# Dear friend, my tolerance is reaching its limits **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 31, 2009, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-friend-my-tolerance-is-reaching-its-limits/508364 "2009-08-31T16:33:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![wierdaaron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/eada6e/32.png) [@wierdaaron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wierdaaron)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-friend-my-tolerance-is-reaching-its-limits/508364/21 "2009-08-31T19:19:12Z")
> [@Equipoise](#): > > I don’t do apps so I couldn’t get the poll results but I asked someone else and at the time, the results were 89% no and 11% yes. Funny. Don’t some figures say that 11% of the US is atheist? Or maybe it was 16%. What’s that thing they have on computers to find information about things? Jesusoogle? ---
**Author:** ![Kearsen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kearsen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kearsen)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-friend-my-tolerance-is-reaching-its-limits/508364/22 "2009-08-31T19:27:26Z")
> [@wierdaaron](#): > > Funny. Don’t some figures say that 11% of the US is atheist? Or maybe it was 16%. What’s that thing they have on computers to find information about things? Jesusoogle? Atheism is not all inclusive. Most folks won’t come out and tell you they fail to believe in anything of the higher order. So that number is probably pretty damn close to correct. ---
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-friend-my-tolerance-is-reaching-its-limits/508364/23 "2009-08-31T19:38:54Z")
> [@Rubystreak](#): > > I recently had to deFriend an old acquaintance on Facebook because he kept posting some really frothing at the mouth right wing comments on my page, using the slightest pretext. A favorite local restaurant closed? “It’s Obama’s fault! I’m not paying taxes anymore because he’s taxing everyone out of business!” Post a Tom Tomorrow cartoon for laughs? “America is a dictatorship, all of you are brainwashed, it’s time for a revolution or our freedoms will be destroyed!” But at much greater length, of course. > > I asked him politely several times not to post these rants on my page. Post whatever you want on your own page, I swear I will not inject my two cents, but come on my page and spew this stuff, esp. when it’s only a tangential, pretextual reason that evokes it? No thanks. He accused me of violating his First Amendment rights to free speech and attempting to punish him for being a patriot. He also told me to move to Cuba if I like socialism so much. :rolleyes: > > OK, I used to like him, but clearly he has no respect for my boundaries, no understanding of the Constitution he claims to revere, and no sense of proportion. DELETED. This is the risk of reconnecting with people on social networking sites. You find out things about them you didn’t want or need to know. I’ve known this guy for 10+ years and politics never came up, we never argued, but now… whoa. After three times when he posted almost unrelated, random screeds on my page, I couldn’t take it anymore. It’s too bad to lose a friend over something like that but it seems clear there was no mutual respect for different opinions. A friend just told me Saturday night she had to ask one of her neighbors who she considered a friend to please not forward the extreme right wing Emails that she considered hate mail. We’ll see how it affects the rest of their relationship. I have a sister who is a staunch republican and conservative Christian. We get to talk once a year when I go home but we seem to sense where the line is drawn so our love for one another is never in danger. In fact there’s usually some good natured teasing. My latest tact is just to ask those who make political comments to defend their facts. It’s great if they love their country. Me too. Let’s talk about the facts. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-friend-my-tolerance-is-reaching-its-limits/508364/24 "2009-08-31T19:53:58Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > It was troubling to me to see the rampant Crazy Christianity from some of my Facebook friends. I just couldn’t figure out where these people who were kids just like me, living in a middle class suburb just like me, got all of these Crazy notions. The people I am talking about are people I went to school with for between 12 and 5 years. Are you me? An alarming number of my classmates have found Jesus. I haven’t seen too much really crazy or hateful stuff from most of them, and the ones I did see it from I de-friended immediately. I admire the OPs educational mission, but I don’t seek to emulate it. Not on facebook anyway, that’s not what it’s for. I’ve gone ahead and hidden updates from a bunch of people whose updates tend to consist of praising Jesus, for the same reason I’ve hidden updates from the people whose updates tend to consist of praising little Timmy for pooping in the potty. It’s boring, and I don’t care. ---
**Author:** ![emcee2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@emcee2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emcee2k)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-friend-my-tolerance-is-reaching-its-limits/508364/25 "2009-08-31T19:57:20Z")
> [@TokyoPlayer](#): > > This is the great thing about living in Japan. No one has front porches so we’re never at the brink of civil war. … So, where do you put your furniture? ---
**Author:** ![Interconnected\_Series\_of\_Tubes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/13edae/32.png) [@Interconnected\_Series\_of\_Tubes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Interconnected_Series_of_Tubes)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-friend-my-tolerance-is-reaching-its-limits/508364/26 "2009-08-31T20:36:04Z")
> [@wierdaaron](#): > > Funny. Don’t some figures say that 11% of the US is atheist? Or maybe it was 16%. What’s that thing they have on computers to find information about things? Jesusoogle? You can be religious and still be against banning atheism. Just sayin’. ---
