# Dear Porn Directors **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 19, 2005, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864 "2005-06-19T01:37:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2005, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/41 "2005-06-19T22:41:54Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > My porn nit pick is that most of the women (wiiiiiiiide brush) are usually pretty hot. What porn are you watching and where can I get it? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2005, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/42 "2005-06-20T01:23:18Z")
> [@Harimad-sol](#): > > I have given serious thought to making my own porn. No, not porn with me in it. Don’t run away. I mean porn the way I like it. The problem is, it won’t sell in high enough numbers to cover your costs. Porn is the way it is because it gets the highest return for the cheapest amount of money. Creative ideas, extra time spent to get it looking good, and trying new things like not having the cliches, means low audience numbers and no profit. It sucks. The only reason we can afford to do it is because it’s a sideline that is funded by our website. If all we were doing was video for DVD sales, we’d have to fall back on cheap and simple crap to stay afloat, just like all the others do. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2005, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/43 "2005-06-20T02:24:57Z")
The only time one should spit during sex is those little _thpt, thpt_ spits to get the errant pube off of your tongue. 😃 I wish I could just once see something that had a quasi-believable plot line. When a woman reaches into a guy’s pants, and has this look of _surprise_ when she finds a penis. :rolleyes: You were expecting the Daily News? Also, when a guy’s wife/girlfriend walks in and discovers him pounding her neighbor/friend/cleaning lady/sister like Jackhammer McStroke, and after a half second of astonishment, she gets nekkid and joins in on the action. Yeh. Like most _real_ wives/girlfriends wouldn’t either pull a .38 out of her purse, or grab a kitchen knife. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2005, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/44 "2005-06-20T03:45:29Z")
Who was the Doper that had a dangerous encounter with a water bed - IIRC, it was either Scylla or Master Wang-Ka. (I’m far too tired to search) And where have those two been hiding, anyway? As for me, today’s shoot fell pretty squarely into the “A gig’s a gig” category. ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2005, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/45 "2005-06-20T04:22:38Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > I wish I could just once see something that had a quasi-believable plot line. When a woman reaches into a guy’s pants, and has this look of _surprise_ when she finds a penis. :rolleyes: You were expecting the Daily News? In gay porn, it may be because the other guy is so feminine, that neither knows for sure if the other guy really is a man. YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2005, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/46 "2005-06-20T04:27:21Z")
> [@chaoticdonkey](#): > > Getting sausaged. I like it. It’s both descriptive and funny. _bows_ I live only to serve. Or is that service? Never can keep those straigh…er, never can remember which one’s which… ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2005, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/47 "2005-06-20T04:35:26Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > _bows_ > > I live only to serve. Or is that service? Never can keep those straigh…er, never can remember which one’s which… Never can keep them gayly in order? I hate it when people use “gayly \_\_\_\_\_” to replace “straight”. But I thought it’d be funny here. ---
**Author:** ![Black\_Train\_Song](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4da419/32.png) [@Black\_Train\_Song](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Black_Train_Song)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2005, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/48 "2005-06-20T05:27:10Z")
Am I the only one who digs the spitting thing? Wow. I love it when a chic spits on whatever she’s sucking. You’re all nuts! I like dirty girls. As for the storyline…just don’t have one. It’s really not the point of watching a porno. ---
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2005, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/49 "2005-06-20T05:30:24Z")
[Looks at his $14.95 Looks at the screen $14.95 The screen] Hmmm…maybe I’ll just go find Ass Miners vol. 1-37… ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2005, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/50 "2005-06-20T05:33:19Z")
> [@Rooves](#): > > Am I the only one who digs the spitting thing? Wow. I love it when a chic spits on whatever she’s sucking. You’re all nuts! I like dirty girls. > > As for the storyline…just don’t have one. It’s really not the point of watching a porno. Nothing at all wrong with dirty girls. The spitting is just…eh. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2005, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/51 "2005-06-20T06:30:29Z")
> [@chaoticdonkey](#): > > In gay porn, it may be because the other guy is so feminine, that neither knows for sure if the other guy really is a man. YMMV. What gay porn are you watching, and will you send me some? ---
**Author:** ![Maxxxie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f14d63/32.png) [@Maxxxie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maxxxie)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2005, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/52 "2005-06-20T12:22:18Z")
> [@chatelaine](#): > > … I’m just **waiting** for one of the good lesbian directors … There is such a thing as a good lesbian director? Who? And where can I find their porn? Max. ---
**Author:** ![Liz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/liz/32/17737_2.png) [@Liz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liz)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2005, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/53 "2005-06-20T12:32:10Z")
> [@Maxxxie](#): > > There is such a thing as a good lesbian director? Who? And where can I find their porn? > Max. There’s a few. Two of the best are Shar Rednour & Jackie Strano, who directed/starred in _Hard Love & How To Fuck In High Heels_ and _Sugar High, Glitter City_; which, IMO, are the two best by-lesbians for-lesbians pornos ever made. I don’t think I can give a direct link, but if you go to blowfish dot com and look in their video section under Lesbian Videos, you’ll see four or five good ones, including the ones I mentioned above. Shar and Jackie’s website [not porn, per se – it’s about their production company and offers their videos for sale] is sirvideo dot com. ---
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2005, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/54 "2005-06-20T14:16:10Z")
Okay, I think I have a solution to the “talking director” problem that doesn’t involve post-production sound editing: cue cards. ---
**Author:** ![Wolfian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7ea924/32.png) [@Wolfian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolfian)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2005, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/55 "2005-06-20T14:30:20Z")
Would they be written or pictures? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2005, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/56 "2005-06-20T14:44:36Z")
I suppose it would have to pictures or else you’d get the performers lip-reading the cards. ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2005, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/57 "2005-06-20T15:27:35Z")
> [@Tentacle Monster](#): > > Okay, I think I have a solution to the “talking director” problem that doesn’t involve post-production sound editing: cue cards. GIRL (monotone, reading): Ride me you trucker, ride me. GUY (monotone, reading): Yes, that’s it. Yeah. Oh God, yes. GIRL (monotone, reading): Oh harder. Harder, yes. Moan. (SLAPS FOREHEAD) Oh! Duh. Ooooohhhhhhhhh. ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2005, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/58 "2005-06-20T15:33:15Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > What gay porn are you watching, and will you send me some? The kind that gets deleted as soon as I notice that that’s true. 😛 Also, **BBVL** , I held in my laughter until the “Moan” part. Damn you. ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2005, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/59 "2005-06-20T17:57:16Z")
Cue cards might be an improvement over a cameraman waving and pointing. What’s that? You want me to cross downstage and wag my willie at someone? Cross and stick it in someone? No? You want me to uh… look fondly at the other cameraman? Leave the set entirely? Answer the door and find a hunky dishwasher installer? I couldn’t figure what the hell he wanted me to do, so I just kept doing what seemed to make sense with the prevailing conditions. A gig is a gig and the checks’s already been cashed. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2005, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/60 "2005-06-20T18:26:05Z")
I second the recommendation of **Argent Towers** for European productions, particularly on the Private label. Pierre Woodman’s _Pyramid_ trilogy is about as good as mainstream adult filmmaking gets, IMO. Sexy scenes, attractive performers, and a plot that’s interesting enough to not be stupid and yet not so labored that it gets in the way of the, uh, whatever you’re doing while you’re watching. > [@Evil One](#): > > This thread reminds me once again that I have the skills and ability to make all the porn I want. All I need is actors. Don’t kid yourself, the ability to manage actors is a **major** prerequisite for success in the industry. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864.md?page=4)