# Dear Mr. Rattlesnake **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 15, 2005, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mr-rattlesnake/321712 "2005-09-15T02:46:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mr-rattlesnake/321712/1 "2005-09-15T02:46:14Z")
Dear Mr. Rattlesnake: I feel I must complain about the declining quality of education provided these days in rattlesnake school. What are you teaching your younger generation? In olden times, (the past 31 years) not _One Single Rattlesnake_ ventured into my yard. Two copperheads and one cottonmouth, yeah, but those are inferior species so allowances must be made. Then too, three in 31 years ain’t too bad. But last year one rattlesnake verntured into the yard and had to be dispatched. I wrote him off as being one of those rare cases that won’t pay attention to elders. Then another one last week and I’m thinkin’ WTF? Then there’s this afternoon! I built this small (6 by 10 foot) dog run for the tiny dog that lives inside the house here, just so he wouldn’t get into trouble. (You do know how dumb dogs are right?) Then this afternoon the Missus is out in the run with the dog, they’re minding their own business, when your cousin shows up. The dog barks and the missus scoops him up and yells at me through the window “Snaaaaakeee! A Big One!!!” Your stupid cousin, of some 4 & 1/2 feet if you care, has positioned him/herself in front of the side door to the house, effectively penning the missus and her dog in the small run with no way out. How dumb is that? So I go grab a gun but then the stupid cat has positioned herself (wisely outside the dog-pen wire and away from the snake) in direct line of fire where the .22 bullet will ricochet after passing through the snake and hitting the concrete pad he’s coiled up on. I go back in the house and find a piece of plastic to toss at the cat so I can shoot the snake. The cat runs away, but then the yard dog wakes up. Now, it’s in the yard dog’s job description to bark when a snake enters the yard, but in this case she’s failed miserably. “I’ll make up for it”, says Yard Dog to herself and starts barking wildly and racing about, and the wife’s yellin’ “Hurry up!” and the little dog’s yappin’ in her arms and tryin’ to get down so he can get snake-bit and the rattlesnake is buzzin’ like a flock of them 17-year locusts and in other words, all hell’s broke loose. So I shoot the snake through the head, which is good. But the way (s)he is coiled up, the bullet also passes through the middle of the snake and so snake blood and snake guts and snake shit get blown all over the place and I’ve got to do this big-ass clean up job. Now to the point, Mr. Rattlesnake: I keep this lawn mowed very closely. The two small patches of woods that are within 50 yards of the house are burned every winter, and there are no brush piles or other areas attractive to snakes close to the house. When I’m walking in the distant Big Woods and come across you and yours, do I hit y’all with sticks or throw rocks at you? NO! I walk around if possible. Or if you’re laying in the only path, I back up three steps, get a running start and jump over you. No harm, no foul and we both get a little rush out of it, right? So, I give you your space. Please ask your children to give me mine! Return to fundamentals in the rattlesnake schools, please! Simple courses, such as: Mowed lawns are not good for us. There are no yummie rabbits or rats in cleared places with no brush piles. Humans and dogs should be avoided, and they live in or near houses, so stay away from houses. Just a few simple courses like that and order can be restored around here. I know, you’re going to complain about how the younger generation is going to be the end of the world and all that. “Kids these days!” and such. Bullshit! Make 'Em Learn! Or else I’ll shoot. Good day, Sir Rattlesnake ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mr-rattlesnake/321712/2 "2005-09-15T03:58:04Z")
[Dear Mr. John Carter of Mars](http://www.gabemartinez.com/pictures/CJM/2002/rattlers/DCP01924.html) : Beware! Do not test our patience, for we are powerful, and quick to anger! We have come to claim the yard that is rightfully ours. If your offspring insist on intruding into our new, expanded sphere of influence, well, don’t fret too much. Human young are not at challenging an opponent as the fully grown males of _homo sapiens_. Watch your step when you choose to encroach on our play area! ---
**Author:** ![Squink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@Squink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squink)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mr-rattlesnake/321712/3 "2005-09-15T04:21:57Z")
Poor little(!) rattlesnake. It spends a week and a half just struggling to get out of New Orleans, and what do you do? You Shoot it! Blood all _over_ the place. Should have better served it up a hot rattlesnake meal, and offered a cozy bed. You know, in California, they [treat their rattlesnakes with Respect.](http://www.littlegreenfootballs.com/weblog/?entry=15488) ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 7:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mr-rattlesnake/321712/4 "2005-09-15T07:40:54Z")
You should have kept it and learned to milk the venom. You can get a good price for venom, or so I hear, and you and the snake would both serve a useful purpose. Next time, consider the rattlesnake as a business opportunity. ---
