# Dear houseguest, I can't \*wait to hear this one explained. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 19, 2008, 9:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138 "2008-01-19T09:07:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 9:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/1 "2008-01-19T09:07:02Z")
So I offered to billet people attending this conference as a service to the local queer community and my friends who are organizing it. I like having guests, including houseguests, and I think I’m a cordial host. I trucked out to the airport at considerable expense to pick you up, I provided helpful information for the city, I bought you metro tickets so you could get around before you got a pass, and I was friendly and engaging with you and your friend. Besides vacating my bed, cooking for you, and otherwise disrupting my life and my schedule so that you can have somewhere to stay when you’re attending this conference. That being the case, and with the assumption that you are a thinking, feeling human being with social skills superior to those of a rabid badger, I really can’t wait for an explanation of tonight’s behaviour, because this is going to be _epic._ I don’t know how it works in Butt Fuck Nowhere, British Columbia, but in the big city, when we go to a party with people who are assumed to have some sort of reasonable stock in where we end up that night, such as those at whose house we are crashing, it’s considered the done thing to _let the person know where the fuck you are going when you decide to leave._ What that means is, rather than abruptly vanishing in the middle of the party with no hint as to where you might be going, you actually _speak to the person_ when you decide to leave. Such as “I’m ready to leave now” or “I’m gonna head out, feel free to stay for a while longer” or even “I’m going home with that guy, see you.” Why? Because that way, _you don’t force your host, who has provided hospitably for your comfort, to spend a half-a-fucking-hour waiting for your ass and another half-a-fucking-hour looking for you!!_ Seriously, I can’t wait to see what you come up with, and you had better fucking _grovel_ when you’re telling it to me, because queen, syphilitic _hyenas_ have better club manners than that. Jesus Christ. ---
**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/2 "2008-01-19T10:32:55Z")
You gay you deserve it, and a whole lot more. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/3 "2008-01-19T10:38:17Z")
[QUOTE=Marlitharn] You gay you deserve it, and a whole lot more. [/QUOTE] Fred? :dubious: (Phelps) ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/4 "2008-01-19T12:18:07Z")
[QUOTE=Marlitharn] You gay you deserve it, and a whole lot more. [/QUOTE] You should write jingles for feminine products. Thats kinda catchy! ---
**Author:** ![11811](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/9d8465/32.png) [@11811](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/11811)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/5 "2008-01-19T12:28:41Z")
Look, if he didn’t flush your makeup down the [toilet](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=451478&highlight=toilet), you probably got off easy. Seriously, that does suck. Nobody vets your visitors, eh? You are a better host than I am. ---
**Author:** ![essell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/34f0e0/32.png) [@essell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/essell)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/6 "2008-01-19T12:29:24Z")
[QUOTE=Marlitharn] You gay you deserve it, and a whole lot more. [/QUOTE] Yeah, you should try offering your house out to some straight Guys. They’re much more sensitive and considerate. ---
**Author:** ![Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sophistry_and_Illusion)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/7 "2008-01-19T14:30:05Z")
When in grad school, we offered up our spare room to some grad students in town for a conference. They were nice enough, but they _fucking reeked_. Serious body odor and lack of clothes washing. I think it was some neo-hippy thing. When they left, the room they stayed in had this disgusting fug; I had to leave the window open for a couple of days before it became tolerable again (which sucked, because that room doubled as my office, where I did all my school work). ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/8 "2008-01-19T14:43:08Z")
If you had simply left, would they have known how to get back to your house? Did they have your cell phone number? Did they have keys? Assuming they are over 18, I wouldn’t have worried about them. When they wanted to come home, they would have found a way to get ahold of you. Yes, they were rude. I doubt they realized it. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/9 "2008-01-19T15:11:33Z")
