# Dear Inventor of the Hidden Zipper - Please Eat Shit **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 23, 2012, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746 "2012-02-23T17:11:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2012, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/1 "2012-02-23T17:11:58Z")
Ah yes, the [hidden zipper.](http://farm1.static.flickr.com/113/301010211_611e66b118.jpg) Designed to eliminate the need for buttons and to make seams lay flat. Fabulous, you say? Except the fucking piece of shit things won’t do up over seams. And wont pull up over interfacing. And catch little bits of trouser lining in them, ripping the lining. I’m sitting in my fucking office in my [cute tweed suit](http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/08/29/article-0-0D9F547300000578-419_634x850.jpg) with my fucking hidden pant zipper undone 4 cm because the stupid fucking god damn fucking cunt of a thing won’t pull up over the interfacing. I’ve spent 15 minutes in the bathroom trying to do it up. I’ve now given up, and I’m just going to sit here with my pants undone like I’ve eaten too much holiday turkey. I shouldn’t need to use a god-damn, cunting pair of pliers to do up my fucking pants in the morning. So ya, hidden zipper inventor? Eat shit. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2012, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/2 "2012-02-23T17:14:51Z")
We’re gonna need pictures. ---
**Author:** ![Cheshire\_Human](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cheshire\_Human](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheshire_Human)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2012, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/3 "2012-02-23T17:20:22Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > We’re gonna need pictures. Agreed. > [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > I’m sitting in my fucking office in my [cute tweed suit](http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/08/29/article-0-0D9F547300000578-419_634x850.jpg) Specifically, it’s cute, but what do _you_ look like in it. ;)😉 Pix pls. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2012, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/4 "2012-02-23T17:21:03Z")
Interfacing? This is something related to duvets, isn’t it. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2012, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/5 "2012-02-23T17:22:42Z")
Just to cover all angles here. Did you stop by the local Krispy Kreme on the way to work today? I’ve heard that doing so will make zippers and buttons fail. ---
**Author:** ![LeeshaJoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@LeeshaJoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LeeshaJoy)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2012, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/6 "2012-02-23T17:25:33Z")
> [@friedo](#): > > Interfacing? > > This is something related to duvets, isn’t it. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interfacing](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interfacing) ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2012, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/7 "2012-02-23T17:27:49Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > We’re gonna need pictures. > [@Cheshire\_Human](#): > > Agreed. > Specifically, it’s cute, but what do _you_ look like in it. ;)😉 > > Pix pls. I look cute. There will be no pictures. > [@friedo](#): > > Interfacing? > > This is something related to duvets, isn’t it. Its used in the waistband of trousers, and the armpits of tops and dresses, among other things. > [@Morgenstern](#): > > Just to cover all angles here. Did you stop by the local Krispy Kreme on the way to work today? I’ve heard that doing so will make zippers and buttons fail. Nope - the pants aren’t tight at all. The zipper meets easily, there is just a little ‘blip’ where the interfacing is that the stupid thing can’t pull over. It doesn’t help that it’s a side zip so I have to contort myself to try to get a good look at it. ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2012, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/8 "2012-02-23T17:42:58Z")
Is this also the guy that invented zippers that have too much of that flappy fabric covering them so whenever I try and zip it up it catches the flappy part and takes me five years to get loose? And it’s always in a mission critical situation, like when I’m skiing and it happens to my ski pants and then snow penetrates right the fuck in through my perfect armor like I’m fucking Smaug? Because that guy can eat a bag of fuck. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2012, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/9 "2012-02-23T17:43:57Z")
> [@Cheshire\_Human](#): > > Specifically, it’s cute, but what do _you_ look like in it. ;)😉 Eerily like Julianne Moore, apparently. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2012, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/10 "2012-02-23T17:51:31Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Eerily like Julianne Moore, apparently. The similarity is striking. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2012, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/11 "2012-02-23T17:55:00Z")
