# Dear fuckstick: you aren't a doctor, so STFU. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 31, 2014, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-fuckstick-you-arent-a-doctor-so-stfu/697031 "2014-08-31T04:48:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-fuckstick-you-arent-a-doctor-so-stfu/697031/1 "2014-08-31T04:48:26Z")
Look, you’re a bouncer, so I understand that you barely graduated high school. You’re a little slower than the rest of us, and that’s OK. Not everyone can reach average intelligence, so I’m going to break this down slowly for you. Your club doesn’t want hundreds of lazy customers using the elevator and clogging the hallway, so you only allow the staff and the disabled to use it. I get that. But do you know what the threshold of evidence is for when someone is disabled? When they _fucking tell you they’re disabled_. It’s an elevator, for Chrissake, not an amusement park ride, not a bank vault- an elevator. When someone says they need to use it, you nod and say “OK.” You don’t go all Sherlock Holmes on them and argue about how well you saw them walking. Not all disabilities are visible to the naked eye, cock face. Thanks to your ignorance and their wounded pride, they attempted the stairs that we both knew _full well_ they couldn’t handle. Now they’re in tears from the pain because you decided your black t-shirt and walkie talkie were the same as a white jacket and stethoscope. So here’s a tip to every other knuckle dragger that wants to play elevator cop. If someone says “I can’t walk down stairs,” it means they can’t walk down the fucking stairs. They’re not trying to trick you. It’s not some clever ruse for fun and profit. Let them on the god damned elevator, dumbshit. Now, instead of icing down booze, we’re icing down joints. Thanks a lot, asshole. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-fuckstick-you-arent-a-doctor-so-stfu/697031/2 "2014-08-31T05:07:59Z")
+1. I can walk, but not far without pain. And don’t think about asking me to use stairs. Mobility in two dimensions doesn’t mean you can move in three. So I support people being able to use elevators if they need to without the third-degree from someone who it isn’t their business knowing why. ---
**Author:** ![jabiru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bbce88/32.png) [@jabiru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jabiru)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-fuckstick-you-arent-a-doctor-so-stfu/697031/3 "2014-08-31T05:34:22Z")
+2 I can (and do) walk for kilometres but I have a dodgy knee (not a medically sanctioned diagnosis) and it causes me great pain to walk up or down stairs. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-fuckstick-you-arent-a-doctor-so-stfu/697031/4 "2014-08-31T05:46:54Z")
I can see the club’s solution to the problem now… They’re going to issue white coats and stethoscopes to all of the bouncers! ---
**Author:** ![Seanette](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/seanette/32/9139_2.png) [@Seanette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seanette)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-fuckstick-you-arent-a-doctor-so-stfu/697031/5 "2014-08-31T06:37:07Z")
> [@jabiru](#): > > +2 I can (and do) walk for kilometres but I have a dodgy knee (not a medically sanctioned diagnosis) and it causes me great pain to walk up or down stairs. +3. Arthritic hips and climbing stairs are not a good mix. Down, I can handle, but up can be quite painful. Most days, you’d probably think I’m OK watching me walking on a flat surface. It’s that third dimension that’s a problem. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-fuckstick-you-arent-a-doctor-so-stfu/697031/6 "2014-08-31T07:01:53Z")
> [@Monty](#): > > I can see the club’s solution to the problem now… > > (_Unnecessary frickin’ extra blank lines removed_) > > They’re going to issue white coats and stethoscopes to all of the bouncers! That’s the time to ask, “Who are you, and what do you do here?” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-fuckstick-you-arent-a-doctor-so-stfu/697031/7 "2014-08-31T08:08:25Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > That’s the time to ask, “Who are you, and what do you do here?” 😃 Be careful if you do that. You might run into a strong drunk proctologist who figures it’s easier to show than tell. ---
**Author:** ![Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Springtime_for_Spacers)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-fuckstick-you-arent-a-doctor-so-stfu/697031/8 "2014-08-31T12:58:48Z")
When I was in younger I had a number of bruising encounters with a supermarket trolley guy who thought I shouldn’t be using the shallow (disabled) trolleys because I wasn’t old. I did ask him for his medical qualifications one time and offered to get a note from my doctor… ---
**Author:** ![akennett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee59a6/32.png) [@akennett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/akennett)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-fuckstick-you-arent-a-doctor-so-stfu/697031/9 "2014-08-31T15:59:10Z")
I saw the title and got all excited that this was going to be a smackdown of chiropractors or naturopaths. Instead, it’s about moron bouncers. So disappointing. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-fuckstick-you-arent-a-doctor-so-stfu/697031/10 "2014-08-31T17:36:10Z")
I was trying to figure out how somebody registered, and was allowed to use, a name like **fuckstick.** ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-fuckstick-you-arent-a-doctor-so-stfu/697031/11 "2014-08-31T18:00:48Z")
File an ADA complaint. They’re not allowed to quiz people on their disabilities, or evaluate them. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-fuckstick-you-arent-a-doctor-so-stfu/697031/12 "2014-08-31T18:07:43Z")