**Author:** ![wierdaaron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/eada6e/32.png) [@wierdaaron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wierdaaron)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-friend-my-tolerance-is-reaching-its-limits/508364/27 "2009-08-31T20:44:39Z")
> [@Interconnected\_Series\_of\_Tubes](#): > > You can be religious and still be against banning atheism. Just sayin’. Oh I know that. I’m not saying everyone who voted not to ban it was an atheist. In fact, it’s kind of good to know that there’s that many level-headed people out there. Dumb enough to take a facebook poll, but not dumb enough to want to outlaw a particular mindset. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-friend-my-tolerance-is-reaching-its-limits/508364/28 "2009-08-31T20:45:21Z")
So here’s a question. If you remove someone from your friends list, are they notified? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-friend-my-tolerance-is-reaching-its-limits/508364/29 "2009-08-31T20:56:46Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > So here’s a question. If you remove someone from your friends list, are they notified? Yes. My last breakup was pretty painful, and I didn’t want to see her picture every time I logged in to FB, so I unfriended her. A couple of days later, she sent me a “What the hell?” e-mail. (When I explained why, she said she understood.) ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-friend-my-tolerance-is-reaching-its-limits/508364/30 "2009-08-31T20:57:29Z")
I don’t think so, though it’s easy enough to figure out if they check their friends list and you’re no longer on it. If you don’t want to see someone’s updates, but don’t want to offend them, just hide them. To the right of any update, there’s a “Hide” button. It allows you to hide people, quizzes, apps, whatever the update happens to be about. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-friend-my-tolerance-is-reaching-its-limits/508364/31 "2009-08-31T21:00:07Z")
Now you tell me. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-friend-my-tolerance-is-reaching-its-limits/508364/32 "2009-08-31T21:06:59Z")
No kidding. Thanks **DianaG!** ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-friend-my-tolerance-is-reaching-its-limits/508364/33 "2009-08-31T21:08:35Z")
Liberal use of the hide button is essential for happy facebooking. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-friend-my-tolerance-is-reaching-its-limits/508364/34 "2009-08-31T21:09:14Z")
**No** , people on your friends list are definitely not notified when you de-friend them. Of course, if they try to view your profile and find out that your profile is restricted to friends-only, they will probably twig pretty quickly. But no actual notification is sent out. Also, the Hide button only works on stuff in your feed. As far as I can tell, there is no way to hide stuff that shows up in your sidebar on the right-hand side of the screen. V. annoying. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-friend-my-tolerance-is-reaching-its-limits/508364/35 "2009-08-31T21:10:19Z")
> [@cosmosdan](#): > > It’s too bad to lose a friend over something like that but it seems clear there was no mutual respect for different opinions. I have respect for fact-based opinions. For someone who posts about how much he hates the socialist/fascist B. Hussein Obama, and how all decent patriots need to stop paying taxes and take up arms, there’s not enough common ground for a discussion. I was starting to wonder if he was secretly Crafter\_Man… 😉 Regardless of how dearly you hold your opinions, one would think you’d hold your friendships dearer. I asked him nicely not to post long screeds on my page but he kept doing it, and on the lamest of pretexts. He did it to a couple of other people too, but he did it to me all the damn time. I started to wonder if he has a screw loose, because it was pretty monomaniacal. I find that behavior disrespectful and invasive, and I did not respond in kind, but privately asked him to please stop. Nope, he just couldn’t do it. So, he made it clear that he valued the sound of his own voice over our friendship. He knew damn well he was never going to convert me to his side, that we were not going to agree, esp. not with the tone he was taking. He was just shitting all over my Facebook page for disagreeing with him. I don’t need it. > [@ultrafilter](#): > > Liberal use of the hide button is essential for happy facebooking. I did hide his status updates, but he kept commenting on my status updates, links, and things that I posted, which you can’t hide, you can only delete. Also, everyone who can see your wall can see it. Bleah. ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-friend-my-tolerance-is-reaching-its-limits/508364/36 "2009-08-31T21:10:20Z")
I’m with **DianaG**. Just hide her updates. If you unfriend someone who’s crazy with the Jesus, she’s going to come all after you with her ARMOR of the LORD! Fundies love CAPS! ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-friend-my-tolerance-is-reaching-its-limits/508364/37 "2009-08-31T21:21:15Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Yes. My last breakup was pretty painful, and I didn’t want to see her picture every time I logged in to FB, so I unfriended her. A couple of days later, she sent me a “What the hell?” e-mail. > > (When I explained why, she said she understood.) It’s quite possible she wasn’t notified but is someone who checked _your_ page and looked at your list of friends and saw she wasn’t on there anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-friend-my-tolerance-is-reaching-its-limits/508364/38 "2009-08-31T21:36:41Z")
That’s the amazing thing. if YOU (generic you) tell me that you’re at war over ideals, and I happen to hold the ideals that you’re at war with, then YOU are telling me that I am your enemy. At no point is this my problem or my fault. You’re the jackass who decided to go to war against the world over your ideals. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-friend-my-tolerance-is-reaching-its-limits/508364/39 "2009-08-31T21:47:01Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > No kidding. Thanks **DianaG!** I wish I could tell you the correct person to thank, because I’m pretty sure someone here taught me that, but my search-fu is weak today. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-friend-my-tolerance-is-reaching-its-limits/508364/40 "2009-08-31T21:47:10Z")
> [@ultrafilter](#): > > There’s a very famous quote, something to the effect of “You can’t reason a man out of a position he didn’t reason himself into”, that I think might be relevant here. I am so completely stealing that. Thanks! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-friend-my-tolerance-is-reaching-its-limits/508364.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-friend-my-tolerance-is-reaching-its-limits/508364.md?page=3)