# Dear God, My Wife Again. This is about IT. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 5, 2016, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912 "2016-12-05T07:29:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Waxwinged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c2a13f/32.png) [@Waxwinged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waxwinged)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2016, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/61 "2016-12-06T13:12:06Z")
A bit of a pipe-in-- for what it’s worth, marriage counselors aren’t the end-all-be-all they’re made out to be. In case you do get funds together to try one, you’ll likely have to visit a number before you find one that works for both of you. When our marriage had issues, we tried one- and she was all on my side. Which you’d think would have been a good thing (hey, W/w is always right ;)), but did have a side effect of getting hubby to feel ganged up on and completely shut down/withdraw from therapy. So… YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2016, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/62 "2016-12-06T13:28:09Z")
And counseling takes time and commitment. And each of you have bigger issues to work on than your marriage. You can live without each other - continue your patterns of drinking and you’ll each die young. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2016, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/63 "2016-12-06T15:58:03Z")
This is not for the OP, because he doesn’t want to hear it. This is for those who may not understand why so many responses are “fix your problems, OP” and “lose the wife”. > [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > Before I start this thread, please let me apologize for the last one. I was good and drunk when I started it, remembered the next morning that I’d posted, and for my own sake I never returned to it to read the replies. People who drunk post and the next day when sobered up assume the posting was a trainwreck are rather like people who crash the car on the way home but avoid going to look outside the next morning because they don’t want to see the damage: they both in denial and refuse to face either their problems or their consequences. > [@](#): > > But I’ll be coming back to this one, because everything is fucked and I don’t know what to do. The OP has been given several suggestions and actually does know what to do, he just doesn’t want to do it. That’s because it would mean giving up alcohol forever and disassociating from drunks, including his wife, who don’t want to reform. If you love alcohol more than a stable life or even life itself and don’t have the honesty to admit that then things aren’t going to change. > [@](#): > > First off: In 1992, when I was 26 years old, I was arrested for DUI. I served my time in jail (30 days, 29 suspended) and paid the $750 fine. My driver’s license was suspended for 90 days. Once the suspension was over, I could have gotten my driver’s license back by attending “alcohol education” classes and AA meetings. But, the thing was, I wasn’t ready to quit drinking. I needed to come to that place on my own, because my reasons at the time for being so frequently drunk were my own, and I needed to work through them. > > So I willingly stopped driving. This is why the OP is a functional alcoholic - he is able to exercise some self control. Most of that results in arranging his life so his drinking doesn’t fuck things up too badly, enabling him to keep drinking. Because he has this level of self-control it makes me think that he _could_ give up the booze and/or resolve other problems in his life _ **if he truly wanted to do that** _. But he doesn’t. He likes alcohol and apparently is getting _something_ out of this marriage so he continues along as he has in the past. > [@](#): > > My wife told me that her “friends” think I’m an idiot, and she has gone on about how she told them what a “smart” person I am. Given current events, I suspect that what her “friends” were really implying is that I am naive. And, yeah, I’ll cop to that. It’s certainly possible to be intelligent and naive at the same time. I don’t think you’re naive, I think you’re in denial. So, even if you’ve got a decent IQ and what my in-laws call “book smarts” yeah, you’re an idiot in this area. > [@](#): > > Last Monday, November 28, my wife took our car to go to a job interview. The interview was at 3:15PM. Before leaving, she asked for my debit card so that she could buy a can of coffee on the way home, and also buy cigarette tubes (empty, fully-formed cigarettes minus the tobacco, used with a machine that stuffs the tobacco in there). First thought: why doesn’t the wife have her own debit card? Why is there a need for her to borrow one from someone else? There could be a good reason, but it was the first warning flag for me. > [@](#): > > At the hospital, my wife insisted that somebody had pulled out of a parking lot and hit her. I asked her, “Please tell me you weren’t drinking” and she insisted that she hadn’t been. The fact that you felt a need to ask that question at all is another warning sign. > [@](#): > > Then she pulled out her IV and wanted me to help her get dressed, and wanted to “get out of here”. I pointed out that we had no car to “get out of here”, and she didn’t care, she just wanted to escape. That is NOT normal behavior. It is, however, behavior typical of those with an addiction problem who have done something naughty and don’t want to