# Dear Kenneth Branagh: Please pass the crack pipe. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 24, 2005, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kenneth-branagh-please-pass-the-crack-pipe/305235 "2005-05-24T06:51:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kenneth-branagh-please-pass-the-crack-pipe/305235/41 "2005-05-24T23:52:39Z")
I don’t know what you’d call Welles’ Macbeth. He did do a Julius Caesar that was styled after Mussolini’s Italy, but that was only on stage. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kenneth-branagh-please-pass-the-crack-pipe/305235/42 "2005-05-24T23:57:53Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > Ninja Shakespeare does sound ridiculous. Pirate Shakespeare, though, would totally rule. Zombie Shakespeare would kick both of their asses. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2005, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kenneth-branagh-please-pass-the-crack-pipe/305235/43 "2005-05-25T00:08:52Z")
> [@RandMcnally](#): > > Zombie Shakespeare would kick both of their asses. HAMLET’S FATHER: But that I am forbid to tell The secrets of my prison house I could a tale unfold That would harrow up thy soul, Freeze thy young blood, Make thine eyes, like stars, start from their spheres, Thy curly and combined locks to part And each particular hair to stand an end Like quills upon the fretful porpentine. But fuck it. **BBBRRRAAAAIIIIIHHHHNNNNZZZZZZ!!!** ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2005, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kenneth-branagh-please-pass-the-crack-pipe/305235/44 "2005-05-25T00:27:26Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > I saw Welles’ film version of Macbeth and it was in a Dark Age setting with Dark Age costumes. Are you referring to a staged version? > [@RandMcnally](#): > > Zombie Shakespeare would kick both of their asses. Oddly enough, that’s almost what Welles’ did. His 1930’s stage version of “Macbeth” was set Haiti and had a voodoo theme to it. ---
**Author:** ![Tracy\_Lord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@Tracy\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracy_Lord)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2005, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kenneth-branagh-please-pass-the-crack-pipe/305235/45 "2005-05-25T00:38:37Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > I know it’s irrational, but I can’t figure out any other reason why I love his contemporary work, and get lost in his modern characters, but the period ones might as well have a flashing neon sign pointing to him reading **KEVIN KLINE! LOOK! IT’S KEVIN KLINE OVER HERE!!! IT’S THE FISH CALLED WANDA DUDE!!!\>\>\>\>** How interesting! Maybe because I saw him first in _Pirates of Penzance_, but he’s the exact opposite for me. I always think of him as an – not old-fashioned, but “period” is a good word for it – like Emma Thompson, sort of. It always takes me a few minutes to wrap my head around him in contemporary shows, but I have no problem buying him in period stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Aeschines](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aeschines/32/16251_2.png) [@Aeschines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aeschines)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kenneth-branagh-please-pass-the-crack-pipe/305235/46 "2005-05-26T05:04:56Z")
I just hate Kenneth Brannagh. Who gives this fucker money? ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kenneth-branagh-please-pass-the-crack-pipe/305235/47 "2005-05-26T05:49:17Z")
I do! ---
**Author:** ![RealTronic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9dc877/32.png) [@RealTronic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealTronic)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kenneth-branagh-please-pass-the-crack-pipe/305235/48 "2005-05-26T07:26:55Z")
I don’t see why this is such a stretch either. I guess it doesn’t even need mentioning, but Kurosawa’s _Ran_ and _Throne of Blood_ were based on Shakespeare plays. Setting in the 19th century then, would perhaps not automatically mean adding martial arts to the theme, but I can’t say it would make it totally unrealistic. Further, seeing the critical and financial success of such movies as _Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon_ and _Hero_ recently, I am not the bit surprised that a success-starved director would try some of the same “tricks” in a Shakespeare adaptation. (However, if the movie will include Chinese swordsmen who can fly, even I will think he has gone too far!) ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 11:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kenneth-branagh-please-pass-the-crack-pipe/305235/49 "2005-05-26T11:11:09Z")
