# Dear Ex-Fat Guy on Subways Commercials **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 29, 2002, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-fat-guy-on-subways-commercials/116494 "2002-06-29T01:21:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Misery\_Loves\_Co](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7cd45c/32.png) [@Misery\_Loves\_Co](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misery_Loves_Co)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2002, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-fat-guy-on-subways-commercials/116494/41 "2002-07-01T15:03:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eve \* > \*\*I wish the guy in the burger joint he’s yelling at would just dip George’s head in the fryer . . . \*\* Thanks Eve - that image will carry me through my monday - ---
**Author:** ![OxyMoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e9a140/32.png) [@OxyMoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OxyMoron)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2002, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-fat-guy-on-subways-commercials/116494/42 "2002-07-01T16:08:49Z")
Eve, doll, it would have saved us so much pain. Maybe they could deep-fry the whole damn Seinfeld cast. Especially Jerry, who would no longer make Amex commercials. (mmmmmm, crispy critter on a bun. with sweet onion sauce…) ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2002, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-fat-guy-on-subways-commercials/116494/43 "2002-07-01T16:45:38Z")
I saw Jared on a “news” spot on a Vegas TV station this weekend. He looked awful. Apparently, Subway is sending him all over the planet, having him shill for them wherever TV shows are willing to give the desperate corporate behemoth a few precious seconds of PR airtime. It was a joyous thing to see him, for one reason: he admitted that, with all the travelling around, it was hard to eat healthy. He’d gained some weight. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2002, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-fat-guy-on-subways-commercials/116494/44 "2002-07-01T17:18:37Z")
If anybody is interested, I have foreseen a violent death for Jared. ---
**Author:** ![Chance\_the\_Gardener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@Chance\_the\_Gardener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chance_the_Gardener)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2002, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-fat-guy-on-subways-commercials/116494/45 "2002-07-01T19:12:46Z")
If I may add another failing with the wanna-be-Jarhead diet plan that no one has yet touched on: the bread. Jarhead did eat the whole wheat, which is presumably healthier, but there are a couple of issues I have to take with that. 1. Whole wheat bread is fine, but most commercially-produced whole wheat has molasses, sugar and high-fructose corn syrup in it. Adding this crap essentially negates the usual health benefits of whole wheat bread. 2. Most patrons insist on white bread anyhow, which is even worse. And, as others have said, failure to adhere to Jarhead’s strict cheeseless and mayonnaiseless standards defeats the Subway diet. Slim-Fast is a similar, dangerous lie. Like bleached, white bread, it’s all sugar. And the long-term health detriments… oh, hell. That’s a whole thread of high-test ranting that I should start somewhere else… Maybe it’s just me, but asking people how their diet’s going or asking them if they’re losing weight is irksome. It’s much like saying, “Hey! You’re not as fat as usual!” Nothing pisses me off more than when I’m eating a salad and someone asks me about my diet. I’m not on a fucking diet, you moron. I just wanted a salad. I’m going to write to White Castle and tell them that I’ve invented the White Castle and Amstel Light™ diet. This allows you two sliders a day plus two bottles of Amstel Light a day. Over the past two weeks I’ve lost eight pounds and I don’t usually pass out, as long as I don’t stand up too fast. People were sometimes remarking on my pallid complexion and my shocking, sudden hair loss; but my fevered, malnourished brain has managed to summon the courage to tell them to go to hell, so they’ve stopped saying anything. Drinking lots of water and taking up smoking have really helped my efforts, and the increased effects of alcohol that result from an empty stomach make life much more bearable. Watch for my upcoming White Castle ad campaign. ---
**Author:** ![Tiburon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e36b37/32.png) [@Tiburon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tiburon)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2002, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-fat-guy-on-subways-commercials/116494/46 "2002-07-01T19:19:33Z")
**SUBWAY! EAT FRESH!** ---
**Author:** ![Tiburon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e36b37/32.png) [@Tiburon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tiburon)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2002, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-fat-guy-on-subways-commercials/116494/47 "2002-07-01T19:23:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tlw \* > \*\*I did a quick calculation of the calories he was consuming and looked at his start weight, and figured that of course he lost weight, he was burning about **4,000 calories more than he was taking in** every day. \*\* Waiiiiiit a second…if he was burning 4k more than he took in, then he was burning more then 4k total a day…but you actually only burn about 2,600 calories running A MARATHON. How the heck did you come up with this 4,000 calorie figure? Jared sure as hell doesn’t look like he got a marathon+ workout every day. Tibs. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2002, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-fat-guy-on-subways-commercials/116494/48 "2002-07-01T19:35:29Z")
As fast food goes, Subway, despite its flaws, is still a much healthier alternative to the Clown and the Colonel. You re getting fresh vegetables and lean protein (if you’re going with the turkey). When I have Subway, I only have mustard, veggies, and turkey; mayo is disgusting, and I rarely eat cheese these days because I want to keep my arteries clear. And I totally want to nail the new spokesman, because he is HOT! ---