Dang, I’d like to be a guest at your place. I’m always grateful when I don’t have to pay for a hotel - I’d never expect a ride and meals and the host’s bed and metro tickets. In fact, when I have guests, they get clean sheets and towels in the guest bedroom/bath, free run of the fridge and pantry, and, well, I do try to be nice and all. Sorry you were burdened with such toads. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/10 "2008-01-19T15:13:34Z")
Could the OP have been too nice to them? (‘Familiarity breeding contempt’ and ‘what gets handed out freely is less valued than had to be worked for’ and all that.) There may be other factors which I’m missing and don’t have specific relevant experiance to address, but it seems like the OP bent over backwards for them and they read that as free license to treat him like a doormat. Doesn’t make it right, doesn’t make the guests less assholish than they are, but its my best read on the scenario. We had a President like that once. Oh, wait, we still do. ---
**Author:** ![askeptic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb9ed0/32.png) [@askeptic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/askeptic)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/11 "2008-01-19T15:22:39Z")
[QUOTE=Marlitharn] You gay you deserve it, and a whole lot more. [/QUOTE] Somebody let me in on the joke, please. No way somebody could get away with being this much of a jerk. I must be missing something. I’m not gay but I was offended. A simple" Don’t be an idiot Askeptic, of course it was a joke" or even a PM will do. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/12 "2008-01-19T15:34:56Z")
A few months ago I had a houseguest barge into my room after I’d gone to bed, turn on the light, _and ask for condoms_. “Ah,” I didn’t say. “You wish to pork your wife in my spare bed, do you? Fair enough. I look forward to laundering the stains. As your gracious host, please let me provide you with a rubber thingy to go on the end of your John Thomas to facilitate your hi-jinks without fear of pregnancy.” I don’t begrudge guests a bit of slap’n’tickle when they stay with me, but one usually expects a _bit_ of discretion… ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/13 "2008-01-19T16:02:18Z")
[QUOTE=askeptic] Somebody let me in on the joke, please. No way somebody could get away with being this much of a jerk. I must be missing something. I’m not gay but I was offended. A simple" Don’t be an idiot Askeptic, of course it was a joke" or even a PM will do. [/QUOTE] Marlitharn never struck me as the jerky type. Maybe it’s a drunk or insomniac induced joke or Marli left the computer unattended while logged in and the cat did it? ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/14 "2008-01-19T16:07:07Z")
Check your change jar for missing 20’s 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/15 "2008-01-19T16:20:25Z")
[QUOTE=askeptic] Somebody let me in on the joke, please. No way somebody could get away with being this much of a jerk. I must be missing something. I’m not gay but I was offended. [/QUOTE] I’m pretty sure it was meant sarcastically. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/16 "2008-01-19T16:36:49Z")
[QUOTE=PunditLisa] I’m pretty sure it was meant sarcastically. [/QUOTE] Yeah, I meant to say mosly likely it was a joke OR maybe a drunk or insomniac post. I didn’t mean to imply that Marli was a drunken, insomniacal cat freak\*. [sub]\*I reserve the label of drunken, insomniacal cat freak for myself.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![askeptic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb9ed0/32.png) [@askeptic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/askeptic)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/17 "2008-01-19T16:37:11Z")
[QUOTE=PunditLisa] I’m pretty sure it was meant sarcastically. [/QUOTE] Maybe you could explain it to me. If it was sarcasm it was damn subtle. ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/18 "2008-01-19T16:37:55Z")
[QUOTE=jjimm] A few months ago I had a houseguest barge into my room after I’d gone to bed, turn on the light, _and ask for condoms_. “Ah,” I didn’t say. “You wish to pork your wife in my spare bed, do you? Fair enough. I look forward to laundering the stains. As your gracious host, please let me provide you with a rubber thingy to go on the end of your John Thomas to facilitate your hi-jinks without fear of pregnancy.” I don’t begrudge guests a bit of slap’n’tickle when they stay with me, but one usually expects a _bit_ of discretion… [/QUOTE] I will admit that although I was understanding of matt\_mcl’s anger at his guest (just inconsiderate) this one _shocked_ me! I can’t believe the gall of some people ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/19 "2008-01-19T16:57:42Z")
[QUOTE=askeptic] Maybe you could explain it to me. If it was sarcasm it was damn subtle. [/QUOTE] I am with you. I can’t wait to have _this_ one explained. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/20 "2008-01-19T16:58:43Z")
[QUOTE=jjimm] A few months ago I had a houseguest barge into my room after I’d gone to bed, turn on the light, _and ask for condoms_. [/QUOTE] See, I even left condoms on the bedside table. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138.md?page=2)