> [@Morbo](#): > > Is this also the guy that invented zippers that have too much of that flappy fabric covering them so whenever I try and zip it up it catches the flappy part and takes me five years to get loose? > > And it’s always in a mission critical situation, like when I’m skiing and it happens to my ski pants and then snow penetrates right the fuck in through my perfect armor like I’m fucking Smaug? > > Because that guy can eat a bag of fuck. Yep - and it’s the same motherfucker that put the zipper on my little kid’s coat so I’m dicking around every morning trying to get him zipped in while simultaneously trying to prevent him from flinging himself out of his crib, keep his boots on, prevent him from strangling the dog, and get out the farganbastageass door reasonably on time. Motherfucking camel clit, that one. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2012, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/12 "2012-02-23T17:58:26Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > I’m sitting in my fucking office in my [cute tweed suit](http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/08/29/article-0-0D9F547300000578-419_634x850.jpg) But you look so happy. Also, I asked a sweet little elderly woman who worked at Home Depot if she could help me find a pair of cunting pliers, and she said, “Fucking hidden zipper, right? Aisle 12.” ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2012, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/13 "2012-02-23T18:15:21Z")
Judging from the simmering rage in this thread, if the hidden zipper guy is smart he’d better be in hiding too. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2012, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/14 "2012-02-23T19:04:42Z")
Oh, god, I feel your pain. What I really hate is the ones that are really hidden hidden, and you have a dress that’s just stretchy enough that you think there isn’t a zipper… only there is, because you try to put it on without one and you pop a stitch somewhere in the dress. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2012, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/15 "2012-02-23T19:27:44Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > I’m sitting in my fucking office in my [cute tweed suit](http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/08/29/article-0-0D9F547300000578-419_634x850.jpg) I would like to know where your fucking office is, and whether you are taking on any new clients at this time. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2012, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/16 "2012-02-23T20:10:52Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > Oh, god, I feel your pain. What I really hate is the ones that are really hidden hidden, and you have a dress that’s just stretchy enough that you think there isn’t a zipper… only there is, because you try to put it on without one and you pop a stitch somewhere in the dress. Or worse, where you have a straight dress with a waist detail like this: [http://www.jcrew.com/womens\_category/suiting/super120s/PRDOVR~24155/24155.jsp](http://www.jcrew.com/womens_category/suiting/super120s/PRDOVR~24155/24155.jsp). You just know there’s a hidden zipper in the back that’s going to get stuck on that waist detail and you’re going to have to bend yourself into a pretzel to try to coax the son of a bitch over it. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2012, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/17 "2012-02-23T20:23:09Z")
Absolutely. Because that teeny little extra bit of seam? Zipper ain’t fucking with that. ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2012, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/18 "2012-02-23T20:46:54Z")
What you need is the Velcro Fly. Just enough of that sticky stuff, to hold the seams on your fine blue jeans. [![]( " - YouTube") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6VIuQbjDEQ) ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2012, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/19 "2012-02-23T21:21:48Z")
> [@Dallas\_Jones](#): > > What you need is the Velcro Fly. > > Just enough of that sticky stuff, to hold the seams on your fine blue jeans. Not a bad idea - I just never seen a business suit with [tear away pants.](http://www.lfsnsboardshop.com/catalog/TkTearAway_Pant_Red.jpg) :mad::(:smack: ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/20 "2012-02-24T00:41:53Z")
alice - Back when I had a real life and had suits and stuff (not that I’m complaining - I get to wear jeans to work now) I had the same problem. What I got was a [seam ripper](http://www.pennstateind.com/store/PKSR1.html). I kept it in my purse and it was marvelous for getting interfacing and or seams out of zippers - you just use the end with the little ball on it. It shouldn’t tear through any stitches or fabric **if you’re careful.** You can just ease the material out of the zipper. It’s a PIA I know, but that’s the price we pay to look good. And I want that suit. Let me know when you’re done with it - I have JUST the shoes to go with it and I love the flared legs!! 😃 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746.md?page=2)