**Author:** ![apotheosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ba8739/32.png) [@apotheosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apotheosis)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2002, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-fat-guy-on-subways-commercials/116494/49 "2002-07-01T19:52:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eve \* > **deep-fried chicken pellets.** **MARKETROID BAIT:** “Pullet Pellets” **THANK YOU. THAT IS ALL.** ---
**Author:** ![Banger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8491ac/32.png) [@Banger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banger)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2002, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-fat-guy-on-subways-commercials/116494/50 "2002-07-01T19:53:29Z")
The number of “Jarhead” references alone are cracking me up!!! Hey Jar Head!!! AAAAAHHHH!!! You’re killing me!!! It’s not Jar Head, it’s Jared LOL!!! ROFL!!! I heard that the jarhead is the new mullet:D ---
**Author:** ![apotheosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ba8739/32.png) [@apotheosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apotheosis)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2002, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-fat-guy-on-subways-commercials/116494/51 "2002-07-01T20:03:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eve \* > **deep-fried chicken pellets.** **MARKETROID BAIT:** “Pullet Pellets” **THANK YOU. THAT IS ALL.** ---
**Author:** ![apotheosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ba8739/32.png) [@apotheosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apotheosis)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2002, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-fat-guy-on-subways-commercials/116494/52 "2002-07-01T20:07:25Z")
I’d like my pullet pellets with a side-order of SDMB hamster quiche. :mad: Sorry about the double-post. ---
**Author:** ![Syzygy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Syzygy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syzygy)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2002, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-fat-guy-on-subways-commercials/116494/53 "2002-07-01T20:54:42Z")
I think the most annoying thing about Jarhead (apart from the fact that Subway seems to think we’re all supposed to immediately recognize and revere the greatness that is Jarhead) is how disgusting he looks when they actually show him eating. He looks like his lower jaw is trying to escape, for god’s sake. I hope he dieted safely away from little kids, 'cause that sight’s enough to cause permanent psychological damage to the young’uns. I’m just waiting for him to have a massive heart attack. I agree with **adam yax** - he’s due for a bloody and/or horribly ironic death. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2002, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-fat-guy-on-subways-commercials/116494/54 "2002-07-01T21:28:58Z")
[Subway kills.](http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/134313507_subway03m0.html) ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2002, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-fat-guy-on-subways-commercials/116494/55 "2002-07-01T23:25:10Z")
**I HATE JAR-JAR-HEAD!** Especially after the beach commercial. “Lookin’ good, Jarhead.” Um, I beg to differ. MAN-BOOBS. Go ahead and lose 50 million pounds, fat-ass, but you’ll still have MAN-BOOBS until you do some fucking exercise. By that I mean something a bit more substantial than walking to your local Subway® eighty times a day to get some crap on a bun with nothing remotely flavorful on it. Yeah, mystery meat, some lame-ass veggies, and some Baked Lay’s (I’ve had more than my share of baked lays in the past) - yum. :rolleyes: Now you’re helping a corporation that was, in the beginning, somewhat honorable, to foist its evil, unhealthy diet on North America. When the dust settles, your man-boobs are going to come back to bite you. (Wait, they’re still there. Watch out, Jar-Jar.) If you’l excuse me, I’m now going to reheat some spring rolls and General Tao’s chicken. Laden in fat, yes, but **my body can take it**. - s.e. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2002, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-fat-guy-on-subways-commercials/116494/56 "2002-07-02T16:06:10Z")
Given the similarity of names, I’m picturing some sort of computer-morphed combo platter of Jared and Jar-Jar Binks… now THAT could be even more annoying that Jason Alexander!..Timmy ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2002, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-fat-guy-on-subways-commercials/116494/57 "2002-07-02T16:08:56Z")
Ooops - forgot to read Page 2. Sorry, I didn’t know scott evil had already made the connection. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2002, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-fat-guy-on-subways-commercials/116494/58 "2002-07-02T17:29:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by scott evil \* > \*\ ***I HATE JAR-JAR-HEAD!** > > Especially after the beach commercial. “Lookin’ good, Jarhead.” Um, I beg to differ. MAN-BOOBS. Go ahead and lose 50 million pounds, fat-ass, but you’ll still have MAN-BOOBS until you do some fucking exercise. By that I mean something a bit more substantial than walking to your local Subway® eighty times a day to get some crap on a bun with nothing remotely flavorful on it. \ > \*\* Personally, I prefer the term “bitch-tits” as it deprives Jarhead of any sense of masculinity. Besides, Blimpie’s are much better tasting, IMHO. (The best subs that I’ve had, though, were from a chain called “O’Deli’s” I think.) ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2002, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-fat-guy-on-subways-commercials/116494/59 "2002-07-02T17:32:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tuckerfan \* > \*\*Personally, I prefer the term “bitch-tits” as it deprives Jarhead of any sense of masculinity. Besides, Blimpie’s are much better tasting, IMHO. \*\* Blimpie’s has bitch-tits, too? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2002, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-fat-guy-on-subways-commercials/116494/60 "2002-07-02T19:19:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fenris \* > \*\* It’s negative 78 calories. You’ll have to eat a milkshake afterwards, just so you don’t starve to death eating it! > > \*\* Bwahahaha [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-fat-guy-on-subways-commercials/116494.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-fat-guy-on-subways-commercials/116494.md?page=4)