face the consequences. This is the point at which I realized it wasn’t just the OP with a substance problem. > [@](#): > > Shortly thereafter, the handy police officer officially arrested her and hauled her off to jail. I was left to gather her belongings in a bag and then walk the three miles back home (my sister couldn’t stick around, needing to be at work very early). > > Thank God I live in the county seat, and the county jail is only a few blocks away. I was able to visit my wife in jail two days later. That’s when I learned that part of the reason she was arrested was that she had an outstanding warrant for a Failure To Appear in a different county. It apparently had something to do with a DUI she got in 2012, which she had never told me about. This is the point at which I would say “honey, you need to cool your jets here in the jail for awhile.” > [@](#): > > See, the first time she asked to use the car, I asked her if she had a valid driver’s license. She said she did. And when, after we got married, I asked her if she had a clean driving record, she said she did. And since I did not expect to be lied to by my new wife, I never asked to actually _see_ that license. Were you or were you not aware that your new wife had Problems? If someone has a history of substance abuse in the past they are _always_ vulnerable to it to some extent. I mean, I get the notion that something in the _distant past_ may not be relevant to the present, but you’ve never seen your spouse’s license? I mean, c’mon, you live together, right? You’ve never seen your spouse open a wallet or purse and seen the license while she’s digging through something else? Never had an occasion to use it as an ID, ever? I know it’s not romantic to discuss thinks like past financial problems and/or driving problems but it sounds like you married someone you knew _nothing_ about. > [@](#): > > So, imagine my surprise when the ticket for her traffic infraction showed up in the mail. And then, the next day, the official accident report from the responding police officer. > > My wife was driving the wrong way on a one-way street, and had a head-on collision with another vehicle. In the center lane of a 3-lane, one-way street. Wow. Boy, howdy, was she lying her ass off or what? Please tell me you did NOT bail her out of jail, because someone doing shit like that _needs_ some consequences. Also, the rest of us need protecting. This is the point at which you _stop trusting_ your wife. Anything she says you need to back up or confirm via third party or objective facts. > [@](#): > > It was damage consistent with a headon collision (oddly, the airbag was not deployed). If you’ve been relying on either donated and/or used cars the airbag may either be nonfunctional or even absent due to a prior crash you are unaware of. > [@](#): > > There was an empty beer can on the front floorboard, a 24oz can of high-alcohol beer. And right there, boys and girls, combined with everything else, is the damning evidence that this woman is not just a drunk but a dangerous drunk. Don’t get me wrong - she may have all sorts of horrific things in her past, she may be a wonderful person when she’s sober, it doesn’t matter: _she’s a danger to those around her_. > [@](#): > > According to the accident report, my wife has been charged with negligent driving, and also with driving a vehicle without an ignition interlock. So even if she had a valid, not-suspended license, the car should have had an interlock. > > She left me completely unaware of that. Of course she did. She wants to continue drinking with minimal hassle. So she’ll borrow your car (because she doesn’t have one or can’t get one) and your debit card (so you pay for her booze) and try to sneak out of hospital (to avoid arrest) and make puppy eyes and sad noises from her jail cell but, you know what? She doesn’t love you. She loves alcohol. In fact, she loves alcohol so much she’s willing to hurt and maim and kill other people to keep drinking. And that’s why, boys and girls, when you have a person like this in your life you have to start cutting ties. It’s for YOUR good. And sure, it sucks for the drunk, but their love of alcohol does not give them the right to fuck over other people or put them at risk - which their love of alcohol WILL do, again and again, until they get sober and stay that way. > [@](#): > > So I talked to my insurance agent, admitting that I had that “feeling of impending doom” (this was a day before I learned that there were no injuries in the other vehicle). I’m insured, but I’m terrified that the other driver (who was actually cited for not having insurance on his own vehicle) is going to sue, and my insurance company is going to decline to pay because I allowed an unlicensed driver to drive my car. Yeah, I get it - that sucks. Maybe you should have done a bit more research before you leant your wife your car, like confirming such basics as whether or not she had a valid license to drive. Granted, she lied to you, but when you own a car your responsibility doesn’t end when you lend it to someone else. > [@](#): > > Meanwhile, in my phone conversations with my wife, I have concluded that she is in complete denial. No shit, Sherlock. Question is - are YOU in denial about some stuff here? > [@](#): > > This wasn’t her fault, somebody hit her. She’s being transferred to the other county on Tuesday to deal with the FTA, and she’s convinced that, after her hearing, she’s going to be released on her own recognizance, and that she’s not being charged with