# Dear Zoe--you're an idiot, not a detective. Now shut the hell up. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 30, 2009, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259 "2009-03-30T04:23:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/81 "2009-03-30T19:56:24Z")
Ok, no one let this leak, but I am not really a guy who is also a bus. Hell, I don’t even look good in yellow. Also, consider that the use of **“Mr.”** could be misdirection. ---
**Author:** ![Equipoise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/equipoise/32/151_2.png) [@Equipoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Equipoise)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/82 "2009-03-30T19:57:47Z")
> [@Captain\_Amazing](#): > > Anne Coulter? What an insult! I’m Laura Ingraham! [QUOTE=tdn] So… What’s your sign? [/QUOTE] Capricorny. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/83 "2009-03-30T19:59:13Z")
> [@Eureka](#): > > Somewhere between February and April of 2005. Which may or may not help you. [Here’s](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=304199) the thread about **Kaitlyn’s** banning, which includes links to several of her threads. It all went down shortly after I discovered the boards, when I was still lurking about. > [@Eureka](#): > > Unrelated to the above–my favorite thread in which **Zoe** is show to be an idiot is [Vetbridge’s Obligation to Recognize Vetinary Ethics](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=372398&highlight=vetbridge+ethics). Wow, that’s a real hum-dinger. Thank Og **Zoe** uncovered **vetbridge** ’s poor vegetary ethics. ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/84 "2009-03-30T20:08:02Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > It was a response to post #10 with a reference to my post #9. It had nothing to do with you. I’ll take you at your word when you say you’re a lion tamer. But I’ll be watching you. Well actually I’m still saving up for the lions but one day… ---
**Author:** ![Chase\_Ransom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@Chase\_Ransom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chase_Ransom)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/85 "2009-03-30T20:09:32Z")
…and I am not a bounty hunter just in case ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/86 "2009-03-30T20:10:42Z")
I am Scrooge McDuck’s fourth nephew. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/87 "2009-03-30T20:16:57Z")
> [@Duke](#): > > Of course I’m going off half-remembered anonymous board posts but for some reason I thought it was “common knowledge” that **Satan** was **Can of Pineapples**. Yeah, now I’m indulging in the same detective work as the target of the OP, I suppose. > > The Kaitlyn/Number Six thing was so strange, wasn’t it? Kind of the SDMB’s “Emperor has no clothes” moment–so obvious in retrospect, but no less a shock to everybody involved. I was on the UnaBoard at the time and Kaitlyn was a member there too. We were all gulled as well. It puts all the “troll-hunting” that **Zoe** and others do into some perspective: if such an obvious troll as Kaitlyn could go unnoticed for months, how good can Dopers really be at spotting them? I didn’t remember that. And I kinda liked Satan, back before he got banned. I think we wanted to believe Kaitlyn. She seemed so normal and happy with her sex change. Transgenderism was a frequent topic back then. I also think that while anybody could make up an elaborate story like that, why would they? There’s nothing to be gained. Maybe I just need to read people’s post more critically, but I already waste way too much time on this board. eta: Then why isn’t your name **Really Not All That Brightooy**? ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/88 "2009-03-30T20:21:46Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > I am Scrooge McDuck’s fourth nephew. Screwy? ---
**Author:** ![Marienee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/73ab20/32.png) [@Marienee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marienee)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/89 "2009-03-30T20:23:59Z")
Wait, **Sampiro** is an hibernating veterinarian? That certainly explains a lot. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/90 "2009-03-30T20:30:05Z")
> [@Duke](#): > > Now I realize that **Satan** , **Roger Thornhill** , and **Can of Pineapples** were banned for things generally unrelated to the whole Kaitlyn/NumberSix deal Allow me to correct your post. What you were trying to say is “… were banned for things _wholly_ unrelated to the whole Kaitlyn/NumberSix deal” > [@](#): > > but it’s food for thought nonetheless. I tried feeding your conclusion to my brain but the only thing it came up with was a great desire for a nap. ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/91 "2009-03-30T20:33:01Z")
> [@Arnold\_Winkelried](#): > > Allow me to correct your post. What you were trying to say is “… were banned for things _wholly_ unrelated to the whole Kaitlyn/NumberSix deal” I didn’t want to say that only because it’s obvious **Can of Pineapples** was a sock created only to bust Kaitlyn. So, he was banned for something related to Kaitlyn, but not _because_ of Kaitlyn. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/92 "2009-03-30T20:39:57Z")
> [@Lust4Life](#): > > Well actually I’m still saving up for the lions but one day… But you’ve already got your own chair and whip, right? I mean, you want to be prepared. You don’t want to haul your penny jar down to the lion store and suddenly realize you don’t have enough for the accessories. “I got no car and it’s breaking my heart But I got a driver and that’s a start” ---
