# Dear God, My Wife Again. This is about IT. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 5, 2016, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912 "2016-12-05T07:29:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2016, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/121 "2016-12-08T17:27:12Z")
> [@MN\_Maenad](#): > > Identity theft? Ouch. Make sure to check out your credit reports ([annualcreditreport.com](http://annualcreditreport.com) - this is the real one that the FTC web site points you to). You may want to put a freeze on your credit to prevent her from stealing your ID too. > [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > Well, fortunately (LOL) I have no credit. I screwed up my credit way back in my 20s, then spent my 30s clearing it up and paying everybody. Then I spent my 40s not using credit at all. Arrived at 50 debt-free. This is why I don’t bother give Rik advice. Anyone want to make a bet on how long until we see a new thread from Rik saying "Help! My ex-wife stole my identity and I’m super-deep in debt all of a sudden! If only I’d known I could have prevented this! It was completely unforeseeable though! ☹ ☹ ☹ " I’m guessing 3 months. Anyone else in? ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2016, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/122 "2016-12-08T18:27:02Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > The funniest thing, to me, is seeing usernames I have never seen in my 13 years on this board asking questions like that. You need to remember that the universe you put your words out into when you’re thinking through them is a message board read by hundreds of members, maybe more. They’ve had a diverse range of experiences and if you post enough you’re going to find another person who’s been in that situation and will want to comment. We’ve been wildly sympathetic to your problems, big and small, over the years. The frustration sets in, and a pile-on can ensue, when you complain about the same or worsening problem you ignored our suggestions to resolve. I suspect your sister has similar conversations w/ you. I don’t wish you ill, nor do I think anyone who’s posted in this thread likely does. [Here’s the link](https://www.courts.wa.gov/forms/?fa=forms.contribute&formID=12) to WA state’s forms for various marriage dissolution steps. The sooner you file, the better or else the judge may kick it back and tell you to file for divorce instead the more time has passed. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2016, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/123 "2016-12-08T19:09:27Z")
> [@Fenris](#): > > This is why I don’t bother give Rik advice. > > Anyone want to make a bet on how long until we see a new thread from Rik saying "Help! My ex-wife stole my identity and I’m super-deep in debt all of a sudden! If only I’d known I could have prevented this! It was completely unforeseeable though! ☹ ☹ ☹ " > > I’m guessing 3 months. Anyone else in? It won’t be his fault, though, the US Wildlife Service should have told him, dammit. What are other people for if not take responsibility for his life? ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2016, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/124 "2016-12-08T19:32:08Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > It won’t be his fault, though, the US Wildlife Service should have told him, dammit. What are other people for if not take responsibility for his life? That’s FISH and Wildlife, thanks very much. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2016, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/125 "2016-12-08T20:02:34Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > That’s FISH and Wildlife, thanks very much. But they work with gulls, right? ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2016, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/126 "2016-12-08T20:04:50Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > But they work with gulls, right? Only gulls from the sea, not gulls from the bay. You know, bay gulls. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2016, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/127 "2016-12-08T20:52:29Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > You know, bay gulls. Is it true that bay gulls, normally prefer salmon? ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2016, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/128 "2016-12-08T21:14:30Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > Heh. I recently went to my bank and added her as somebody who can access my bank account when I die. I’ll be going to reverse that. I’ll also be requesting yet another new debit card (I already changed it a couple months ago after I discovered somebody in Minnesota trying to use the previous number) just in case she somehow memorized the current number. You still haven’t added any insights into Stephen King’s IT. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Waxwinged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c2a13f/32.png) [@Waxwinged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waxwinged)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2016, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/129 "2016-12-08T21:15:58Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > Only gulls from the sea, not gulls from the bay. You know, bay gulls. How about the quintessential Lawn and Walmart Parking Lot gulls? ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2016, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/130 "2016-12-08T21:40:07Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > I’ve told my mom, and I’ve told my younger sister. My sister’s opinion (she’s happily married to her third husband) is that I should file for divorce _right now_. She told me that Mom and The Church would encourage me to stick with this marriage … after I told the story, I get the impression that Mom and Church would not blame me. > > Help, please? Get a whole lot of gone between you and her. And get yourself into AA or something similar. Until that happens, your life is going to suck diseased yak wang. ---
**Author:** ![Translucent\_Daydream](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/translucent_daydream/32/16170_2.png) [@Translucent\_Daydream](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Translucent_Daydream)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2016, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/131 "2016-12-08T23:18:25Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > The funniest thing, to me, is seeing usernames I have never seen in my 13 years on this board asking questions like that. Oh I get that one for sure. I lurked since 2001 and joined in 2005. I got hit in the head and I didn’t post for quite some time because I noticed that the clarity of my posts was not the same, I dunno why. Anyway I’m glad you seem to be on the right track. I hope it works out for you bro. This kinda shit is always of the storm variety. ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2016, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/132 "2016-12-08T23:34:25Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally Posted by Mister Rik > Well, fortunately (LOL) I have no credit. I screwed up my credit way back in my 20s, then spent my 30s clearing it up and paying everybody. Then I spent my 40s not using credit at all. Arrived at 50 debt-free. > [@Broomstick](#): > > Doesn’t matter if you use credit or not - you NEED to check your credit. I was alerted to identity theft when bill collectors started calling me demanding payment on loans I had never made in states I had never visited. I got that sorted out, but if she has your name, address, SS#, birth date… well, she can become you. Or sell “you” to someone else. This can cause all sorts of problems for you. Until ycan prove that the person(s) who did the Bad Things aren’t you YOU are assumed to be the guilty party. > > Protect yourself. This needs to be repeated, in case \*\*Rik \*\*missed it. THIS IS IMPORTANT. “I have no credit”. This is a silly, meaningless statement. Everyone has credit - good, bad or middling. What you mean is " I owe no money and have no credit cards at the moment." Well guess what? She’ll get credit cards in your name, spend money and screw up your credit again. Back to your 20’s . Another decade to get out of debt. She sounds like a pro at identity theft. