# Dear dirtbag(s): Stop stealing my lunch! (lame) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 19, 2004, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-dirtbag-s-stop-stealing-my-lunch-lame/245985 "2004-05-19T16:19:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Odinoneeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2004, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-dirtbag-s-stop-stealing-my-lunch-lame/245985/41 "2004-05-21T06:16:23Z")
zI wish I had saved a copy of an Email I got once. Essentially, it said, To whoever stole my lunch, I brought in a frozen lunch yesterday. Today I really was looking forward to eating it and on my lunch break, I found it gone. I am now hungry with nothing to eat. I would appreciate an apology and either a new lunch or the $3.00 I spent on it. Thank you. The cool thing was she got her apology and her money. I think that if refrigerators had been around in Dante’s time, there would have been a new section of Inferno dedicated to them. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2004, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-dirtbag-s-stop-stealing-my-lunch-lame/245985/42 "2004-05-21T11:59:45Z")
Ah, that’s a shame they’re taking action for you. I was going to suggest doctoring a can of juice/pop/whatever it is they steal with a big ass dose of green food dye. Absolutely harmless and you can amuse yourself that afternoon by looking for morons with green teeth… ---
**Author:** ![rockle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@rockle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rockle)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2004, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-dirtbag-s-stop-stealing-my-lunch-lame/245985/43 "2004-05-21T12:16:53Z")
> [@SkipMagic](#): > > Instead of any of these other brands of dissuasion, just write, “Baskin Robbins ice-cream in here,” and _no one_ (with any self-respect–even imagined) will touch it. 😛 Oh, be quiet, you W.T. DQ lover, you, or I’m telling **AuntieEm** you’re picking on me! (NOTE: We’re just joshing here, I swear. As far as I know, **Skip** is **not** W.T., although he does have questionable taste in ice-cream takeout.) > [@hardygrrl](#): > > Leave this “trap” sandwich in the communal area and listen for the sounds of hacking. Funny you should mention that … I was cleaning out the bathtub drain this morning and I was thinking, “Should I put this … _eww, what is **that**?_ … _honey, the cats have been barfing in the tub again!_ … should I put this in that container of mystery guck in the back of the fridge and take it to work and pretend it’s my lunch, just to see what will happen?” But it really skeeved me out to think that (1) someone would think I would eat it, and (2) that someone else actually _might_. (Why I care about these degenerates, I don’t know.) ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2004, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-dirtbag-s-stop-stealing-my-lunch-lame/245985/44 "2004-05-21T12:22:28Z")
Recently, a woman at our office wanted to keep some nonfat milk on hand. She bought herself a half-gallon and put it in the fridge, and when she went back that same day to open it for the first time and pour a glass, it was 1/3 gone already. So she poured the contents of a box of Morton salt into the rest and shook it up and replaced it. Later that afternoon, one of our highest-paid partners furiously went in search of whoever salted the milk. She was the thief, and had poured herself another big glass and had taken several swigs before she gagged and spit it out all over the place. She tried to take the milk-buyer on, saying she had created a “dangerous work situation”, but management was entirely on the other woman’s side. Since this partner is universally hated at our firm, everyone had a huge laugh at her expense (behind her back). Sadly, this hasn’t stopped other random lunch thieves. So I do what **GaWd** does, too. My lunch is safely under my desk in a cooler/lunch bag, which makes it convenient should I want a snack from it around 10:00 a.m. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2004, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-dirtbag-s-stop-stealing-my-lunch-lame/245985/45 "2004-05-21T21:12:55Z")
> [@pugluvr](#): > > Recently, a woman at our office wanted to keep some nonfat milk on hand. She bought herself a half-gallon and put it in the fridge, and when she went back that same day to open it for the first time and pour a glass, it was 1/3 gone already. So she poured the contents of a box of Morton salt into the rest and shook it up and replaced it. Just curious… was the milk marked, “Mary’s personal milk” or was the partner under the assumption that it was communal milk for coffee? Not that that makes it okay, I’m just asking. ---
**Author:** ![rockle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@rockle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rockle)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2004, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-dirtbag-s-stop-stealing-my-lunch-lame/245985/46 "2004-05-21T21:53:26Z")
> [@BiblioCat](#): > > Just curious… was the milk marked, “Mary’s personal milk” or was the partner under the assumption that it was communal milk for coffee? Not that that makes it okay, I’m just asking. Can’t speak for **pugluvr** , but in my office, it doesn’t seem to matter. Just today at lunchtime, I bought a half-gallon of milk at a convenience store. I never opened it - I just put a stickie on it that said **“ROCKLE’S MILK - SPOILED!!! - PLEASE DO NOT USE.”** I underlined. the “spoiled!!!” part a couple of times just for good measure. When it was time to leave at 5pm, there was about a cup of milk left in the container. Now I know they’re just being spiteful. Bitches. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2004, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-dirtbag-s-stop-stealing-my-lunch-lame/245985/47 "2004-05-21T21:58:34Z")
