# Dear Santa **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 9, 2002, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-santa/141490 "2002-12-09T11:36:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![7string](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/7/8baadc/32.png) [@7string](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/7string)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-santa/141490/61 "2002-12-13T22:23:02Z")
Dear Santa, As you know, 99.9% of people are stupid. Could you bring me a cure for stupidity? I promise to cure as many people as I possibly can. Of course, once smart people (whether they be cured or naturally smart) saw that I had a cure for stupidity, they would certainly volunteer to help me cure more people. That would go a long way to making the world a better place. -7- ---
**Author:** ![Flowerchild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/858c86/32.png) [@Flowerchild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flowerchild)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-santa/141490/62 "2002-12-13T23:03:44Z")
Dear “Santa” Socks Rule!!, but this year, I want Kerplunk! and I’m sorry that I said you were dead, but that page was pretty convincing. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Marvel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marvel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marvel)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-santa/141490/63 "2002-12-13T23:05:44Z")
For my hubby, I want his blood sugar to always be under 90 and his blood presure to stay low. Oh, and to actually get PAID for those short stories he publishes. For me, I’d like my student loan paid off, a shiny new purple Volkswagon Beetle and chocolate with no calories. Oh, and if the whole World Peace thing is a bit tough to pull off, I’d settle for Osama bin Laden suddenly appearing in the middle of a packed fire house or police station. In New York City. They’ll handle things from there. Patty ---
**Author:** ![if\_you\_don\_t\_know\_i\_won\_t\_tell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/fbc32d/32.png) [@if\_you\_don\_t\_know\_i\_won\_t\_tell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if_you_don_t_know_i_won_t_tell)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-santa/141490/64 "2002-12-14T20:08:30Z")
Dear Santa, I hope you’re not too busy this year, I can’t imagine how big your mail box must be! Anyway, I have only one wish this year. That is for everyone to be more accepting. More accepting of each other, themselves, and the world around them. This is a little tougher than world peace, but less likely to go monkey paw. Thanks a million ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-santa/141490/65 "2002-12-14T20:25:51Z")
Dear Santa, I couldn’t see what I was typing through my tears. Now, how about that Corvette? Kat > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Clothahump \* > Listen you fat little troll, I’ve been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT’S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! > … > Yours truly > Barbie I was immensely relieved to find out who was _really_ typing that letter, but I still cannot purge the image of Clothahump the turtle in a bikini from my mind. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Magic8ball](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Miss\_Magic8ball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Magic8ball)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-santa/141490/66 "2002-12-14T20:38:09Z")
Dear santa… Hey dude, whatcher doin? Freezing your ass off? I am. You know, I appreciate the fact that you come to my house first ever year… but then, since I live like, and hour away from you, I guess thats not too big of a deal. Thanks for the “manicure/pedicure” kit you got me last year… I use the motorized spinning nail buffers and files and things for drummel tools… they are surprisingly good at sanding things down. This year my christmas wishes are reletively simple. 1.Hair that is managable enough to spare me the name “moufassa”(lion king…) 2.A comfortable bra 3.A kitten 4.A pina colada… I’ve been craving one something bad… 5. A fantasy bookstore all to myself 6. a magical medication that will make all my scars disapear(physical ones) or, you could just transport me to baltimore where I could live happily in my anties backyard under a tree and get a permanent tan… either one. Best wishes, MM8B. P.S. Did you like your beer and cookies We left out last year? I’m thinking I might leave you some of our homebrew this year… its extremely potent. You know how cold it gets outside… ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-santa/141490/67 "2002-12-14T22:08:05Z")
Dear Santa, Please leave me a fifth of gin and twelve (12) ninja stars. Regards, ultrafilter ---
