# Dear Zoe--you're an idiot, not a detective. Now shut the hell up. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 30, 2009, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259 "2009-03-30T04:23:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/121 "2009-03-31T03:47:28Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > ETA; Really Not All That Bright is killing me, right now. Is he killing you softly with his song? ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/122 "2009-03-31T08:46:17Z")
> [@Zoe](#): > > This is to affirm that I am still reading your posts. Just so you know, this isn’t making you look any better. If you can’t stand the pitting stay out of the pit. It is at the very least dishonest to attack others in the pit and then take some fictitious high road when it is your turn. Loach- 85 year old woman from Lima Peru. ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/123 "2009-03-31T12:01:39Z")
> [@5-4-Fighting](#): > > You’re black, aren’t you. I leave that for \*\*Zoe \*\*to reveal. I’m not actually from North Carolina, though. I made that up to make myself sound less cool. I’m actually from Gondwanaland. ---
**Author:** ![Weaver\_of\_Nightmares](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/73ab20/32.png) [@Weaver\_of\_Nightmares](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weaver_of_Nightmares)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/124 "2009-03-31T12:08:32Z")
Hrmph. No amount of research can convince me I don’t know **MHaye** in real life. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/125 "2009-03-31T12:12:54Z")
Je suis le president de Burundi. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/126 "2009-03-31T12:43:21Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > Je suis le president de Burundi. You owe me money. Just put it in my account. You already have the number. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/127 "2009-03-31T13:04:26Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > Je suis le president de Burundi. Voulez-vous une tasse du cafe? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Unkempt\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b782af/32.png) [@The\_Unkempt\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Unkempt_One)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/128 "2009-03-31T13:08:06Z")
I cut my hair and trimmed my beard for the first time in a year yesterday. So please, if you see me and DON’T confuse me with a homeless rock star, understand that my hair will grow again and I will soon be the unkemptest one out there again. Whew. That was cathartic. ---
**Author:** ![FarmerChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@FarmerChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FarmerChick)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/129 "2009-03-31T13:29:25Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > Same here, I have to hear something about/from a certain poster repeatedly before it sinks in. For example, after hearing it so often I think I’ve finally grasped that Sampiro is a gay, white, Libertarian from Alabama. > [@fachverwirrt](#): > > Um, I’m pretty sure he’s a gay, white Liberian. Wait, **Sampiro** is Liberace? Really? I thought he was dead… Ignorance fought, thanks! > [@Equipoise](#): > > He’s a Labia from Alberta. OOooo! I do have a sparkly new neighbour, I gotta go take a pie over and investigate more… ---
**Author:** ![Amber\_in\_Treasury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc79bd/32.png) [@Amber\_in\_Treasury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amber_in_Treasury)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/130 "2009-03-31T13:32:21Z")
I am not actually [Amber](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=462176) [in](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=6513117) [Treasury](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=329802). ---
**Author:** ![singular1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ba9def/32.png) [@singular1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/singular1)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/131 "2009-03-31T13:46:30Z")
Well, well, well. I put in a short story/memoir, which I thought would _have_ to skew female, and - Words: 965 (NOTE: The genie works best on texts of more than 500 words.) Female Score: 1121 Male Score: 1286 The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male! So much for that web site. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/132 "2009-03-31T13:53:40Z")
> [@The\_Unkempt\_One](#): > > I cut my hair and trimmed my beard for the first time in a year yesterday. So please, if you see me and DON’T confuse me with a homeless rock star, understand that my hair will grow again and I will soon be the unkemptest one out there again. > > Whew. That was cathartic. I have a proposition for you: until such time as you are no longer kempt, I shall make a special effort to be unkempt on your behalf if you will agree to be weird on my behalf. Deal? ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/133 "2009-03-31T14:03:29Z")
^^^^^^^^^^^^ Not my real name. ---
**Author:** ![Petrobey\_Mavromihalis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bcef8e/32.png) [@Petrobey\_Mavromihalis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Petrobey_Mavromihalis)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/134 "2009-03-31T14:12:16Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > Loach- 85 year old woman from Lima Peru. Do you live in a home for retired bears? ---
**Author:** ![Buckeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9f8e36/32.png) [@Buckeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buckeye)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/135 "2009-03-31T14:15:47Z")
I would have never imagined so many liars are on the interwebs. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/136 "2009-03-31T14:19:46Z")
> [@Zoe](#): > > This is to affirm that I am still reading your posts. So we will try and refrain from using pentasyllabic words. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/137 "2009-03-31T14:24:54Z")
> [@Fenris](#): > > Is he killing you softly with his song? No, brutally with his switchblade. It was a cry for help, you idiot! ---
**Author:** ![DogMom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9c0ed/32.png) [@DogMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DogMom)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/138 "2009-03-31T14:25:35Z")
> [@Hal\_Briston](#): > > ^^^^^^^^^^^^ > Not my real name. Hey, by the way, saw this video and wondered if you’d seen it yet… [Extreme LED Sheepherding](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2FX9rviEhw) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Unkempt\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b782af/32.png) [@The\_Unkempt\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Unkempt_One)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/139 "2009-03-31T14:31:05Z")
> [@The\_Weird\_One](#): > > I have a proposition for you: until such time as you are no longer kempt, I shall make a special effort to be unkempt on your behalf if you will agree to be weird on my behalf. Deal? Sounds good, but I must let you know that the level of unkemptness that I strive to attain would break most men. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/140 "2009-03-31T14:31:24Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Voulez-vous une tasse du cafe? - **Nitpique:** \* _Voulez-vous une tasse **de** café_, unless you need to further specify the coffee, as in the popular French saying _voulez-vous une tasse du café dans lequel je viens d’uriner_? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259.md?page=8)