# Death by Jalapeno
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-by-jalapeno/511608
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [September 26, 2009, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-by-jalapeno/511608 "2009-09-26T02:01:52Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)
#### Post date: [September 26, 2009, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-by-jalapeno/511608/1 "2009-09-26T02:01:52Z")
I almost killed Mrs. Plant tonight.
Not on purpose, of course.
I guess they all say that…
For some time since turkey bacon and a Rabbi telling her, “No chicken ever nursed its chick”, I have been wishing to make some of [these.](http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2007/07/bacon-wrapped_j/)
We have [Bubonic Plague,](http://www.northernsun.com/n/s/1618.html) and her call on the Husband Location Device, aka “cell phone” consisted of a croaked request to bring home bottled water. She is Not From Around Here. But I digress.
At any rate, I saw one of those huge sirloins that would have fed both of us, Penny the dog and her canine smaller friends on sale because they were going to throw it out.
And, some Jalapeno peppers.
She proved to be somewhat recovered upon seeing the steak.
My plan was to cook the Jalapeno pepper cream cheese fake bacon thingies in time for me to eat before dinner lest I consume meat and dairy at the same time. Things rarely time out correctly when I grill. It’s part of that Southern “Cooking must be dangerous” thing.
Anyway, I took the JPCCFBTs out of the oven, and, quite distinctly told my Woman of Valor, “_ **I** _ had planned that _ **I** _ would eat these before dinner, but it’s not working out. _ **I** _ will eat them later this evening.” Then \* **I** \* went out to check the steak on the grill.
Besides, I figured a Blind Monogloid would recognize a jalapeno pepper, turkey bacon or not.
Big mistake.
When I came back in she was screaming repeatedly, “Jesus Christ!” (Did I mention that we are Jewish?) “What did you feed me!”
Explanations and excuses were in vain; she couldn’t talk to bless the wine, and I had to take the “sell it while they’ll still buy it” steak back to the grill to rewarm it.
She is still chug a lugging bottled water.
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### Author:  [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)
#### Post date: [September 26, 2009, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-by-jalapeno/511608/2 "2009-09-26T03:23:37Z")
For future reference milk would be much more effective at dissolving the extremely tenacious pepper oils. Water will do almost nothing.
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### Author:  [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)
#### Post date: [September 26, 2009, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-by-jalapeno/511608/3 "2009-09-26T03:30:05Z")
I seriously doubt this grievous mistake will again occur.
Thank you.
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### Author:  [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)
#### Post date: [September 26, 2009, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-by-jalapeno/511608/4 "2009-09-26T03:35:53Z")
> [@astro](#):
>
> For future reference milk would be much more effective at dissolving the extremely tenacious pepper oils. Water will do almost nothing.
Sarcasm aside, one wonders if that is why the recipe includes cream cheese.
🙂
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### Author:  [@movingfinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/movingfinger)
#### Post date: [September 26, 2009, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-by-jalapeno/511608/5 "2009-09-26T05:02:03Z")
It never occurred to me that a Jew shouting “Jesus Christ!” in moments of distress would be a bit ironic. "I guess “Holy Moses!” just doesn’t have the same impact.
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### Author:  [@Words\_on\_the\_Interweb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Words_on_the_Interweb)
#### Post date: [September 26, 2009, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-by-jalapeno/511608/6 "2009-09-26T06:25:05Z")
Great story, but the recipe is the real winner. Bacon jalapeno poppers? Why haven’t I heard of these before?!
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### Author:  [@Faruiza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Faruiza)
#### Post date: [September 26, 2009, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-by-jalapeno/511608/7 "2009-09-26T07:56:18Z")
I rarely get the urge to cook, and even then, I don’t get the urge to make something right effing now. These little beauties have given me that, and since it’s 1 in the morning here, I have to wait until tomorrow.
Well. Doesn’t that just suck.
Jesus Christ!
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### Author:  [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)
#### Post date: [September 26, 2009, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-by-jalapeno/511608/8 "2009-09-26T11:55:54Z")
> [@Faruiza](#):
>
> I rarely get the urge to cook, and even then, I don’t get the urge to make something right effing now. These little beauties have given me that, and since it’s 1 in the morning here, I have to wait until tomorrow.
>
> Well. Doesn’t that just suck.
> Jesus Christ!
See, that is why keeping a well stocked larder is essential. 😃
mrAru is now planning on making these later today, he was already half done with the waffles for breakfast so we had the waffles as planned.
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### Author:  [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)
#### Post date: [September 26, 2009, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-by-jalapeno/511608/9 "2009-09-26T16:09:23Z")
Do you pepper aficionados have any suggestions for something milder to feed Mrs. Plant-maybe celery stuffed with cream cheese and wrapped in bacon-and a way to cook them without cranking up the oven while the AC is on?
Thanks.
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### Author:  [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)
#### Post date: [September 26, 2009, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-by-jalapeno/511608/10 "2009-09-26T16:41:32Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#):
>
> My plan was to cook the Jalapeno pepper cream cheese fake bacon thingies in time for me to eat before dinner lest I consume meat and dairy at the same time.
