# Dear lying old biddy: thank you for your concern! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 14, 2003, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-lying-old-biddy-thank-you-for-your-concern/148531 "2003-01-14T16:28:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-lying-old-biddy-thank-you-for-your-concern/148531/21 "2003-01-14T20:51:04Z")
You know, I make a special point of not tearing the limbs off of small cute helpless animals with my bare hands. And then I don’t bash their heads in with a large wooden mallet, laughing like a loon. Will you send me money? ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-lying-old-biddy-thank-you-for-your-concern/148531/22 "2003-01-14T20:53:45Z")
I had 5 ferrets at one time, I resent that. I am most certainly not sane. Oh, and I have 2 now. You need more than 1 ferret so they can get into trouble together - better known as “keep each other company”. Ferrets are like a puppy/kitten combo on a triple espresso: fast, playful, short attention span, and mischievous. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-lying-old-biddy-thank-you-for-your-concern/148531/23 "2003-01-14T20:59:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by World Eater \* > \*\*Sorry **Daniel** it was remark made in jest. Nothing more nothing less. \*\* I am appalled that you are accusing me of jesting about the deaths of puppies. Why, I don’t stomp on pigeons when I go strolling in the park – I’m goddam St. Francis of Assisi! 😉 Daniel [sub]I was just imitating her bizarre letter to me – I knew you weren’t serious[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-lying-old-biddy-thank-you-for-your-concern/148531/24 "2003-01-14T21:47:58Z")
Touché, good whoosh. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-lying-old-biddy-thank-you-for-your-concern/148531/25 "2003-01-14T21:48:01Z")
**Ferret Herder** , if you are not sane, then clearly you were not serious about ferrets. Me, I’m sane. I only have two. I describe them to people as kittens on speed, although they are getting a little older and slower now ☹ ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-lying-old-biddy-thank-you-for-your-concern/148531/26 "2003-01-14T21:53:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by photopat \* > \*\*FairyChat, > > I WAITED BY THE MAILBOX FOR DAYS! > > sob. > \*\* Disappointment builds character - deal with it! [sub]snicker snicker[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Demise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/34f0e0/32.png) [@Demise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demise)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-lying-old-biddy-thank-you-for-your-concern/148531/27 "2003-01-14T22:40:11Z")
> [@](#): > > I expect we will compromise and get a ferret. A single ferret is a satan-spawn creature from the deepest depths of hell. Amazingly enough, once you get two, the vast amount of conflicting evil offsets and you get a couple of mildy infuriating rascals. Just make sure you get a cage for them and put them up at night, or you’ll end up with your couches being turned into ferret tunnel toys. ---
**Author:** ![Demise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/34f0e0/32.png) [@Demise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demise)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-lying-old-biddy-thank-you-for-your-concern/148531/28 "2003-01-14T22:41:42Z")
Oh, I guess I should address the OP… **Daniel** , don’t you have a filing system for those kinds of letters? Something like a large basket that sits on the floor with a plastic bag in it? ---
**Author:** ![swingchick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@swingchick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swingchick)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-lying-old-biddy-thank-you-for-your-concern/148531/29 "2003-01-14T23:18:26Z")
That is because she is crazy!! (Ikea quote) Maybe they were not puppies at all. Maybe they were her 8 children. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-lying-old-biddy-thank-you-for-your-concern/148531/30 "2003-01-15T00:21:14Z")
Marcie had a ferret when we met. I fell in love with Marcie first and the ferret second. We got him through lymph gland cancer surgery when he was six and we had two more good years with him. The cancer returned when he was nearly eight, causing him to lose the use of his rear legs. I held him as he “went to sleep” and I believe it was among the hardest things I ever had to do. Now, after grieving for two years, we think we are ready for another. In fact, if we get one, we are going to get two—to keep each other company. We have several cages, multi-tunnels and ferret toys galore—seems a shame not to have a few ferrets running around. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-lying-old-biddy-thank-you-for-your-concern/148531/31 "2003-01-15T01:29:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by LouisB \* > \*\*Marcie and I alternate between wanting a puppy and a ferret. I want the puppy; Marcie wants the ferret. I expect we will compromise and get a ferret. \*\* Ah, the glorious humor of elegant subtlety. I laughed, I tell you. Laughed. