# Dear Ex-wife: Pls, thank your imaginary god for giving my son nightmares! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 21, 2012, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-wife-pls-thank-your-imaginary-god-for-giving-my-son-nightmares/610210 "2012-01-21T12:03:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2012, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-wife-pls-thank-your-imaginary-god-for-giving-my-son-nightmares/610210/41 "2012-01-22T03:16:33Z")
> [@PandaBear77](#): > > So _has_ he had any nightmares from this? It has only been one night, but no, he has not. So here’s to keeping my fingers crossed and hope they don’t happen. I will consider giving him a cross necklace. I really don’t want to but I will. First though, I think I’ll wait it out and see if this becomes a problem. I may have jumped the gun with my rant. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2012, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-wife-pls-thank-your-imaginary-god-for-giving-my-son-nightmares/610210/42 "2012-01-22T04:17:43Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > It has only been one night, but no, he has not. So here’s to keeping my fingers crossed and hope they don’t happen. > > I will consider giving him a cross necklace. I really don’t want to but I will. First though, I think I’ll wait it out and see if this becomes a problem. I may have jumped the gun with my rant. That’s what we’re here for. Jump away. Seriously, I hope for your son’s sake you did. I’ve always been amazed by the fact that my kids are so much more resilient than I expect. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2012, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-wife-pls-thank-your-imaginary-god-for-giving-my-son-nightmares/610210/43 "2012-01-22T04:45:42Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > That’s not going to work. If he is having a problem with nightmares, he is going to remember the bigger and more powerful monsters his mother is describing. Actually, it doesn’t sound incompatible with Mom’s version of demons: > [@Shakes](#): > > Her: “He needs to know about demons because there are evil infuences in this world…” I bet she would agree that drug dealers, child rapists and murderers are either demons or controlled (hurt) by demons. > [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > The fear is irrational. Telling him any bad guy is out there but don’t worry, he won’t get in here won’t work. His fear is that the bad stuff is stronger than they are and will get in. I think his fear is very rational. Someone he trusts has told him that demons, evil influences in the world, could hurt him. He finds that frightening. How is that not rational? Of course. Shakes knows his son, and I don’t, so it’s entirely possible that acknowledging his fear as real and appropriate, and then giving him a new piece of information to allay his fears is the wrong method to take here. Maybe he’d be happier with a bottle of “monster spray” like my daughter needed back in the day. I dunno. Just throwing it out there as a possible way to handle it without turning it into a battle with Mom. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2012, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-wife-pls-thank-your-imaginary-god-for-giving-my-son-nightmares/610210/44 "2012-01-22T06:08:04Z")
> [@Measure\_for\_Measure](#): > > More seriously, your son might try lucid dreaming: I found it reasonably effective in fighting nightmares when I was, um, 5 or 6. Of course I didn’t know the term back then. > > If something scary happens, ask yourself whether you are dreaming. If you are dreaming, then, well, it’s in your head. So you can fight back. For example you can fly away. It’s a dream. Now the dream will sometimes “Push back”. Don’t worry about it though, just keep flying. Or try something else. It’s a dream: you can do that. > > The key challenge is remembering to check whether you are dreaming or not. For me, I hold my breath. Then I wake up. Maybe he can try that as well. I’m wondering if the kid isn’t having [hypnagogia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypnagogia)? He may actually feel that crushing of the chest/seeing demons/etc feeling. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2012, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-wife-pls-thank-your-imaginary-god-for-giving-my-son-nightmares/610210/45 "2012-01-22T06:37:57Z")
Now that you’ve cooled off, **Shakes** , I think you need to go back to the conversation with your ex-wife. If you tell her that teaching your son to believe in demons is giving him nightmares, do you think she might be able to soften that somehow, or does she not care about that? ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2012, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-wife-pls-thank-your-imaginary-god-for-giving-my-son-nightmares/610210/46 "2012-01-22T06:51:08Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Now that you’ve cooled off, **Shakes** , I think you need to go back to the conversation with your ex-wife. If you tell her that teaching your son to believe in demons is giving him nightmares, do you think she might be able to soften that somehow, or does she not care about that? This is why I got so aggravated in my phone call. She knows about the nightmares as well as I do. I can’t imagine she wouldn’t make the connection that the thought of real demons out there might give him nightmares. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2012, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-wife-pls-thank-your-imaginary-god-for-giving-my-son-nightmares/610210/47 "2012-01-22T17:50:14Z")
It doesn’t necessarily have to be a cross, it could be any kind of necklace, or talisman, just something that acts as a security blanket for your son. (Do you have a pet? If so, tell him demons are scared of Fluffy or Rover) Just curious – what is your son’s “mental age”? You said he’s autistic, but how highly functioning is he? ---
**Author:** ![Brunhilda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cdc98d/32.png) [@Brunhilda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brunhilda)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2012, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-wife-pls-thank-your-imaginary-god-for-giving-my-son-nightmares/610210/48 "2012-01-22T19:57:57Z")
Could you perhaps get a mellow pastor from one of the more progressive Churches – like the Episcopalian church, or perhaps the UCC to talk to your kid? If you explain the problem to someone with some pastoral sense, they may have a solution. What your wife did was not cool. ---
