# Dear Mrs. Chango **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 7, 2015, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mrs-chango/714475 "2015-03-07T21:04:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2015, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mrs-chango/714475/21 "2015-03-08T12:03:45Z")
You can see that OP from space. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2015, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mrs-chango/714475/22 "2015-03-08T15:31:25Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > I can understand being a same-sex prostitute, specializing in working class men. But homeless men who live under freeway underpasses? I mean, I can understand having sex with homeless men . . . but for sex-for-pay? Paid with what? I can’t believe there’s much profit in it. Sex for drugs, sex for cash, and… well, maybe he enjoys something about it being low-class/dirty/thrilling/dangerous/something else? ---
**Author:** ![get\_lives](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@get\_lives](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/get_lives)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2015, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mrs-chango/714475/23 "2015-03-08T16:47:05Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > I can understand being a same-sex prostitute, specializing in working class men. But homeless men who live under freeway underpasses? I mean, I can understand having sex with homeless men . . . but for sex-for-pay? Paid with what? I can’t believe there’s much profit in it. > > This guy needs some serious career advice. My thoughts exactly, not to mention the fact that homeless dudes don’t necessarily bathe all that regularly. Some probably do, but… ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2015, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mrs-chango/714475/24 "2015-03-08T18:10:47Z")
Maybe he’s too ugly to be a downtown rent boy. Or he’s providing a needed service for the downtrodden and offering up the unpleasantness to Jesus. ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2015, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mrs-chango/714475/25 "2015-03-08T20:24:36Z")
The boy ain’t ugly. I must presume that it’s easier and more fulfilling for him, at this time in his life, to allow strangers to feed and house him than it is to put up with the occasional demands of his mother. Which says something, I guess. I wrote this thing several years ago; the kid would be approaching twenty now. Assuming he ain’t dead in a ditch. Makes me wonder whatever happened to Mrs. Chango’s younger kids, and if she continued to keep producing them annually… ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2015, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mrs-chango/714475/26 "2015-03-08T21:22:22Z")
So he allows homeless men to feed and house him under freeway underpasses? ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2015, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mrs-chango/714475/27 "2015-03-08T22:19:40Z")
Money can be exchanged for goods and services. ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2015, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mrs-chango/714475/28 "2015-03-09T00:08:13Z")
I figured his preferred clientele had homes. Still, my understanding of the business is sketchy. ---
**Author:** ![HelenGawn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@HelenGawn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HelenGawn)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2015, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mrs-chango/714475/29 "2015-03-09T00:25:15Z")
> [@RivkahChaya](#): > > One day, she’d come in insisting she was a cat, and another kid would say she was _pretending_ to be a cat, and she’d go immediately from 0 to 60 having a screaming hissy fit that she wasn’t pretending, SHE WAS A REAL CAT! Have you seen _[The Slap](http://www.nbc.com/the-slap)_? Her future husband is a character. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2015, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mrs-chango/714475/30 "2015-03-10T16:34:15Z")
“It’s not working, man! We’ve tried nothing and we’re all out of ideas!” ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2015, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mrs-chango/714475/31 "2015-03-10T17:08:41Z")
This editorial needs to be published on the front page of a national newspaper. And it should be in IMHO, it deserves better than the Pit. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2015, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mrs-chango/714475/32 "2015-03-10T17:12:13Z")
Seriously, you should publish this. This editorial could go viral. ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2015, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mrs-chango/714475/33 "2015-03-11T03:23:08Z")
I’m too damn caustic to go viral, even when I edit out the dirty words. It’s kind of you to say so, though. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2015, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mrs-chango/714475/34 "2015-03-11T03:46:47Z")
This OP should be fixed in lapis lazuli onto the marble dome of the Taj Mahal, carved into the forehead of every firstborn son until time immemorial, and broadcast into the farthest reaches of space as a beacon of hope to all intelligent life forms. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2015, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mrs-chango/714475/35 "2015-03-11T05:43:29Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > This OP should be … carved into the forehead of every firstborn son until time immemorial… I hope you’re not one of the people who periodically complain about tattoos, body jewelry, or piercing the ears of babies. ---
**Author:** ![grayhairedmomma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/47e85d/32.png) [@grayhairedmomma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grayhairedmomma)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2015, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mrs-chango/714475/36 "2015-03-11T15:48:55Z")
What I get from the OP is that the mother kept trying to get help for her son. She probably understood that she had failed him in some way, and was trying her best to prevent the unfortunate turn of his life. It didn’t work, for sure. But, speaking as a parent with just 2 kids, the oldest behaving almost exactly like the boy in this story from the age of 9 - 15, I can’t help but feel sympathy. I’m just thankful that whatever switch needed to be flipped for my daughter to re-engage in school, got flipped early enough for her to still get accepted to college. ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2015, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mrs-chango/714475/37 "2015-03-11T17:32:26Z")
