# Dear Homeless Person: Show respect when I give you spare change! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 21, 2010, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-homeless-person-show-respect-when-i-give-you-spare-change/557841 "2010-10-21T00:29:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![MegaBee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f0a364/32.png) [@MegaBee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MegaBee)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-homeless-person-show-respect-when-i-give-you-spare-change/557841/101 "2010-10-21T16:04:27Z")
> [@Mince](#): > > You know, I’ve bypassed quarters I’ve seen on the ground. I just didn’t consider the effort exerted to bend over and pick it up worth its worth. That’s crazy talk right there. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-homeless-person-show-respect-when-i-give-you-spare-change/557841/102 "2010-10-21T16:07:49Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > **Obvious answer:** Because of the very real possibility that the hobo would not be there when he returned. Why buy food that could be wasted? If the hobo is gone you just keep the quarter, if the hobo is gone the food is wasted. > > **Pit answer:** Because Burger joints dont sell fries in 25cent bags. Right. Because there’s only one “hobo” in all of LA, so if the “hobo” wasn’t in the same place the OP left him, the burger definitely would have gone to waste. There is no way the OP couldn’t swing a dead cat and hit another “hobo” with it and give THAT person the burger. I’d imagine at the very next major intersection, or at the bottom of the freeway entrance ramp, the OP could have stuck his arm out the car window with a burger in a bag and when he pulled his arm back in… he could probably find another hobo without looking too hard or going out of his way at all. Furthermore, if the OP is willing to just toss money into the street (and that amount was such a great value the “hobo” should appreciate), then what’s the problem with wasting a couple bucks on a cheeseburger? ---
**Author:** ![fuzzypickles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9d8465/32.png) [@fuzzypickles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fuzzypickles)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-homeless-person-show-respect-when-i-give-you-spare-change/557841/103 "2010-10-21T16:09:26Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > WHY, if the OP didn’t want to support some crazy guy’s drug habit, didn’t the OP pick up an extra goddamn burger and give THAT to the homeless guy? Umm…because it’s more than I can easily afford? Heck, the main reason I went to Fatburger is because I had filled out one of their punchcards (“Buy 8 Burgers, Get the Next One Free!”) so I only paid for the skinny fries & coke. I’m feeling the pinch of the Great Depression II just like everyone else, thank you very much – nor am I charitable enough to sacrifice $5.99 on some guy I’ve never met. I’m willing to “donate” a free meal to a friend or relative who needs it, but not a total stranger, homeless or not. > [@Dogzilla](#): > > A meal would be valued and appreciated and would probably not be traded for drugs. 😕 :eek: :mad: :smack: :rolleyes: Wow…I mean, wow…this one sentence PROVES that you have NO clue what you are talking about. Allow me to fight your obvious ignorance: **Drug addicts trade food for drugs all the time.** Drug addicts will trade _anything_ for drugs, including their own feces, if it were possible. (Watch _Menace II Society_ someday, mmmkay?) :rolleyes: > [@Dogzilla](#): > > If you don’t want to give someone money, but they did a nice thing for you, then you could just offer a verbal thank you, or you could bring the guy a cup of coffee or a sandwich. Like I said before, I’m not big on charity. This is L.A., there are plenty of shelters and missions where a genuinely desperate person can receive food and shelter (many of which are paid for by taxpayers, so one could argue I’ve _already_ paid for his food and shelter, in a manner of speaking!) Anything given to him by strangers is above and beyond what he should expect from social services, so he _should_ be thankful. As I keep saying over and over, it’s plain common courtesy! ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-homeless-person-show-respect-when-i-give-you-spare-change/557841/104 "2010-10-21T16:10:35Z")
> [@Mince](#): > > Here’s the thing: the OP thinks he was performing a heroic gesture, and subsequently deserves heaping praise. All praise OP! Edit: > [@](#): > > \*\*Dogzilla: \*\* > OP returns to scene of crime to perform heroic gesture and collect heaping praise.. :rolleyes: My query stands. If the OP was all about performing the heroic gesture and collecting all the heaping praise… why not buy the “hobo” a damn sandwich? ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-homeless-person-show-respect-when-i-give-you-spare-change/557841/105 "2010-10-21T16:14:07Z")
> [@fuzzypickles](#): > > (Watch _Menace II Society_ someday, mmmkay?) 😃 Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha… Yes, I will begin educating myself about the complex and complicated world of drug addicts by watching movies. I’m sure Hollywood will give me an accurate depiction of life on the streets. I mean, who wouldn’t get their information from the movies? After all, there are _no_ drug addicts in _my_ fair city and the hobos all turn into mailboxes after sunset. So what could I possibly know of drug addicts? Especially the random hobos whom I don’t even know are on drugs. I’ll just assume that all those “mailboxes” are always full of crack. :: snerk :: :: chuckle :: ---
