# Dear Diane
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-diane/3308
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [November 17, 1999, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-diane/3308 "1999-11-17T21:15:00Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Konrad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Konrad)
#### Post date: [November 17, 1999, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-diane/3308/1 "1999-11-17T21:15:00Z")
I would compare your “debating” style not to the slash of a razor-sharp sword, nor even to the poke of a pointy stick, but to the grating of sand paper.
A discussion with you is a like a war of attrition. Slow… painful… wasteful… and boring except for those interludes when one is overcome by its senselessness, barbarity and a general feeling of despair.
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### Author:  [@pldennison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pldennison)
#### Post date: [November 17, 1999, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-diane/3308/2 "1999-11-17T21:27:00Z")
Someone’s got a cru-ush, someone’s got a cru-ush . . .
* * *
“Come on, Phonics Monkey–drum!”
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### Author:  [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)
#### Post date: [November 17, 1999, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-diane/3308/3 "1999-11-17T21:30:00Z")
pl - I gotta tell you - that’s EXACTLY what went through my mind when I read that…thanks for the laugh…
ROFLMAO
* * *
“If there’s anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.”
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### Author:  [@omni-not](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/omni-not)
#### Post date: [November 17, 1999, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-diane/3308/4 "1999-11-17T21:37:00Z")
Heh, heh, heh. Do I smell the beginning of an idyll?
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### Author:  [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)
#### Post date: [November 17, 1999, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-diane/3308/5 "1999-11-17T21:55:00Z")
First he starts a thread called “Dear Diane”, then he writes:
> [@](#):
>
> A discussion with you is a like a war of attrition. Slow… painful… wasteful… and boring except for those interludes when one is overcome by its senselessness, barbarity and a general feeling of despair.
Anyone else see the irony in this?
My dearest Konrad, I appreciate the loving thought that must have gone into creating my very own thread, but I have to be brutally honest with you. . . .
## Stop humping my leg, you fuckin mutt.
\>^,^\<
KITTEN
Please tell your pants it’s not polite to point.
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### Author:  [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)
#### Post date: [November 17, 1999, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-diane/3308/6 "1999-11-17T21:57:00Z")
Hmmmm . . . yup. I reckon so. Diane’s the “Lush Temptress” ™, Konrad’s the “Impressionable and Naive Young Lad Setting Out to Make His Way in the World” ™.
I think we could get a _Masterpiece Theater_ out of this.
-andros-
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### Author:  [@Konrad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Konrad)
#### Post date: [November 17, 1999, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-diane/3308/7 "1999-11-17T23:38:00Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Stop humping my leg, you fuckin mutt.
There’s the classic wit of a stillbirth gone wrong.
andros: Masterpiece theater? More like The Graduate.
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### Author:  [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)
#### Post date: [November 17, 1999, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-diane/3308/8 "1999-11-17T23:41:00Z")
Um, Konrad, in _The Graduate_, the older woman **liked** the younger man.
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### Author:  [@Byzantine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Byzantine)
#### Post date: [November 18, 1999, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-diane/3308/9 "1999-11-18T00:52:00Z")
## (After picking herself off the floor Byz bursts into song) Love is in the air…
Best!
Byz
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### Author:  [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)
#### Post date: [November 18, 1999, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-diane/3308/10 "1999-11-18T04:20:00Z")
Konrad,
What is your problem ? If you don’t like Diane’s style, then don’t debate with her. If the case is as seems, you have a thing for her and want her attention, well ,diamonds are a girl’s best friend.
Buy her a ring and quit your bitchin’ !
(sorry I always wanted to say that to a guy)
* * *
Ayesha - Lioness
* * *
There are two solutions to every problem : the wrong one, and mine
(Thomas A. Edison)
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### Author:  [@E1skeptic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E1skeptic)
#### Post date: [November 18, 1999, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-diane/3308/11 "1999-11-18T06:23:00Z")
My dear (and very young) Konrad: Not that Diane needs anyone to stand for her, but, you mess with her (as if you could, he, he…) and you mess with me.
Go get a cold shower, kiddo.
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### Author:  [@Phaedrus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phaedrus)
#### Post date: [November 18, 1999, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-diane/3308/12 "1999-11-18T15:45:00Z")
Diane, I just gotta tell ya…
You were the main drag on one of the first threads I saw here.
I immediately thought, wow, this person not only has no life, but no thought life as well.
I made a couple of pithy comments and you thought I was someone else. HAH
Somebody else replied that I was just someone who read you postand immediately disliked you, now that I think of it is was a thread of yours, something about a co-worker who married some guy from the internet.
Well guess what dear Diane, I AM somebody else. I still hate your guts, you are mindless witless etc etc etc probably everything except weightless. By the way, how’s the weight problem? Somebody said your ass looked like a sackful of doorknobs, is that true?
* * *
You can stick your head up a bucther’s ass… Tommy Boy
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### Author:  [@Phaedrus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phaedrus)
#### Post date: [November 18, 1999, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-diane/3308/13 "1999-11-18T15:48:00Z")
E1skeptic: the same ta ya. What are you, her ass wipe? Must be a BIG job. Yuck Yuck Yuck! Any friend of Diane’s is a fuckstick.
Get shit and die!
* * *
You can stick your head up a bucther’s ass… Tommy Boy
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### Author:  [@Konrad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Konrad)
#### Post date: [November 18, 1999, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-diane/3308/14 "1999-11-18T16:07:00Z")
Ayesha sez:
> [@](#):
>
> What is your problem ? If you don’t like Diane’s style, then don’t debate with her.
