# Dear Zoe--you're an idiot, not a detective. Now shut the hell up. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 30, 2009, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259 "2009-03-30T04:23:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/141 "2009-03-31T14:46:23Z")
> [@DogMom](#): > > Hey, by the way, saw this video and wondered if you’d seen it yet… > > [Extreme LED Sheepherding](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2FX9rviEhw) Don’t tell **Zoe** , but despite what he’s posted here, **Hal Briston** doesn’t actually fuck sheep! :eek: The damnable liar. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/142 "2009-03-31T14:48:22Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > - > > **Nitpique:** \* _Voulez-vous une tasse **de** café_, unless you need to further specify the coffee, as in the popular French saying _voulez-vous une tasse du café dans lequel je viens d’uriner_? Hey, I haven’t had a French class in 14 years. \*Nitpique? \*😃 ---
**Author:** ![LavenderBlue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e95f7d/32.png) [@LavenderBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LavenderBlue)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/143 "2009-03-31T14:48:31Z")
I am neither lavender nor blue but rather mostly pinkish beige with a few dark brown and green parts. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/144 "2009-03-31T14:49:54Z")
This…this uh…um…I…uh… DID ZOE SERIOUSLY FUCKING THINK THAT ONE-DROP ACTUALLY MEANT ONE DROP OF BLACK PERSON’S BLOOD CIRCULATING IN A WHITE PERSON’S BLOOD STREAM??? I mean I read and re-read the thread, thinking I had missed a reference or I had somehow taken things out of context. I made sure all the bases were covered, made sure I read all the relevant links, and read Zoe’s responses when presented with this information. She seems to think it’s possible for somebody’s race to change if they take a blood donation from a race other than their own. And, and, and, that southern belles with curly hair were thought of as inferior to southern belles with straight hair, because curly hair implies having a black ancestor. Or they swallowed a drop of black blood and POOF! Race change. My, how the debutante balls of the Old South must have been TAINTED with the news that their ice tea had been poisoned with Hattie’s paper-sliced finger droppings. ---
**Author:** ![Amber\_in\_Treasury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc79bd/32.png) [@Amber\_in\_Treasury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amber_in_Treasury)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/145 "2009-03-31T14:52:25Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Voulez-vous une tasse du café dans lequel je viens d’uriner? Non merci, je ne suis pas R. Kelly. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/146 "2009-03-31T14:58:09Z")
> [@LavenderBlue](#): > > I am neither lavender nor blue but rather mostly pinkish beige with a few dark brown and green parts. Green parts? ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/147 "2009-03-31T15:00:18Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > - > > **Nitpique:** \* _Voulez-vous une tasse **de** café_, unless you need to further specify the coffee, as in the popular French saying _voulez-vous une tasse du café dans lequel je viens d’uriner_? _Le snort_ ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/148 "2009-03-31T15:02:42Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Voulez-vous une tasse du cafe? Je dois partir maintenant parce que ma grandmטre est flambיe. ---
**Author:** ![LavenderBlue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e95f7d/32.png) [@LavenderBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LavenderBlue)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/149 "2009-03-31T15:08:49Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Green parts? My eyes are green. Although lately they’ve been showing up with more blue flecks leading me to think they’re turning hazel. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/150 "2009-03-31T15:10:41Z")
> [@Petrobey\_Mavromihalis](#): > > Do you live in a home for retired bears? That’s just silly, bears don’t retire they hibernate. > [@VinylTurnip](#): > > - > > **Nitpique:** \* _Voulez-vous une tasse **de** café_, unless you need to further specify the coffee, as in the popular French saying _voulez-vous une tasse du café dans lequel je viens d’uriner_? My two semesters of college French are pretty rusty, are you ordering coffee with or without urine? ---
