# Dear family: please keep your well-intentioned but stupid advice to yourselves. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 8, 2009, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-family-please-keep-your-well-intentioned-but-stupid-advice-to-yourselves/484960 "2009-02-08T21:14:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-family-please-keep-your-well-intentioned-but-stupid-advice-to-yourselves/484960/21 "2009-02-09T05:12:50Z")
> [@E-Sabbath](#): > > As a dog owner, I may disagree with this. It is horrible when your beloved pet dies, but there is no joy like a new puppy. I understand that Kim may not feel like she wants a new kitten now, but it may be the best therapy. Regardless, though, it’s Kim’s choice, and the family isn’t doing her any favors by disrespecting her. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-family-please-keep-your-well-intentioned-but-stupid-advice-to-yourselves/484960/22 "2009-02-09T05:40:05Z")
> [@Silver Tyger Girl](#): > > And who the hell recommends getting a new cat RIGHT AFTER the previous one died? That’s just retarded! Even if you both decide you want another cat, you’re too upset to take care of one right now! It’s not always a bad idea. For some people, the house just feels empty without a dog or cat, and that void makes the loss harder to cope with. When I was a kid and we only ever had one of any given critter at a time, we always had a new one within a few days of losing the old one for just that reason. It’s amazing the little ways losing a pet leaves a hole in the course of your day–the first few times I went home after my parents’ old dog, the one we’d had since I was in high school, died, it was stuff like not opening the door 9 billion times a day or eating a sandwich without a snout on my knee that really hammered the loss home and filled me with renewed grief. Having another dog around, taking part in the thousand little rituals of their care–it would have comforted me, filled in a few of the starker edges of the hole in my heart. But it’s totally an individual decision–if someone doesn’t feel ready, it’s absolutely wrong to push them into getting another pet. And foisting an animal someone else has chosen off on someone is right out, recent loss or not. ---
**Author:** ![ThirdOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@ThirdOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThirdOne)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-family-please-keep-your-well-intentioned-but-stupid-advice-to-yourselves/484960/23 "2009-02-09T05:43:46Z")
Bah, family sucks. I love mine… sister and brother in 2 other states. Just how I like it! I’m done with my sister-in-law, who chose to be especially cruel while my mother was dying. Just 'cause she married my brother doesn’t mean I have to like her! Why is it that family members treat each other worse than a complete stranger on the street? I will never get that. Hang in there and ignore their ignorance, as I doubt you can make them learn. ---
**Author:** ![AngelSoft](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angelsoft/32/440_2.png) [@AngelSoft](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelSoft)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-family-please-keep-your-well-intentioned-but-stupid-advice-to-yourselves/484960/24 "2009-02-09T06:29:22Z")
Ugh…I hate it when people attribute positive changes in your life/health as proof that prayer works. Why? Because if the changes are negative either the person affected didn’t have strong enough fate or it was just “god’s will”. What? What kind of cockamamie belief system is that? Things go great because you asked god for it but when they it’s not because prayer doesn’t work but because it was meant to be or some crap? Make up your minds. If someone’s fate is completely in god’s hands why are you even bothering to pray in the first place? ---
**Author:** ![Kricket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f14d63/32.png) [@Kricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kricket)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-family-please-keep-your-well-intentioned-but-stupid-advice-to-yourselves/484960/25 "2009-02-09T07:01:53Z")
Juliana thank you for that link! When someone tries to be “helpful” to my friend it would be so nice to just hand them that card and go about our business. Sometimes I feel so badly for him when everyone butts in. ---
**Author:** ![Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sophistry_and_Illusion)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-family-please-keep-your-well-intentioned-but-stupid-advice-to-yourselves/484960/26 "2009-02-09T08:07:06Z")
This is why I always try to keep at least one continent and one ocean between my family and me. I don’t think blood relation is a good reason to maintain social ties with anyone. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-family-please-keep-your-well-intentioned-but-stupid-advice-to-yourselves/484960/27 "2009-02-09T08:28:00Z")
