# Dear Penthouse Forum, **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 21, 2001, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391 "2001-08-21T18:20:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/1 "2001-08-21T18:20:52Z")
I never thought the letters I read here were true until the the other day when… ---
**Author:** ![Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/258eb7/32.png) [@Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wonko_The_Sane)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/2 "2001-08-21T18:23:20Z")
I was at the (X) and having a conversation with this gorgeous (Y) and before you know it… ---
**Author:** ![Simetra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Simetra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simetra)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/3 "2001-08-21T18:25:30Z")
Then her sister walked in… ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/4 "2001-08-21T18:28:09Z")
…along with her entire sorority… ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/5 "2001-08-21T18:28:13Z")
…juggling an assortment of vegetables… ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/6 "2001-08-21T18:32:13Z")
…so we drank a couple of fifths of bourbon… ---
**Author:** ![Briminator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba9def/32.png) [@Briminator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briminator)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/7 "2001-08-21T18:33:36Z")
…then I remebered the whipped cream… ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/8 "2001-08-21T18:35:11Z")
…At which point my giant one eyed trousers anaconda became harder than quantum mechanics in Chinese… ---
**Author:** ![rundogrun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5daacb/32.png) [@rundogrun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rundogrun)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/9 "2001-08-21T18:40:35Z")
So I grabbed the whipped cream, made a salad with the vegetables, and went back to the sorority house to toss them together. When we got there… ---
**Author:** ![inertia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/d07c76/32.png) [@inertia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inertia)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/10 "2001-08-21T18:44:25Z")
… three midget call girls and a yak were waiting for us. We proceeded to … ---
**Author:** ![finnofranco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@finnofranco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/finnofranco)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/11 "2001-08-21T18:51:42Z")
don our Ernest Borgnine latex masks and Mr. T gold chains. We turned up the stereo so as to fill the room with the silky and seductive sounds of… ---
**Author:** ![lawoot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/35a633/32.png) [@lawoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lawoot)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/12 "2001-08-21T19:00:38Z")
Frank Zappa’s “Joe’s Garage”. The midgets and the yak broke out the… ---
**Author:** ![Abe\_Babe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3ab097/32.png) [@Abe\_Babe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abe_Babe)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/13 "2001-08-21T19:01:10Z")
_The Dark Side of the Moon_ while we watched _The Wizard of Oz_. I volunteered to be the Lollipop Guild. ---
**Author:** ![Survey1215](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecb155/32.png) [@Survey1215](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Survey1215)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/14 "2001-08-21T19:20:00Z")
Did I forget to mention that I’m a student at a large midwestern university? Anyway, turns out the yak has the biggest… ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/15 "2001-08-21T19:24:20Z")
…appetite you’ve ever seen, it just devoured all the veggies in seconds. So I asked the Sororites President if she had any amazing talents to share… ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/16 "2001-08-21T19:30:03Z")
…and that’s when she grabbed a pair of cucumbers and a quart of Crisco. She told me sit back and enjoy the show while… ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/17 "2001-08-21T19:31:03Z")
…and she showed me how to make an entire suit of clothing out of tinfoil. Things like this NEVER happen to me! Well, the doorbell rang, and… ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/18 "2001-08-21T19:40:25Z")
…the pizza guy showed up holding his 16"… ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/19 "2001-08-21T19:44:20Z")
…machete. He saw the yak, remembered the final scene from Apocalypse Now, and lifted the blade… ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/20 "2001-08-21T19:52:35Z")
…Performing the world’s first Yak Briss and discovering a tasty new pizza topping all at once! We all ate the whole thing, and I was so hungry I was eyeingthe empty pizza box which still had some cheese and grease in it. I asked the pizza guy with a smile “You like to munch box?” A heady silence descended the room as… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391.md?page=2)