**Author:** ![Crotalus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crotalus/32/41_2.png) [@Crotalus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crotalus)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mr-rattlesnake/321712/5 "2005-09-15T12:00:05Z")
You have killed one of us, but we’re making more while you sleep. ---
**Author:** ![Madd\_Maxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Madd\_Maxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Madd_Maxx)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mr-rattlesnake/321712/6 "2005-09-15T13:19:35Z")
Did you make an example out of the offending snake? A nice pair of boots, or perhaps a belt buckle? Did you at least put it’s head on a pike to serve as a warning to other snakes: Don’t slither here or I will tread on you? ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mr-rattlesnake/321712/7 "2005-09-15T13:31:21Z")
Biggest rattler I’ve ever seen was in Alabama, the day after almost stepping on a way too agressive watermoccasin, this a couple of days after seeing a dead 97 lb rattler in the paper. Bama’s got some big ass snakes. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mr-rattlesnake/321712/8 "2005-09-15T14:31:40Z")
Are you going to eat it? Rattlesnake meat is pretty good. Growing up Louisiana and living in Massachusetts now, I kind of miss having to watch out for poisonous snakes. It just gave every trip into the yard or woods that certain “edge”. My wife, who is from here, can’t even relate. I don’t miss water mocassins though. Every one of those fuckers can burn in hell and I will supply the wood. Even still, you should see how many snakes there are on my 2 1/2 acres in the distant Boston suburbs. I don’t know why but it seems to put everywhere else I have lived to shame just by sheer numbers. This is like their designated meeting area. My 3 year old daughter loves snakes and makes me catch them for her so that she can “pet them”. I refuse to catch anything over three feet for her but there are plenty to choose from. I have caught five for her this year and let over a dozen go. My father shoy a 7 foot rattlesnake crossing a road in Texas once. He came home and put it in our freezer without telling anyone. I came home and opened the freezer and almost jumped out of my skin. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mr-rattlesnake/321712/9 "2005-09-15T15:11:00Z")
> [@LouisB](#): > > You should have kept it and learned to milk the venom. You can get a good price for venom, or so I hear, and you and the snake would both serve a useful purpose. Next time, consider the rattlesnake as a business opportunity. Perhaps the beekeeper guy needs a sideline. **John Carter** should mention it to him. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Goob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c77e96/32.png) [@Mr.Goob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Goob)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mr-rattlesnake/321712/10 "2005-09-15T17:18:47Z")
I for one welcome our new serpant overlords. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mr-rattlesnake/321712/11 "2005-09-15T22:01:32Z")
My friend, clearly what you need is a [mongoose](http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B0006FO9G0.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg) [Rowr!](http://www.seeiscool.com/student/brina/mongoose.jpg) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mr-rattlesnake/321712/12 "2005-09-15T23:09:02Z")
**DiosaBellissima** , a warning, please. That “Rowr” pic was just scary. I’ve not seen taxidermy that bad since I looked at Audabon’s book of mammal portraits of North America. \ ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mr-rattlesnake/321712/13 "2005-09-15T23:45:07Z")
If any of you ever get the chance to hear Tim Bedore’s (a comic) “Vague But True” story about how the animals hate humans and are conspiring to take over, go for it. I just wish the copyright rules were suspended for one day. I’d quote it verbatim. It is an unknown classic. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2005, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mr-rattlesnake/321712/14 "2005-09-16T01:32:38Z")
> [@Crotalus](#): > > You have killed one of us, but we’re making more while you sleep. There’s a **Crotalus** on the SDMB? :eek: :eek: :eek: Be that as it may, to you and others who’ve posted regarding the new serpentine overlords: Beware! I plan to catch every king snake I find and release it in the yard. They’ll eat your babies with gusto. (heh) > [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > ``` > My friend, clearly what you need is a mongoose > > ``` Nice thought, but not so. Rikki Tikki Tavi can kill the cobra, which strikes at a downward angle, and is quite slow. The rattlesnake is a little too quick and mean for Rikki. **LouisB** , I think it takes more than one rattler to get a marketable quantity of venom. I’m not interested in starting a rattlesnake farm.