# Dear God, My Wife Again. This is about IT. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 5, 2016, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912 "2016-12-05T07:29:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2016, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/141 "2016-12-09T08:19:16Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > That doesn’t matter, you should still check – better safe than sorry. To be blunt, just blindly trusting is what got you into this mess in the first place. Don’t worry, I’ll be checking ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2016, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/142 "2016-12-09T14:04:21Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > My “I have no credit” meant, specifically, that I have, on at least three occasions in the last five years, applied for credit cards (all before I met my wife), and was turned down for a specific reason: I have no recent credit history. Given that I have not done anything to build a credit history since the last time I was turned down, I’m reasonably confident that any attempts, valid or not, will get the same result. Good Lord, you really are naive. ☹ Anyone with a computer can plug “how do I establish credit with no credit” into Google. Anyone with a computer, a social security number, and basic knowledge of your past can apply for credit cards online, including store cards which are typically easier to get, and an identity thief won’t be shy about applying for every card under the sun. Even a card at Macy’s with a $200 limit can land YOU in a world of hurt. A known identity thief has your social security number, driver’s license number, and access to your bank account. Get your head out of the sand and take some basic precautions to protect YOURSELF, for God’s sake. ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2016, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/143 "2016-12-09T14:16:16Z")
Plus a known identity thief has had the better part of a year’s head start on getting all that accomplished. So they’re releasing her; what are you going to do when she comes home? You can’t legally bar her from the apartment unless you have a restraining order (which I assume you don’t have). Are you comfortable leaving her in the apartment while you go stay somewhere else until you’ve secured an annulment? ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2016, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/144 "2016-12-09T15:16:12Z")
Looks like the State of Washington has certain criteria under which a marriage can be annulled. Here’s the language that looks like it might fit in Rik’s case: > [@](#): > > One of us married because of pressure, force or fraud. We did not voluntarily live together as a couple (cohabit) after the pressure or force stopped, or after finding out about the fraud. Rik, you need to definitely separate from her, now that you are aware of the _fraud_, if you wish to successfully get your marriage annulled. ETA: [Washington State Courts - Court Forms - Invalidate (Annul) Marriage](https://www.courts.wa.gov/forms/?fa=forms.contribute&formID=12) ---
**Author:** ![Strainger](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/strainger/32/244_2.png) [@Strainger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strainger)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2016, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/145 "2016-12-09T16:51:35Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > Holy fuck, my wife was right. She had her day in court in the other county, and she was released, and she will be home tomorrow. Godammit. Change the locks and toss her shit out the front door. ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2016, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/146 "2016-12-09T16:54:51Z")
> [@Strainger](#): > > Change the locks and toss her shit out the front door. Illegal. ---
**Author:** ![Translucent\_Daydream](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/translucent_daydream/32/16170_2.png) [@Translucent\_Daydream](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Translucent_Daydream)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2016, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/147 "2016-12-09T17:08:12Z")
Take your docs out of the house and stay with church buddies. It seems like that is your support group and I would nab them up before she makes you out to be the bad guy and you lose them. My experience with churches tend to favor the woman so look out ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2016, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/148 "2016-12-09T17:29:31Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > Don’t worry, I’ll be checking While you’re checking and going to and researching and figuring out, your identity stealing wife has already planned her next moves to cover her ass w/ as much of your money and naivete as she can, knowing you have a drinking problem and how she can manipulate you and your circumstances b/c of it. Your wait and see attitude here is going to cost you plenty sooner and later. Any joint monies will be taken for restitution so file singly on your taxes and don’t sign ANYTHING she puts in front of you. You are her mark. Her sap. She is unabashedly showing you she thinks you are an all day sucker and she isn’t done w/ you yet. Where will you live when she takes you for everything, sets your wages up to get garnished over HER restitution and ruins any hope you have of credit that will allow you to find a home? If you think she wouldn’t do it to avoid her own consequences I believe you ave more than enough proof that she will, and that she won’t think twice about it. Look, **Rik** , I’ve worked in debt collection for long enough to tell you some variant of this shitstorm happens every day to people who never thought a person close to them could do such a thing, when that is the NUMBER ONE person who will do it to you. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2016, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/149 "2016-12-09T17:36:06Z")
If a divorce/annulment is planned, talk to your lawyer before doing _anything_, or your actions might hurt your chances of a good outcome. ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2016, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/150 "2016-12-09T18:49:14Z")
> [@Azeotrope](#): > > Good Lord, you really are naive. ☹ > > Anyone with a computer can plug “how do I establish credit with no credit” into Google. Anyone with a computer, a social security number, and basic knowledge of your past can apply for credit cards online, including store cards which are typically easier to get, and an identity thief won’t be shy about applying for every card under the sun. Even a card at Macy’s with a $200 limit can land YOU in a world of hurt. > > A known identity thief has your social security number, driver’s license number, and access to your bank account. Get your head out of the sand and take some basic precautions to protect YOURSELF, for God’s sake. He won’t. I don’t believe he’s looking for solutions based on 10,000 previous threads or his posts in this thread, he’s looking for \<\<\\>\> and laying the groundwork for the next thread (“OMG! I’ve been identity thefted! O no! How could this have happened???”) He’s gotten some fantastic advice here–I’m learning new stuff here–and every time someone has suggested that A) this is urgent and B) this is a potential catastrophe, he’s laughed it off or dismissed the idea. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2016, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/151 "2016-12-09T19:46:54Z")