**Author:** ![Anduril](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Anduril](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anduril)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2012, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-wife-pls-thank-your-imaginary-god-for-giving-my-son-nightmares/610210/49 "2012-01-22T23:59:05Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > It has only been one night, but no, he has not. So here’s to keeping my fingers crossed and hope they don’t happen. > > I will consider giving him a cross necklace. I really don’t want to but I will. First though, I think I’ll wait it out and see if this becomes a problem. I may have jumped the gun with my rant. Speaking as someone who used to have demon-themed nightmares and Catholic to boot, I don’t think that will work. Explaining what the cross is for will only reinforce the demon-belief. Doing the sign of the cross and actually praying before bed time will only intensify the occurence and severity of the nightmares precisely because those acts just reinforces the belief further. Best thing will be to ridicule the idea. A friend of mine did for my benefit and my nightmares left me. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Knig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@Typo\_Knig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Knig)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-wife-pls-thank-your-imaginary-god-for-giving-my-son-nightmares/610210/50 "2012-01-23T02:22:42Z")
If you do give him a talisman to ward off the nightmares, tell it it’s just to help him learn how to ward off nightmares in his own, and in a few days he won’t need the talisman. Might help, just a thought. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-wife-pls-thank-your-imaginary-god-for-giving-my-son-nightmares/610210/51 "2012-01-23T03:12:39Z")
> [@Anduril](#): > > Speaking as someone who used to have demon-themed nightmares and Catholic to boot, I don’t think that will work. Explaining what the cross is for will only reinforce the demon-belief. Doing the sign of the cross and actually praying before bed time will only intensify the occurence and severity of the nightmares precisely because those acts just reinforces the belief further. Best thing will be to ridicule the idea. A friend of mine did for my benefit and my nightmares left me. I’m not religion bashing, but I basically agree with this. I was raised by a fundamentalist who espouses the same beliefs and I still, at 43 years old, have dreams where I think demons are killing me and dragging me off to hell. If anyone had disabused me of this notion at an early age, I’d still be grateful. Because its a hell of a lot easier to overcome something as a small child then after years of therapy as an adult. Good luck to you and your son. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-wife-pls-thank-your-imaginary-god-for-giving-my-son-nightmares/610210/52 "2012-01-23T04:40:06Z")
Tell him flat out that his mother and the religion are both liars. ---
**Author:** ![constanze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@constanze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/constanze)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-wife-pls-thank-your-imaginary-god-for-giving-my-son-nightmares/610210/53 "2012-01-23T07:42:20Z")
> [@Typo\_Knig](#): > > As the father of a 17 year old autistic kid, I must ask my fellow Dopers to not - I say again NOT - bring up Bruno Bettelheim in an autism thread again. Ever. Under any circumstances. This Board is about fighting ignorance. Bettelheim was not. I hope I have said enough here. Moving on. I did NOT cite Bettelheim for what he said about autism, but only for his reference to the role fairy tales play. But fine: a scientist like Bettelheim can’t be cited against ignorance, but a bon-mot guy like Chesterton, saying exactly the same thing, is valid. Acknowledged. Next time, I will try to find English writers first to cite instead of European scientists. ---
**Author:** ![constanze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@constanze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/constanze)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-wife-pls-thank-your-imaginary-god-for-giving-my-son-nightmares/610210/54 "2012-01-23T07:44:30Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > In that short post we just witnessed a reenactment of the birth of most organized religions.😉 Wow, what a wonderful way to completly ignore all context! :rolleyes: After all, there is no difference in explaining to a small or autistic child (i.e. delayed) how to cope with nightmares by giving them a tool that wards of demons, which most children who develop normally will later put aside; and the beliefs of adult people. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Knig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@Typo\_Knig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Knig)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-wife-pls-thank-your-imaginary-god-for-giving-my-son-nightmares/610210/55 "2012-01-23T12:10:14Z")
> [@constanze](#): > > I did NOT cite Bettelheim for what he said about autism, but only for his reference to the role fairy tales play. > > But fine: a scientist like Bettelheim can’t be cited against ignorance, but a bon-mot guy like Chesterton, saying exactly the same thing, is valid. Acknowledged. Next time, I will try to find English writers first to cite instead of European scientists. Read what Bettelheim did to autistic patients and their familes. Then see if you can call him anything honorable and maintain a striaght face. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-wife-pls-thank-your-imaginary-god-for-giving-my-son-nightmares/610210/56 "2012-01-23T12:37:09Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > As a practical suggestion, I’m not familiar with how much metaphor autistic kids can grasp, and am aware that it can be a problem, but would this approach work? “Some people - including your mom - believe in those things, but other people think they’re just stories to frighten kids. I think they’re just stories - don’t you?” and demonstrate the imaginary nature of such things immediately by using a story that contains benign mythical creatures that he knows are fictitious? Yes, and Shakes might add: " stories are used to frighten kids and also adult into being good. But you don’t need that, because here is how we try our best to be good.." ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-wife-pls-thank-your-imaginary-god-for-giving-my-son-nightmares/610210/57 "2012-01-23T13:26:48Z")