**Author:** ![villa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc79bd/32.png) [@villa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/villa)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-homeless-person-show-respect-when-i-give-you-spare-change/557841/106 "2010-10-21T16:14:14Z")
> [@fuzzypickles](#): > > Ever hear the saying, Beggars Can’t Be Choosers? Apparently, the saying is incorrect. He clearly could be a chooser, and chose to reject your generous donation. Why he would choose to reject what would otherwise have placed him on the road to financial success and a CNBC day time investment advice show defeats me, but he made his choice. [QUOTE=fuzzypickles] See what I mean? It’s all about choice. [/QUOTE] Then why are you so bent out of shape about his choice? You chose to give him a quarter, he chose not to accept it. Or is his choice irrelevant here after all? ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-homeless-person-show-respect-when-i-give-you-spare-change/557841/107 "2010-10-21T16:16:12Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > Edit: > > :rolleyes: > > My query stands. If the OP was all about performing the heroic gesture and collecting all the heaping praise… why not buy the “hobo” a damn sandwich? Because he’s a cheap bastard, and buying a sandwich would have used too much of his precious, precious money? [QUOTE= fuzzypickles] I rarely, if ever, give money to the homeless, so I remember when it does happen [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a183cd/32.png) [@Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barkis_is_Willin)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-homeless-person-show-respect-when-i-give-you-spare-change/557841/108 "2010-10-21T16:20:08Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > why not buy the “hobo” a damn sandwich? So you apparently \*are \*upset with the value of the donation. Others are upset with the OP’s general attitude. Hey, \*\*fuzzy \*\*had a quarter, offered it to the bum, the bum kicked it in the gutter. What if it \*was \*a sandwich and the bum kicked the sandwich into the gutter? Can **fuzzy** be a little perterbed by that? ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-homeless-person-show-respect-when-i-give-you-spare-change/557841/109 "2010-10-21T16:21:24Z")
> [@Barkis\_is\_Willin](#): > > So you apparently \*are \*upset with the value of the donation. Others are upset with the OP’s general attitude. Hey, \*\*fuzzy \*\*had a quarter, offered it to the bum, the bum kicked it in the gutter. What if it \*was \*a sandwich and the bum kicked the sandwich into the gutter? Can **fuzzy** be a little perterbed by that? I _did_ say, if that had happened, then I would be more on board with the rant. YMMV My real opinion is: if it’s such a hardship and you’re not big on charity, then why even bother with the quarter? Why even return? Why not just blow off the hobo and go on about your day? So yes, the value of the offering does bother me. To me it’s like tipping your server $0.01 instead of just not tipping at all if the service was so bad. I think a quarter is a slap in the face. If you can’t afford to give meaningfully, then don’t give at all. ---
**Author:** ![Mince](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecd19e/32.png) [@Mince](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mince)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-homeless-person-show-respect-when-i-give-you-spare-change/557841/110 "2010-10-21T16:24:50Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > Edit: > > :rolleyes: > > My query stands. If the OP was all about performing the heroic gesture and collecting all the heaping praise… why not buy the “hobo” a damn sandwich? I don’t know, of course, but why do I have a suspicion that you are affiliated with the OP? And if he was _not_ all about heaping praise, why did he start this thread? My God, a “worthless bum” disdains me I’m probably going to get over it pretty quickly and not trouble SD’s bandwidth. ---
**Author:** ![fuzzypickles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9d8465/32.png) [@fuzzypickles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fuzzypickles)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-homeless-person-show-respect-when-i-give-you-spare-change/557841/111 "2010-10-21T16:31:02Z")
> [@Eonwe](#): > > Giving away something of (practically) zero value is not an act worthy of thanks. In fact, it’s clearly and intentionally insulting. Oh, get off it already. A quarter is NOT completely worthless. I can buy 15 minutes of parking on Ventura Boulevard for a quarter. I can buy a gumball with a quarter. Two quarters will pay for a retro arcade video game, and 3 to 4 quarters is plenty enough for a cup of coffee at McDonalds or Burger King or any other non-Starbucks establishment. > [@Eonwe](#): > > Giving a quarter away costs you (and most people) nothing. The value of a quarter to us is so small that that amount of money gets left in jacket pockets, lost in couch cushions, abandoned on the floor of our cars, without a second thought. You are exactly right – for me, giving away a quarter cost me nothing, relatively speaking. For a truly needy homeless person, a quarter IS worth something – quite a lot, in fact! Yeah, one quarter ain’t much, but I’m just one passerby out of millions. It only takes a few people like me to give this guy enough money for a dirt cheap meal or even a bottle of hooch. OTOH, if he’s only interested in getting high, then yeah, one stinking quarter ain’t gonna get him closer to his next crystal meth fix. > [@Eonwe](#): > > My guess is that if you had said, “hey man, I wish I had more change, but all I have is this quarter, here,” and handed it to him, you would have gotten a very different response. Why go that far? I’m not seeking a friend. I don’t know the guy from Adam, and like others have said in my support, the amount of money I gave him was based entirely on (1) the most I could “throw away” without feeling like I’m throwing money away, and (2) it will help him if he’s truly needy for food, but NOT help him support his drug habit, at least not enough to feel like I’m enabling his disease. ---
