# Death is not an option: Sex **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 20, 2011, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-is-not-an-option-sex/606892 "2011-12-20T21:50:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-is-not-an-option-sex/606892/41 "2011-12-21T05:38:35Z")
I mean, seriously, could anyone have consensual sex - marathon sex, at that - with their parent and still think a normal sex life was likely? The poster who said she’d never known her Dad ever had a good reason, but apart from that… Unless you’re REALLY fucked up, you’re choosing never having sex again whichever option you choose. ---
**Author:** ![Mosier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ea924/32.png) [@Mosier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mosier)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-is-not-an-option-sex/606892/42 "2011-12-21T05:44:03Z")
> [@SciFiSam](#): > > I mean, seriously, could anyone have consensual sex - marathon sex, at that - with their parent and still think a normal sex life was likely? The poster who said she’d never known her Dad ever had a good reason, but apart from that… Unless you’re REALLY fucked up, you’re choosing never having sex again whichever option you choose. People suffer much worse sexual trauma than consensual sex with adult family and still manage to have healthy sexual relationships later. I can understand the people who respond that the idea of incest is too revolting to consider, but your response I can’t understand. Do you really think people so non-resilient that they’d be completely ruined for their whole life after such an event? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-is-not-an-option-sex/606892/43 "2011-12-21T05:59:44Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > I’ve managed to get well into late middle age without ever having had sex at all – just sorta happened that way – so this was an easy choice to make. Yeah, mom’s dead and it looks like I’m not getting lucky in this lifetime. And the OP thought this was a hypothetical question. > [@Senegoid](#): > > What is this hotbed of celibacy, SDMB? Is this message board the dumping ground for the social outcasts, leftovers, autists, and lonesome retirees? Ooh, is this going to be another poll? ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-is-not-an-option-sex/606892/44 "2011-12-21T06:59:29Z")
I picked #2, obviously. Like **Scumpup** , I wouldn’t have sex with my mother even if she wasn’t my mother. Plus, your chances of cheating your way out of the second option are far better than the first. ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-is-not-an-option-sex/606892/45 "2011-12-21T07:16:09Z")
With the prevalence of MILF porn out there I think the former option would get a much higher return in a different venue. The Dope is home to a real love of righteous outrage and a decided ambivalence towards the prurient. If you’d have asked me this in college I think I’d have selected option 1 pretty quickly. Both because sex was pretty much the only thing I cared about and because moms wasn’t a grey old lady yet. Nowadays that I’ve got a respectable number of notches in the bedpost and a checklist with a lot fewer blanks I think I can be more pragmatic about it. ---
**Author:** ![Sleel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/73ab20/32.png) [@Sleel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleel)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-is-not-an-option-sex/606892/46 "2011-12-21T07:20:48Z")
The trauma in real-life parent-child incest cases isn’t entirely or even mostly because the person is the parent, it’s because it’s _child molestation_. If you’re a kid who has been raped by an adult, you’re going to be fucked up in the head about it whether it’s the clown from your birthday party or your dad. Maybe it’s because my mom died when I was 17, so I never got the chance to be around her when I was an actual adult, but I don’t think having sex with her would be all that traumatic. I’d expect her aversion to having sex with me to be very, very strong, however. Out of all the permutations, mother-son incest is the lowest; virtually non-existent, in fact. But I think it shows a level of abnormal detachment for SDers to say they’d be willing to give up sex for the rest of their lives rather than have sex with a parent once. In most normal post-pubescent humans, the sex drive is fairly strong. Not as strong as thirst, not quite as strong as hunger, but in a solid third place above virtually all other considerations after those top two. The only thing that’s hard-wired when it comes to incest seems to be a sexual aversion to people we grew up in very close contact with. We simply don’t find people who fill the role of siblings or parents to be attractive if we spent enough time in contact with them during our pre-pubescence, regardless of the level of actual interrelatedness. Outside of that Westermarckian kin aversion imprinting that inhibits sexual attraction in “families,” the definition of what constitutes incest is a cultural construct. There’s nothing innate that says you shouldn’t bang your cousin, or even your sibling _if you were raised apart from each other._ And the imprinting just takes the form of a general sexual disinterest in parents and siblings. Any disgust people feel about incest is probably due almost entirely to cultural factors. Like **Scumpup** said, though, I already don’t want to have sex with women who would be my mom’s age, so adding a bit of extra squick by making the old lady my mother doesn’t make it much more distasteful. And in my case, the only way to have sex with my actual mother would be to jerk off with her ashes mixed into some lube. (There’s some mentally scarring imagery for you delicate little flowers, free of charge) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-is-not-an-option-sex/606892/47 "2011-12-21T07:56:32Z")
