another child of a child bride, parents having been together for 47 years now), but telling the mother of a girl – aged 16, 6, or 66 – that you’d like to boink said daughter is not exactly proper office behavior. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/98 "2004-03-26T18:18:41Z")
Sorry to leave this so long, folks. The 16 year old does not know about it, and her mother’s not thrilled but not quite offended. As for official action, the guy’s not going anywhere. If this were a romance, it wouldn’t bother me. Here’s what bothers me about the whole situation: 1. The guy’s already in a relationship, or so he says. 2. The girl’s in one as well. 3. He hasn’t met her and doesn’t know a thing about her except that she’s 16 years old and pretty. In other words, he’s acting like a horn dog. 4. He’s definitely joking, and has been doing so for several weeks. As I mentioned, it might have been funny once. Not 50 times. 5. Let’s just say he’s not exactly an ideal employee in other ways, shall we? It’s not the age difference that bothers me in and of itself; it’s the whole way he thinks “Hey, I think your daughter’s hot!” is a funny joke. There ain’t enough :rolleyes:s in the world, but I’ll throw one more in. :rolleyes: From what I’ve seen (or rather heard), the girl’s _way_ ahead of him in terms of emotional maturity. I think I like the suggestion about telling him she might be a little too old for him; under the circumstances, I’d say it’s even a bit true! 😉 CJ ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/99 "2004-03-26T20:50:39Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > hey, fuck you, **Otto**. Can’t you read a joke as a joke? Ah yes, the first line of defense, right on cue. You don’t disappoint me. > [@](#): > > I would think my normal recorded stance on proper treatment of gays would’ve clued you in to the fact that it’s a joke. If you didn’t know that about me (which is possible), all you had to do was ask. Hmm, gee, no, sorry, your “recorded stance” doesn’t earn you a pass when you say stupid and unfunny shit. Here’s a little clue, in case you didn’t pick up on it the first time: comparisons of homosexuality to bestiality are _not funny_. Actual real life gay people have suffered from the comparison and if you’re an ally you ought to know better and refrain. > [@](#): > > Now, shake my hand and stop being an uptight fuckwad, okay? Try apologizing, then see if I’ll shake your hand. ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324/100 "2004-03-26T21:33:12Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > It is simply that if a guy mentions my daughters (the underaged ones, at least–their big sister is on her own) in any manner I find unsuitable (and I’m not real stable so my definition of “unsuitable” is flexible) I tell him, in an eerily calm, even quietly menacing, tone of voice, that if I see him anywhere near my daughters I will kill him. How often have you done this? It just makes me want to go :rolleyes:. Not at you specifically, but this whole “8 Simple Rules” bullshit really gets to me. I am not the type of guy that would really be likely to say anything that you might find “unsuitable,” but if you threatened to kill me, I would probably laugh in your face. After your daughter was out of the room, I would probably tell you to go fuck yourself. Once again, not you specifically. I’m not actually annoyed at you, just the concept. I respect your right to do as you wish with regard to your children. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-co-worker-joking-about-dating-a-16-year-old-girl-is-_not_-amusing/236324.md?page=6)