> [@slortar](#): > > Ah, that’s a shame they’re taking action for you. I was going to suggest doctoring a can of juice/pop/whatever it is they steal with a big ass dose of green food dye. Absolutely harmless and you can amuse yourself that afternoon by looking for morons with green teeth… Or something with Marinara sauce and a whole bottle of red food coloring. Several hours later, the thief will run screaming from the bathroom and run straight to the closest emergency room, certain that she’s busted some sort of internal organ. ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2004, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-dirtbag-s-stop-stealing-my-lunch-lame/245985/48 "2004-05-21T22:21:30Z")
**Bibliocat** , AFAIK, the milk was not marked. However, it’s well known in our office that nothing in the fridge is to be regarded as communal. In addition, we do provide free coffee cream in those little sealed plastic cups. This partner was just plain stealing. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2004, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-dirtbag-s-stop-stealing-my-lunch-lame/245985/49 "2004-05-21T22:51:31Z")
> [@pugluvr](#): > > **Bibliocat** , AFAIK, the milk was not marked. However, it’s well known in our office that nothing in the fridge is to be regarded as communal. That’s what I was wondering - if she was trying to claim she thought it was communal milk or something. I love the salted milk trick. That’s just too funny. I can only imagine what went through her head as she got a big ole’ taste of salty milk. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2004, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-dirtbag-s-stop-stealing-my-lunch-lame/245985/50 "2004-05-21T22:58:39Z")
> [@rockle](#): > > Can’t speak for **pugluvr** , but in my office, it doesn’t seem to matter. Just today at lunchtime, I bought a half-gallon of milk at a convenience store. I never opened it - I just put a stickie on it that said **“ROCKLE’S MILK - SPOILED!!! - PLEASE DO NOT USE.”** I underlined. the “spoiled!!!” part a couple of times just for good measure. When it was time to leave at 5pm, there was about a cup of milk left in the container. Now I know they’re just being spiteful. Bitches. This idea is from way out in left field - call the cops. I know they won’t be able to do anything, but perhaps it will throw the fear of goodness into the thieves, or maybe light a fire under the HR persons ass. It is theft, and it adds up after a while. It needs drastic measures in my opinion. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-dirtbag-s-stop-stealing-my-lunch-lame/245985/51 "2004-05-22T03:46:15Z")
> [@BiblioCat](#): > > Just curious… was the milk marked, “Mary’s personal milk” or was the partner under the assumption that it was communal milk for coffee? Not that that makes it okay, I’m just asking. Considering that the partner was drinking it by the glassful, I’d have to say that she knew it wasn’t meant to be used like that. ---
**Author:** ![PastAllReason](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f07891/32.png) [@PastAllReason](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PastAllReason)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-dirtbag-s-stop-stealing-my-lunch-lame/245985/52 "2004-05-22T06:55:58Z")
This thread has been an illuminating one for me, and gives me a new appreciation for fellow employees where I work now and in the past. I’ve never had anything of mine taken, nor have I heard of anyone else having anything taken either. People at my current workplace think nothing of leaving all kinds of food, marked or unmarked in the fridges, and always find it as they left it. Until reading the thread, I had no idea how common “lunch theft” is. ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-dirtbag-s-stop-stealing-my-lunch-lame/245985/53 "2004-05-22T07:20:32Z")
Food sneak thieves in the workplace aren’t curable. (Same goes for dorms.) You’ll never be able to pin them down on the game they’re playing, much less why they’re doing it. That’s psychodramas best avoided. Go with the private cooler. It costs very few bucks, and only a few more for reusable ice packs. It’ll hold frozen dinners, drinks, etc. for as long as you need 'em. Consider it your subsersive little fridge away from home. Living well, especially on the job, can consist of knowing when and how to walk away from pathology you can’t cure. You can live, and eat, excellently totally apart from the soap opera. Go for it. Veb ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-dirtbag-s-stop-stealing-my-lunch-lame/245985/54 "2004-05-22T11:34:11Z")
