# Dear Malodorous Lackwit Who Is Drilling For Oil In My Bedroom Ceiling **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 30, 2005, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-malodorous-lackwit-who-is-drilling-for-oil-in-my-bedroom-ceiling/310503 "2005-06-30T13:09:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Pythian\_Habenero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a6a055/32.png) [@Pythian\_Habenero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pythian_Habenero)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2005, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-malodorous-lackwit-who-is-drilling-for-oil-in-my-bedroom-ceiling/310503/1 "2005-06-30T13:09:48Z")
Stop. I don’t know what you’re doing and I really don’t care. Perhaps you expect to reach an oil well in the space under your floor. Perhaps you are constructing small buildings. Perhaps you are simply noisily destroying large chunks of concrete for the sheer amusement value therein. Whatever your cause and whatever you expect to get out of it, **you are making more noise than a constipated elephant**. Stop, for the love of sanity, before I come up there and forcibly apply your construction equipment to your hindquarters. There is no sane or rational cause for you to be making that much noise. It doesn’t seem to matter to you what time it is - noon, midnight, early mornings when I’m trying to sleep or late nights when I’m trying to think - you continue making that infernal racket until I feel the urge to scream profanities in your direction. I don’t, of course, because I’m politer than that. Damn my politeness anyway. I know it’s a hard concept for Neanderthals, but there are other people in this world, other people who would like to keep their eardrums for a few more years. So please stop trying to dig holes in the load-bearing wall - or constructing and testing giant fart robots - or possibly just running off your construction equipment because it makes you feel macho. Stop, find something useful to do with your life, and leave the construction to the paid workers on the scaffold outside the building, who are at least paid exorbitant sums of money to disturb everyone’s rest. I thought I was rid of you six months ago when you appeared to finally get the concept of silence, but no. Here you are back again like always, and I believe you’ve upgraded your equipment - at least, the noise level has gone from “Bloody Annoying” to “Dear Og, The Pain”. Or maybe that’s just the fact that whatever the gloried hells you’re doing, you have decided that right above my bedroom is just the bestest ever place to do it. It’s not. Go away. Be quiet. Move out. Find an actual workshop in which to hack at the floor with a chainsaw. Something before my eardrums or my temper give out. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2005, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-malodorous-lackwit-who-is-drilling-for-oil-in-my-bedroom-ceiling/310503/2 "2005-06-30T13:13:10Z")
Drilling for oil? Your neighbor wouldn’t happen to be named James Watt perchance? ---
**Author:** ![Pythian\_Habenero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a6a055/32.png) [@Pythian\_Habenero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pythian_Habenero)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2005, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-malodorous-lackwit-who-is-drilling-for-oil-in-my-bedroom-ceiling/310503/3 "2005-06-30T13:29:00Z")
> [@Lute Skywatcher](#): > > Drilling for oil? Your neighbor wouldn’t happen to be named James Watt perchance? No…? Google’s not helping me here. Who’s James Watt and what’s his connection with oil? ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2005, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-malodorous-lackwit-who-is-drilling-for-oil-in-my-bedroom-ceiling/310503/4 "2005-06-30T13:38:58Z")
> [@Pythian Habenero](#): > > No…? > > Google’s not helping me here. Who’s James Watt and what’s his connection with oil? [At your service.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_G._Watt) Please, please won’t you reconsider and join? Pretty please with sugar on it? Aw, c’mon, you know you want to! ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2005, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-malodorous-lackwit-who-is-drilling-for-oil-in-my-bedroom-ceiling/310503/5 "2005-06-30T13:40:45Z")
Oh, and from that article, indicating that the right wing was demonizing the left even then: > [@](#): > > “I never use the words Democrats and Republicans. It’s liberals and Americans.” – James G. Watt, 1982 ---
**Author:** ![Pythian\_Habenero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a6a055/32.png) [@Pythian\_Habenero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pythian_Habenero)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2005, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-malodorous-lackwit-who-is-drilling-for-oil-in-my-bedroom-ceiling/310503/6 "2005-06-30T13:46:09Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > [At your service.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_G._Watt) Many thanks. > [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > Please, please won’t you reconsider and join? Pretty please with sugar on it? > > Aw, c’mon, you know you want to! Ack! But… money… Internet… tendency to take long and unplanned sabbaticals! 😕 Seriously. I’d love to stick around and it’s heartwarming that everybody wants me to, but… I just don’t spend money on the Internet. call me old-fashioned, but there it is. Especially not when it’s for a year’s subscription to a messageboard. Hell, the way things have been going for me lately I’ll probably end up banned from this one before my first year is out, if I stay. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2005, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-malodorous-lackwit-who-is-drilling-for-oil-in-my-bedroom-ceiling/310503/7 "2005-06-30T14:27:55Z")
> [@Pythian Habenero](#): > > Ack! But… money… Internet… tendency to take long and unplanned sabbaticals! 