# Dear Inventor of the Hidden Zipper - Please Eat Shit **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 23, 2012, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746 "2012-02-23T17:11:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/21 "2012-02-24T01:31:29Z")
> [@Missy2U](#): > > What I got was a [seam ripper](http://www.pennstateind.com/store/PKSR1.html). I kept it in my purse and it was marvelous for getting interfacing and or seams out of zippers - you just use the end with the little ball on it. It shouldn’t tear through any stitches or fabric **if you’re careful.** Humm - I actually have a couple of these - I agree, they are very useful to remove the lining from the zipper, but I’m not sure how they would actually help get the zipper closed, which is the big issue. As for the suit - I love it too! That’s the only reason I wear the damn thing despite my zipper woes. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/22 "2012-02-24T02:46:50Z")
I just want to chime in to say I’m glad you’re secure enough to know you’re cute, and not have to prove it to a bunch of overweight guys on the internet… (and to say “cunting zippers!”, of course) (I gave up on one and got it replaced with a big metal one, by a local seamstress) ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/23 "2012-02-24T02:58:51Z")
> [@cmyk](#): > > I asked a sweet little elderly woman who worked at Home Depot if she could help me find a pair of cunting pliers, and she said, “Fucking hidden zipper, right? Aisle 12.” There are tears running down my cheeks. Fuck me that’s funny. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/24 "2012-02-24T05:15:43Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > Designed to eliminate the need for buttons and to make seams lay flat. Fabulous, you say? No, but I’d say women are SUPPOSED to have a “seam” Down There. And that it’s cute. But I’ll never understand fashion that desexualizes the wearer. ---
**Author:** ![BlankSlate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blankslate/32/80_2.png) [@BlankSlate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlankSlate)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/25 "2012-02-24T06:08:23Z")
I never imagined Alice in Wonderland speaking this way. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/26 "2012-02-24T07:47:16Z")
> [@Morbo](#): > > Is this also the guy that invented zippers that have too much of that flappy fabric covering them so whenever I try and zip it up it catches the flappy part and takes me five years to get loose? He’s also a cobbler, because I have a gorgeous pair of brown knee high leather boots, that have a little leather flap under the zip to stop your skin getting caught in the teeth of the zip. Want to guess what gets stuck instead and locks the zip tight every second time I put the boots on? The nice protective flap is now shredded in several places from being yanked free, and the zip is on the verge of losing teeth. Boot designer, just trust us not to mutilate ourselves please, it’ll make your product last better in the long run! ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/27 "2012-02-24T16:01:36Z")
> [@BlankSlate](#): > > I never imagined Alice in Wonderland speaking this way. Curiouser and curiouser. > [@dropzone](#): > > No, but I’d say women are SUPPOSED to have a “seam” Down There. And that it’s cute. But I’ll never understand fashion that desexualizes the wearer. I think, based on this statement, that you don’t know what a hidden zipper is - they’re found almost exclusively in women’s clothing. It doesn’t eliminate the seam - just makes it lay flat. Like this: [http://cache1.bigcartel.com/product\_images/26047197/blackandgoldlacedress.jpg](http://cache1.bigcartel.com/product_images/26047197/blackandgoldlacedress.jpg) I’m not sure ‘desexualized’ is how I would describe the gal pictured… ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/28 "2012-02-24T16:43:55Z")
> [@Wheelz](#): > > I would like to know where your fucking office is, and whether you are taking on any new clients at this time. Thank you. Gentlemen, (and I use the term loosely) please. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/29 "2012-02-24T16:50:58Z")
I will never complain about wearing scrubs to work again\*. There’s something to be said for the professional attire of one’s career being pajamas. \*Note: this is not literally true. I hate scrubs with the power of a blinding bilirubin light. But at least they have no zippers. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/30 "2012-02-24T16:51:17Z")
I assume that’s the sort of clients he’s referring to, yes. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/31 "2012-02-24T17:14:48Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Gentlemen, (and I use the term loosely) please. While I’m seldom accused of being a gentleman, **alice\_in\_wonderland** surely ignored my post for good reason. This poor attempt at humor may now be allowed to die a natural death. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/32 "2012-02-24T17:18:30Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > I will never complain about wearing scrubs to work again\*. There’s something to be said for the professional attire of one’s career being pajamas. > > \*Note: this is not literally true. I hate scrubs with the power of a blinding bilirubin light. But at least they have no zippers. You mean TV has misled me again and that those subtly tailored to be cute scrubs on Scrubs weren’t exactly accurate? ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/33 "2012-02-24T17:23:57Z")
And then at the top of the nicely hidden zipper is a little “hidden closure” device consisting of a tiny hook and loop. When fastened, the waist of your skirt looks perfectly flat and all evidence of fastening is perfectly invisible. However, the little hook isn’t made of very sturdy metal wire. A little tension and pull on it, and it slowly opens up. The resulting open hook prongs right into the flesh of your side or back just like the one on my skirt is doing today. It’s fitting neatly between a couple of vertebrae on my back and I can’t lean back in my office chair because of it. Fucking skirt fastener! ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/34 "2012-02-24T17:33:06Z")
