# Dear Porn Directors **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 19, 2005, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864 "2005-06-19T01:37:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Liz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/liz/32/17737_2.png) [@Liz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liz)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2005, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/21 "2005-06-19T06:25:04Z")
> [@Tentacle Monster](#): > > And to the cameraman: shut the fuck up! Dude. Preach it. And fuck the spitting, man. I **hate** that. It seems like I see it most in straight porn, but I’m just **waiting** for one of the good lesbian directors that I like to start that bullshit in her movies. I see it coming [haw, haw] already. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2005, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/22 "2005-06-19T07:12:10Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > What the hell is that about anyway? I’ve never heard a single person say they were into that. As a dom/humiliation thing? Depends on the scene, really, and… …Okay, I’ll just go over here. ---
**Author:** ![Liz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/liz/32/17737_2.png) [@Liz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liz)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2005, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/23 "2005-06-19T07:13:36Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > …Okay, I’ll just go over here. Don’t slip on all the spit. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2005, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/24 "2005-06-19T07:28:44Z")
Dear Porn Directors: Get your furniture from somewhere other than Goodwill, or stop going to $10 a night motel rooms. Men should never wear socks, especially black socks, in bed. Background music…do you assholes even know what music is? I have heard cell phone ring tones with better music. Dialogue…please, if you can’t write it, or if the “actors” don’t know how to talk, just forget it. Please. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2005, 8:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/25 "2005-06-19T08:32:59Z")
You all need to stop watching crappy American porn. Porn has come a long way from the low-budget cheezy 70’s, so we should all take advantages of the advances in the industry. Get some good movies from Sweden’s Private, England’s Viv Thomas, Denys DeFrancesco (DDF) or Christoph Clarke from France. This European stuff is all top notch. The sets are beautiful, often filmed in the Mediterreinian or Hungary - NO crappy motel rooms. The women are hotter and more natural-looking. The guys are SO much better looking - you won’t find all the tattoos, piercings, hair, fat, bad hygiene, that you do here, because most of the men in European porn movies could just as easily be male fashion models as their female co-stars. You won’t see a lot of spitting or whatever the hell you’ve been talking about here, or trashiness and sleaze in general. This erotica is about class - some prefer it, some don’t, but I definitely do. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2005, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/26 "2005-06-19T10:01:52Z")
…and while you’re at it, DON’T KEEP CUTTING TO THE GUY’S FACE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SCENE! Trust me, we don’t want to see the guy’s face. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2005, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/27 "2005-06-19T11:47:46Z")
> [@DMark](#): > > Dear Porn Directors:Men should never wear socks, especially black socks, in bed. And _nobody_, but _ **NOBODY** _, should ever wear fucking **SHOES** in bed. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2005, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/28 "2005-06-19T13:43:41Z")
> [@An Arky](#): > > …and while you’re at it, DON’T KEEP CUTTING TO THE GUY’S FACE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SCENE! Trust me, we don’t want to see the guy’s face. Speak for yourself. When I was still closeted to the video store clerk and renting boy/girl stuff, I used to WISH for more shots of the guy in straight porn. And lesbian scenes! Ewww! I still think I should be refunded for the 10 minutes in every. single. straight. porn that it was girl-on-girl… ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2005, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/29 "2005-06-19T14:19:34Z")
I have given serious thought to making my own porn. No, not porn with me in it. Don’t run away. I mean porn the way I like it. ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2005, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/30 "2005-06-19T14:34:12Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > Ugh. Was it a lubrication thing or a humiliation thing? I don’t mind it as a lubrication thing (mostly because you know they really used actual lube…they couldn’t pay ME enough to get sausaged without Wet) but I hate it when it’s used as a humiliation technique. I try to avoid those types of porn, but sometimes when I download something with a vague enough title, it shows up. Getting sausaged. I like it. It’s both descriptive and funny. OT: The only thing that bothers me more is fake rape. Like where the guy is like “No, I don’t want to” and the other guy’s like “You’re going to!” and it cuts back to the “rapee” saying “You’re right, I do want to greedily consume your genitals!” ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2005, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/31 "2005-06-19T14:35:07Z")
