# Dear God in Heaven, my feet are ugly. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 30, 2003, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-in-heaven-my-feet-are-ugly/191924 "2003-07-30T15:58:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![theendisnear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a4c791/32.png) [@theendisnear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/theendisnear)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2003, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-in-heaven-my-feet-are-ugly/191924/21 "2003-07-30T22:27:00Z")
I often wonder why it seems that attractiveness usually doesn’t seem to extend to feet. What i mean is that you see all this beautifull supermodel types with perfect faces and bodies, with huge ugly knobby hairy footsies straight out of planet of the apes. Most people see their own feet as ugly, even if they really aren’t though. As long as you take good care of them most feet are decent looking, fungus is just nasty though. ---
**Author:** ![Wintermute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@Wintermute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wintermute)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2003, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-in-heaven-my-feet-are-ugly/191924/22 "2003-07-30T22:58:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sauron \* > \*\*Wonderful. Now somebody I don’t even know in Allentown, Pennsylvania is laughing at the size of my penis. Meanwhile, my feet are being classified as a toxic waste dump. > > It’s only a matter of time before Yul Brynner digs himself up to laugh at my hair. \*\* I’m sorry. I wasn’t really laughing at the size, or lack thereof, of your penis, I was laughing about your _wife_ laughing at the size of your penis. Oh…wait…that didn’t help much, did it? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Thylacine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thylacine/32/1143_2.png) [@Thylacine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thylacine)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2003, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-in-heaven-my-feet-are-ugly/191924/23 "2003-07-30T23:13:24Z")
apply tea-tree oil to toenails for a week or so watch them heal wait for months as the ugliness grows out rejoice ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2003, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-in-heaven-my-feet-are-ugly/191924/24 "2003-07-30T23:25:27Z")
Your feet’s abilities actually sound pretty cool! And whyever would your wife be complaining about you having such dextrous toes, eh? They could come in, er, handy. I have fungicidal toenails too ☹ They’re yellow and the third and little toes are quite thick, too. The colour is quite effectively hidden by nail varnish, but I guess that doesn’t help a man. Unless you went Goth and painted your toenails black? I’m always losing my right big toenail too. The last time was a couple of weeks ago, on the train; someone stepped on my toe, walked on, and took my toenail with them. It didn’t actually hurt, but those around me looked pretty confused that I wasn’t screaming in pain, so I pretended to whince a bit and got to the toilets before the blood escaped my sandals. Then I painted my toe itself to pretend that there’s still a nail there. That week I was also stuck in Scotland with only sandals, and had to run around in the mud a lot. Consequently they often got wet and then dried out, leaving big crack cuts in my heels. My feet also got so dirty that some of the dirt just wouldn’t come out; it looked like I’d been drawn on. Fortunately now at home I’ve managed to scrub them clean and moisturise most of the nastiness away. Still have the disgusting toenails under the varnish, though. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![LilyoftheValley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/54ee81/32.png) [@LilyoftheValley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LilyoftheValley)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2003, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-in-heaven-my-feet-are-ugly/191924/25 "2003-07-30T23:48:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sauron \* > \*\* > I can pick up coins, pencils, small animals, and old issues of National Geographic with my toes. I can also spread my toes out so that none of them on the same foot are touching each other. > \*\* Errr…are these unusual feats for feets? 😕 I can do these things too. (I just dropped a coin, pencil, and magazine on the floor to check…no small animals were harmed in the creation of this post.) Do I have special Sauronesque feet too??? (Note: my feet are otherwise quite unoffensive.) ---
**Author:** ![theendisnear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a4c791/32.png) [@theendisnear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/theendisnear)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-in-heaven-my-feet-are-ugly/191924/26 "2003-07-31T00:13:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SciFiSam \* > \*\* > I’m always losing my right big toenail too. The last time was a couple of weeks ago, on the train; someone stepped on my toe, walked on, and took my toenail with them. It didn’t actually hurt, but those around me looked pretty confused that I wasn’t screaming in pain, so I pretended to whince a bit and got to the toilets before the blood escaped my sandals. Then I painted my toe itself to pretend that there’s still a nail there. > > \*\* Oh my, you lost your entire toe nail and the just put nail polish over the bloody stump?:eek: I’d be crying like a little school girl. ---
**Author:** ![StarvingButStrong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/starvingbutstrong/32/335_2.png) [@StarvingButStrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StarvingButStrong)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-in-heaven-my-feet-are-ugly/191924/27 "2003-07-31T00:38:23Z")
I think we need photos. Or a contest: Ugliest Doper Feet! ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-in-heaven-my-feet-are-ugly/191924/28 "2003-07-31T00:55:32Z")
> [@](#): > > Zette: For some reason, I’m thinking that those anti-fungal treatments aren’t exceptionally effective. I really should talk with my doc about my toes, though. (“Hello, Dr. Larry. Ever seen anything as gross as THIS?”) Look, whatever it is, they’ve doubtless seen grosser. My mother’s foot doc commited suicide, and I told her it was because he knew he had to see her and her gross feet the next week. But I digress- get yer ass to the doc and get a prescription, especially if your reasoning for not trying is “I’m thinking they aren’t exceptionally effective”. They are effective- go see a doc, or prepare for heckling. ---