I personally would be using the Christian stuff not at the kid, but at the mom. Why does the kid need to be worried about demons? Doesn’t she believe that Jesus is strong enough to protect him? Where’s HER faith? Why is she trying to instill a Spirit of Fear in the child? Why isn’t she instead praying a “hedge of protection” around the child, trying to keep all the demons away? Why in the world does she think a 12 year old autistic child is ready to be fighting demons on his own? Oh, and what Scripture is she using for that decision? My point is that this woman who proclaims to be a Christian is not acting like one in regards to her son. I went through a time when I believed demons were out to get me, and even I wouldn’t have told someone I loved that I knew had problems with fear. Note: This is not advice. This is what I would want to do in the situation. I don’t know that it wouldn’t make things worse. I just wanted to offer the perspective that even someone who does believe in demons shouldn’t be doing this. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-wife-pls-thank-your-imaginary-god-for-giving-my-son-nightmares/610210/58 "2012-01-23T17:42:09Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I personally would be using the Christian stuff not at the kid, but at the mom. Why does the kid need to be worried about demons? Doesn’t she believe that Jesus is strong enough to protect him? Where’s HER faith? Why is she trying to instill a Spirit of Fear in the child? Why isn’t she instead praying a “hedge of protection” around the child, trying to keep all the demons away? > > Why in the world does she think a 12 year old autistic child is ready to be fighting demons on his own? Oh, and what Scripture is she using for that decision? > > My point is that this woman who proclaims to be a Christian is not acting like one in regards to her son. I went through a time when I believed demons were out to get me, and even I wouldn’t have told someone I loved that I knew had problems with fear. > > Note: This is not advice. This is what I would want to do in the situation. I don’t know that it wouldn’t make things worse. I just wanted to offer the perspective that even someone who does believe in demons shouldn’t be doing this. Amen. Tho if it were advice, it wouldn’t be bad. Thing is- if one DOES believe in the Biblical account of Jesus, his teachings & activities, then there’s some mental gymnastics one has to do to discount the reality of demons, but then again, the whole point is that we need not fear them, that Jesus has power over them & shares that power with we who trust him. ---
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-wife-pls-thank-your-imaginary-god-for-giving-my-son-nightmares/610210/59 "2012-01-23T18:05:39Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I personally would be using the Christian stuff not at the kid, but at the mom. Why does the kid need to be worried about demons? Doesn’t she believe that Jesus is strong enough to protect him? Where’s HER faith? Why is she trying to instill a Spirit of Fear in the child? Why isn’t she instead praying a “hedge of protection” around the child, trying to keep all the demons away? > > Why in the world does she think a 12 year old autistic child is ready to be fighting demons on his own? Oh, and what Scripture is she using for that decision? > > My point is that this woman who proclaims to be a Christian is not acting like one in regards to her son. I went through a time when I believed demons were out to get me, and even I wouldn’t have told someone I loved that I knew had problems with fear. > > Note: This is not advice. This is what I would want to do in the situation. I don’t know that it wouldn’t make things worse. I just wanted to offer the perspective that even someone who does believe in demons shouldn’t be doing this. Ladies and gentlemen, the threadwinning post. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-wife-pls-thank-your-imaginary-god-for-giving-my-son-nightmares/610210/60 "2012-01-23T19:14:32Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > I have no problems with ghosts as either dead people or animals. I have no problem with the idea of nature spirits in the form of small capricious pranksters. I have seen some whacked things happen over the years. I do have a problem with the idea that there are fallen angels [I don’t actually believe in the angels/demons form of Christianity. If you want my beliefs without discussion, I believe there probably was a rabbi that we base Jesus on. He may or may have not given all the speeches attributed to him. He may or may not have been executed. A whole industry has grown up around his apparent teachings, with one main interpreter winging it after never having actually met him. I have no problem with the golden rule version of teachings but I think the churches themselves are very wrong about many things.] Just a little nitpick: **Devils** are fallen angels–as powerful as regular angels, of divine nature and “evil” only inasmuch as they don’t see eye to eye with their creator. Their beef with us is akin to vandalizing the efforts of God–it’s nothing personal against us, they just mess with us to thumb their noses at God. **Demons** are the spirits of giants–the offspring between devils and humans. Because their origin is not in the spiritual realm (heaven) their spirits can not enter it and are instead destined to roam the earth. Persecuted in life by humans as freaks and resource liabilities, they became embittered against us and their spirits bear true malice toward us. Absent anything better to do, they make us as miserable as possible. –Book of Enoch [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-wife-pls-thank-your-imaginary-god-for-giving-my-son-nightmares/610210.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-ex-wife-pls-thank-your-imaginary-god-for-giving-my-son-nightmares/610210.md?page=4)