# Dear houseguest, I can't \*wait to hear this one explained. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 19, 2008, 9:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138 "2008-01-19T09:07:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/21 "2008-01-19T21:16:27Z")
[QUOTE=jjimm] “Ah,” I didn’t say. “You wish to pork your wife in my spare bed, do you? Fair enough. I look forward to laundering the stains. As your gracious host, please let me provide you with a rubber thingy to go on the end of your John Thomas to facilitate your hi-jinks without fear of pregnancy.” [/QUOTE] This is why I love the British. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/22 "2008-01-19T21:30:58Z")
Hmm. I would’ve just left and assumed it was their responsibility to find me. Probably called one of their cell phones and left a message, but that’s it. ---
**Author:** ![Jayn\_Newell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jayn\_Newell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jayn_Newell)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/23 "2008-01-19T21:36:09Z")
Maybe they found some of those hot babes Montreal is known for, and decided to go straight. Straight to her house, that is, for _ahem_ French lessons. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/24 "2008-01-19T21:54:24Z")
I’m like **John Mace**. If someone wants to cut off on their own, I assume they’re grown up and can take of themselves. I would’ve probably waited a while and then just left. ---
**Author:** ![Boozahol\_Squid\_P.I](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d9b06d/32.png) [@Boozahol\_Squid\_P.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boozahol_Squid_P.I)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/25 "2008-01-19T22:00:27Z")
[QUOTE=saoirse] I am with you. I can’t wait to have _this_ one explained. [/QUOTE] I assumed it was sarcastic, something along the lines of the interminable jokes involving ‘has teh gay’: Doesn’t bad grammar equal irony on the SDMB? ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/26 "2008-01-19T22:07:01Z")
[QUOTE=Diomedes] I assumed it was sarcastic, something along the lines of the interminable jokes involving ‘has teh gay’: Doesn’t bad grammar equal irony on the SDMB? [/QUOTE] It was either that or a really, really bad attempt at lolcatz-speak. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2008, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/27 "2008-01-20T12:06:18Z")
[QUOTE=matt\_mcl] See, I even left condoms on the bedside table. [/QUOTE] :smack: That’s far more accommodating than I was. I reckon should do that from now on. Perhaps I should have a little presentation box of them next to bed too. And a dildo. What is the page reference in _Debretts Correct Form_? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2008, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/28 "2008-01-20T12:54:39Z")
[QUOTE=jjimm] A few months ago I had a houseguest barge into my room after I’d gone to bed, turn on the light, _and ask for condoms_. [/QUOTE] So did you roll over for him? ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2008, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/29 "2008-01-20T14:38:23Z")
[QUOTE=jjimm] A few months ago I had a houseguest barge into my room after I’d gone to bed, turn on the light, _and ask for condoms_. “Ah,” I didn’t say. “You wish to pork your wife in my spare bed, do you? Fair enough. I look forward to laundering the stains. As your gracious host, please let me provide you with a rubber thingy to go on the end of your John Thomas to facilitate your hi-jinks without fear of pregnancy.” I don’t begrudge guests a bit of slap’n’tickle when they stay with me, but one usually expects a _bit_ of discretion… [/QUOTE] This is the one circumstance where “don’t ask, don’t tell” would work best for all involved… ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2008, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/30 "2008-01-20T16:09:49Z")
[QUOTE=Muffin] So did you roll over for him? [/QUOTE] I do try to be an accommodating host, but my charm in that circumstance was limited to giving him a condom - then giggling myself back to sleep about the enormity of the gaffe. I’m not sure if his wife ever found out - I suspect she’d have been mortified. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2008, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/31 "2008-01-20T18:07:32Z")
[QUOTE=askeptic] Maybe you could explain it to me. If it was sarcasm it was damn subtle. [/QUOTE] Why do we assume it was some sort of “whoosh”? Why not assume that it _is_ a duck (quacks like…) or a horse (…hear hooves, not a zebra…). ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2008, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/32 "2008-01-20T22:53:47Z")
[QUOTE=jjimm] :smack: That’s far more accommodating than I was. I reckon should do that from now on. Perhaps I should have a little presentation box of them next to bed too. And a dildo. What is the page reference in _Debretts Correct Form_? 😉 [/QUOTE] Make sure to add a politely worded sign about washing the dildo after using. The should be thoughtful of the _next_ dildo-using guests. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2008, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/33 "2008-01-20T23:09:39Z")
[QUOTE=jjimm] :smack: That’s far more accommodating than I was. I reckon should do that from now on. Perhaps I should have a little presentation box of them next to bed too. And a dildo. What is the page reference in _Debretts Correct Form_? 😉 [/QUOTE] Coincidentally, I saw a pattern in a knitting book for condom covers today. **jjimm** , I’m pretty sure I could work one or two up and send them to you, as a favor to someone I’ve known and liked for a long while. Besides, it could liven things up next time someone asks what I’m making. The gentleman, by the way, suggests a good response to the request would have been, “Why? Am I invited?” ---
**Author:** ![Tabula\_Rasa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a9adbd/32.png) [@Tabula\_Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabula_Rasa)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2008, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/34 "2008-01-21T01:17:14Z")
[QUOTE=Siege] Coincidentally, I saw a pattern in a knitting book for condom covers today. **jjimm** , I’m pretty sure I could work one or two up and send them to you, as a favor to someone I’ve known and liked for a long while. Besides, it could liven things up next time someone asks what I’m making. The gentleman, by the way, suggests a good response to the request would have been, “Why? Am I invited?” [/QUOTE] Ribbed stitch, I presume. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2008, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/35 "2008-01-21T02:04:44Z")
Actually, no. But since I’m reinventing (or unventing) the pattern, arrangements can be made. ---
**Author:** ![Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2008, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/36 "2008-01-21T02:34:20Z")
The nerve. At least when I left a party Saturday night, I had the courtesy to inform the host that I’d just puked in his bathroom. And I had the presence of mind to quip “The worst thing about kids is what they bring home.” I then proceeded to spend the next 11 hours puking my guts out without hitting bottom. All that and I was designated driver too. Yippee :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2008, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/37 "2008-01-21T02:37:51Z")
[QUOTE=Siege] Actually, no. But since I’m reinventing (or unventing) the pattern, arrangements can be made. [/QUOTE] Just out of curiosity, what do these look like? I’m picturing something like a very small change purse. ---
**Author:** ![Boozahol\_Squid\_P.I](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d9b06d/32.png) [@Boozahol\_Squid\_P.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boozahol_Squid_P.I)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2008, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/38 "2008-01-21T02:56:19Z")
[QUOTE=DrDeth] Why do we assume it was some sort of “whoosh”? Why not assume that it _is_ a duck (quacks like…) or a horse (…hear hooves, not a zebra…). [/QUOTE] But what if it whooshes like a whoosh? That’s giving the poster the benefit of the doubt, at least. Most people around here will hang themselves if you give them the rope to do it, and snarky humor seems to be much more prevelant than unexplained homophobia. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2008, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/39 "2008-01-21T03:34:26Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > Check your change jar for missing 20’s Since **matt\_mcl** doesn’t live in the US, he should be safe. > [@Jayn\_Newell](#): > > hot babes Montreal is known for Cite? ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2008, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138/40 "2008-01-21T03:55:12Z")
Hey Matt! Can I crash at your place when the Grand Prix comes to town?!? I’ll be good, I promise… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-houseguest-i-cant-wait-to-hear-this-one-explained/434138.md?page=3)