# Dear Kim Jong-Il, Dr. Evil called and he told you to back off **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 13, 2003, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kim-jong-il-dr-evil-called-and-he-told-you-to-back-off/174922 "2003-05-13T12:02:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Payton\_s\_Servant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3da27b/32.png) [@Payton\_s\_Servant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Payton_s_Servant)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kim-jong-il-dr-evil-called-and-he-told-you-to-back-off/174922/21 "2003-05-14T01:02:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nanoda \* > \*\*Personally, I think Kim Jong-Il is as sane as can possibly be. His country’s been listed among the “Axis of Evil”, and the U.S. seems to want to bomb each of them. From his point of view, the U.S. is intent on war, and all the “nutty” stuff he’s been doing lately makes much more sense if you think about it that way. > \*\* Well, it would be nice if that in fact was the case, but unfortunately it isn’t. Kim Jong-Il has **always** acted in a bizzare manner. Actually, now that I think about it, I don’t know that any of the statements issued by North Korea have ever been attributed directly to him. By my recollection, it is always, “_A statement from North Korea says…_” Gotta love those zippered jumpsuits that he wears.😛 ---
**Author:** ![Scruloose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e68b1a/32.png) [@Scruloose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scruloose)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kim-jong-il-dr-evil-called-and-he-told-you-to-back-off/174922/22 "2003-05-14T01:37:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Miller \* > \*\*I had one of those when I was a kid. It was made out clear moulded plastic, and when you pulled the trigger, it shot sparks and went “VZZZZzzzz! VZZZZzzzz!” It broke after about two weeks. > > Somehow, I’m less than terrified. \*\* Hey now, don’t joke. You get that thing within 2cm of someones eye, and they could be _startled_. Do you want startled helicopter pilots flying around the DMZ in Korea? Well do you?!? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Nanoda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Nanoda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nanoda)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kim-jong-il-dr-evil-called-and-he-told-you-to-back-off/174922/23 "2003-05-14T03:27:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Payton’s Servant \* > **By my recollection, it is always, "_A statement from North Korea says…_** Heh. A few weeks ago, someone from [_As It Happens_](http://www.cbc.ca/insite/AS_IT_HAPPENS_TORONTO/2003/5/5.html) on CBC tried to get an interview with someone from North Korea (as so much recently has been about NK). This request was denied, and it was suggested to them that they instead visit the official web site of the NK official news agency. (around the [26:20 mark](http://cbc.ca/asithappens/real/pt1-03-05-05-aih1.ram)) CBC therefore reported about a recent tour of a NK embroidery factory by Polish officials, and a later examination of an army unit by Kim Jong-Il, who gave them (and I quote), “a pair of binoculars, and an automatic rifle” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kim-jong-il-dr-evil-called-and-he-told-you-to-back-off/174922/24 "2003-05-14T05:52:28Z")
Just for clarification, the Washington _Post_ is the newspaper, the Washington _Times_ is the comic book. I get them mixed up myself sometimes. ---
**Author:** ![Beagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Beagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beagle)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kim-jong-il-dr-evil-called-and-he-told-you-to-back-off/174922/25 "2003-05-14T06:29:47Z")
ZM-87 (dazzler) blinding laser brought to you by the [PRC](http://www.china-defense.com/armor/type98/type98_3.html). > [@](#): > > The turret-mounted system carried by the Type 98 is very similar to **a tripod-mounted laser weapon that was seen for the first time at an arms exhibition in Manila in 1995. Identified at the exhibition as the “Laser Interference Device,” it matched the description of a known Chinese laser weapon called the ZM-87. According to its promotional information, one of the ZM-87’s major uses is to “injure or dizzy targeted individuals.” The ZM-87 can reportedly injure the human eye at 2-3 kms, this rising to over 5 kms using a 7-power magnification device. Additionally, short-term “flaring blind-ness” can be inflicted on the human eye at up to 10 kms.