😕 > Seriously. I’d love to stick around and it’s heartwarming that everybody wants me to, but… I just don’t spend money on the Internet. call me old-fashioned, but there it is. Especially not when it’s for a year’s subscription to a messageboard. Hell, the way things have been going for me lately I’ll probably end up banned from this one before my first year is out, if I stay. Get banned before the year is up? Unless you’re holding out on us, have some deep dark evil secret (OMG you’re the anti-Cecil?!?),I just don’t see it. Taking sabbaticals? Nothing wrong with that. There are some Dopers (no, I’m not naming names) who’d benefit from doing that now and then. Spending money on the Internet? Yeh, I see your point. But how about enabling someone else to spend money in a way that makes that person happy? That’s right, if you agree, I’ll subscribe you, as a treat for myself. So I won’t lose the enjoyment of reading your posts when your month is up. C’mon, lemme give myself that gift, huh? Huh? nagnagnagnagnagnagnagnag… ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2005, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-malodorous-lackwit-who-is-drilling-for-oil-in-my-bedroom-ceiling/310503/8 "2005-06-30T14:34:19Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > Oh, and from that article, indicating that the right wing was demonizing the left even then: Yeah, but mudslinging and demonizing from both sides has a long history in America, going all the way back to the founders. ---
**Author:** ![Pythian\_Habenero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a6a055/32.png) [@Pythian\_Habenero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pythian_Habenero)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2005, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-malodorous-lackwit-who-is-drilling-for-oil-in-my-bedroom-ceiling/310503/9 "2005-06-30T14:40:27Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > Get banned before the year is up? Unless you’re holding out on us, have some deep dark evil secret (OMG you’re the anti-Cecil?!?),I just don’t see it. > > Taking sabbaticals? Nothing wrong with that. There are some Dopers (no, I’m not naming names) who’d benefit from doing that now and then. > > Spending money on the Internet? Yeh, I see your point. But how about enabling someone else to spend money in a way that makes that person happy? > > That’s right, if you agree, I’ll subscribe you, as a treat for myself. So I won’t lose the enjoyment of reading your posts when your month is up. > > C’mon, lemme give myself that gift, huh? Huh? > > nagnagnagnagnagnagnagnag… Wha… you mean… you’d actually pay to subscribe me to the Straight Dope? :eek: There’s someone here who thinks my contributions are worth money? :eek: :eek: :eek: You’re on! …Wow… I feel honoured… 😃 As for deep dark secrets… nah. It’s just I’ve been banned from two other messageboards I really liked lately, and both were for incredibly stupid reasons. So the way my luck is going I can’t help but think this place’ll be next. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2005, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-malodorous-lackwit-who-is-drilling-for-oil-in-my-bedroom-ceiling/310503/10 "2005-06-30T16:15:23Z")
> [@Pythian Habenero](#): > > Wha… you mean… you’d actually pay to subscribe me to the Straight Dope? :eek: It would be worth it to keep someone who hurls insults like “malodorous lackwit!” ---
**Author:** ![Pythian\_Habenero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a6a055/32.png) [@Pythian\_Habenero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pythian_Habenero)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2005, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-malodorous-lackwit-who-is-drilling-for-oil-in-my-bedroom-ceiling/310503/11 "2005-06-30T16:28:33Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > It would be worth it to keep someone who hurls insults like “malodorous lackwit!” Wow, thanks! 😃 My every atom gleams with scintillating joy at such a well-executed compliment! ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2005, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-malodorous-lackwit-who-is-drilling-for-oil-in-my-bedroom-ceiling/310503/12 "2005-06-30T16:33:05Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > It would be worth it to keep someone who hurls insults like “malodorous lackwit!” Let me tell you somethin’, **Pythian**. That right there _points to the quote_ coming from **Eve** is the SDMB equivalent of having your performance in a musical praised by Patti Lupone. Well, except I don’t think **Eve** ’s ever sung off a balcony. Though I could be wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Pythian\_Habenero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a6a055/32.png) [@Pythian\_Habenero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pythian_Habenero)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2005, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-malodorous-lackwit-who-is-drilling-for-oil-in-my-bedroom-ceiling/310503/13 "2005-06-30T16:36:01Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > Let me tell you somethin’, **Pythian**. That right there _points to the quote_ coming from **Eve** is the SDMB equivalent of having your performance in a musical praised by Patti Lupone. Well, except I don’t think **Eve** ’s ever sung off a balcony. Though I could be wrong. So what you’re telling me is “keep scintillating”? Excellent. I’ll get right on that. _scintillates_ _scintillates some more_ ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2005, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-malodorous-lackwit-who-is-drilling-for-oil-in-my-bedroom-ceiling/310503/14 "2005-06-30T16:57:15Z")
> [@Pythian Habenero](#): > > So what you’re telling me is “keep scintillating”? Excellent. I’ll get right on that. > _scintillates_ > _scintillates some more_ Don’t scintillate too hard, you could throw out your back. [I did sing “Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina” in a strapless gown from a B’way stage once—long story] ---
