# Dear Porn Directors **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 19, 2005, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864 "2005-06-19T01:37:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2005, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/61 "2005-06-20T18:30:49Z")
> [@kidchameleon](#): > > I disagree. Mmmmmm, stilettos… All right, they’re nice, but right now they’re practically _mandatory_. I prefer my women in their natural state, no shoes, trashy lingerie, or street clothes. As for my men, I prefer them mostly invisible, unless they’re interacting in a meaningful way with the woman. I’d swear some of these tapes were all about the guys, the way they linger on them. ---
**Author:** ![ltfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@ltfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ltfire)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2005, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/62 "2005-06-20T19:48:48Z")
So, what about snowballing? Spits mixed in for sure, yes? (Google it with quotation marks, if you’re not familiar. :eek: ) ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2005, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/63 "2005-06-20T21:51:12Z")
> [@chatelaine](#): > > There’s a few. Two of the best are Shar Rednour & Jackie Strano, who directed/starred in _Hard Love & How To Fuck In High Heels_ and _Sugar High, Glitter City_; which, IMO, are the two best by-lesbians for-lesbians pornos ever made. I don’t think I can give a direct link, but if you go to blowfish dot com and look in their video section under Lesbian Videos, you’ll see four or five good ones, including the ones I mentioned above. Shar and Jackie’s website [not porn, per se – it’s about their production company and offers their videos for sale] is sirvideo dot com. I browse the Blowfish site entirely too often and I keep wanting to buy these videos. Looks like I may have found myself a birthday present after all. ---
**Author:** ![SanibelMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@SanibelMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanibelMan)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/64 "2005-06-21T02:29:52Z")
Can someone explain to me why, while the guy is pounding away, he suddenly takes his penis out, waves it around a little, and sticks it back in? I mean, does it get overheated in there or something? It’s just bizarre. ---
**Author:** ![Susie\_Derkins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47774/32.png) [@Susie\_Derkins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Susie_Derkins)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/65 "2005-06-21T03:12:11Z")
Maybe so that you don’t forget what a massive hogleg he’s packing? “Here it is…and it’s still GINORMOUS!” ---
**Author:** ![Seven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/66 "2005-06-21T05:32:38Z")
My note to porn directors. 1. When someone goes “huck-toooey” on a cock or pussy, I can’t help but laugh. It kind of breaks the mood because it is SO STUPID! 2. Please hire someone to do the girls makeup. I do not get turned on by women who look like hookers who turn tricks in clown bars. (Side note: Did you even LOOK at her hair? I’m supposed to want to fuck these girls and NOT want to put their head under the garden hose and wash all the gunk off) 3. When it comes to tits, let’s deflate a little can we? If you must hire girls with tit jobs please have the tits look somewhat real. Here’s a tip, the side of a breast is NOT supposed to crumple like a half filled ziploc bag. 4. If she’s going to make such stupid sounds have someone put a cock in her mouth and shut her up. Yelling “AAAAARGLLLGGEEEEE FUCK ME GUACK GUACK AAAAURGH CUNTS!” at the top of her lungs is just silly. 5. Painted fingernails going itno a woman during a lesbian scene is fine. 3 inch long painted fingernails going into a woman during a lesbian scene makes me squint my eyes the same way I do when I’m watching one of those Home Video shows when I know the guy is going to get hit in the nuts by the baseball. Expecting some form of vaginal perforation or a missing Lee Press On is NOT sexy. 6. How about a scene where the people involved act like they like each other? Down and dirty hardcore fucking is fine but come on. Quit taking your “craft” so serious. All i’m asking for is one scene per movie where the people are a little playful with each other (you know,. like REAL sex between couples). In the last 8 or so porn flicks I’ve seen everyone looked so angry. Just one fun scene. That’s all I’m asking. You can put the playful scene right after the mandatory lesbian scene. 7. Stop taking pictures while filming. I know it’s just cheap California porn but give me a break. Take the website shots another time. 8. Male porn stars are porn stars because they have big hard cocks. Start shooting AFTER the cock gets hard. Watching a chick suck on a floppy pee-pee is sort of silly. 9. Keep the sound or light guy out of the shot. How fucking hard is that? ---
**Author:** ![Liz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/liz/32/17737_2.png) [@Liz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liz)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/67 "2005-06-21T06:07:21Z")
> [@Harimad-sol](#): > > I browse the Blowfish site entirely too often and I keep wanting to buy these videos. Looks like I may have found myself a birthday present after all. You’ll thank yourself, I promise. > [@Seven](#): > > 1. Painted fingernails going itno a woman during a lesbian scene is fine. 3 inch long painted fingernails going into a woman during a lesbian scene makes me squint my eyes the same way I do when I’m watching one of those Home Video shows when I know the guy is going to get hit in the nuts by the baseball. Expecting some form of vaginal perforation or a missing Lee Press On is NOT sexy. **A-fucking-men**. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/68 "2005-06-21T10:26:19Z")
> [@SanibelMan](#): > > Can someone explain to me why, while the guy is pounding away, he suddenly takes his penis out, waves it around a little, and sticks it back in? I mean, does it get overheated in there or something? It’s just bizarre. So he lasts longer. ---
**Author:** ![Tomcat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Tomcat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tomcat)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864/69 "2005-06-21T11:24:01Z")
The last few pornos I’ve seen are all the exact same action script: Suck/mini-lick/screw/anal/orgasm on tits or face Is that the standard script they hand out? No mixing around, no orgasms from anything other than anal, the women most definitely don’t come (not even pretending)…It’s just bor-ing… -Tcat [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-porn-directors/308864.md?page=3)