> [@teela\_brown](#): > > And then at the top of the nicely hidden zipper is a little “hidden closure” device consisting of a tiny hook and loop. When fastened, the waist of your skirt looks perfectly flat and all evidence of fastening is perfectly invisible. > > However, the little hook isn’t made of very sturdy metal wire. A little tension and pull on it, and it slowly opens up. The resulting open hook prongs right into the flesh of your side or back just like the one on my skirt is doing today. It’s fitting neatly between a couple of vertebrae on my back and I can’t lean back in my office chair because of it. > > Fucking skirt fastener! You know, those things are really the shits too. And it’s not like you have to eat your own body weight in HoHos for it to happen, either. A _TINY_ amount of pressure will either bend the thing, or make one half of it come unstitched (my usual problem) so you have a teeny-tiny little metal look hanging off your skirt or pant. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/35 "2012-02-24T17:35:14Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > I will never complain about wearing scrubs to work again\*. There’s something to be said for the professional attire of one’s career being pajamas. > > . You know, despite the comfort factor, I think I would hate wearing scrubs. They just looks so…sloppy. Yes, I know that being a nurse is a sloppy job, and scrubs are appropriate. I just wouldn’t enjoy it one bit. > [@Wheelz](#): > > While I’m seldom accused of being a gentleman, **alice\_in\_wonderland** surely ignored my post for good reason. This poor attempt at humor may now be allowed to die a natural death. 😛 I actually laughed. I just didn’t know, short of posting rates, what would be an appropriate response. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/36 "2012-02-24T17:45:27Z")
> [@teela\_brown](#): > > And then at the top of the nicely hidden zipper is a little “hidden closure” device consisting of a tiny hook and loop. When fastened, the waist of your skirt looks perfectly flat and all evidence of fastening is perfectly invisible. > > However, the little hook isn’t made of very sturdy metal wire. A little tension and pull on it, and it slowly opens up. The resulting open hook prongs right into the flesh of your side or back just like the one on my skirt is doing today. It’s fitting neatly between a couple of vertebrae on my back and I can’t lean back in my office chair because of it. > > Fucking skirt fastener! Ugh, seriously! I hate those things. I generally don’t use them unless I really need to because either the gap is too big or because I’m doing something up by myself that I really need assistance with and the hook helps. And then if you have the big ones like that in the front of a jacket (White House Black Market I am looking at you) the dry cleaner ruins them and you have to try to bend htem back into place but you fail. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/37 "2012-02-24T17:49:06Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > And then if you have the big ones like that in the front of a jacket (White House Black Market I am looking at you) the dry cleaner ruins them and you have to try to bend htem back into place but you fail. The Dry Cleaner doesn’t buy you a new jacket? ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/38 "2012-02-24T17:50:05Z")
> [@teela\_brown](#): > > And then at the top of the nicely hidden zipper is a little “hidden closure” device consisting of a tiny hook and loop. When fastened, the waist of your skirt looks perfectly flat and all evidence of fastening is perfectly invisible. > > However, the little hook isn’t made of very sturdy metal wire. A little tension and pull on it, and it slowly opens up. The resulting open hook prongs right into the flesh of your side or back just like the one on my skirt is doing today. It’s fitting neatly between a couple of vertebrae on my back and I can’t lean back in my office chair because of it. > > Fucking skirt fastener! I love it when clothing doesn’t have the hook and eye and it obviously needs it. I bought a sundress with a zipper up the side and without the hook and eye the zipper likes to slowly inch open and make me indecent. At least it’s an easy thing to remedy. You could turn them around, it can make it more awkward to put on but skirts of that type I tend to put on then turn it around and settle properly rather than twist myself up. The last dress I bought had a zipper that I found but was 2 maybe even 3 times as long as I thought it was and I didn’t discover the difference until the third time I put it on. It didn’t really need that long of a zipper. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/39 "2012-02-24T17:51:26Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > The Dry Cleaner doesn’t buy you a new jacket? Ha, no, although I have yet to go back and pitch a fit about my busted ass Space Admiral jacket. When I do I suppose they will “fix it”. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746/40 "2012-02-24T18:01:02Z")
Those hook and eye closures also get snagged in the laundry and are impossible to repair without breaking down the entire skirt and rebuilding it. When I’m building an outfit, I stay away from hidden zippers as much as possible. They’re such a pain, both requiring a special foot for the sewing machine, and probably causing issues for the wearer. I’m usually building costumes though, so a rapid change is my default assumption, and the closest viewers will usually be fifteen or twenty feet away. This eliminates the major advantage of a hidden zipper and emphasizes the downside. Hidden zippers make clothes look good. They’re terrible for function, but the form is excellent. Stronger than buttons, with a nicer join. A well-executed hidden zipper is a thing of beauty, and if done right shouldn’t overlap with the interfacing enough to disrupt operation. Enjoy, Steven [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-inventor-of-the-hidden-zipper-please-eat-shit/613746.md?page=3)