I wouldn’t be surprised if in the near future his step-kids & step-grand kids start using his last name, just like he wanted. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2016, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/152 "2016-12-09T20:37:59Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > I wouldn’t be surprised if in the near future his step-kids & step-grand kids start using his last name, just like he wanted. They’ll be running up traffic fines and repossession orders with it, too. ---
**Author:** ![usedtobe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ec9cab/32.png) [@usedtobe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/usedtobe)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2016, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/153 "2016-12-09T21:10:52Z")
More, quite specific suggestions for you to ignore. Maybe others will find direction: Load up your car with everything of value - esp your tax returns, birth Certificate, employment/education documents and anything you don’t want stolen. Stop buy a store and buy a new padlock - a keyed padlock. tie a sturdy string around the key and make a loop just large enough to squeeze your hand through. Wear this as a bracelet. Find a self-storage locker for the stuff in the car, move stuff to storage, apply lock. Now find a room somewhere - neither you nor anything documenting you were ever there is to be there when this charmer arrives from jail. And: for future reference - bail is set by a judge during a hearing. If there is someone for whom you have a good reason for wanting locked up: Be there for the hearing and tell the judge you would prefer her to remain in jail. Coming from a husband, this just might make a difference. “Your Honor, this person wrecked my car by driving drunk. She has 4 different ID’s in 4 different names. I fear for my safety if she is released”. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2016, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/154 "2016-12-09T21:36:16Z")
^But first speak to an attorney to see if he feels these steps might antagonize the other party if divorce annulment is being sought. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2016, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/155 "2016-12-09T23:30:00Z")
I see a lot of people going OMG re Rik’ claims to be a “functional alcoholic”. I think he gets it and the reality is he can probably continue to function semi-acceptably and continue to live that way until he dies. My mother was a functional alcoholic much of her adult life and she still paid her bills and helped her kids where she could. While she was an intelligent woman and a well regarded professional admin in her daily corporate work, she was an out of it and unreliable drunk after hours and on the weekend, and if forced to drive very hazardous so she avoided driving. It was Jekyll and Hyde and while it did a number on her family and her kids, from her perspective is was a sustainable existence as long as she could get around and have access to her boxed wine. It was not a great existence, and it caused her family a lot of heartache, but she could get by and she did though she did have some serious dental issues related to the drinking and paid a lot money for dental work. Ultimately she died at 76 in a bathroom slip and fall that any older person could have had. Being a functional alcoholic is a fraught existence, but realistically many of them might outlive you even if they do so in a poor state of health in their later years. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2016, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/156 "2016-12-10T01:20:37Z")
> [@astro](#): > > I see a lot of people going OMG re Rik’ claims to be a “functional alcoholic”. I think he gets it and the reality is he can probably continue to function semi-acceptably and continue to live that way until he dies. My mother was a functional alcoholic much of her adult life and she still paid her bills and helped her kids where she could. > > While she was an intelligent woman and a well regarded professional admin in her daily corporate work, she was an out of it and unreliable drunk after hours and on the weekend, and if forced to drive very hazardous so she avoided driving. It was Jekyll and Hyde and while it did a number on her family and her kids, from her perspective is was a sustainable existence as long as she could get around and have access to her boxed wine. > > It was not a great existence, and it caused her family a lot of heartache, but she could get by and she did though she did have some serious dental issues related to the drinking and paid a lot money for dental work. Ultimately she died at 76 in a bathroom slip and fall that any older person could have had. > > Being a functional alcoholic is a fraught existence, but realistically many of them might outlive you even if they do so in a poor state of health in their later years. Yeah, but was she in the kind of situation **Mister Rik** is in here? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2016, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/157 "2016-12-10T01:35:32Z")
> [@usedtobe](#): > > More, quite specific suggestions for you to ignore. Maybe others will find direction: > > Load up your car with everything of value - esp your tax returns, birth Certificate, employment/education documents and anything you don’t want stolen. > Stop buy a store and buy a new padlock - a keyed padlock. tie a sturdy string around the key and make a loop just large enough to squeeze your hand through. Wear this as a bracelet. > Find a self-storage locker for the stuff in the car, move stuff to storage, apply lock. > Now find a room somewhere - neither you nor anything documenting you were ever there is to be there when this charmer arrives from jail. \< Guess as to response \> I don’t have my tax returns: they’re all online. And she knows my name so what could she possibly do with my birth certificate? Also, I know everyone where I work, so that’s not really important. They wouldn’t be fooled if she showed up pretending to be me…etc. I hope to be surprised by the response you get. I don’t expect to be. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2016, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/158 "2016-12-10T02:59:33Z")
**Mister Rik** , I have no advice as I have not been in or personally seen a situation such as yours. But I hope that things will work out for you. Whatever that happens to be. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2016, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/159 "2016-12-10T03:57:29Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Yeah, but was she in the kind of situation **Mister Rik** is in here? :dubious: No, but like Rik she was utterly unable to admit she actually had a problem and come to grips with it and a good part of the reason that she could keep that perspective was that she didn’t\* have _to change to because she was in fact a (like Rik claims to be) a_ functional\* alcoholic. She did her job, paid her bills and got drunk in her off hours. Yes, there was lot of yelling and screaming when I and my siblings were younger and we could not reliably count on her for simple “mom” things, but after we moved out, she had her corporate admin job and my father’s State Department pension to keep her going. My point is that _being_ a chronic alcoholic, contrary to a lot of popular notions, is actually a fairly sustainable lifestyle as long as you can get up, and go to work and do your job. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2016, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912/160 "2016-12-12T19:22:19Z")
Updates, **Mister Rik**? How’d it go? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-god-my-wife-again-this-is-about-it/773912.md?page=9)