# Dear Penthouse Forum, **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 21, 2001, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391 "2001-08-21T18:20:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2001, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/61 "2001-08-22T13:39:55Z")
… “What are YOU doing here? I’m amazed!” Well, I have a special place in my heart for dogs, so I took him… ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2001, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/62 "2001-08-22T13:59:13Z")
…out back to the chopping block, since the special place is the deepest, darkest, blackest corner of my heart. With trembling hands, I raised my blade, Prepared to make it, but… ---
**Author:** ![Briminator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba9def/32.png) [@Briminator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briminator)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2001, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/63 "2001-08-22T14:24:01Z")
…2 blondes come running up pleading for the dogs life. One of them whispers in my ear… ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2001, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/64 "2001-08-22T14:42:31Z")
…I’m surprised you didn’t recognize the lyrics to **Pink Floyds** , _The Final Cut_. They are awesome. In fact, if you spare the mutt, I’ll hum a few bars… ---
**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2001, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/65 "2001-08-22T14:57:01Z")
…as I’m really good at humming", says Blonde #1, as she kneels down to… ---
**Author:** ![Briminator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba9def/32.png) [@Briminator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briminator)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2001, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/66 "2001-08-22T15:06:19Z")
…tie her shoe lace, “but I can’t figure out how to do this” I kneel down to… ---
**Author:** ![Montfort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Montfort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Montfort)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2001, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/67 "2001-08-22T15:19:50Z")
… help her, but we accidentally bump our … ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2001, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/68 "2001-08-22T15:24:54Z")
…completely engorged sexual organs immediately leading to… ---
**Author:** ![Briminator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba9def/32.png) [@Briminator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briminator)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2001, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/69 "2001-08-22T15:39:05Z")
…Sexual assault lawsuits all around, I end up in handcuffs… ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2001, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/70 "2001-08-22T15:42:07Z")
…and straped to the bed. All the girls jump on the bed and start to… ---
**Author:** ![Cosmopolitan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/94ad74/32.png) [@Cosmopolitan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cosmopolitan)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2001, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/71 "2001-08-22T16:01:07Z")
…yell for the yak to come into the room ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2001, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/72 "2001-08-22T16:20:36Z")
looking up at the celing I notice a large hook and cables attached to a winch and then I see the Yak is wearing a harness so the girls then… ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2001, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/73 "2001-08-22T17:03:59Z")
…start threading the cables through their elaborate nipple jewelry, preparing to… ---
**Author:** ![Arken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@Arken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arken)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2001, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/74 "2001-08-22T17:18:10Z")
…write a letter to Cecil asking, "Why does it always hurt when I… ---
**Author:** ![VanLandry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/eb9ed0/32.png) [@VanLandry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VanLandry)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2001, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/75 "2001-08-22T17:54:40Z")
…A moment of clarity in which I vowed never to… ---
**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2001, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/76 "2001-08-22T18:07:45Z")
…allow Crisco into any bodily orifice again. The last time that happened was when the… ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2001, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/77 "2001-08-22T18:09:24Z")
…bash my head with this club… ---
**Author:** ![rundogrun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5daacb/32.png) [@rundogrun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rundogrun)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2001, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/78 "2001-08-23T00:45:52Z")
…which always causes multiple story lines to come into my head, which leads back to my task at hand. Speaking of Crisco and the task at hand… ---
**Author:** ![Pessor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/439d5e/32.png) [@Pessor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pessor)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2001, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/79 "2001-08-23T01:19:36Z")
…we’re at a freakin’ sorority house drunk with a can of Crisco yet nobody can seem to actually… ---
**Author:** ![OxyMoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e9a140/32.png) [@OxyMoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OxyMoron)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2001, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391/80 "2001-08-23T02:16:45Z")
Hold on to those peeled cucumbers the girls thoughtfully provided… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-penthouse-forum/77391.md?page=5)