**Author:** ![villa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc79bd/32.png) [@villa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/villa)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-homeless-person-show-respect-when-i-give-you-spare-change/557841/112 "2010-10-21T16:36:12Z")
> [@fuzzypickles](#): > > it will help him if he’s truly needy for food, but NOT help him support his drug habit, at least not enough to feel like I’m enabling his disease. Isn’t crack about $5-$15 a rock? Kind of the same price range as a sandwich, especially if he is going to treat himself to a soda and maybe some kettle chips on the side. ---
**Author:** ![fuzzypickles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9d8465/32.png) [@fuzzypickles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fuzzypickles)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-homeless-person-show-respect-when-i-give-you-spare-change/557841/113 "2010-10-21T16:41:57Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > 😃 > Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha… Yes, I will begin educating myself about the complex and complicated world of drug addicts by watching movies. I’m sure Hollywood will give me an accurate depiction of life on the streets. Oh, give me a break…not every Hollywood movie is pure fantasy. Independent, inner-city urban dramas such as _Boys N The Hood_ and _Menace II Society_, while fictional storywise, are based on events that happen EVERY DAY IN REAL LIFE. ([Here’s the specific scene I was referring to](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYoUGkQJI64) – NSFW language.) ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-homeless-person-show-respect-when-i-give-you-spare-change/557841/114 "2010-10-21T16:49:47Z")
> [@fuzzypickles](#): > > Not my problem – I’ve dealt with enough mental patients in my life to know that you can’t help most of them, and many of them simply don’t _want_ to be helped. As for Emily Post…c’mon, we’re talking general common courtesy, not how to respond to a dinner invitation. > You catch it and say “Thanks!” It’s a no-brainer. > > You knew that already, didn’t you? > > (Unless you’re a homeless mental patient too…) My point is if he IS mentally ill, then you can’t really expect him the guy to act with “common courtesy”, or whatever. And even if it WAS his own fault – doesn’t mean YOU have to be a dick. And if he’s homeless, he’s not exactly in the position of being ABLE to look for treatment. And depending on the severity of his condition, he might not be capable of realizing he needs help in the first place, buttplug. As for the whole “protocol”, it’s called being sarcastic. ---
**Author:** ![Walmarticus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Walmarticus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walmarticus)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-homeless-person-show-respect-when-i-give-you-spare-change/557841/115 "2010-10-21T16:55:47Z")
> [@fuzzypickles](#): > > Instead of saying something grateful, like “Thank you” or “ **Blessings of Akatosh be on ye** ,” he snorted derisively and KICKED THE QUARTER INTO THE GUTTER! You obviously don’t wear the shadow well. Oh and as a non-baseball player/bear at the zoo, I typically don’t respect people who throw stuff at me. If I was homeless, the situation would remain unchanged. ---
**Author:** ![statsman1982](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e79b87/32.png) [@statsman1982](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/statsman1982)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-homeless-person-show-respect-when-i-give-you-spare-change/557841/116 "2010-10-21T17:00:39Z")
Okay, I guess it all boils down to this: should both parties in a charitable exchange have to feel the same about the value of the charitable act/donation? The OP chose to give the guy 25 cents because it was “the most [he] could ‘throw away’ without feeling like [he is] throwing money away”. From this I gather that the OP shouldn’t really have cared how the homeless guy behaved, since the act was essentially meaningless for him. Having or not having the 25 cents made no difference to the OP. He could have flipped that quarter and declared that heads would mean “fuck 'em” and tails would be “go back and give the quarter to the guy.” So the source of the OP’s anger is that the homeless guy didn’t consider the act meaningful enough to be grateful. Now, the OP shouldn’t have either, because the act itself was practically an afterthought and the loss of the 25 cents was inconsequential to him, by the OP’s admission. The homeless guy probably picked up on the OP’s attitude when the coin was thrown, and, as I said before, mustered up a bit of pride and decided he probably didn’t need the money. (Of course, the guy could have waited until the OP was long gone and tried in vain to fish the quarter out of the gutter. Maybe that would take some of the sting out of being rebuffed?) ---