** The ZM-87 and the laser weapon carried by the Type 98 should not be confused with electro-optical “dazzlers” like those turret-mounted de-vices used by the Iraqis during Operation Desert Storm. Those Iraqi devices (some of which are believed to have been supplied by the Chinese), are designed to confuse the tracking systems of Western/NATO anti-tank guided missiles (ATGMs), without directly attacking the controlling optics or the eyesight of the weapon’s gunner. The available photos of the Type 96 have also confirmed that the laser weapon can be elevated to a higher angle than the tank’s main gun, indicating that the engagement of attack helicopters is possible. [bolding mine] “Washington Times, Moon, apocalypse” :dubious: China laser weapons (quickie search): [_Wired_, here](http://www.wired.com/news/technology/0,1282,16049,00.html). ---
**Author:** ![Beagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Beagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beagle)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kim-jong-il-dr-evil-called-and-he-told-you-to-back-off/174922/26 "2003-05-14T06:34:09Z")
This one is “not to be confused with a dazzler.” Could have fooled me, obviously. Another article called it one. Whoops. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kim-jong-il-dr-evil-called-and-he-told-you-to-back-off/174922/27 "2003-05-14T10:29:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nanoda \* > \*\*Personally, I think Kim Jong-Il is as sane as can possibly be. His country’s been listed among the “Axis of Evil”, and the U.S. seems to want to bomb each of them. From his point of view, the U.S. is intent on war, and all the “nutty” stuff he’s been doing lately makes much more sense if you think about it that way. \*\* Nah, NK and the Kim dynasty have been the apotheosis of the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party since the '50s, except with Stalin in the teapon instead of the dormouse. A buddy of mine when I lived in Hong Kong was a freelance cameraman, and about 9 years ago he smuggled a camera into NK and went in as a “tourist”. He said it’s shocking, and those were only the bits he was allowed to see. The poverty; the repression; the hubris - check out the _enormous_ unfinished hotel in Pyongyang; the rosy-cheeked denizens who are forced and brainwashed into expressing their love for the Dear Leader. Meanwhile thousands are starving to death in the north of the country. When people are seeking asylum in China, you know the place is fucked. As for foreign policy, I think it would be fair to assume that, GWB sabre-rattling notwithstanding, some of the internal insanity leaks out. ---
**Author:** ![athene1765](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/67e7ee/32.png) [@athene1765](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/athene1765)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kim-jong-il-dr-evil-called-and-he-told-you-to-back-off/174922/28 "2003-05-14T15:19:37Z")
I’ve been saying it for a while, too. Just not here. 🙂 He’s looneytunes. Toys in the attic. Cerebral short-circuit. Psychotically fucking INSANE. I do believe I could run a nation better. Step one: Don’t buy nukes. Don’t make nukes. Don’t say you have nukes. Don’t say you want nukes. Don’t say anything about nukes. Everyone with a nuke suddenly has his sword at everyone’s throat, only to discover that they’ve got swords at his throat too. They’re not an effective deterrent, because you have to be both stupid and crazy to actually LAUNCH one. Step two: When the UN wants to check you out to see if you have WMDs, don’t say “No.” Don’t say “Give me…two weeks, and don’t watch my borders.” Don’t say “Fuck you, I’m buying nukes from Syria, you can kiss my ass, and if you don’t, I’m gonna BLOWZ YA UP!!!” Welcome the UN inspectors with open arms. Let them wander freely throughout your warehouses. Give them some local pastries. Step three: Don’t have anything to hide. For the love of Pete, don’t torture people. Don’t make human atrocities public policy. No prisons for children. Step four: If you’re going to be a socialist dictator, do not drive a Mercedes and live in a palace. College students will mock you. I’m not sayin’ you can’t or shouldn’t step on toes. Just don’t step on big ones, and don’t do it with big spiky shoes. Sheesh. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kim-jong-il-dr-evil-called-and-he-told-you-to-back-off/174922/29 "2003-05-14T15:31:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by athene1765 \* > **Step four: If you’re going to be a socialist dictator, do not drive a Mercedes and live in a palace.** That rule pretty much screws every socialist dictator who’s ever been. ---