I highly doubt I could get it up for sex with my mother, so I imagine the marathon sex would be relegated to futilely tossing a pair of those naughty dice until one of us yawns one too many times and we retire. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-is-not-an-option-sex/606892/48 "2011-12-21T07:58:57Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > In college, my friends and I would play a game called “Death is Not an Option.” You present participants with two equally gruesome options, and they HAVE to pick one-- death is not an option. Therefore, if you’ve opened this thread, you must answer; death is not an option. > > Sex was always a popular topic, and this specific question, if I recall correctly, was pretty widely debated/argued/discussed, and pretty evenly split. > > Would you rather: > 1)Have an evening of marathon sex with your (opposite sex) parent. > 2)Never have sex with another person for the rest of your life. I always thought Mama was kinda cute! We’re assuming consenting adults here, yes? ---
**Author:** ![ProbablyProcrastinating](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/57b2e6/32.png) [@ProbablyProcrastinating](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ProbablyProcrastinating)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-is-not-an-option-sex/606892/49 "2011-12-21T08:14:48Z")
It’s not because of who he is. It’s because he’s my dad. I mean yes, he has issues, but there are a lot of unappealing people I’d do if it was my only chance at sex in the future (only with a condom). But dad? No. No. No. No. Never. ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-is-not-an-option-sex/606892/50 "2011-12-21T08:18:31Z")
> [@Omniscient](#): > > With the prevalence of MILF porn out there I think the former option would get a much higher return in a different venue. The Dope is home to a real love of righteous outrage and a decided ambivalence towards the prurient. I’m guessing said MILFs would be in the 30-40 range? Not really an option, given the average age of a straight dope member. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-is-not-an-option-sex/606892/51 "2011-12-21T08:56:05Z")
First of all, I’m not even attracted to any “opposite sex” person, so I sure as hell am not going to have my mother be the one and only female in my sexual life. Especially since she’d be over 98 by now and badly decomposed. When the OP said “opposite sex,” that should have been “sex that you’re normally attracted to,” to put gay people on an equal footing with everyone else. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-is-not-an-option-sex/606892/52 "2011-12-21T09:04:56Z")
This thread is extremely disturbing. I actually feel nauseated. For those of you who chose #1…how? Because everytime you have sex with someone that’s _not_ your parent, you are going to be reminded of how you got that privileged. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-is-not-an-option-sex/606892/53 "2011-12-21T09:06:32Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > I’d have to take the bopping the bologna option Yeah, that was a laugh out loud moment. ---
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 9:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-is-not-an-option-sex/606892/54 "2011-12-21T09:07:50Z")
Was this question designed by Peter Griffin in order to kill Glen Quagmire? ---
**Author:** ![Gretel\_burps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ea666f/32.png) [@Gretel\_burps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gretel_burps)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-is-not-an-option-sex/606892/55 "2011-12-21T10:38:42Z")
I am having problem believing there are people that would actually opt to have sex with a parent in this scenario. Gross…gross…gross! ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 11:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-is-not-an-option-sex/606892/56 "2011-12-21T11:03:01Z")
> [@Gretel\_burps](#): > > I am having problem believing there are people that would actually opt to have sex with a parent in this scenario. Gross..gross…gross! I am having a problem believing there are people that would actually pose this question. (not really) mmm ---