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2016, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/133 "2016-12-09T00:12:32Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > So’s y’all know, I haven’t abandoned the thread. A man has to go to work and attend to IRL obligations. Anyway … > As I said to somebody in a PM, my OPs are me flinging my issues out into the universe. Am I asking for help? Yeah. But sending them out there is largely me just trying to write everything down so that I can try to figure it out myself. If I just play with it in my brain, it turns into some obsession/panic thing and next thing you know I’m lying awake all night because I can’t sleep. But if I write it all out and send it to the universe, it relaxes me and helps me to see everything clearly. Okay, I am not trying to be nasty, but this is not a personal blog, nor is the Dope a substitute for therapy. If you’re having these kinds of serious issues, it sounds like you might need to see a professional. > [@](#): > > Speaking of pile-ons … As I mentioned to another Doper in a PM, I suspect that most posters to threads like this really only see their own posts, and don’t realize that, to the OP (in this case, me), it ends up looking like a whole bunch of people who really aren’t doing anything but telling you how stupid you are. And that is never helpful. Perhaps you should stop and think that maybe, just maybe,“if a whole bunch of people” are doing so, there just might be a reason for it. Sometimes, people need to be harsh to get the message through, you know? 😉 Good luck, dude. And get thee into AA, or some kind of rehab. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2016, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/134 "2016-12-09T00:15:35Z")
**Rik** , I think it mostly boils down to one issue. Does your wife \*want \*to improve or not? (I’m not advocating divorce.) ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2016, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/135 "2016-12-09T05:34:07Z")
> [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](#): > > Strange, isn’t it? Each man’s life touches so many other lives. When he isn’t around he leaves an awful hole, doesn’t he? Another lurker here. Been reading Rik’s posts for quite a while, though I haven’t given advice (mostly because wiser folks than I already had). Well, I had a dream last night. I was part of a group trying to talk sense into Rik (who was sitting at the next table in a random high school cafeteria, for some reason). But he wouldn’t listen because he was drunk. So, yeah, I guess his story has affected me. And a lot of other internet acquaintances. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2016, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/136 "2016-12-09T06:50:04Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > Heh. I recently went to my bank and added her as somebody who can access my bank account when I die. I’ll be going to reverse that. I’ll also be requesting yet another new debit card (I already changed it a couple months ago after I discovered somebody in Minnesota trying to use the previous number) just in case she somehow memorized the current number. I’d suggest actually closing the account and opening up a different one - ideally with another bank - NOT just another branch of the same bank. Yes, it’s a hassle, but: if she’s been removed from the account, I could see her going to a branch, trying to access it, and managing to convince someone that the removal was in error. Talk to a lawyer about your income tax liability for this year. I doubt an annulment or divorce would take effect prior to January 1, which means the IRS would most likely consider you two married, which affects how you file your tax returns. I’d imagine you’d file married / separately - for most people, a bad idea, but in your case I’d guess it’s the right thing to do. I have no clue whether an annulment is any different than a divorce, when dealing with all the various legalities. Maybe the annulment could happen faster (if your state has waiting periods before a divorce can be finalized). ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2016, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/137 "2016-12-09T06:57:23Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > **Rik** , I think it mostly boils down to one issue. Does your wife \*want \*to improve or not? (I’m not advocating divorce.) Nobody can know but her whether she wants to improve - everyone else would just have to rely instead on **her saying she wants to improve**. Given everything Rik has posted in this thread, especially the more recent posts, if she said she wanted to improve, anyone who believed her would be a gullible idiot, and would just become the victim of the next wave of fraud and trouble. ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2016, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/138 "2016-12-09T07:08:24Z")
> [@Euphonious\_Polemic](#): > > This needs to be repeated, in case \*\*Rik \*\*missed it. THIS IS IMPORTANT. > > “I have no credit”. This is a silly, meaningless statement. Everyone has credit - good, bad or middling. What you mean is " I owe no money and have no credit cards at the moment." > > Well guess what? She’ll get credit cards in your name, spend money and screw up your credit again. Back to your 20’s . Another decade to get out of debt. She sounds like a pro at identity theft. My “I have no credit” meant, specifically, that I have, on at least three occasions in the last five years, applied for credit cards (all before I met my wife), and was turned down for a specific reason: I have no recent credit history. Given that I have not done anything to build a credit history since the last time I was turned down, I’m reasonably confident that any attempts, valid or not, will get the same result. That said … Holy fuck, my wife was right. She had her day in court in the other county, and she was released, and she will be home tomorrow. Godammit. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2016, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/139 "2016-12-09T07:11:19Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > my OPs are me flinging my issues out into the universe. Am I asking for help? Yeah. But sending them out there is largely me just trying to write everything down so that I can try to figure it out myself. If I just play with it in my brain, it turns into some obsession/panic thing and next thing you know I’m lying awake all night because I can’t sleep. But if I write it all out and send it to the universe, it relaxes me and helps me to see everything clearly. This makes perfect sense to me and I encourage you to keep doing it if it helps. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2016, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/140 "2016-12-09T07:13:26Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > My “I have no credit” meant, specifically, that I have, on at least three occasions in the last five years, applied for credit cards (all before I met my wife), and was turned down for a specific reason: I have no recent credit history. Given that I have not done anything to build a credit history since the last time I was turned down, I’m reasonably confident that any attempts, valid or not, will get the same result. That doesn’t matter, you should still check – better safe than sorry. To be blunt, just blindly trusting is what got you into this mess in the first place. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912.md?page=8)