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Horrifying\_Howler\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df788c/32.png) [@Horrifying\_Howler\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horrifying_Howler_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-lying-old-biddy-thank-you-for-your-concern/148531/32 "2003-01-15T02:56:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by swingchick \* > \*\*That is because she is crazy!! (Ikea quote) > Maybe they were not puppies at all. Maybe they were her 8 children. \*\* God help us, but I had a woman who wanted to drop her kids off at the animal shelter I used to work for. She was totally serious, and couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t help her. Yes, there was probably something mentally wrong with her…or maybe she was moving. I gave her the children’s aid society’s number, they were probably better able to help her. ---
**Author:** ![burundi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ec8ea/32.png) [@burundi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burundi)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-lying-old-biddy-thank-you-for-your-concern/148531/33 "2003-01-15T03:09:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Demise \* > \*\*Oh, I guess I should address the OP… **Daniel** , don’t you have a filing system for those kinds of letters? Something like a large basket that sits on the floor with a plastic bag in it? \*\* Oh, I filed her second letter right alongside her first letter in my filing cabinet. And I’m glad I had her first letter on hand – that way, I could take a look at it and make sure that she was smoking crack, that she hadn’t told me that the puppies were strays. Nobody would call me overorganized, especially not if they saw my desk (or car or house or brain). But every now and then, I’m just organized enough to cover my ass. (This is, incidentally, the kind of person who will later go to the County Commissioners claiming that I threatened to feed antifreeze to her puppies and toilet-paper her house and tell naughty stories about her to all her neighbors. She’s the kind of person you want to keep your documentation on.) Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Doc\_Nickel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5fc32e/32.png) [@Doc\_Nickel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doc_Nickel)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-lying-old-biddy-thank-you-for-your-concern/148531/34 "2003-01-15T12:48:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Wang-Ka \* > \*\*You know, I make a special point of not tearing the limbs off of small cute helpless animals with my bare hands. > > And then I don’t bash their heads in with a large wooden mallet, laughing like a loon. > > Will you send me money? \*\* I’m mildly intrigued and would like to hear more about your organization. Do you have a pamphlet? Who do I make the check out to? ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-lying-old-biddy-thank-you-for-your-concern/148531/35 "2003-01-15T14:00:16Z")
Please make all funds payable to “The Society For The Extortion Of Funds From The Tenderhearted.” ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-lying-old-biddy-thank-you-for-your-concern/148531/36 "2003-01-15T15:07:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by **burundi** \* > > \*\*Daniel \*\* 😕 ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-lying-old-biddy-thank-you-for-your-concern/148531/37 "2003-01-15T15:37:47Z")
Send her a photocopy of her first letter. Oh I know you can’t but I want you to, dammit! Regarding ferrets… I love them to bits. However, they pooped everywhere! Little bastards wouldn’t use the box. (and yes, it was in the corner) If I get ferrets again in the future some day… any tips? ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-lying-old-biddy-thank-you-for-your-concern/148531/38 "2003-01-15T15:39:04Z")
D’oh! **Burundi** and I live together and use the same computer, and I’m terrible at remembering to log her off before I post something. 'Twas me, not **Burundi** ; my apologies. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-lying-old-biddy-thank-you-for-your-concern/148531/39 "2003-01-15T15:43:00Z")
IIRC ferrets are illegal in NYC. Isn’t that bizarre? ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-lying-old-biddy-thank-you-for-your-concern/148531/40 "2003-01-15T15:45:33Z")
They’re illegal in several states, because they are “wild animals” I believe. This despite various research and field tests that showed that ferrets totally suck at surviving in the wild. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-lying-old-biddy-thank-you-for-your-concern/148531.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-lying-old-biddy-thank-you-for-your-concern/148531.md?page=3)