**Skald** isn’t evil anymore? I can sleep with BOTH eyes closed now? Hostile Dialect, Hostile Dialect, Narcissist ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-family-please-keep-your-well-intentioned-but-stupid-advice-to-yourselves/484960/28 "2009-02-09T09:00:47Z")
that’s what he wants you to think… ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-family-please-keep-your-well-intentioned-but-stupid-advice-to-yourselves/484960/29 "2009-02-09T10:20:48Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I can’t view your card for whatever reason. I blame the Etruscans. If you’re using Chrome, instead of opening it directly in the browser it “downloads” it, you can then click on it at the bottom of the blank page to view it. Someone gave me [this big trout] recently, it’s still in good use… ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-family-please-keep-your-well-intentioned-but-stupid-advice-to-yourselves/484960/30 "2009-02-09T15:10:37Z")
> [@Silver Tyger Girl](#): > > Maybe it’s just that I’m a giant bitch and a misanthrope, but I wouldn’t let them in my house at all. I shouldn’t give the impression that my sisters are raving, bitchy, lunatics. They just love me and Kim, and have the urge to be helpful. My brother’s an asshole, though. He was in town to attend a seminar on anti-gay “therapies.” ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-family-please-keep-your-well-intentioned-but-stupid-advice-to-yourselves/484960/31 "2009-02-09T15:49:00Z")
**Juliana** : Thank You!!! That card is being printed, e-mailed and if I must, jammed into mailboxes to so many people I can’t even begin to count. I’m starting with my mother who watched my dad get progressively worse (Dad was a great man, but a lousy diabetic) until he lost a leg, had a couple strokes and eventually wasted away from the last one. Every single freaking cold, ankle sprain or hangnail I get, she blames on my blood sugar and have I checked it lately. And, for the record, my favorite breakfast is either a banana or a big-ass navel orange. I’ll chop off someone’s hand if they reach for them or glare at me as I enjoy them. ---
**Author:** ![Atomicflea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/58956e/32.png) [@Atomicflea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atomicflea)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-family-please-keep-your-well-intentioned-but-stupid-advice-to-yourselves/484960/32 "2009-02-09T15:58:34Z")
**Skald,** how about just saying this to them out loud, over and over? I have a father who frequently says the wrong thing to the point of being offensive, but after years of confrontation about it, he finally recognizes that certain subjects set me off and should be avoided. Why? Because I told him “Dad, I love you, but touch upon \_\_\_\_\_ and I’ll ask you to leave”, which I would follow up on as promised. We had a lot of heated arguments and angry silence, but it worked out in the end. We still don’t agree, but we both know when to hold our peace. ---
**Author:** ![StuffLikeThatThere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc8723/32.png) [@StuffLikeThatThere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StuffLikeThatThere)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2009, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-family-please-keep-your-well-intentioned-but-stupid-advice-to-yourselves/484960/33 "2009-02-09T16:02:26Z")
> [@Juliana](#): > > [This](http://www.behavioraldiabetes.org/downloads/Etiquette-Card.pdf) is a diabetes etiquette card. I’ve handed them out when the need has arisen. It may help you with your inconsiderate family. That’s a great card. My friend’s son has Type I diabetes, and I forwarded the link to her. I’m also tempted to recreate it and tweak it a bit for my son in the future. He has cystic fibrosis. Right now, he’s a baby, so I take care of everything and people mostly don’t see it. In the future, though, I’m sure people will have all sorts of well-meaning and unwelcome advice. I have found, however, that his CF (and some other experiences we’ve had in the past year) have been so, so beneficial for me on that front. I find myself thinking, “Oh, you should try this!” and instead of letting it out, I shut right up. ---
**Author:** ![Death\_of\_Rats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a6a055/32.png) [@Death\_of\_Rats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Death_of_Rats)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-family-please-keep-your-well-intentioned-but-stupid-advice-to-yourselves/484960/34 "2009-02-10T20:21:20Z")
> [@Dog80](#): > > Ok, maybe you have low blood sugar level and should eat something. Why don’t you eat a banana? They are good for you. Nah, its just the Demon in him talking. BE GONE SATAN! I COMMAND YOU IN THE NAME OF JAY-SUS! … See, all better. The power of prayer works again. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-family-please-keep-your-well-intentioned-but-stupid-advice-to-yourselves/484960.md?page=1)