**Author:** ![athene1765](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/67e7ee/32.png) [@athene1765](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/athene1765)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kim-jong-il-dr-evil-called-and-he-told-you-to-back-off/174922/30 "2003-05-14T17:28:17Z")
> [@](#): > > **That rule pretty much screws every socialist dictator who’s ever been.** Don’t it just? Also why I can’t stand Michael Moore. Never, never trust a rich socialist. ---
**Author:** ![Sofa\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@Sofa\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofa_King)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kim-jong-il-dr-evil-called-and-he-told-you-to-back-off/174922/31 "2003-05-14T17:39:20Z")
Since this is the Pit I feel unconstrained about offering anecdotal evidence. Take it as you will, but I’m not making this up just because I Hate America So Much. I had a buddy who spent a fair amount of time on the south side of the DMZ. He told me there has been a “laser tag” war going on there for some time. Apparently, it started when some American troops got hold of some sort of targeting laser. (I have no idea whether or not the U.S. armed forces even uses a visible-spectrum targeting laser or not, but that might be one way to put this story in the shitter for good.) One day while they were “testing” the device they decided to target a North Korean farmer who was working his fields on the far side of the DMZ (that would have to be at least four kilometers away, I think). They zapped the guy and temporarily blinded him, then took turns watching through a telescopic sight as he staggered around. When the farmer started to recover, they’d zap him again. Finally the poor guy staggered away. A few days later, NK soldiers started zapping US solders with their own ranging and targeting lasers. Word of the incidents found their way up the chain of command and some people got chewed on pretty bad for it, but supposedly the “game” continued at a low level for years. I don’t know. Is it bullshit? Probably. But still, I think that there is the small possibility that this latest incident is an escalation from what was originally a juvenile prank. ---
**Author:** ![chukhung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e79b87/32.png) [@chukhung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chukhung)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kim-jong-il-dr-evil-called-and-he-told-you-to-back-off/174922/32 "2003-05-14T18:04:04Z")
For those of you referring to Kim Jong Il as “Dear Leader”, I will note in passing that, according to William Safire in a recent column here, [http://www2.gol.com/users/coynerhm/dear\_leader.htm](http://www2.gol.com/users/coynerhm/dear_leader.htm), the nutty North Korean no longer goes by “Dear Leader” but prefers his Dad’s old moniker of “Great Leader” > [@](#): > > In 1994, Kim Il Sung (Great Kim) died and was succeeded by his son, whom Western writers continued to refer to, tongue-in-cheekily, as Dear Leader. But the son, Kim Jong Il…, soon changed his sobriquet to fit his new position. > > He stopped having himself called Dear Leader (in Korean, ch’inaehanum chidoja) and assumed his father’s informal title, Great Leader (widaehan, ‘‘great,’’ yongdoja, ‘‘leader’’). But that was confusing whenever the two men were spoken of in the same sentence. To which one – the late Great Kim or the former Dear Kim, now elevated to titular greatness – did the compound proper noun Great Leader refer? > > Solution: subtly demote the dead Old Man. The deceased Kim Il Sung, formerly widaehan yongdoja, is now remembered in North Korea as widaehan suryong, ‘‘major chieftain, big boss,’’ important, but a linguistic cut below Great Leader. You gotta have a scorecard to keep track of the players in this game… ---
**Author:** ![RobbieFal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c5a1d2/32.png) [@RobbieFal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RobbieFal)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kim-jong-il-dr-evil-called-and-he-told-you-to-back-off/174922/33 "2003-05-14T20:10:37Z")
Damnit… why can’t they just call him ‘Kim the Director’ so… he’s the Greater Leader, his dad is the Great Leader. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kim-jong-il-dr-evil-called-and-he-told-you-to-back-off/174922/34 "2003-05-15T03:49:47Z")
**Sofa** , while I haven’t heard that particular tale, I’ve heard stories from every soldier who’s been to SK, that they and the NKs are _always_ exchanging pot shots at one another, so I wouldn’t be surprised if it was true that the incident you described happened. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-kim-jong-il-dr-evil-called-and-he-told-you-to-back-off/174922.md?page=1)