**Author:** ![Rune](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e68b1a/32.png) [@Rune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rune)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/151 "2009-03-31T15:16:20Z")
I’m really Mr. Robert Green of the Royal Nigerian Mining Company Ltc. I have US$ 150 million to transfer to your account, but first I need your full name, address, bank account, passport number, shoe size. And - if you are a woman - cup size too. Congratulations!!! And thank you for being a user of the World Wide Web. Sincerely, Robert Green Mining Financial Coordinator ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/152 "2009-03-31T15:27:29Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > This…this uh…um…I…uh… > > DID ZOE SERIOUSLY FUCKING THINK THAT ONE-DROP ACTUALLY MEANT ONE DROP OF BLACK PERSON’S BLOOD CIRCULATING IN A WHITE PERSON’S BLOOD STREAM??? > > I mean I read and re-read the thread, thinking I had missed a reference or I had somehow taken things out of context. I made sure all the bases were covered, made sure I read all the relevant links, and read Zoe’s responses when presented with this information. > > She seems to think it’s possible for somebody’s race to change if they take a blood donation from a race other than their own. And, and, and, that southern belles with curly hair were thought of as inferior to southern belles with straight hair, because curly hair implies having a black ancestor. Or they swallowed a drop of black blood and POOF! Race change. My, how the debutante balls of the Old South must have been TAINTED with the news that their ice tea had been poisoned with Hattie’s paper-sliced finger droppings. Actually-we still don’t know WHAT the hell she was trying to say in that thread. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/153 "2009-03-31T15:37:22Z")
> [@Rune](#): > > I’m really Mr. Robert Green of the Royal Nigerian Mining Company Ltc. I have US$ 150 million to transfer to your account, but first I need your full name, address, bank account, passport number, shoe size. And - if you are a woman - cup size too. Mr. Green, I’m still waiting for the money you were going to transfer into my account. I need it more than ever now, because for some reason my account is now empty and my credit has been ruined, so please hurry! ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/154 "2009-03-31T15:40:16Z")
> [@Rune](#): > > And - if you are a woman - cup size too. The 419 scam I can live with, but for perversion such as this I condemn thee to hell! ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/155 "2009-03-31T15:43:51Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > DID ZOE SERIOUSLY FUCKING THINK THAT ONE-DROP ACTUALLY MEANT ONE DROP OF BLACK PERSON’S BLOOD CIRCULATING IN A WHITE PERSON’S BLOOD STREAM??? No, what she was trying to impress upon us was that the so-called one drop rule was not really enforced because there’s no way you can test for one drop of African blood. No such technology existed, you see. Humans have 6 quarts of blood and 1/8 of that is NOT A DROP! It’s a lie to portray things in any other way. And also, back in the day, curly-haired Southern belles were accepted as white even though they were really black (isn’t that obvious, yall?), and not only were they not persecuted but they were imitated like crazy by other belles (curling irons, hello??) Ergo, the one-drop rule wasn’t really enforced and it’s a lie to portray things in any other way. Hope that clears things up. ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/156 "2009-03-31T16:25:00Z")
You know how sometimes a mother, firm in her conviction that she’s made the right decision, will let a child rail and cry and complain as much as they want? And the mother is present for and acknowledges the child’s complaints without even considering changing her mind? I think that’s what **Zoe** considers her role to be in this thread. She is firm in her convictions. She’ll read what everyone has to say, but in the end, all she’ll do is acknowledge having read them. Eventually we’ll get bored or tired and give it up. And **Zoe** will sail on, righteous as ever, having nobly heard our complaints while never once considering that she was in the wrong. Run along and play now, kids. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/157 "2009-03-31T16:26:49Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > This…this uh…um…I…uh… > > DID ZOE SERIOUSLY FUCKING THINK THAT ONE-DROP ACTUALLY MEANT ONE DROP OF BLACK PERSON’S BLOOD CIRCULATING IN A WHITE PERSON’S BLOOD STREAM??? As a person who was intimately involved in those threads, I’m begging you: Please don’t go there. Please. I’m still having flashbacks, okay? I have to lie down if I see a coffee commercial and hear “Good to the last drop.” That’s how bad it was. Trust me when I say you don’t really want to know. TRUSTME. ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/158 "2009-03-31T16:30:42Z")
> [@Beadalin](#): > > I think that’s what **Zoe** considers her role to be in this thread. She is firm in her convictions. She’ll read what everyone has to say, but in the end, all she’ll do is acknowledge having read them. Well, duh. That’s what stupid people _do_. Luckily, such behavior allows the rest of us to readily identify them. It’s win-win. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/159 "2009-03-31T16:34:21Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > My two semesters of college French are pretty rusty, are you ordering coffee with or without urine? I prefer without, but _à chacun son goût_. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259/160 "2009-03-31T16:39:50Z")
Oh, and imbued with the overformality that French seems to deserve, my translation would be _would you like a cup of the coffee into which I have just urinated_? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-zoe-youre-an-idiot-not-a-detective-now-shut-the-hell-up/491259.md?page=9)