anything here. And here I am, looking at this accident report, and seeing “negligent driving” and “interlock”, and OMG, yes, she’s gonna have to stand trial for that shit. And she should. And she should serve some jail time (just like the OP did). Is it going to make her see the light? Haven’t a clue - maybe, maybe not. But _maybe_ it might get through her skull. Regardless, the rest of us need to be protected from asshats who get drunk using someone else’s debit card, and get into head-on crashes while driving someone else’s car drunk, then tries to deny she’s in any way responsible for the resulting mess. Whether she changes or not, she’s a danger to other people. > [@](#): > > And I am terrified out of my mind that I’m gonna be charged with something for allowing her to drive my car, and that I’m gonna be responsible for whatever fines. Because she sure as fuck can’t pay the fines. ^ And that, boys and girls, is why you need to look into a prospective spouse’s background a bit before legal marriage. Or even loaning someone your car. > [@](#): > > And aside from all that, here I am, completely fucked for driving. I put in my time and did what was required to clean my driving record, and get affordable insurance rates, and now I’m completely screwed. My car is totalled, and even if I could get a new car, I can’t afford the insurance, thanks to my wife. For the life of me I can not believe you didn’t see some warning signs. You yourself have an admitted alcohol problem. You’ve had a DUI yourself. I think there were signs of deceit and drunkenness but you refused to see them. You are NOT responsible for your wife’s drinking and crashing the car. You ARE responsible for loaning your car to someone you KNOW has problems, some serious. > [@](#): > > And here is where I’m convinced that my wife is totally wack. > > In our conversations, in person during my one allowed visit with her in jail (the jail only allows inmates one visit per week), and in our phone conversations, the one thing that has stood out to me is, “you’re not gonna leave me, right?” > > She hasn’t once said anything to indicate concern about the people in the other vehicle. She hasn’t once said anything to indicate she accepts any responsibility. She hasn’t said anything that tells me she’s aware that she’s totally fucked me over . She’s not “whack”. _ **She’s an addict.** _ That’s what an addict is like. That is what YOU are like, OP, when the booze is in control. Now, as you state, you’re a “functional alcoholic”. That means the alcohol isn’t always in full control. But when it is you are just like that. ALL alcoholics are like that. All addicts are like that when the addiction is in full swing. > [@](#): > > Bitc … Baby, as long as we’re married, we’re never having another car. And that is the most sensible thing you’ve said in your entire post. > [@](#): > > I’ve told my mom, and I’ve told my younger sister. My sister’s opinion (she’s happily married to her third husband) is that I should file for divorce _right now_. She told me that Mom and The Church would encourage me to stick with this marriage … after I told the story, I get the impression that Mom and Church would not blame me. > > Help, please? Listen to your sister. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2016, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/64 "2016-12-06T16:15:55Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > What is high-alcohol beer? Examples? You mean like malt liquor? Some states sell [“3.2 beer” (max alcohol content, 3.2%).](https://www.reference.com/food/states-sell-3-2-percent-beer-592c8cefbe1eddcd) [Schlitz Malt Liquor is about 5.9%.](https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=schlitz+malt+liquor+alcohol+content) I’ve had microbrews with alcohol content as high as 9%. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2016, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/65 "2016-12-06T16:51:23Z")
> [@Machine\_Elf](#): > > Some states sell [“3.2 beer” (max alcohol content, 3.2%).](https://www.reference.com/food/states-sell-3-2-percent-beer-592c8cefbe1eddcd) > > [Schlitz Malt Liquor is about 5.9%.](https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=schlitz+malt+liquor+alcohol+content) > > I’ve had microbrews with alcohol content as high as 9%. [Sam Adams Utopias](https://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/35/25759/) is 29% ABV (varies by vintage). It is delicious. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2016, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/66 "2016-12-06T16:57:17Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > > [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > > > What issues are either of you self-medicating for? > > _sigh_ This is why I didn’t come back to the other thread. That makes it THE most important question in the thread. Everything else is addressing symptoms, you need to treat the disease with something other than alcohol. > [@bobkitty](#): > > No. > > You have started and abandoned a number of threads about your situation, and in each and every one multiple people have given you solid, easily followed advice, from a personal and professional perspective. Each and every time you have dismissed this help, blasted the people offering it, and absolutely insisted on digging your personal hole to hell deeper and deeper. You are now at a point where YOU have got to help YOURSELF. > [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > One thing I’ve learned is never put more effort into another