# Dear Starbucks: We Don't WANT to Know What You Think . . . **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 23, 2005, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-starbucks-we-dont-want-to-know-what-you-think/327535 "2005-10-23T16:21:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2005, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-starbucks-we-dont-want-to-know-what-you-think/327535/161 "2005-10-27T20:59:20Z")
> [@Excalibre](#): > > Seriously, you’re throwing a huge tantrum I am? No, I’m just riffing on something that I think is funny. I can’t help it if people got bent out of shape over it. > [@](#): > > Honestly, the “Oh my God! These choices confuse and infuriate me!” routine was funny like a decade ago. Christ. It’s not that hard. It’s still funny now. It’ll still be funny ten years from now. Can I help it if some people have no sense of humor? ---
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2005, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-starbucks-we-dont-want-to-know-what-you-think/327535/162 "2005-10-27T21:10:10Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I am? No, I’m just riffing on something that I think is funny. I can’t help it if people got bent out of shape over it. > It’s still funny now. It’ll still be funny ten years from now. Can I help it if some people have no sense of humor? I just flew in from L.A. Boy, are my arms tired! :: crickets chirp :: But you know what’s really weird? Why do we drive on a _parkway_ and park on a _driveway_? What’s up with that? Seriously, can someone explain that to me? :: more crickets :: **tdn** , you can’t always blame the audience when your material falls flat. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2005, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-starbucks-we-dont-want-to-know-what-you-think/327535/163 "2005-10-27T21:15:10Z")
> [@Excalibre](#): > > **tdn** , you can’t always blame the audience when your material falls flat. Ah, untrue. You can always blame the audience. _Always_. BTW, your jokes would have been funnier if you wore the noseglasses. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2005, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-starbucks-we-dont-want-to-know-what-you-think/327535/164 "2005-10-28T13:24:56Z")
Thinking about this a bit more, I feel the need to apologize. If indeed a bunch of 90s comedians ripped Starbucks for their strange size names (which I truly never watched) then I can see how my rant might have come off as pretty lame. It was an honest mistake. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/51bf81/32.png) [@TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2005, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-starbucks-we-dont-want-to-know-what-you-think/327535/165 "2005-10-28T14:18:50Z")
> [@bdgr](#): > > wow…I just noticed VC03 is in Chicago, and Chicago has intelligencia…reportedly some of the best espresso on the continent (I’ve been trying to find an excuse to go to Chicago just to try the place). Drop in there and see what real coffee is like. I’ts pretty good, and is my first choice when I’m near a place that sells it, like my local shop. The espresso is PITCH BLACK, though - real rocket fuel - without that warm nuttiness that I usually associate with a shot. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2005, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-starbucks-we-dont-want-to-know-what-you-think/327535/166 "2005-10-28T15:28:27Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Ooh! Ooh! Can I play? > > I’m not a big coffee drinker, but there is a reason why I can’t stand the place. If I walk in and ask for a small decaf, they look at me like I’m a moron. “Decaf? What’s decaf? Would you like a halfcrafchocodoulbelattecafferchinerino?” > > WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!? You guys _do_ sell coffee, right? It’s seems like it’s the only think _not_ on the menu. Is this something that actually happens to you, or do you just assume this happens because of rumor or whatever? I have no trouble getting a small decaf from my local Starbucks. That’s ALL I ever order, and I get no “lip”. > [@tdn](#): > > And a small? Not in their lexicon. It’s called a “tall.” Imagine my audacity, not asking for a “tall” when I want a small. For those of you who are not familiar with the Starbux sizes, here is a handy guide: > > Small – “Tall” > Medium – “Wide” > Large – “Banana-shaped” > Extra large – “Willy Q. Schmendrick” > > It’s intuitive, people! > > So if you walk into one of those places, the proper way to order is to ask for a “Canteloupe-sized extra girthsome bananaschmanamochabokapapachino.” ‘Cause you sure as fuck ain’t gettin’ a small decaf. OK, you have a good point here. The size names are utterly ridiculous. But I just ask for a small decaf, and the person at the counter seems to know what to give me without any problem or need for further clarification. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2005, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-starbucks-we-dont-want-to-know-what-you-think/327535/167 "2005-10-28T15:30:15Z")
Ahh, ignore me **tdn** , I somehow missed where you mention later you were hyperbolizing. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2005, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-starbucks-we-dont-want-to-know-what-you-think/327535/168 "2005-10-28T17:48:20Z")
