# Dear Penthouse Forum, **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 21, 2001, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391 "2001-08-21T18:20:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/21 "2001-08-21T19:56:18Z")
someone said, “Do you hear that heady silence?” No one answered, it being impolite to talk with your mouth full. Just then… ---
**Author:** ![Syzygy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Syzygy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syzygy)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/22 "2001-08-21T20:03:29Z")
…all the sorority girls decided to wet down their… ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/23 "2001-08-21T20:09:15Z")
…front lawn by turning on the sprinklers. Out on the lawn they found… ---
**Author:** ![Briminator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba9def/32.png) [@Briminator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briminator)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/24 "2001-08-21T20:18:52Z")
…my old trampolene with one bent leg, then they… ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/25 "2001-08-21T20:20:05Z")
…a pair of Golden Tablets sacred to the Church of the Latter-Day Saints… ---
**Author:** ![Montfort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Montfort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Montfort)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/26 "2001-08-21T20:33:15Z")
… who taught me that I never should … ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/27 "2001-08-21T20:44:15Z")
…say hell. But what the hell. I whipped out a clothes hanger and some tartar sauce and started to… ---
**Author:** ![PatrickM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7feea3/32.png) [@PatrickM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickM)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/28 "2001-08-21T20:53:38Z")
oil it up. Then, for protection, one of the girls gave me… ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/29 "2001-08-21T20:56:28Z")
Twist and bend the coat hanger, until I had it in the proper shape, then I covered it with toilet paper using the tartar sauce as plaster. All this time the sorority girls were eating oysters chewing the box, and snorting my spanish fly stash. Finally when it was finished I spun around and showed them my impromptu sculpture. The brunette with the perky boobs exclaimed "My God, it’s… ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/30 "2001-08-21T21:00:53Z")
…something my gynecologist, who I am **extremely** attracted to, by the way, might use to… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/31 "2001-08-21T21:02:59Z")
…weed her garden. But before I could warn her, she had snatched it from my grasp, placed it on the ground for leverage, and began to… ---
**Author:** ![Knight16](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/35a633/32.png) [@Knight16](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knight16)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/32 "2001-08-21T21:03:58Z")
Patrick Duffy. He came in through the bathroom window and asked if he could watch. I didn’t mind, since I was getting tired anyway. So I grabbed the closest blonde and entered her… ---
**Author:** ![rundogrun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5daacb/32.png) [@rundogrun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rundogrun)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/33 "2001-08-21T21:15:09Z")
…hot, soaking wet canal. She explained they built it around the sorority house after returning from a recent trip to Venice. She apologized for the rain and humidity, but I didn’t mind as she planted her lips around my… ---
**Author:** ![Montfort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Montfort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Montfort)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/34 "2001-08-21T21:16:49Z")
… gun and said … ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/35 "2001-08-21T21:18:15Z")
…I can’t talk so well while I’m sucking your .44, but… ---
**Author:** ![Abe\_Babe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3ab097/32.png) [@Abe\_Babe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abe_Babe)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/36 "2001-08-21T21:45:25Z")
“Is it true you are shooting blanks?” Enraged, I popped a cap in the back of her head. I had been looking all evening for a way to open my bottle of beer. When I was done, she took the bottle and. . . ---
**Author:** ![Terminus\_Est](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terminus_est/32/3087_2.png) [@Terminus\_Est](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terminus_Est)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/37 "2001-08-21T21:59:12Z")
…inserted it into the hot blonde’s… ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/38 "2001-08-21T22:03:11Z")
…dorm-sized refrigerator, kept on the porch for just such occasions. I climbed onto the porch swing and… ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/39 "2001-08-21T22:12:50Z")
… said “Enough goddamned foreplay. Are we gonna do this or not?” The blonde replied … ---
**Author:** ![Abe\_Babe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3ab097/32.png) [@Abe\_Babe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abe_Babe)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/40 "2001-08-21T22:23:08Z")
“You shore do have a purty mouth.” I heard banjo music in the background. I took the blonde inside to . . . [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391.md?page=3)