person’s recovery than they are willing to put into it themselves. Our OP has been given good orderly direction before, and is unwilling or unable to follow it. And while I know his pain, I know also when it’s time for me to detach. > > But there is hope. More than a glimmer. People do recover from alcoholism and the madness of co-dependence. Families recover. But everyone has to do their own work. Quoted for truth. Clawing my way out of a hole of co-dependency myself, without any of the addiction complications(thank og), but it’s not going to work if you don’t work on it. And you have to do something different than you’ve done in the past, which means you can’t use alcohol. > [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Don’t beat yourself up. Nobody could’ve seen this coming. There’s one in every thread, and it seems it’s usually you. Nice work. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2016, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/67 "2016-12-06T18:07:56Z")
I’m new here, and have never read another of the OP’s threads. So I’m going to answer without any additional background. DTMFA That’s Dan Savage for “rescue yourself, get out now.” That’s not something for her, that’s for you. Don’t kid yourself that you are doing it for her. But you should do it anyway. If you really love her, maybe there’s something you can do to help. I’m sure it would involve professional counseling. But counseling doesn’t always work. And it rarely works when a person doesn’t want to change. So even if you love her, that’s a long shot. You do seem to want to improve yourself. So do it. Leave her. Get counseling. Lay off the booze. And good luck. ---
**Author:** ![edwards\_beard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@edwards\_beard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwards_beard)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2016, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/68 "2016-12-06T18:12:44Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > I’m new here, and have never read another of the OP’s threads. So I’m going to answer without any additional background. > > DTMFA > > That’s Dan Savage for “rescue yourself, get out now.” That’s not something for her, that’s for you. Don’t kid yourself that you are doing it for her. But you should do it anyway. > > If you really love her, maybe there’s something you can do to help. I’m sure it would involve professional counseling. > > But counseling doesn’t always work. And it rarely works when a person doesn’t want to change. So even if you love her, that’s a long shot. > > You do seem to want to improve yourself. So do it. Leave her. Get counseling. Lay off the booze. > > And good luck. To put it in words Yoda would use: "If you don’t leave now, help her you could…but, You will have destroyed all for which you have fought and suffered" ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2016, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/69 "2016-12-06T18:14:33Z")
**Broomstick** , that was an excellent post. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2016, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/70 "2016-12-06T18:54:03Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > **Broomstick** , that was an excellent post. Quoted for Truth. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2016, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/71 "2016-12-06T19:40:13Z")
Telling everyone, “Hey, I get drunk and I still make it to work” isn’t a badge of honour, it’s an admission of failure. ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2016, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/72 "2016-12-06T19:52:57Z")
Can someone with insurance knowledge fill in this detail: When the better half and I got together, we maintained separate car insurance policies on our respective cars, but added the other as a covered driver. Eventually I transferred my car to his policy because it was cheaper. Throughout each process, we knew what the other brought to the table as far as driving history, because the insurance company pulled out records. And, incidentally, we aren’t even married. In the case of the OP, the only insurance on the car was liability, and probably the minimum amount required. Wife wasn’t on the policy, because if she was this would have been a much shorter story. She didn’t have her own car, so she wasn’t covered for his car with her policy. Does standard liability cover you letting a completely uninsured motorist drive your car? I know “uninsured motorist” coverage addresses what happens if someone without insurance hits you, but what happens when you hand your keys over to someone with no business driving who totals your car? ---