**Author:** ![ranwashingt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@ranwashingt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ranwashingt)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2002, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-santa/141490/68 "2002-12-15T01:37:10Z")
Dear Santa…Just give me another reason for taking pills…the ‘It makes it easier to lose weight reason’ just ain’t cutting it since I’ve gained 20 pounds since coming up with it. And maybe a sporty little hatchback, since yer asking. Rand ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2002, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-santa/141490/69 "2002-12-15T03:11:52Z")
I have to go with Rue’s EFFCIEGH cause I can’t think of a darn thing I’d want more…well…maybe an Escalade. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Aquarius\_guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/91b2a8/32.png) [@Aquarius\_guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquarius_guy)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2002, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-santa/141490/70 "2002-12-15T21:11:03Z")
Dear Santa, I know there are many of us nice confident teenage guys out there, but occasionally you’ll find one of us. Life here is going pretty great, and over the years I’ve accumulated pretty much all the objects I could desire(that are commercially avaliable, I could use a dragon too). However as with nice guys, we are often not the ones that catch teenage females’ eyes. It must have something to do with the lack of tattoos and piercings. Anyways, if you’d be so kind as to notify FairyChatMom’s daughter. I’d appreciate it. ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-santa/141490/71 "2002-12-16T15:22:00Z")
Dear **TMWSTER** Electric fences are inhumane, but Santa will happily establish the territory of a larger animal that these dogs will fear mightily by peeing around the edge of your property line. Santa * * * Dear **mrblue92** Santa has a nice blow-up doll that looks just like her. Ain’t Santa great? Santa * * * Dear **Barbie** Leave to a woman who’s had too much plastic sugery to want to renegotiate her contract before the old one has expired. Santa’s got great lawyers, so you can’t wiggle out of this one sweet stuff. We’ll talk in 2010. Santa * * * Dear **Junglelove** Not a bad wish list, but Santa has it on good authority that you really want a _George Foreman Family Size Lean Mean Grilling Machine TM_. That’s what youre slated for, and your area of the Magic Bag is already packed. Perhaps next year. Santa * * * Dear **7string** Unfortunately, there’s no true “cure” for stupidity. If the newly made smart person doesn’t care for and water thier intelligence, it will wilt. I can give you a couple of bottles of [smart pills](http://www.nfldproducts.com/jokes/showjoke.php3?jokeid=4) instead. Santa * * * Dear **Flowerchild** Santa is exhausted by your pathetic attempts to discredit him. You’re getting a warm bowl of elf diarreah and a smack upside the head for Christmas. Santa * * * Dear **Marvel** I’ll see what I can do for you. Sure you don’t want a duckie or bunny instead? Santa * * * Dear **if you don’t know i won’t tell** Acting all smarmy and peaceful still won’t get you that Porsche you want. Do you think Santa forgot what happen on June 18 of this year? He didn’t. Santa * * * Dear **Kat** Does Santa look like he’s stupid? You ain’t fooling me for a second. Santa * * * Dear **Miss Magic8ball** The beer was wonderful, and the homebrew should prepare me for the second half of the trip through North America. I’ll assume your list is in order, and since nothing will ever help your hair, prepare for a comfortable bra. Santa is a practical man after all. Santa * * * Dear **ultrafilter** Now here’s a person after Santa’s own heart. Liquor and shap objects go together like peas in a pod. The rest of you should take a lesson from **ultrafilter**. See his list? Short, to the point, and easily obtained. Santa * * * Dear **ranwashingt** Matchbox makes a beautiful hatchback model. No problem. Santa * * * Dear **Aquarius\_guy** I’ll let her know. In the meantime, get some tattoos and piercings. You can go for that “individualist rebel” look that’s so popular these days. Just because she’s an even minded young lady, attractice and smart, doesn’t mean she doesn’t want a “manly man” with the look of a dangerous gangster. Santa ---
**Author:** ![mrblue92](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@mrblue92](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrblue92)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-santa/141490/72 "2002-12-17T17:16:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Santa has a nice blow-up doll that looks just like her. Ain’t Santa great? Yea, Santa’s great. I hope Santa’s great at spotting which fireplaces have been custom modified with a fuel-air vapor ignition device. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-santa/141490.md?page=3)