> [@grayhairedmomma](#): > > What I get from the OP is that the mother kept trying to get help for her son. She probably understood that she had failed him in some way, and was trying her best to prevent the unfortunate turn of his life. > > It didn’t work, for sure. But, speaking as a parent with just 2 kids, the oldest behaving almost exactly like the boy in this story from the age of 9 - 15, I can’t help but feel sympathy. I’m just thankful that whatever switch needed to be flipped for my daughter to re-engage in school, got flipped early enough for her to still get accepted to college. Can’t judge you or your son. I am in no position to judge your parenting. But I knew Mrs. Chango for years, and I knew more about her and her family and her parenting than I ever wanted to. Mrs. Chango’s epic peaked when she secured the services of an advocate, a state employee, to work with us on Mrs. Chango’s behalf. This very nice and professional (but firm and take-no-guff) lady came in ready to bring the power of the state and the law to bear on behalf of her client, and would brook no interference or foot dragging! In the course of a three hour meeting, this very nice and professional lady discovered that Mrs. Chango had LIED to her about durn near everything going on between the school, Mrs. Chango, and her son. ONE example: the advocate, IIRC, was under the impression that the school would not provide SPED transportation. The TRUTH was that the school would provide transportation all she wanted, but was unwilling to wait more than five minutes beyond a certain scheduled point, and was unable at ALL to enter the house and make the little bastard get out of bed. I’ve worked with state advocates. Sometimes they’re necessary. Sometimes school officials would rather bounce the issue back at you rather than fulfill their obligations under state and federal law. And if you let them do it to you, no one’s ever the wiser. That’s why these advocates exist. They know your rights, and they know how to make a school behave! Regrettably, these advocates can do no more for you than the law allows. And like a lawyer, it is an EXTREMELY BAD IDEA to lie to your advocate. Because in this case, the advocate wound up looking like a complete fool through no fault of her own, and we had full documentation of how we’d covered this woman’s rights by law from top to bottom. An advocate is about protecting your rights. Mrs. Chango’s rights were covered. She was all about forcing the school to do what she wanted, not because she was entitled to it, but because she WANTED it. This is not to say that there are not children with mental or behavioral issues, despite the best parents in the world. Dealing with one of those right now at work. I can’t think of a bad thing to say about the kid’s parents. But I could go on all night about Mrs. Chango. ---
**Author:** ![grayhairedmomma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/47e85d/32.png) [@grayhairedmomma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grayhairedmomma)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2015, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mrs-chango/714475/38 "2015-03-12T17:07:37Z")
> [@Master\_Wang-Ka](#): > > Can’t judge you or your son. I am in no position to judge your parenting. Phew. For a minute I was concerned. > [@Master\_Wang-Ka](#): > > Mrs. Chango’s rights were covered. She was all about forcing the school to do what she wanted, not because she was entitled to it, but because she WANTED it. So here again, I’m not seeing how she deserves this level of scorn and derision, except for the number of children she has. By your own admission the boy had a stable home, food, clothing, access to a good education. He had a parent who cared enough to advocate for him - although apparently not in the best way. At worst, she sounds ignorant and at her wits end, back then at least. ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2015, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mrs-chango/714475/39 "2015-03-12T17:25:05Z")
> [@grayhairedmomma](#): > > Phew. For a minute I was concerned. > > So here again, I’m not seeing how she deserves this level of scorn and derision, except for the number of children she has. By your own admission the boy had a stable home, food, clothing, access to a good education. He had a parent who cared enough to advocate for him - although apparently not in the best way. At worst, she sounds ignorant and at her wits end, back then at least. Well, like I said, I’ve never met you. I’d be a fool or a villain to judge you or your child without some pretty comprehensive criteria, and I’m not feeling that stupid or evil, today. But in Mrs. Chango’s case, I am talking about a woman who routinely pulled her eldest daughters out of school to care for their younger siblings, routinely ignored her middle children, and in general, routinely failed and ignored her responsibilities as a parent. Once they got through toilet training, that was it; they were pretty much on their own. I’m not saying she didn’t love them. I’m saying that she largely failed them. Her attendance at ARD meetings were not, for the most part, attempts to improve things for her children; they were attempts to deal with truancy issues, because being cited for truancy was eatin’ her takehome pay. I might also add that she was willing to pay for her DAUGHTERS’ tickets; it was Li’l Chango who she wasn’t willing to cover. Precisely why Li’l Chango could not stay home and toilet train the next generation, I do not know. Perhaps this is women’s work at the Chango household. More likely, she knew he’d just look diligent as long as someone was watching, and then duck out. I can’t speak for you and your child. Perhaps he has a disorder of some sort, and his behavior would be an issue no matter WHAT your parenting. Never met either of you;\* I do not know.\* But after three years with Li’l Chango and his mom? I can say with some authority that HIS issue was that he had no respect for his parents. And after three years of meetings with his mom, I have a pretty clear picture of why. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-mrs-chango/714475.md?page=1)