Does the bacon not count as meat due to being from a bird? I’m 😕
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### Author:  [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)
#### Post date: [September 26, 2009, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-by-jalapeno/511608/11 "2009-09-26T17:10:16Z")
> [@Nava](#):
>
> Does the bacon not count as meat due to being from a bird? I’m 😕
She didn’t buy it, either until a Rabbi pointed out that the commandment is not to cook a goat in it’s mother’s milk. Birds don’t nurse.
YMMV.
I’m sure there will be more knowledgeable posts on that after Shabbes ends tonight. 🙂
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### Author:  [@Neverending\_Elbow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neverending_Elbow)
#### Post date: [September 26, 2009, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-by-jalapeno/511608/12 "2009-09-26T17:16:59Z")
Hmm, what about goat meat in cow milk, or cheese from cow milk?
I suppose a kid could be nursed by a cow, but that’s not really a frequent occurrence.
But to get back on topic, any dish with the devil-peppers should be cooked in remote places not accessible by normal people who like their taste buds. The celery wrap sounds nice, but, please, make sure it’s not prepared anywhere near where the peppers where prepared. 🙂
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### Author:  [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)
#### Post date: [September 26, 2009, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-by-jalapeno/511608/13 "2009-09-26T18:16:46Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#):
>
> Do you pepper aficionados have any suggestions for something milder to feed Mrs. Plant-maybe celery stuffed with cream cheese and wrapped in bacon-and a way to cook them without cranking up the oven while the AC is on?
>
> Thanks.
You can use the Jalepenos, just make sure every last seed is out, and the peppers are properly rinsed. I cut em in half the long way, scoop the innards out, and proceed. There’s very little heat left without the seeds.
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### Author:  [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)
#### Post date: [September 26, 2009, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-by-jalapeno/511608/14 "2009-09-26T19:40:47Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#):
>
> You can use the Jalepenos, just make sure every last seed is out, and the peppers are properly rinsed. I cut em in half the long way, scoop the innards out, and proceed. There’s very little heat left without the seeds.
Nitpick: while the seeds have more capsaicin than the flesh, most of the heat is in the pith.
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### Author:  [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)
#### Post date: [September 26, 2009, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-by-jalapeno/511608/15 "2009-09-26T19:46:16Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#):
>
> She didn’t buy it, either until a Rabbi pointed out that the commandment is not to cook a goat in it’s mother’s milk. Birds don’t nurse.
> YMMV.
> I’m sure there will be more knowledgeable posts on that after Shabbes ends tonight. 🙂
… if you’re going to take it like that, then it’s ok to have a cheeseburguer, so long as the cheese is from a different species than the burguer. Talk about splitting hairs 😛
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### Author:  [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)
#### Post date: [September 26, 2009, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-by-jalapeno/511608/16 "2009-09-26T19:58:44Z")
> [@Nava](#):
>
> as the cheese is from a different species than the burguer.
A species that does not nurse, not just different.
🙂
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### Author:  [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)
#### Post date: [September 26, 2009, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-by-jalapeno/511608/17 "2009-09-26T20:37:26Z")
> [@Neverending\_Elbow](#):
>
> Hmm, what about goat meat in cow milk, or cheese from cow milk?
>
> I suppose a kid could be nursed by a cow, but that’s not really a frequent occurrence.
>
> But to get back on topic, any dish with the devil-peppers should be cooked in remote places not accessible by normal people who like their taste buds. The celery wrap sounds nice, but, please, make sure it’s not prepared anywhere near where the peppers where prepared. 🙂
There is also sort of a hint that it should not actually appear that you are breaking a commandment, which is why a cheeseburger is not done… even though I seriously doubt that anybody could concieve that the cheese came from a cow related maternally to the steer that was ground up to make the burger. It is even adhered to that you wouldnt use a sheep or goat cheese in a cow recipe.
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### Author:  [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)
#### Post date: [September 26, 2009, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-by-jalapeno/511608/18 "2009-09-26T22:06:19Z")
Friend of mine got in trouble at his yeshiva for bringing cheeseburgers made with soy cheese. _He_ didn’t see a problem with it…
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### Author:  [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)
#### Post date: [September 26, 2009, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-by-jalapeno/511608/19 "2009-09-26T22:12:57Z")
> [@Oni no Maggie](#):
>
> Friend of mine got in trouble at his yeshiva for bringing cheeseburgers made with soy cheese. _He_ didn’t see a problem with it…
Mrs. Plant’s Tofutti sour cream is marked Kosher parve, not Kosher dairy. (We went grocery shopping today after the Jalapeno Incident.) The fake bacon bit stuff she buys is marked Kosher. I wouldn’t think there would be a problem.
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### Author:  [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)
#### Post date: [September 27, 2009, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-by-jalapeno/511608/20 "2009-09-27T00:47:31Z")
Leave the seeds, leave the ribs, and stuff them with pepper jack cheese. Now you’re talking _good_!
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