**Author:** ![furt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/439d5e/32.png) [@furt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furt)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/93 "2009-03-30T20:59:24Z")
I’m a college professor. How come I don’t get investigated? ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/94 "2009-03-30T21:02:26Z")
My “favorite” Zoe series: Where she tells several black dopers that there was no [“One Drop of Blood”](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=449808&pp=50&page=2) standard, 'cause they didn’t have genetic testing in the 1860s…or something. I didn’t quite follow her…um…‘argument’. (the crazy starts towards the end of the thread) > [@zoe](#): > > And no one actually had any way of determining if there was “one drop” of black blood in a person unless you literally sucked the blood from a black person’s body. If the “one drop” rule had been enforced, no belles with naturally curly hair would have been deemed suitable for marriage. In reality, that was a prized attribute and young ladies with straight hair used curling irons to duplicate the effect. (I’m using this just as an example.) The fun, though, is that it spawned a bunch of OTHER threads–and posters, liberal, conservative, far left, far right, Christian and atheist were all screaming that she was, in fact, being a ‘tard. And what does she do? She comes back the same ol’ crap about how she was a civil rights pioneer, as though it was relevant\*. See [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=451287&highlight=blood) and [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=450887&highlight=blood) for two of the spin-off threads. I think there was one more where either Monstro or You With The Face posted one of the most scathing posts I’ve ever read about Zoe’s attitude (they were both in the thread, I don’t remember which one had that specific post though) \*If, in fact, she was a civil rights pioneer, good for her. Kudos and congrats. Three Cheers and A Tiger for her. But it’s still not relevant. ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/95 "2009-03-30T21:21:21Z")
> [@Frank](#): > > “I got no car and it’s breaking my heart > But I got a driver and that’s a start” Beep beep’m beep beep yeah ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/96 "2009-03-30T21:21:28Z")
> [@Marienee](#): > > Wait, **Sampiro** is an hibernating veterinarian? > > That certainly explains a lot. Including the nationwide appeals to stay out of his cave. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/97 "2009-03-30T21:23:13Z")
> [@Fenris](#): > > \*If, in fact, she was a civil rights pioneer, good for her. Kudos and congrats. Three Cheers and A Tiger for her. But it’s still not relevant. What’s so poignant in that first linked thread is how angry Zoe got when **you with the face** challenged her bonafides on race relations. In fact, she got so het up at her identity being challenged that she opened not one but TWO Pit threads to vent her spleen at the various players in that debacle. How ironic and hypocritical that this same person feels free to blithely attempt to discredit the identities of other people, with less evidence than ywtf had, and for much less reason. I hope she rereads her outraged screeds as linked by Fenris and realizes that she makes others feel the same way when she posts her smug little Nancy Drew J’accuse! posts against her perceived enemies. It’s potentially just as demeaning and hurtful to them as it was to her, if not moreso because ywtf was not deliberately trying to hurt Zoe, but Zoe is clearly trying to hurt her targets. In other words, do unto others, Zoe. That’s the kindest advice I can give you. After this Pitting, your credibility is shot, so even if you ever DID have some real dirt on someone, no one would listen. Let it go. ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/98 "2009-03-30T21:36:25Z")
> [@Sarahfeena](#): > > Screwy? Donald. And the 5th is Gladstone Gander. I’m not entirely proud that I can remember this off the top of my head. ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/99 "2009-03-30T21:49:02Z")
> [@Rubystreak](#): > > What I think is extra hilarious is that Zoe thinks I’d lie about being a middle aged female 7th English teacher. I mean, I could see PRR lying about having a glamorous and high profile job as a college professor, or Rand Rover claiming to be covered in glory as a tax attorney, or Phlospher pretending to be a fantastically wealthy jet setting philosophy professor, but public school teacher? Yeah, it’s tantamount to being Angelina Jolie. **AHA!** No _public school_ teacher would know the word “tantamount”! YOU ARE UNMASKED!! ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/100 "2009-03-30T22:16:27Z")
> [@Fenris](#): > > Donald. > > And the 5th is Gladstone Gander. > > I’m not entirely proud that I can remember this off the top of my head. Of course…Huey, Louie, and Dewey are Donald’s nephews, not Scrooge’s. Rubystreak is right that Zoe seems to be intentionally hurtful here, and it’s strange to me, since she spends so much time worrying about how teachers ought to behave. Certainly, I never had a teacher who was condescending, preachy, sarcastic and mean, and yet that’s how Zoe comes across on this message board. By Zoe’s own logic, I should be accusing her of not being a teacher at all. Instead, I’m inclined to assume that many teachers behave differently in social situations among adults than they do with their students. In Zoe’s case, I sure hope that’s the case. But Zoe might want to think about how HER behavior and treatment of people reflects on her fine profession. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259.md?page=6)