# Dear Jesus - A Moment Please?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-jesus-a-moment-please/83127
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [September 22, 2001, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-jesus-a-moment-please/83127 "2001-09-22T00:49:24Z")
**Posts on this page:** 9
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@zoogirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoogirl)
#### Post date: [September 22, 2001, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-jesus-a-moment-please/83127/21 "2001-09-22T18:34:27Z")
I’m starting to seriously wonder about Southern Baptists. I’m Baptist Union of Western Canada. We don’t think of Heaven as a place where there will be a lot of material stuff. It’s more a matter of being in the presence of Jesus. After all, isn’t that the important thing?
We sometimes use short dramas in the service to illustrate a point. (I’m on the team, its great!) One of them is about two people waiting to get in to Heaven. It’s like a doctor’s waiting room and names are called periodically over the pa. The man has been waiting for a couple of hours and the woman has just arrived. He has a large duffle bag full of stuff to get him in. He’s got pictures of his foster kid (whose name he can’t remember) his blood donor certificate. Citizen of the Year award etc. She has nothing, but she had accepted Jesus. Guess which one gets in first?! Doing “Good Deeds” is great, of course, but you don’t “Earn” your way into Heaven! It’s a gift!
Thank you Peta, I’ll take a look at those sites, but right now I’ve just finished breakfast and since rage does nothing for my digestion, I think I’ll wait a bit!
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### Author:  [@zoogirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoogirl)
#### Post date: [September 22, 2001, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-jesus-a-moment-please/83127/22 "2001-09-22T18:57:23Z")
Oh man! I got curious and looked anyway! Well, he’s right to a point, good works alone won’t do it. You need to at some point say that you accept Jesus, but if you haven’t you don’t go straight to Hell! As near as I can figure it, you simply die and stay dead! You have to be pretty spectactularly bad to rate Hell! There are millions of people in the world who have simply never heard of Jesus. They’re too young, or mentally incompetant or live in a remote area. They are not going to Hell! The S.B.'s will probably flame me for that, but Jesus operates on love, not terror. Even former Christians aren’t automatically heading straight down. Jesus loves us and wants us to be with Him, but the guy isn’t vindictive! I’m thinking HIGHLY un-Christian things about Jack Chick! ☹
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### Author:  [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)
#### Post date: [September 22, 2001, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-jesus-a-moment-please/83127/23 "2001-09-22T19:02:09Z")
**Dear Jack Chick**
“And in those days, many will call upon me, saying ‘Lord! Lord! Did we not do many wonders in your name?’ And I will say, ‘Get away from me, you evil-doers! I never knew you!’” — Jesus
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### Author:  [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)
#### Post date: [September 23, 2001, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-jesus-a-moment-please/83127/24 "2001-09-23T00:16:57Z")
I am incredibly grateful that this computer keeps telling me that the Chick sites can’t be displayed. Thank you computer.
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### Author:  [@MysterEcks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysterEcks)
#### Post date: [September 23, 2001, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-jesus-a-moment-please/83127/25 "2001-09-23T06:26:52Z")
I thought it would be a special Terrorist Attack Memorial Tract, but it’s from 1998. Chick is an asshole, but I think the bitch who decided to pass this particular one out now may be an even bigger one.
Now I have to get my computer fumigated…
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### Author:  [@tavalla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tavalla)
#### Post date: [September 23, 2001, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-jesus-a-moment-please/83127/26 "2001-09-23T20:25:30Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Peta Tzunami \*
> **Tavalla** - Ha, funny thing, Chick uses that scripture in this particular tract to explain why the missionaries who had dedicated their lives to the “works of God” would be rejected by Him and sent to hell. Guess you’d be telling Chick a little “physician heal thyself.” 😉
Unrepentant pagan I may be, but I do have a few bibles lying around the place. In this case, I didn’t even need to use one, just borrowed from his own tract.[sup]1[/sup] I found it kind of funny that he’d use that when it could just as easily apply to him, and to anyone else who presumes to know the mind of God. Last I saw, God wasn’t handing out deputy shields.
[sup]1[/sup]Although, if Jack Dick ever sees how I’ve used that quote, he’s liable to say something about the devil being able to quote scripture for his own ends.
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### Author:  [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)
#### Post date: [September 23, 2001, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-jesus-a-moment-please/83127/27 "2001-09-23T20:39:09Z")
I thought the reward in Heaven would be that you were there.
I think its snobbish, to say the least, to think theres differing status in heaven; some are holier than others.
i know theres a cult that teaches this; different levels of heaven, can’t recall their name.
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### Author:  [@saepiroth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saepiroth)
#### Post date: [September 23, 2001, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-jesus-a-moment-please/83127/28 "2001-09-23T21:00:25Z")
has anyone else noticed that that tract ups chick’s ante?
it seems to say that now it doesn’t matter if you accept jesus as your lord, but you have to get other people to do it, too, or you go to hell.
as in, from the tract (with embellishments)…
so, you’ve accepted jesus as your savior and used your life and wealth solely to raise the sandard of living for an entire continent? NO DICE! you’re going to hell so the devil can anally rape you with a pineapple for ALL ETERNITY!
and then…
so, you’ve raped and murdered little girls and were sentenced to prison wherein you converted to christianity without reforming, but got a friend of yours (Who also raped and murdered little girls) to convert without reforming with you? GREAT! you get to come up here to heaven where you will be pleasured by magic fairy sex angels for ALL ETERNITY! go you!
it’s a little extreme, i know. but i get the feeling that chick would have few qualms about actually making a tract of what i wrote above, without paraphrasing or editing to make it less offensive…
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### Author:  [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)
#### Post date: [September 24, 2001, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-jesus-a-moment-please/83127/29 "2001-09-24T05:33:43Z")
Really, I’m beginning to think that guys like Chick are proof that the Christian god _ **doesn’t** _ exist! After all, what kind of self-respecting deity would allow someone to go around desecrating his name to the extent that Chick does? Certainly, the Old Testament God wouldn’t stand for this kind of shit. Why he’d be on Chick like a boil on Job’s butt! Can’t you just see it?
God: Spread that kind of shit about me, will you? Let’s just see what happens when you experience what I like to call “the Burning Nutsack,” shall we? Christ! Junior! Get yer ass over here! I gotta send you back down again! Yeah, I know you got yer ass kicked last time, but this cock maggot’s got me pissed off! Here, lemme give a sword this time. Go down and kick some ass, willya? These humans have pissed me off for the last time! I want to you to wipe out all of 'em that believe this shit! Stupid humans, makes me wonder why I ever bothered to create ‘em. I tell ya, bein’ God’s a bitch!
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