Call or email the manager/owner and let them know what happened. The bouncer fucked up and needs to be retrained. This is not a big deal unless the owner pushes back. ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-fuckstick-you-arent-a-doctor-so-stfu/697031/13 "2014-08-31T18:31:45Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > So here’s a tip to every other knuckle dragger that wants to play elevator cop. If someone says “I can’t walk down stairs,” it means they can’t walk down the fucking stairs. They’re not trying to trick you. It’s not some clever ruse for fun and profit. Let them on the god damned elevator, dumbshit. It would be nice if that was true. Sadly, having worked in a venue with one section only acessible via stairs or a goods elevator which was only for use by people in real emergencies, it’s amazing how many people suddenly develop a desperate emergency need to use it part way through the night . Teenagers who walked up the stairs fine for the first few cigarette breaks now suddenly _neeeeed_ (all four of them) to ride downstairs. If ‘I’m disabled’ gets known as the magic words, dickwads everywhere will use them to get whatever they want, regardless. Especially after a few drinks. They’re the people you should be getting angry at, not the person who’s sick of dealing with lying idiots. Yes, it really sucks when people get way too personal, and yes, it might well be illegal in your area, but I’ve been on the other side of that. It’s not a nice place to be either. You can wind up with a choice between getting in shit from the manager for allowing kids or drunks to mess about in the elevator, or in shit for impeding someone with an actual need. Oh, and you’re not allowed to ask any questions that will help you distinguish between those two groups. You have to go on appearance, which is clearly discriminatory in its own right. The guy may have been a jerk. Obviously I wasn’t there, and I really can’t know, but it’s really not as simple as all that. ---
**Author:** ![BrightNShiny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@BrightNShiny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrightNShiny)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-fuckstick-you-arent-a-doctor-so-stfu/697031/14 "2014-08-31T19:31:58Z")
Occasionally (like once a year), I get a severe gout attack. I have a collapsible walking stick that I use until the medication starts working (which usually takes about a day or two). I’ve always been amazed at how polite and accommodating everyone is to me when I’m limping around with a walking stick. Yeah, you should be allowed to take the elevator without having to lug a walking stick everywhere, but if your friend keeps one handy, it could save this type of grief in the future. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-fuckstick-you-arent-a-doctor-so-stfu/697031/15 "2014-08-31T19:34:38Z")
> [@Filbert](#): > > You can wind up with a choice between getting in shit from the manager for allowing kids or drunks to mess about in the elevator, or in shit for impeding someone with an actual need. And if you got stuck in the middle of that dilemma for more than a few hours one evening, it was your bad for not telling your boss that this problem was above your pay and grade - that you would gladly follow his instructions, but instructions were a thing you needed. Besides, however it might suck to be stuck in the middle of that situation, it surely sucks worse to be the person who is handicapped but gets refused access. ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-fuckstick-you-arent-a-doctor-so-stfu/697031/16 "2014-08-31T20:35:21Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > And if you got stuck in the middle of that dilemma for more than a few hours one evening, it was your bad for not telling your boss that this problem was above your pay and grade - that you would gladly follow his instructions, but instructions were a thing you needed. In that situation, that is your job. Enforcing the rules of the venue is what you are paid to do. You can choose to get let go as incapable, or you can do your best to enforce those rules. You already had the instructions: only allow legitimately disabled patrons to use the elevators. If a customer wishes to get management involved, of course they’re welcome to try and do so, but picking out who’s lying, who’s underage, who’s stealing, and who’s going to start a fight is the job of security, as well as dealing with those issues. It’s not an easy job to do well, and it’s virtually impossible to be right 100% of the time. Management will normally accept the occasional suspect call in an ambiguous situation, or may be OK with being asked for a second opinion if they’re around and not busy, but they won’t accept being asked to do the job they contracted you to do. ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-fuckstick-you-arent-a-doctor-so-stfu/697031/17 "2014-08-31T22:58:52Z")
We of the Dalek High Council endorse this OP. ---
**Author:** ![jabiru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bbce88/32.png) [@jabiru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jabiru)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-fuckstick-you-arent-a-doctor-so-stfu/697031/18 "2014-08-31T23:16:21Z")
> [@Springtime\_for\_Spacers](#): > > When I was in younger I had a number of bruising encounters with a supermarket trolley guy who thought I shouldn’t be using the shallow (disabled) trolleys because I wasn’t old. I did ask him for his medical qualifications one time and offered to get a note from my doctor… The shallow trolleys are for disabled people? I use them all the time - I just assumed they were for people who don’t need to buy a ton of stuff. What a stupid rule. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2014, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-fuckstick-you-arent-a-doctor-so-stfu/697031/19 "2014-09-01T01:05:55Z")
I guess you could sue them for an ADA violation, but that’s probably a waste of time. They don’t want your business, so do them and yourselves a favor and take it elsewhere. Really you should have done that when they denied use of the elevator in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2014, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-fuckstick-you-arent-a-doctor-so-stfu/697031/20 "2014-09-01T01:35:02Z")
> [@Springtime\_for\_Spacers](#): > > When I was in younger I had a number of bruising encounters with a supermarket trolley guy who thought I shouldn’t be using the shallow (disabled) trolleys because I wasn’t old. I did ask him for his medical qualifications one time and offered to get a note from my doctor… [del]What’s a supermarket trolley?[/del] OK, I googled. It’s what socialists call a shopping cart. Still, how does [this configuration](https://www.google.com/search?q=shallow+supermarket+trolley&client=firefox-a&hs=QLI&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&channel=sb&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=ic0DVKeJJ4enggSRp4CoAg&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAQ&biw=1280&bih=609) help someone with a disability? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-fuckstick-you-arent-a-doctor-so-stfu/697031.md?page=2)