> [@Lynn Bodoni](#): > > Considering that the partner was drinking it by the glassful, I’d have to say that she knew it wasn’t meant to be used like that. Oh, of course she **knew** that, but she could claim ignorance and say she thought it was “for everyone” and that having a glass of milk would be okay. \*I’m not sticking up for her at all \* - I’ve just been around too many Lunchroom Thieves and know all their stories and tricks. I used to work in a large retail store, with about 150 employees and three big fridges. On any given day, at least two or three lunches would mysteriously go missing. I tended to bring lunches that didn’t need refrigeration and that I could keep in my locker. There was one person who would pick though lunches, pulling a sandwich out of one, cookies out of another, a salad out of yet another… some mighty big balls there! ---
**Author:** ![htns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ba8739/32.png) [@htns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/htns)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-dirtbag-s-stop-stealing-my-lunch-lame/245985/55 "2004-05-22T11:38:10Z")
They still make chocolate flavored ExLax, did you know? And it tastes just like chocolate. Melt it down, it still has its laxative properties. Why do I mention that, you ask? Oh, no particular reason, just FYI. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-dirtbag-s-stop-stealing-my-lunch-lame/245985/56 "2004-05-22T12:31:40Z")
> [@TVeblen](#): > > Food sneak thieves in the workplace aren’t curable. (Same goes for dorms.) You’ll never be able to pin them down on the game they’re playing, much less why they’re doing it. That’s psychodramas best avoided. > > Go with the private cooler. It costs very few bucks, and only a few more for reusable ice packs. It’ll hold frozen dinners, drinks, etc. for as long as you need 'em. Consider it your subsersive little fridge away from home. Living well, especially on the job, can consist of knowing when and how to walk away from pathology you can’t cure. > > You can live, and eat, excellently totally apart from the soap opera. Go for it. > > Veb You hit the nail right on the head- these people steal for some weird psychological reason, not because they’re hungry or poor. (especially people in well paid jobs) I personally think it’s because they hate their jobs and think this is a way to “get back” at the company by getting away with something (like stealing office supplies). Best to carry your lunch with you and be done with it. ---
**Author:** ![wheelie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b4bc9f/32.png) [@wheelie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wheelie)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-dirtbag-s-stop-stealing-my-lunch-lame/245985/57 "2004-05-23T14:54:17Z")
I’ve been told (no i haven’t done this) that Visine makes an excellent laxative. colorless, odorless, doesn’t take much. hmmmmm Or add little slivers of habanero pepper to the dish. (wash your hands several times after handling cut habanero, those babies are potent! :eek: ) ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-dirtbag-s-stop-stealing-my-lunch-lame/245985/58 "2004-05-23T16:47:21Z")
Wow, I am grateful that I work in a non-stealing workplace. I can put anything in the fridge, marked or unmarked, and find it there the next day. Our soda machine will sometimes give you two cans for the price of one, and I’ve put the extra one in the fridge and it was still there the next day, an unmarked can of Diet Coke that in many workplaces would have “STEAL ME!” written all over it. Of course, I even work with people who _clean up after themselves_. What an odd concept. Maybe that’s one reason why I like my new job so much, you think? LOVE the salted milk story! Perfect revenge – harmless but unmistakeable!! ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2004, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-dirtbag-s-stop-stealing-my-lunch-lame/245985/59 "2004-05-24T02:55:02Z")
> [@Mama Tiger](#): > > Wow, I am grateful that I work in a non-stealing workplace. I can put anything in the fridge, marked or unmarked, and find it there the next day. … > Of course, I even work with people who _clean up after themselves_. What an odd concept. Maybe that’s one reason why I like my new job so much, you think? Where do you work?! It sounds like some sort of magical fairy land! 😃 I try not to leave anything in the fridge at work that I might want to see again. I did discover a method of keeping frozen stuff safe (the advertisers of Eggo’s had the same idea). Save an empty bag of some sort of frozen vegetable that no one is likely to want (Brussel sprouts, lima beans, okra), and then hide your frozen goodies in the bag. I mentioned this to a co-worker once after someone stole her last ice cream bar. Later we worked a shift together and she pulled a bag of broccoli out of the freezer and then pulled a box of ice cream bars out of it and offered me one. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2004, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-dirtbag-s-stop-stealing-my-lunch-lame/245985/60 "2004-05-24T04:31:01Z")
Minifridge, guys. It’s all about the minifridge. Count me as one of those glad I worked in a place where the sanctity of the fridge was respected (to the point that our manager gave warnings like weeks in advance of fridge cleanouts). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-dirtbag-s-stop-stealing-my-lunch-lame/245985.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-dirtbag-s-stop-stealing-my-lunch-lame/245985.md?page=4)