Duh. But I just wanted to let her know why I wasn’t going to bother debating with her. Or rather why I wasn’t going to continue listening to her insults while I tried to make meaningful arguments. See, as a hot-headed young male I can’t just back down, because that would be a sign of weakness. I have to assert my power… come on, don’t you ever watch nature documentaries? You should know what I mean.
e1skeptic sez:
> [@](#):
>
> My dear (and very young) Konrad: Not that Diane needs anyone to stand for her, but, you mess with her (as if you could, he, he…) and you mess with me.
My dear old man, stop trying to act like a knight in armour, that’s reserved for annoying cybersex channels on IRC. Besides, a man of your age should be more concerned about his prostate than with bothering youngsters like me. But I guess you don’t know what’s what anymore, with senility setting in and all…
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### Author:  [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)
#### Post date: [November 18, 1999, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-diane/3308/15 "1999-11-18T16:16:00Z")
Oh God, not another horny little boy.
Why the hell do I get them all? It’s just not fair!!! Maybe I should have Opal take my pic off the TMHP or maybe I just need to change my irresistible style of writing. Byz? Melin? Sqrl? Chris? Opal? Aye? Someone?!?!?! I’ll share my new boyfriends, really! Please help yourselves!
Here’s a flash for you, sweetie-pies. There are people on this board that are very good friends of mine, there are others who I respect enough to debate topics, there are even those who I don’t really care for, but accept the fact that they have something to offer the board, there are those I can’t stand but enjoy them for the amusement they bring (nottomentionanynamesCon#3), then there are those few who are insignificant to the board, nobodies, pieces of shit that could disappear tomorrow and no one will even notice. People that don’t stir me one way or another enough to care (you don’t write anything thought provoking, amusing, and your attempts to flame are pathetic - BTW, I am not fat, in fact, I am in excellent shape so your flame fizzled out. Better luck next time, Beavis).
People like you and Konrad.
## So boys, bring up my pic from the home page, read a few of my thread, and pound your wee little puds, just don’t expect me to hand you the tissue.
\>^,^\<
KITTEN
Please tell your pants it’s not polite to point.
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### Author:  [@Phaedrus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phaedrus)
#### Post date: [November 18, 1999, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-diane/3308/16 "1999-11-18T16:24:00Z")
No dimwit, I am old enough to be your father. and if you are denying your hugeness you must really be huge, huh fatty?
You are so sick, yeah I see all your friends running to your aid. How many would that be, one?
Well, if I make YOU so hot go ahead and use your best friend, but DON’T expect ME to wipe it off for you or turn it off and stop it from vibrating, honey!
* * *
You can stick your head up a bucther’s ass… Tommy Boy
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### Author:  [@pldennison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pldennison)
#### Post date: [November 18, 1999, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-diane/3308/17 "1999-11-18T16:24:00Z")
Diane, remember, this is the same Phaedrus who, on other threads, constantly whimpers like a kicked puppy about ad hominem attacks, vicious personal insults and the lack of polite discourse. There are only two possibilities with this weirdo:
1. He is more bipolar than a 50-foot magnet; or,
2. There is more than one person, probably three, posting as “Phaedrus.”
The only other possibility is that he is the biggest, most hypocritical example of “do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do” to walk the earth since . . . well, ever.
And Konrad, well . . . he’s the poster child for people who are not even a fraction as clever as they think they are, and probably got beaten up a lot in the locker room.
* * *
“Come on, Phonics Monkey–drum!”
---
### Author:  [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)
#### Post date: [November 18, 1999, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-diane/3308/18 "1999-11-18T16:36:00Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Duh. But I just wanted to let her know why I wasn’t going to bother debating with her.
Sure - just create a new thread with the title Dear Diane. . .
(Are you really as stupid as you appear to be?)
> [@](#):
>
> Or rather why I wasn’t going to continue listening to her insults while I tried to make meaningful arguments.
This is the funniest thing I have read in a long time.
Let’s see, would it be the “meaningful arguments” you posted here?
[http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum5/HTML/000365.html](http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum5/HTML/000365.html)
Or here?
[http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum5/HTML/000198.html](http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum5/HTML/000198.html)
> [@](#):
>
> . . .and if you are denying your hugeness you must really be huge, huh fatty?
Not fat at all. Obviously, you have to have more than a brain stem to find my pic, but go ahead, you just keep shooting those duds, I’ll try really, really hard not to cry.
Phil - you’re right. Konrad is just an idiot, this other dipshit is just a fucking weirdo.
## Neither one deserve another stroke of my keyboard (although I am certain that they will rub off a few more).
\>^,^\<
KITTEN
Please tell your pants it’s not polite to point.
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### Author:  [@Krispy\_Original](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krispy_Original)
#### Post date: [November 18, 1999, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-diane/3308/19 "1999-11-18T17:17:00Z")
> [@](#):
>
> there are those I can’t stand but enjoy them for the amusement they bring (nottomentionanynamesCon#3),
Hey! Diane gave me a back-handed compliment!
Does she have a crush on me?
---
### Author:  [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)
#### Post date: [November 18, 1999, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-diane/3308/20 "1999-11-18T17:45:00Z")
## Yeah Con, you KNOW I love you.
\>^,^\<
KITTEN
Please tell your pants it’s not polite to point.
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