**Author:** ![Pantastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3bc359/32.png) [@Pantastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pantastic)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2016, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/73 "2016-12-06T20:21:08Z")
> [@bobkitty](#): > > In the case of the OP, the only insurance on the car was liability, and probably the minimum amount required. Wife wasn’t on the policy, because if she was this would have been a much shorter story. She didn’t have her own car, so she wasn’t covered for his car with her policy. Does standard liability cover you letting a completely uninsured motorist drive your car? I know “uninsured motorist” coverage addresses what happens if someone without insurance hits you, but what happens when you hand your keys over to someone with no business driving who totals your car? Standard liability covers the driver only, not the car, and follows the person(s) named on the insurance. It pays out if you damage someone else’s car, and pays nothing for your car no matter what - if you get in a wreck that is someone else’s fault, you collect from their insurance for your car. This is the insurance that you’re generally required to have to operate a car. Collision insurance protects the car (and follows the car), it’s what will pay to repair/replace your car if you total it and someone else isn’t at fault. Generally it won’t protect your car if you let someone who you know doesn’t have a valid license and insurance drive the car, but there wasn’t collision insurance here. So if you just have the minimum liability insurance and you total your car, you get nothing from the insurance company. Same if another driver drives and totals your car, though you can probably sue them or their insurance company. Oddly, the OP probably isn’t going to have much trouble with his insurance company, because they don’t have to cover anything in this case. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2016, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/74 "2016-12-06T20:26:52Z")
It depends on the policy. However, even if your policy will cover your butt when you loan your car to someone else it will NOT cover someone who is not legally able to drive whether that’s due to no license or due to past legal issues (or, in the OP’s wife’s case, both). So no, I expect that the OP’s insurance won’t cover him for this at all. The company might also cancel his policy in response and refuse to insure him again, but that is dependent on the rules of the jurisdiction the policy was issued under. Bottom line, yes, if the other party or their insurance decides to go after the OP’s wife he might, due to being her legal spouse, also be a target for a lawsuit especially as he willingly lent her the car and can’t claim she stole it from him (that claim _might_ work under some circumstances but it would be rare). ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2016, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/75 "2016-12-06T20:38:28Z")
> [@Pantastic](#): > > Standard liability covers the driver only, not the car, and follows the person(s) named on the insurance. It pays out if you damage someone else’s car, and pays nothing for your car no matter what - if you get in a wreck that is someone else’s fault, you collect from their insurance for your car. This is the insurance that you’re generally required to have to operate a car. Collision insurance protects the car (and follows the car), it’s what will pay to repair/replace your car if you total it and someone else isn’t at fault. Generally it won’t protect your car if you let someone who you know doesn’t have a valid license and insurance drive the car, but there wasn’t collision insurance here. > > So if you just have the minimum liability insurance and you total your car, you get nothing from the insurance company. Same if another driver drives and totals your car, though you can probably sue them or their insurance company. Oddly, the OP probably isn’t going to have much trouble with his insurance company, because they don’t have to cover anything in this case. Sounds like the wife’s about to be on the hook for serious bills. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2016, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/76 "2016-12-06T20:52:44Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > This is not for the OP In fairness, if he didn’t stick around for the pity party he’ll hardly stick around for the pile on. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2016, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/77 "2016-12-06T20:55:56Z")
Right. As I said, it was addressed to potential readers, not the OP. Although if the OP _did_ stick around and listen to the replies maybe, just _maybe_, something useful would sink in… but the odds are against it. Nonetheless, because I’m an optimist I am willing to offer help to anyone _ready_ to hear it and heed it. I’m just not convinced he’s ready. Would love to be wrong on that. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2016, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/78 "2016-12-06T21:01:30Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > Sounds like the wife’s about to be on the hook for serious bills. As is her husband, right? ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2016, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/79 "2016-12-06T21:29:10Z")
I think you’d need a lawyer and possibly a civil trial to really determine that. He’s not responsible for her getting drunk and the car crash, but loaning her the car does open him up to liability. Would depend on the laws of the state/jurisdiction and whether or not there’s a civil lawsuit (I don’t think he’d be on the hook in regards to legal charges but I am neither a lawyer nor a judge). ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2016, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/80 "2016-12-06T21:52:30Z")
Don’t know where they live, but: > [@](#): > > In community property states, most debts incurred by either spouse during the marriage are owed by the “community” (the couple), even if only one spouse signed the paperwork for a debt. The key here is during the marriage. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912.md?page=5)