(Though recent events tend to indicate that I already have one.) As far as what I did with the carcass, I threw it under the power lines, whence I heard buzzards squawking over the remains this afternoon. I have cleaned and eaten a rattlesnake in the past, but that was in harder times. Now I can afford beef, so I skip the snake fritters. I’d tell you I killed another one today, on the road about 100 yards from the house, but y’all would think I’m bullshittin’ ya’ even though I wouldn’t be. Bullshittin’ ya’, that is. My theory is this: Three years ago a timber company thinned a large tract of timber that borders this place. Thinning results in increased populations of rabbits and rodents, which in turn increases the rattler’s food supply, which in turn results in more rattlesnakes. Maybe them trees will grow fast, re-establish a canopy and the food supply will decline to acceptable levels. **This Year’s Model** , I don’t think Bubba would be up for milkin’ rattlesnakes. I could do it, but I ain’t of a notion… ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2005, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mr-rattlesnake/321712/15 "2005-09-16T03:52:23Z")
> [@LouisB](#): > > You should have kept it and learned to milk the venom. You can get a good price for venom, or so I hear, and you and the snake would both serve a useful purpose. Next time, consider the rattlesnake as a business opportunity. A market for venom? From who-He Who Must Not Be Named? That does it, I’m moving to Ireland. Too goddamned many snakes in this country. ---
**Author:** ![Cerri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3bc359/32.png) [@Cerri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cerri)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2005, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mr-rattlesnake/321712/16 "2005-09-17T14:10:45Z")
> [@John Carter of Mars](#): > > I have cleaned and eaten a rattlesnake in the past, but that was in harder times. Now I can afford beef, so I skip the snake fritters. Rattlesnake is _way_ more expensive than beef if you’re purchasing it from an exotic meat butcher. Last place I tried to get it from was 55 bucks a pound. Just FYI 😉 Damn, I want me some fried rattlesnake now. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2005, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mr-rattlesnake/321712/17 "2005-09-17T16:51:31Z")
I’d just like to mention that I took that and the other rattlesnake pictures myself. Look out, Crocodile Hunter! Crikey! ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2005, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mr-rattlesnake/321712/18 "2005-09-17T21:38:55Z")
> [@John Carter of Mars](#): > > Be that as it may, to you and others who’ve posted regarding the new serpentine overlords: Beware! I plan to catch every king snake I find and release it in the yard. They’ll eat your babies with gusto. (heh) I had forgotten that nifty little factoid! I used to own a California Kingsnake, pictured [here](http://www.desertusa.com/magfeb98/feb_pap/du_kingsnake.html) before The Caddy decided there was going to be no lovin’ until it was gone. So I donated it to one of the high school biology teachers with generous visitation. 🙂 Anyway, one the neatest things of the kingsnake is that it’s immune to the venom of many ofther snakes. > [@](#): > > **The Kingsnake derives its name from its habit of eating other snakes, and is most famous for eating rattlesnakes, copperheads and coral snakes**. But it also feeds on other snakes, lizards, birds and their eggs, small mammals, turtles and frogs. It is usually active in the morning and later afternoon but under very hot conditions will be active at night. > [@](#): > > The Kingsnake locates and identifies rattlesnakes at night with its sense of smell. It immediately bites and surrounds its victim with suffocating coils, as a Boa Constrictor would do. Since it is immune to the poison of venomous snakes, the Kingsnake is little concerned with being bitten. When the rattlesnake is well exhausted, the Kingsnake simply swallows it whole, while still alive. Man, what a great pet he was. Named him Ceaser. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2005, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mr-rattlesnake/321712/19 "2005-09-18T04:37:41Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > A market for venom? From who-He Who Must Not Be Named? Nah. They use it to produce antivennin, which is administered to snake-bite victims. > [@duffer](#): > > …The Caddy… You are one brave guy, **duffer**. Here’s hopin’ The Caddy doesn’t happen across this thread! > [@](#): > > The Kingsnake locates and identifies rattlesnakes at night with its sense of smell. It immediately bites and surrounds its victim with suffocating coils, as a Boa Constrictor would do. Since it is immune to the poison of venomous snakes, the Kingsnake is little concerned with being bitten. When the rattlesnake is well exhausted, the Kingsnake simply swallows it whole, while still alive. I had the unusual experience of watching a Kingsnake catch and eat a Cottonmouth in this manner once. Cool, but leaves ya’ with a queasy feeling. Kinda’ gross looking, actually. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2005, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mr-rattlesnake/321712/20 "2005-09-18T06:00:44Z")
> [@Cerri](#): > > Damn, I want me some fried rattlesnake now. ☹ And it sounds like he gutted it for you and everything! Now he has to learn how to dress a deer with one shot and he’ll never have to buy beef again. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mr-rattlesnake/321712.md?page=2)