**Author:** ![Pythian\_Habenero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a6a055/32.png) [@Pythian\_Habenero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pythian_Habenero)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2005, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-malodorous-lackwit-who-is-drilling-for-oil-in-my-bedroom-ceiling/310503/15 "2005-06-30T17:04:30Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > Don’t scintillate too hard, you could throw out your back. > > [I did sing “Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina” in a strapless gown from a B’way stage once—long story] Oh no, it’s my skin that I’m worried about. If I scintillate too much I’m afraid it’ll dry out… and, well, we all know what’ll happen if [I](http://www.metalandmagic.com/modules.php?set_albumName=weirdfruit&id=habeneroslug&op=modload&name=gallery&file=index&include=view_photo.php)[sup]\*[/sup] dry out. [sub]\*The picture ain’t mine, but I feel it represents me quite nicely.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2005, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-malodorous-lackwit-who-is-drilling-for-oil-in-my-bedroom-ceiling/310503/16 "2005-06-30T17:06:26Z")
> [@Liberal](#): > > Yeah, but mudslinging and demonizing from both sides has a long history in America, going all the way back to the founders. Very true. What struck me about that quote was how blatantly it drew the line between Pubs and Dems as patriots/traitors. I’m open to correction, but I don’t recall, at least in my half-century-plus of existence, seeing Republicans so broadly characterized as traitors by significant segments of the Democratic establishment. Heavens, yes, lots of other angry epithets hurled, but the traitor card? It seems to me that’s being played in only one direction. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2005, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-malodorous-lackwit-who-is-drilling-for-oil-in-my-bedroom-ceiling/310503/17 "2005-06-30T17:15:11Z")
> [@Pythian Habenero](#): > > Wha… you mean… you’d actually pay to subscribe me to the Straight Dope? :eek: Done it before, willing to do it again. > [@](#): > > There’s someone here who thinks my contributions are worth money? :eek: :eek: :eek: Hey, you at least know how to punctuate and spell, that’s worth something right there. > [@](#): > > You’re on! Okay, email me at [laura.graf@comcast.net](mailto:laura.graf@comcast.net) and we’ll get it done. > [@](#): > > …Wow… I feel honoured… 😃 Well, don’t let it go to your head, someone will slap you down sooner or later, probably sooner, especially around these parts. > [@](#): > > As for deep dark secrets… nah. It’s just I’ve been banned from two other messageboards I really liked lately, and both were for incredibly stupid reasons. So the way my luck is going I can’t help but think this place’ll be next. Yeh, so? Just as long as you don’t mess up here, no problem. Of course, if you **do** get yourself banned, I’ll track you down and pour salt on you just to watch you wither and die. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2005, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-malodorous-lackwit-who-is-drilling-for-oil-in-my-bedroom-ceiling/310503/18 "2005-06-30T17:24:09Z")
> [@Pythian Habenero](#): > > constructing and testing giant fart robots If **EddyTeddyFreddy** hadn’t already offered to pay for your subscription, I would. We need as many Dopers who talk about “giant fart robots” 😃 as we can get. ---
**Author:** ![Pythian\_Habenero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a6a055/32.png) [@Pythian\_Habenero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pythian_Habenero)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2005, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-malodorous-lackwit-who-is-drilling-for-oil-in-my-bedroom-ceiling/310503/19 "2005-06-30T17:25:29Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > Done it before, willing to do it again. > Hey, you at least know how to punctuate and spell, that’s worth something right there. Okay, email me at [laura.graf@comcast.net](mailto:laura.graf@comcast.net) and we’ll get it done. Done. And w00t. > [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > Well, don’t let it go to your head, someone will slap you down sooner or later, probably sooner, especially around these parts. Heh, I think I can manage not to get too helium-filled about it. And you’d be surprised - some people dislike me because I have good grammar. > [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > Yeh, so? Just as long as you don’t mess up here, no problem. Of course, if you **do** get yourself banned, I’ll track you down and pour salt on you just to watch you wither and die. 😉 Hah! Nice one. I fear the salt. Of course, in return, if I ever get banned I’ll be sure to track you down and leave spicy slime trails all over your house. They’re a real pain in the stalks to clean off, I’ll have you know. ---
**Author:** ![Pythian\_Habenero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a6a055/32.png) [@Pythian\_Habenero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pythian_Habenero)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2005, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-malodorous-lackwit-who-is-drilling-for-oil-in-my-bedroom-ceiling/310503/20 "2005-06-30T17:32:31Z")
> [@Anne Neville](#): > > If **EddyTeddyFreddy** hadn’t already offered to pay for your subscription, I would. We need as many Dopers who talk about “giant fart robots” 😃 as we can get. Oh, you do, do you? Well then, I have a good friend to whom I’ll have to introduce these boards sometime. I think if he were given the opportunity, all he’d **ever** talk about is giant fart robots. Thank you. It’s always lovely to hear people appreciate my linguistic efforts. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-malodorous-lackwit-who-is-drilling-for-oil-in-my-bedroom-ceiling/310503.md?page=2)