**Author:** ![fuzzypickles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9d8465/32.png) [@fuzzypickles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fuzzypickles)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-homeless-person-show-respect-when-i-give-you-spare-change/557841/117 "2010-10-21T17:01:39Z")
> [@villa](#): > > Then why are you so bent out of shape about his choice? You chose to give him a quarter, he chose not to accept it. Or is his choice irrelevant here after all? I “chose” to get bent out of shape merely because he “chose” to display an appalling lack of common, polite behavior. His attitude is not doing himself or any other hobos any favors – indeed, his behavior has made it far, far less likely for me to ever give any money to any homeless person ever again. (Which, again, is my “choice.”) ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-homeless-person-show-respect-when-i-give-you-spare-change/557841/118 "2010-10-21T17:03:13Z")
> [@fuzzypickles](#): > > Oh, get off it already. A quarter is NOT completely worthless. I can buy 15 minutes of parking on Ventura Boulevard for a quarter. I can buy a gumball with a quarter. Two quarters will pay for a retro arcade video game, and 3 to 4 quarters is plenty enough for a cup of coffee at McDonalds or Burger King or any other non-Starbucks establishment. And 916 quarters will get you an iPod. I see you can do math. One quarter is still a small amount of money, especially if you are expected to catch it like a trained seal, and then grub around on the filthy sidewalk after it, all the while showing the proper “respect” to your betters. ---
**Author:** ![villa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc79bd/32.png) [@villa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/villa)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-homeless-person-show-respect-when-i-give-you-spare-change/557841/119 "2010-10-21T17:08:38Z")
> [@fuzzypickles](#): > > I “chose” to get bent out of shape merely because he “chose” to display an appalling lack of common, polite behavior. His attitude is not doing himself or any other hobos any favors – indeed, his behavior has made it far, far less likely for me to ever give any money to any homeless person ever again. (Which, again, is my “choice.”) Yes, it is your choice. But there is no social obligation to behave in the way you suggest when you feel you are faced with a deliberate snub. Take an example from my past… I was bartending, and I had a table of two cab drivers, men who work for tips too. I gave them great service, comp-ed them a couple of drinks, and they stayed for the entirety of the Bulls game. The tab, after their comp-ed drinks, was $78.50. They left $80 in cash and walked out the bar. So, rather than being grateful for the 6 quarters tip they decided to give me, I followed them out, and told them they had left their change. They told me it was for me, and I told them that they clearly needed it more than me, and I would like them to keep it. The tip was, I felt, insulting, especially from fellow tipped workers. Your homeless person clearly felt your “gift” was insulting, and your attitude seems to bear that out. He was under no obligation to accept it. Had he accepted it, and then been rude, you might have had a point. He didn’t - you threw it at him, he kicked it into the gutter.You should then have gone and picked it up again, and while you were in the gutter visited your friends and family. As for his behavior making it less likely you will give to homeless people? I doubt the lack of a quarter every 6 years is going to lead to mass starvation or forced sobriety in the California homeless population. ---
**Author:** ![fuzzypickles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9d8465/32.png) [@fuzzypickles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fuzzypickles)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-homeless-person-show-respect-when-i-give-you-spare-change/557841/120 "2010-10-21T17:09:27Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > My real opinion is: if it’s such a hardship and you’re not big on charity, then why even bother with the quarter? Why even return? Why not just blow off the hobo and go on about your day? Excellent point – in fact, that’s the exact point I am trying to make. > [@Dogzilla](#): > > So yes, the value of the offering does bother me. To me it’s like tipping your server $0.01 instead of just not tipping at all if the service was so bad. I think a quarter is a slap in the face. If you can’t afford to give meaningfully, then don’t give at all. We’ve already established that a Brentwood bum expects a much bigger handout than 25c, which would easily satisfy a Van Nuys bum. So yeah, it’s mostly about the location I was in at the time. But your “tipping the server” analogy doesn’t hold water. The way our society works, you are expected to give “tips” for certain services rendered (although, regarding that issue, I’m a bit like Steve Buscemi in _Reservoir Dogs_, I’ll admit that.) Giving money to the homeless is NOT expected – it goes above and beyond the minimum standards of social behavior. Therefore, ANY “tip” given to a homeless street person SHOULD be appreciated, and thanked. Doesn’t matter if he was in Brentwood, Van Nuys, Compton, or way out in Desert Hot Springs…if a stranger begs for money, and I give it to him, he should at the very least say “Thank you,” even if it’s less than he was expecting. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-homeless-person-show-respect-when-i-give-you-spare-change/557841.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-homeless-person-show-respect-when-i-give-you-spare-change/557841.md?page=7)