> [@Kyla](#): > > I found that so annoying I emailed them a little rant on intuitive size names. Didn’t really accomplish anything, but I felt better. I recently e-mailed usa network about advertising “Hulk” as “The Hulk” but they haven’t listened to me. Granted, they did tell me they don’t have time to respond personally to everyone, but c’mon people. /OT gripe that doesn’t deserve its own thread ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2005, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-starbucks-we-dont-want-to-know-what-you-think/327535/169 "2005-10-28T21:52:10Z")
> [@Revtim](#): > > Is this something that actually happens to you, or do you just assume this happens because of rumor or whatever? I have no trouble getting a small decaf from my local Starbucks. That’s ALL I ever order, and I get no “lip”. ::raises hand:: I have gone into Starbucks before, ordered a Large and was snootily asked “Do you mean a Grande or a Venti?” 😕 Needless to say, this was years ago. But there are some pretty moronic baristas out there. Baristas! ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2005, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-starbucks-we-dont-want-to-know-what-you-think/327535/170 "2005-10-28T22:12:33Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Thanks for that. In that context, the names make some sense. Having not patronized them in the early years, I missed the early naming conventions, and just caught them with the current sizes. I’ve been defending Starbucks, but that’s no excuse. There no good reason why they can’t just go to small/medium/large/xtra-large or whatever now. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2005, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-starbucks-we-dont-want-to-know-what-you-think/327535/171 "2005-10-28T22:24:52Z")
Although I might agree that Starbucks has some silly sizing, does anyone complain about “Super-Sized”, “Macho-Sized”, “Biggie-Sized” et al instead of extra large? ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2005, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-starbucks-we-dont-want-to-know-what-you-think/327535/172 "2005-10-28T23:19:43Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > Although I might agree that Starbucks has some silly sizing, does anyone complain about “Super-Sized”, “Macho-Sized”, “Biggie-Sized” et al instead of extra large? “Super-sized” is at least intuitive. There’s not ambiguity about where “Super” belongs in the spectrum. Most people would guess that either “tall” or “grande” was the “large” size. The only thing to complain about with “Supersize” is the obscene portions themselves. As for “Biggie” or “Macho,” they’re also intuitively the biggest size, but the terms themselves are infantile enough that I wouldn’t want to order them, even if I was in a rush to fatten my ass and flatten my heart. I’m a bit peculiar that way, though – I’ve never been able to bring myself to ask for a “Filet O’ Fish” at Micky D’s. Too silly-sounding to pronounce. I say “I’d like a fish sandwich.” Never met with any confusion. I’m glad it’s the only piscene product on the menu. I’d rip my own tongue out and eat it before ordering a “Papa burger,” or any of A&W’s cutesy family burgers. For all I know, they’re God’s Own Burgers, but I couldn’t bring myself to order one, because it sounds so stupid. [/hj] ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2005, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-starbucks-we-dont-want-to-know-what-you-think/327535/173 "2005-10-28T23:55:47Z")
> [@Larry Mudd](#): > > I’d rip my own tongue out and eat it before ordering a “Papa burger,” or any of A&W’s cutesy family burgers. For all I know, they’re God’s Own Burgers, but I couldn’t bring myself to order one, because it sounds so stupid. At a place called the Wok In, I would always order the Prince Plate, which had fried rice and two other items of my choice. Regardless of how hungry I was, I would never get the plates with one or three items, as I felt funny ordering the Queen Plate, or worse yet, the Princess Plate. ---
**Author:** ![gazpacho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/6f9a4e/32.png) [@gazpacho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gazpacho)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-starbucks-we-dont-want-to-know-what-you-think/327535/174 "2005-10-29T00:07:44Z")
The Starbucks size naming convention is dumb. Every time you go to Starbucks you should order small, medium or large as a protest to the proliferation of trademarked adjectives. I may not do any good but to do otherwise is to give into the stupidity. ---
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-starbucks-we-dont-want-to-know-what-you-think/327535/175 "2005-10-29T01:25:25Z")
> [@gazpacho](#): > > The Starbucks size naming convention is dumb. > > Every time you go to Starbucks you should order small, medium or large as a protest to the proliferation of trademarked adjectives. I may not do any good but to do otherwise is to give into the stupidity. I tell you - I’ve never done otherwise. Not out of particularly caring about Starbucks’ scheme, but just because most cafés seem to have some sort of sizing scheme. Cosí (a chain of faux-bistros with pretty solid coffee) call their sizes “tall”, “grande”, and “gigante” (pretty clear they’re cribbing from Starbucks). Most cafés have some comparable silliness, so I just say “Large coffee” and have no trouble and no need to stop and try to remember what to call a large at whatever establishment I’m in. I have never once had a “barista” so much as bat an eye. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-starbucks-we-dont-want-to-know-what-you-think/327535.md?page=8)