> [@RealTronic](#): > > I guess it doesn’t even need mentioning, but Kurosawa’s _Ran_ and _Throne of Blood_ were based on Shakespeare plays. I’m that sure if it needed mentioning, somebody would have brought it up in, like, the first reply to the thread, or something. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kenneth-branagh-please-pass-the-crack-pipe/305235/50 "2005-05-26T14:06:27Z")
Damn, **BrainGlutton**. That was funny! ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kenneth-branagh-please-pass-the-crack-pipe/305235/51 "2005-05-26T14:34:01Z")
> [@Tracy Lord](#): > > How interesting! Maybe because I saw him first in _Pirates of Penzance_, but he’s the exact opposite for me. I always think of him as an – not old-fashioned, but “period” is a good word for it – like Emma Thompson, sort of. It always takes me a few minutes to wrap my head around him in contemporary shows, but I have no problem buying him in period stuff. I agree. I saw him do Falstaff in Henry V a year or two ago, and he was absolutely brilliant. Had I not known beforehand that he _was_ Kevin Kline, I never would have guessed. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kenneth-branagh-please-pass-the-crack-pipe/305235/52 "2005-05-26T14:35:09Z")
Crap, **HENRY IV**. Nothing to see here. ---
**Author:** ![RobuSensei](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/919ad9/32.png) [@RobuSensei](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RobuSensei)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kenneth-branagh-please-pass-the-crack-pipe/305235/53 "2005-05-26T15:06:24Z")
> [@The Scrivener](#): > > I’ll grant Branaugh this: a Japanese-influenced adaptation has the potential for some interesting variants of the drag elements of the play (the theatricality of Noh drama, **red-light-district geisha girls,** etc.) Although the prospect of Western actors donning the whiteface makes my brain hurt. [kneejerk]No, No, _No, NO!_ Geisha were not, and _are_ not hookers![/kneejerk] :smack: :rolleyes: 😃 I’m not really familiar with this play, though, so I probably will try to see it if I get the chance. (Definitely not a given – there’s only one sizeable movie theater near here, it doesn’t show too many foreign films, and the ones it does are usually the “Hollywood blockbuster” types. Plus the standard ticket fee of around $16 USD) Besides, how bad could it be? I’ve endured performing Shakespeare sonnets set to acapella jazz singing arrangements, so… ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kenneth-branagh-please-pass-the-crack-pipe/305235/54 "2005-05-26T15:37:19Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > I know it’s irrational, but I can’t figure out any other reason why I love his contemporary work, and get lost in his modern characters, but the period ones might as well have a flashing neon sign pointing to him reading **KEVIN KLINE! LOOK! IT’S KEVIN KLINE OVER HERE!!! IT’S THE FISH CALLED WANDA DUDE!!!\>\>\>\>** How old does it have to be to count as “period”? I totally forgot who I was watching in _De-Lovely_. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kenneth-branagh-please-pass-the-crack-pipe/305235/55 "2005-05-26T17:00:43Z")
> [@Biffy the Elephant Shrew](#): > > How old does it have to be to count as “period”? I totally forgot who I was watching in _De-Lovely_. Haven’t seen it. I’ll put it in my Netflix queue now. (But it looks like the cover has him in a bow-tie, which is about where I feel “modern” begins. Ascot or earlier = “period”, for this purpose). ---
**Author:** ![Tracy\_Lord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@Tracy\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracy_Lord)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2005, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kenneth-branagh-please-pass-the-crack-pipe/305235/56 "2005-06-29T02:34:58Z")
Bump: a partial cast list is [up at IMDB](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0450972/fullcredits). Bryce Dallas Howard is Rosalind Romola Garai is Celia David Oyelowo is Orlando Adrian Lester is Oliver Kevin Kline is Jaques (GOOD casting) Alfred Molina is Touchstone Brian Blessed is Duke Frederick Jimmy Yuill is Corin. I still think this is going to be either (a) hilariously awful or (b) hilariously awesome. Possibly both. But with NINJA SHAKESPEARE! it’s kind of hard to go wrong! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kenneth-branagh-please-pass-the-crack-pipe/305235.md?page=2)