**Author:** ![SenorBeef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senorbeef/32/2220_2.png) [@SenorBeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SenorBeef)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 11:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-is-not-an-option-sex/606892/57 "2011-12-21T11:18:56Z")
I suspect this is a question where your public answer is different from what, facing the actual situation, your real answer would be. These questions often are. You could ask 1000 guys to choose between having sex with a man and cutting their own dick off, and I bet at least half would say cut their dick off (because the social pressure to not do anything gay or admit to being willing to do it, even under duress, is really strong), but if you actually brought out the butcher’s knife, you’d have a huge sweaty pile of man-on-man action in no time. Giving up sex forever is a pretty big deal. I mean - it’s not just you, but if you’re married, or plan to ever have a significant other, you’d be killing their sex life too, unless you gave them permission to sleep around. And, from what I gather, people are pretty big on having sex. Being denied hundreds or thousands of pleasurable experiences to avoid one unpleasant one seems unlikely. But no one would actually admit to themselves that they’d have sex with their parent, so you get these “EWW NO WAY!!” answers, when I think, if the genie (or whatever entity is enforcing this decision) actually made you think about it, motherfucking would become a majority. It’s a pretty disgusting experience, but it’s not as traumatic, as, say, violent rape would be. It’d be more like eating a cockroach or something - something utterly revolting but it’s not going to kill you or even permanently damage you. Although, I suppose, more like a marathon session of eating cockroaches. I’m pretty sure after your fifth year of sexless marriage, or a few opportunities to consumate new relationships, you’d be wishing you could go back and bang your mom or dad. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-is-not-an-option-sex/606892/58 "2011-12-21T14:10:42Z")
So I couldn’t click “never have sex” again fast enough. After I clicked it, I realize I am in a similar position to even sven’s and could bend the rules a little - I was thinking of the man I think of as my father when I voted, but he’s actually my adopted father, no blood relation. I never met my real dad, so I might just be able to stomach a night of sex with him… except he’s dead, so that’s moot, too. Ick. Ick. Ick. I will go without sex for my whole life. That’s what the magic wand is for, I guess. ETA: Maybe, SenorBeef, but I submit it is different for men and women. You get to fuck. We have to be fucked. ---
**Author:** ![aerodave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f08c70/32.png) [@aerodave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aerodave)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-is-not-an-option-sex/606892/59 "2011-12-21T14:12:45Z")
> [@SenorBeef](#): > > I suspect this is a question where your public answer is different from what, facing the actual situation, your real answer would be. These questions often are. You could ask 1000 guys to choose between having sex with a man and cutting their own dick off, and I bet at least half would say cut their dick off (because the social pressure to not do anything gay or admit to being willing to do it, even under duress, is really strong), but if you actually brought out the butcher’s knife, you’d have a huge sweaty pile of man-on-man action in no time. That was my thought while reading the responses, as well. I even drew the parallel to the case of asking a (straight, possibly homophobic) man if he’d have sex with another man for $1 million. The abstract answer and the the real answer—provided when the pile of cash is presented—are two very different things. In the case of the OP’s question, I just don’t think there’s anything about Option #1 that I couldn’t just deal with, especially compared to the persistently, eternally soul-crushing reality of knowing I’d never have sex again. I honestly believe that “mind over matter” applies here, and it’s only traumatizing if you allow it to be so. I just think that emotionally detaching myself from the experience, attaching no more significance to it than necessary, and then stuffing it away in the basement of my psyche is an option. That probably makes a psycopath or something, but I’ve always found it easy to compartmentalize and isolate experiences. Things have happened to me in the past that some people would be traumatized by, and I’ve done things others would be chewed up by guilt about. But for me, the past is the past, and it only haunts you if you wallow in it. ---
**Author:** ![SenorBeef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senorbeef/32/2220_2.png) [@SenorBeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SenorBeef)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-is-not-an-option-sex/606892/60 "2011-12-21T14:23:54Z")
You don’t have to be homophobic to find the idea of gay sex revolting. There’s just something primal lizard brain repulsive about it to most men, up and beyond the social conditioning. Of course that doesn’t make it unbearable. Actually, the “would you have gay sex for $x?” is a really revealing question for men who are repulsed by gay sex. Most men (well, to be fair, most of the time I played the hypothetical game was with 15-23 year olds +/-) will say no way. But that’s just absurd. You wouldn’t take in what’s likely to be 20-50 times your annual income for a few minutes or an hour of discomfort? Saying no is perceived to be the default answer, but what sort of fucking crazy fuck do you have to be to turn down, oh, $100k per minute of some non-damaging discomfort? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-is-not-an-option-sex/606892.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-is-not-an-option-sex/606892.md?page=4)