> [@Harimad-sol](#): > > I have given serious thought to making my own porn. No, not porn with me in it. Don’t run away. I mean porn the way I like it. I have thought about this too. It would be a lot more fun than my current job. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2005, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/32 "2005-06-19T14:36:32Z")
> [@Big Bad Voodoo Lou](#): > > I have thought about this too. It would be a lot more fun than my current job. Hell yes. I could even incorporate the current job into it somehow. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/45deac/32.png) [@Evil\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_One)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2005, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/33 "2005-06-19T15:53:42Z")
> [@Tentacle Monster](#): > > And to the cameraman: shut the fuck up! > [@An Arky](#): > > …and while you’re at it, DON’T KEEP CUTTING TO THE GUY’S FACE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SCENE! Trust me, we don’t want to see the guy’s face. Both of these are production issues. The voice you are hearing belongs to the director or cameraman. You are hearing it because the camera has a built in microphone that they are using to pick up the audio of the actors. They obviously are doing very little post production editing and are using one or two takes at most if you are hearing them. This is an indicator of low-quality production values. As for you, An Arky, what you are seeing is called a cut-away. You have to go to something else when editing to switch the composition of the shot during the scenes or you get what is known as a “jump cut”. You can see an illustration of this on local news as well. (Not the porn). Next time you see someone giving a soundbite, watch and listen. When you see a switch from the subject talking (usually to an interested looking reporter) and then back to the subject, you have just seen an audio edit covered with the vidoe of the cutaway of the reporter. ---
**Author:** ![kidchameleon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kidchameleon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidchameleon)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2005, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/34 "2005-06-19T16:16:03Z")
> [@Beware of Doug](#): > > And _nobody_, but _ **NOBODY** _, should ever wear fucking **SHOES** in bed. I disagree. Mmmmmm, stilettos… ---
**Author:** ![Cugel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cugel/32/1199_2.png) [@Cugel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cugel)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2005, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/35 "2005-06-19T16:56:11Z")
> [@Evil One](#): > > You have to go to something else when editing to switch the composition. Yeah, but any thing but the “parolee’s” bonce will do. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2005, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/36 "2005-06-19T17:01:11Z")
> [@Beware of Doug](#): > > fucking **SHOES** in bed. Do I even have to say anything? ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2005, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/37 "2005-06-19T18:25:36Z")
> [@kidchameleon](#): > > I disagree. Mmmmmm, stilettos… But not on a waterbed. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2005, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/38 "2005-06-19T20:02:04Z")
> [@Dr. Rieux](#): > > But not on a waterbed. Wouldn’t stilettos on a waterbed constitute edge play? Be a great way to end a scene. Woman: AAAAAHHH OHHHHHH AHHHH Man: AAAAAAAH AAAAAAAH OHHHHH Woman who has head legs raised to shoulder height now smashes them into the bed, pierding the overinflated watger bed and sending great gushers of water streaming everywhere while couple screams and flails about in ecstasy/confusion. yeah … that’d work. ---
**Author:** ![Dark\_Side\_of\_the\_Floyd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bb73d2/32.png) [@Dark\_Side\_of\_the\_Floyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dark_Side_of_the_Floyd)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2005, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/39 "2005-06-19T21:01:39Z")
> [@Evil Captor](#): > > Wouldn’t stilettos on a waterbed constitute edge play? Be a great way to end a scene. > > Woman: AAAAAHHH OHHHHHH AHHHH > Man: AAAAAAAH AAAAAAAH OHHHHH > > Woman who has head legs raised to shoulder height now smashes them into the bed, pierding the overinflated watger bed and sending great gushers of water streaming everywhere while couple screams and flails about in ecstasy/confusion. > > yeah … that’d work. That would be cool, actually… Hmm. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/45deac/32.png) [@Evil\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_One)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2005, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/40 "2005-06-19T22:14:44Z")
This thread reminds me once again that I have the skills and ability to make all the porn I want. All I need is actors. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864.md?page=3)