**Author:** ![raz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@raz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raz)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-in-heaven-my-feet-are-ugly/191924/29 "2003-07-31T01:08:50Z")
Oh. my. God. !!! **SciFiSam** , I was eating Life cereal out of the box when I read > [@](#): > > someone stepped on my toe, walked on, and took my toenail with them. I seriously sent slightly-chewed, half moistened chunks of cereal hurtling all over the screen and the keyboard. I actually turned the keyboard upside-down and about 14 small cereal particles came out. Serves me right for insisting on shoving a fist-sized wad of cereal in my mouth instead of eating a few pieces at a time. Anyway, **Sauron** , I feel your pain. My father could win a Hideous Feet Contest. His pinkie nail on each foot is about the size of a pinhead but extends to a height of about a half inch. Sadly, I think mine are going that way. Last week I was picking some polish off one of my pinkie toenails and the nail just came off. Didn’t even really yank on it or anything. It just came off. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-in-heaven-my-feet-are-ugly/191924/30 "2003-07-31T12:52:57Z")
Maybe those of us with strange or detachable toenails are actually evolving into a higher life form … one that doesn’t need toenails. Hey, I can dream, can’t I? ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-in-heaven-my-feet-are-ugly/191924/31 "2003-07-31T13:37:06Z")
I am sure there is nobody here who has grosser toenails than my late grandmother Grandma Sweetie. She used to pay my little sister and my niece to cut her toenails - her yellow, thick, disgusting toenails. I think the sister got $5 and the niece got $1. Dude, even if she bought me a house I wouldn’t cut those hooves! And one time, one of the big hooves came off in the industrial strength clipper and she kept it around to show people. What a gross old broad Grandma Sweetie was, bless her heart. ---
**Author:** ![rockle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@rockle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rockle)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-in-heaven-my-feet-are-ugly/191924/32 "2003-07-31T17:03:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by theendisnear \* > **I often wonder why it seems that attractiveness usually doesn’t seem to extend to feet. What i mean is that you see all this beautifull supermodel types with perfect faces and bodies, with huge ugly knobby hairy footsies straight out of planet of the apes. …** I suspect severe malnutrition and stiletto heels are to blame for that. Plus, there would be NO “supermodel types” if EVERYTHING were perfect. The rest of us would have no choice but to kill them all. **Sauron** , if it makes you feel any better at all, your feet can’t possibly be as malodiferous (is that even a _word_?) as my cousin’s. His feet were RANK. There is just no other word for it. When our family would go camping, he used to get his own tent because nobody else could stand to be around his feet or his shoes. It was wicked. ---
**Author:** ![paperbackwriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@paperbackwriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/paperbackwriter)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-in-heaven-my-feet-are-ugly/191924/33 "2003-07-31T20:25:41Z")
**Sauron** : You feet sound about a 2 on the 1-10 scale of grossness. My wife is a foot surgeon, and you ain’t seen nothin’ till you’ve seen 4"long gryphotic, fungal toenails on a gangrenous foot. They have several effective anti-fungals now available, Lamasil is only the most-heavily advertised. **pugluvr** : Dr. Torquemada has retired, and the profession now frowns on acidic dismemberment. 🙂 FWIW tea tree oil has some proven anti-bacterial effects, but I haven’t read anything about anti-fungal effects. I could easily be wrong on that, and **Thylacine** could have something there. S/he is certainly correct that it will take months after the fungus is dead for your toenails to grow in all nice and beautiful. Some of the antifungals are liver toxic, so definitely hie thee to a podiatrist. ---
**Author:** ![paperbackwriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@paperbackwriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/paperbackwriter)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-in-heaven-my-feet-are-ugly/191924/34 "2003-07-31T20:28:28Z")
BTW, do I need to say that none of that is actual medical advice? ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-in-heaven-my-feet-are-ugly/191924/35 "2003-07-31T20:30:43Z")
Hmm. Perhaps there is more to this anti-fungal treatment than I first thought. One question (if anyone knows): I’m also taking a medication for my cholesterol, which is high. As part of my blood monitoring, my doctor will check liver function, as the stuff I’m taking (Lipitor) can negatively affect the liver. Anyone know if there’s any problems with combining these types of medications? (I know, I know, I should ask my doctor. I will, the next time I go in for monitoring/cholesterol check.) ---
**Author:** ![Aries28](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Aries28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aries28)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-in-heaven-my-feet-are-ugly/191924/36 "2003-07-31T20:37:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sauron \* > \*\*I should ask my doctor. I will, the next time I go in for monitoring/cholesterol check.) \*\* Shall I tell them how long it took you to do THIS last time? I swear…high cholesterol, fungus on your toes…what have I gotten myself into? You are starting to sound \*old…[/i} 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Aries28](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Aries28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aries28)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-in-heaven-my-feet-are-ugly/191924/37 "2003-07-31T20:39:21Z")
Preview…preview…Preview is my friend… ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-in-heaven-my-feet-are-ugly/191924/38 "2003-07-31T20:44:43Z")
I may be old and tiny, but at least I can italicize properly. ---
**Author:** ![BottledBlondJeanie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/0ea827/32.png) [@BottledBlondJeanie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BottledBlondJeanie)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-in-heaven-my-feet-are-ugly/191924/39 "2003-07-31T21:17:09Z")
**Sauron** if _it’s_ so tiny, I guess you know why God gave you the long toes… \*::flees on hideously ugly feet:: clump, clump, clump\* ---
**Author:** ![BottledBlondJeanie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/0ea827/32.png) [@BottledBlondJeanie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BottledBlondJeanie)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-in-heaven-my-feet-are-ugly/191924/40 "2003-07-31T21:22:35Z")
**Sauron** if _it’s_ so tiny, I guess you know why God gave you the long toes… \*::flees on hideously ugly feet:: clump, clump, clump\* [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-in-heaven-my-feet-are-ugly/191924.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-in-heaven-my-feet-are-ugly/191924.md?page=3)